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abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Someone say brothel? I got an offer!


Blitzfrog - An experiment gone wrong but doesn't fail to impress. By kissing this frog you will greeted to a exotic prince who many claim changed their lives in ways "unexpected". While also an animal in bed, this beast's tongue is quite the reckoning and guarantees pleasure of the highest quality through the use of the trademarked technique, the blitzlick(tm). This and more will cost you 600 US Dollars, and as an added bonus for an extra 10 US Dollars, ask him for an exclusive "roasting" offer for the maximum extravaganza experience.
Yuudachi-kun
5,434 posts
Joined August 2014
Yuudachi-kun
Sign me up for work
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker

Yuudachi-kun wrote:

Sign me up for work
I've seen his resume, he is a natural. 10/10 recommendation
_SkyFall
35 posts
Joined September 2014
_SkyFall
Yo can I please have some jagermeister?
I swear I'm not a minor, the age written on my profile is surely wrong.
Foxtrot
1,165 posts
Joined April 2012
Foxtrot

_SkyFall wrote:

Yo can I please have some jagermeister?
I swear I'm not a minor, the age written on my profile is surely wrong.
ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME?? THE BAR IS CLOSED

SHOO, SHOO
_SkyFall
35 posts
Joined September 2014
_SkyFall

Foxtrot wrote:

_SkyFall wrote:

Yo can I please have some jagermeister?
I swear I'm not a minor, the age written on my profile is surely wrong.
ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME?? THE BAR IS CLOSED

SHOO, SHOO
WHAT?! That's really unfortunate. I'm really sorry for your loss. Is there any chance of the bar opening again?
Serraionga
11,486 posts
Joined November 2014
Serraionga
Oh, looks like I'm late. Should have ordered a vino bianco when I had the chance.

It is definitely one of my favourite drinks. Except not really.
Ryoid
250 posts
Joined May 2017
Ryoid
the bar were close :sniff:
and what is a brothel anyway?
_SkyFall
35 posts
Joined September 2014
_SkyFall

Ryoid wrote:

the bar were close :sniff:
and what is a brothel anyway?
The place where the dreams of a real man become true :D
If you were asking seriously here you are: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brothel
Ryoid
250 posts
Joined May 2017
Ryoid

_SkyFall wrote:

The place where the dreams of a real man become true :D
If you were asking seriously here you are: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brothel
...to many indecent word that i don't need to know but thanks for answering anyway :)
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns


literally risen from the grave what is up the bar is reopened
Comfy Slippers
194 posts
Joined April 2015
Comfy Slippers
First things first, you're gonna need some employees. I offer my services, as I'm a professional fraud accountant, and tax evading being quick and efficient is my strong point.

Don't bin my CV. xx
yuhaii
215 posts
Joined May 2017
yuhaii
thank you dawnsday, forever
i will get drunk
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns
Comfy Slippers is HIRED as our accountant because I suck with numbers.

Also yuhaii, You're welcome. Feel free to drink those problems away in the warmth of this here abode
Comfy Slippers
194 posts
Joined April 2015
Comfy Slippers
Looking forward to working with you!



i swallow btw
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Welcome back! To ensure quality, OT Royal Society is going to send in an inspector sometime soon to make sure the Off-Topic Bar is up to OT's standards. Drinks up everyone!

johnmedina999
296 posts
Joined October 2016
johnmedina999
teen drinking is very very very bad

yo i got a fake id tho
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker

johnmedina999 wrote:

teen drinking is very very very bad

yo i got a fake id tho
Gotta have that 99% alcohol
ColdTooth
1,106 posts
Joined June 2012
ColdTooth
Welcome back! I've been drinking every slushie that I probably did not steal.
clayton
osu! Alumni
1,978 posts
Joined November 2013
clayton
it'll be a shitpost on the beach for me!

who's in the bar tonight?
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns
For those of you seeking more, intimate, drinks and such, may I direct you to the back room.

I'm trying to serve reputable shitposters in here.

@cl8n, enjoy your drink!

abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
*drinks*

*hiccup*

*drinks*

*hic- thump*
Comfy Slippers
194 posts
Joined April 2015
Comfy Slippers
few months later



Boss, I have to inform you that our balance sheet summary is worrying. We need to cut down on our expenses, we can't have 'after-party' strippers anymore!
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

Comfy Slippers wrote:

few months later



Boss, I have to inform you that our balance sheet summary is worrying. We need to cut down on our expenses, we can't have 'after-party' strippers anymore!
What do you mean we can't have after-party strippers.

My life's work for this.

Unbelievable.

ok as a plan to make more money we now also sell bags of peanuts.
DJ Enetro
88 posts
Joined January 2017
DJ Enetro
Yo Dawns, hit me up with one of those Shirley Temples.
Comfy Slippers
194 posts
Joined April 2015
Comfy Slippers

Dawnsday wrote:

Comfy Slippers wrote:

few months later



Boss, I have to inform you that our balance sheet summary is worrying. We need to cut down on our expenses, we can't have 'after-party' strippers anymore!
What do you mean we can't have after-party strippers.

My life's work for this.

Unbelievable.

ok as a plan to make more money we now also sell bags of peanuts.


I've got a plan boss, now hear me out on this! Listen up, back on the east bloc i have some connections and.. yanoe.. we can work this out by shipping in some cheapass eastern hunnies. I'll promise them a prosperous life here, a visa and a place to stay. We'll use 'em for these 3 months and send 'em back afterwards. Plus, i have some cheeki breeki's who can keep their mouths shut, so you don't have to worry about anything. I just need your approval and for you to keep this under the rug.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker

Greetings From OT Royal Society of Quality

All official establishments must undergo an inspection to assure it is up to quality standards. I have the clipboard with me so let's begin
✓ Specialty drinks
✓ 99% Alcohol verification
✓ No shit going down
X Facility Maintenance
X Safety Hazard
✓ Staff Rights
Mr., err, Dawnsday. Ok, all seems to be in order but the state of this place. I heard you just came back from the monkey crib, so I will be lenient just this time. Next inspection will be in about 50k posts, so the OT Royal Society of Quality expects the place to be in a tip-top shape.
,,,,,,,,,,,Sincerely Head of OT Royal Society of Quality


abraker
Dialect
1,544 posts
Joined May 2018
Dialect
Well I dunno...
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Huh, I forgot all about the inspection. It's been ages.

Oh well, I'll just shrug it off for now.

*whistles away*
Dialect
1,544 posts
Joined May 2018
Dialect
No one is even here... Time to convert it into a strip club!
clayton
osu! Alumni
1,978 posts
Joined November 2013
clayton
my fiance is ignoring me to play dauntless instead. dawns i know it's been a while but i need you to mix me the goddamn best Shitpost on the Beach you've ever mixed. sad friday night is calling
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

clayton wrote:

my fiance is ignoring me to play dauntless instead. dawns i know it's been a while but i need you to mix me the goddamn best Shitpost on the Beach you've ever mixed. sad friday night is calling


3 months late, but better late than never!



The famous OT!Bar returns.

I'm somewhat risen from the grave, quarantine brings purpose, but better of all quarantine brings business.

I hope you've all been keeping well.

Rules remain as usual for the establishment, behave yourselves and enjoy yourselves. Stock images are the preferred form of art.


Come one and come all

To The Grand(er) Reopening (again) of OT!Bar.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Finally! I'd like some of that nine-nine/¢
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

abraker wrote:

Finally! I'd like some of that nine-nine/¢


Your 99 cents have been ordered. In the meantime enjoy a complimentary bowl of peanuts
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Flanster
5,938 posts
Joined August 2010
Flanster

abraker wrote:


ftfy.

Have some decency, its a public place smh.
roshan117
145 posts
Joined April 2016
roshan117
a monster plez
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
thanks flan

Trashipitus is a contagious disease
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

roshan117 wrote:

a monster plez





Your monster beverage, sir.

Also yeah please social distance in my bar. If you cough I ain't serving ye
Flanster
5,938 posts
Joined August 2010
Flanster
Offdensen
330 posts
Joined May 2015
Offdensen
Im a minor can i get some apple juice pretty please
ColdTooth
1,106 posts
Joined June 2012
ColdTooth
Flanster
5,938 posts
Joined August 2010
Flanster
oi were pets allowed in here?
ColdTooth
1,106 posts
Joined June 2012
ColdTooth
I am not a pet. Was a regular here a while back.
clayton
osu! Alumni
1,978 posts
Joined November 2013
clayton
so wildlife is allowed?
Tad Fibonacci
111 posts
Joined August 2015
Tad Fibonacci
I'd like to order a song called "I want it that way" by the Backstreet boys sung by ROS abraker.
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns
Pets of a REASONABLE size are allowed in, provided they are behaved.

Guide dogs allowed in regardless of size.



FelicianoGasai wrote:

Im a minor can i get some apple juice pretty please



One apple juice coming right up

Tad Fibonacci wrote:

I'd like to order a song called "I want it that way" by the Backstreet boys sung by ROS abraker.


I'm a bartender not a miracle worker.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
I am still expecting my 99 cents.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
Do you serve food here as well?
ERA Puzzle
56 posts
Joined August 2012
ERA Puzzle
I want a liter of Cola.
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

abraker wrote:

I am still expecting my 99 cents.




here's a dollar, this bar goes above and beyond



eblf2013 wrote:

Do you serve food here as well?


That we do. Have done for a while!



Puzzle wrote:

I want a liter of Cola.


Wildly unhealthy, and we dont serve in liters. You can have a glass of Coke though
ERA Puzzle
56 posts
Joined August 2012
ERA Puzzle

Dawnsday wrote:

Puzzle wrote:

I want a liter of Cola.


Wildly unhealthy, and we dont serve in liters. You can have a glass of Coke though



I'm in a bar, you're not supposed to care about my health

Give me a liter of cola
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns
-snip-




I couldn't think of a funny stock image to put coke on, so here's your boringly bland coke.
Ashton
2,006 posts
Joined February 2016
Ashton
gimme tea with a little... kick ;)
ERA Puzzle
56 posts
Joined August 2012
ERA Puzzle

Dawnsday wrote:

-snip-




I couldn't think of a funny stock image to put coke on, so here's your boringly bland coke.

Ah, fuck. It's not perfect, but I'll take it. Thanks bud.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
If you serve food, I would like a plate of carbonara and a glass of orange juice
ERA Puzzle
56 posts
Joined August 2012
ERA Puzzle

eblf2013 wrote:

If you serve food, I would like a plate of carbonara and a glass of orange juice

Hey Eblf what's up

Fancy seeing you in this here bar
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker

If you are anything like me then you too


would be concerned that I didn't get my order of 99 cents yet



Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

abraker wrote:

If you are anything like me then you too


would be concerned that I didn't get my order of 99 cents yet



[img]snip. fuck your image.





sorry this was a specialist order, we had to call in the big guns.




eblf2013 wrote:

If you serve food, I would like a plate of carbonara and a glass of orange juice






i edited an actual image for the last one. but this one was WAY funnier
Last edited by Dawns , edited 1 time in total.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Uhmmmm Mr. Danwsday bartender sir, what kind of cents are these?
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns
How do you expect me to import American cents given current world events. Enjoy your cents.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
Well, it seems great.

Puzzle wrote:

eblf2013 wrote:

If you serve food, I would like a plate of carbonara and a glass of orange juice

Hey Eblf what's up

Fancy seeing you in this here bar


Good evening Puzzle! I came here to collect confidential information to dinner.
keremaru
227 posts
Joined November 2017
keremaru
e-excuse me mister bawtendew siw, my mommy wants a bwoody mawy, can i get wun?
ColdTooth
1,106 posts
Joined June 2012
ColdTooth
Heyo Dawnsday, keep bein' chill. Here's some coin fer yer troubles.
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

keremaru wrote:

e-excuse me mister bawtendew siw, my mommy wants a bwoody mawy, can i get wun?


Yeah sure can your mommy provide some ID.



ColdTooth wrote:

Heyo Dawnsday, keep bein' chill. Here's some coin fer yer troubles.


Much appreciated, patron.
ERA Puzzle
56 posts
Joined August 2012
ERA Puzzle
I need to take a break. Relax, destress in this bar. I dont know what's going on with these posts everywhere. They're definitely not me. Its giving me the jitters. I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, too. A flash of a color or some movement that shouldn't be there... that isnt there.


I think it's just the stress. I'm hoping relaxing in this bar can help rescue me from this situation
Last edited by ERA Puzzle , edited 1 time in total.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Dawns, what's on your specialty menu?
Serraionga
11,486 posts
Joined November 2014
Serraionga

Dawnsday wrote:

eblf2013 wrote:

Do you serve food here as well?


That we do. Have done for a while!

in that case i would like a dish of spaghetti with bolognese sauce. It’s definitely one of my favourite meals. :) :D :P

(wb)
Last edited by Serraionga , edited 1 time in total.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Beatmap Nominator
935 posts
Joined April 2016
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Uhhhhh.... newcomer here, what do I do?
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
I'd like some nice orange juice thank you very much
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
why is orange juice so popular
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500

abraker wrote:

why is orange juice so popular


Because orange juice is the best drink obviously. No need for alchool when you can clench you thirst with orange juice.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
A glass of blood orange juice please!
[Sick]Catcat
Beatmap Nominator
247 posts
Joined January 2018
[Sick]Catcat
I'll like a glass of milk
maybe some cookies pls.
johnmedina999
296 posts
Joined October 2016
johnmedina999
This bar is suddenly very busy. Good luck, Dawnsday!
Tad Fibonacci
111 posts
Joined August 2015
Tad Fibonacci
Well, since I can't get what I originally wanted, I suppose I'll order a drink.

I'd like some green tea please.
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
I'd actually like to see Dawnsday's bar wreck Ashton's tea business
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

abraker wrote:

Dawns, what's on your specialty menu?


Food, order something and find out if it was on the menu.




Serraionga wrote:

Dawnsday wrote:

eblf2013 wrote:

Do you serve food here as well?


That we do. Have done for a while!

in that case i would like a dish of spaghetti with bolognese sauce. It’s definitely one of my favourite meals. :) :D :P

(wb)






AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wrote:

Uhhhhh.... newcomer here, what do I do?


Think of it like Vietnam's internet cafes, but you order food and drinks.



samX500 wrote:

I'd like some nice orange juice thank you very much


For you.





eblf2013 wrote:

A glass of blood orange juice please!






[Sick]Catcat wrote:

I'll like a glass of milk
maybe some cookies pls.




Enjoy, Santa.



Tad Fibonacci wrote:

Well, since I can't get what I originally wanted, I suppose I'll order a drink.

I'd like some green tea please.




for you :)
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
Hmmm I'd like some bat soup

haha i rolypoly
367 posts
Joined January 2020
haha i rolypoly
sorry we sold out on that maybe you can have some fried octopus instead
Last edited by haha i rolypoly , edited 1 time in total.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Beatmap Nominator
935 posts
Joined April 2016
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dawnsday wrote:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wrote:

Uhhhhh.... newcomer here, what do I do?


Think of it like Vietnam's internet cafes, but you order food and drinks.

Ahhhh alright. Can I have a $20 game card and a bag of shrimp snack
[Sick]Catcat
Beatmap Nominator
247 posts
Joined January 2018
[Sick]Catcat

Dawnsday wrote:

[Sick]Catcat wrote:

I'll like a glass of milk
maybe some cookies pls.




Enjoy, Santa.


Doing great kids hOHohO
Ashton
2,006 posts
Joined February 2016
Ashton

Ashton wrote:

gimme tea with a little... kick ;)

I DONT KNOW IF I NEED TO YELL BUT I ORDERED THIS DAYS AGO AND I'M STARTING TO GET THIRSTY!!!!!!!!!!
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
Thank you for the orange juice, it was delicious, now may I order your finest valve oil?
kai99
1,123 posts
Joined July 2013
kai99
holy fuck this thread is still alive ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dawns u doin good business
Meah
733 posts
Joined November 2014
Meah
I'd like to order a child
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
I'd like to order an axe.
clayton
osu! Alumni
1,978 posts
Joined November 2013
clayton
I'll have one "Dawnsday returns to OT" juice
WitherMite
1,606 posts
Joined August 2019
WitherMite
oh
JustABeginner
1,281 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
I wonder why people are starting to necropost...

Edit: Now I think about it, this thread is acceptable I guess??
Last edited by JustABeginner , edited 1 time in total.
keremaru
227 posts
Joined November 2017
keremaru

clayton wrote:

I'll have one "Dawnsday returns to OT" juice
why does this name seem familiar
WitherMite
1,606 posts
Joined August 2019
WitherMite
welp, while I'm here, may as well order some holy water: OT's been having a zombie problem, gotta stock up and stay safe.
pentaqola
43 posts
Joined May 2018
pentaqola

WitherMite wrote:

welp, while I'm here, may as well order some holy water: OT's been having a zombie problem, gotta stock up and stay safe.
aww sorry mate i think i made a mistake with the holy water-
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
uhhh i'm underage despite my size
what do i do here
Last edited by z0z , edited 2 times in total.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,261 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen

clayton wrote:

I'll have one "Dawnsday returns to OT" juice
Oh, again... is this open? HOW?
Dawns
215 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
Dawns

clayton wrote:

I'll have one "Dawnsday returns to OT" juice


I am always here, always watching. I am just hibernating. My presence is not required unless I am in the bar
Hoshimegu Mio
1,101 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio

JustABeginner wrote:

I wonder why people are starting to necropost...

Edit: Now I think about it, this thread is acceptable I guess??
No JAB why?
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,830 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
It's time to clean the bar.

Sugar_owo
586 posts
Joined August 2020
Sugar_owo
this place is filthy now bruv why are u back
abraker
Global Moderator
8,351 posts
Joined July 2014
abraker
All things considered this is prolly the longest surviving food establishment in OT... if you consider it "food"
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