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Officer, I Can Explain!

posted
Total Posts
282
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Lapizote
121 posts
Joined January 2016
Lapizote
His family wanted him to be cremated, but they couldn't pay for a professional service. So they hired me.

--

A paper bag with a severed hand
This suit
A photo of your father
Achromalia
347 posts
Joined November 2016
Achromalia
the hand? that's just my special shortbread i baked today, you can feel one and take a bite if you want, i've brought plenty. i'm also using 'em as props for my cosplay outing with some friends downtown. ah, yeah, my dad's kind of important to me, so i like to have him around in my travels. with this photo, i carry his memory with me.

- - -

Achromalia wrote:

a profusely bleeding Javan rhinoceros with two arrows stuck in its neck, and one piercing its stomach, all with your fingerprints on them.

a few quivers mostly full of arrows inside a bag with a receipt to your name.

a loaded assault rifle.
Last edited by Achromalia , edited 2 times in total.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
The rhinoceros is a fake, it's for a showcase against the poachin
  1. 2 Ralsei but dead
  2. 2 wolf furries but dead
  3. 2 moderators but dead
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
I traveled 200 years into the future so... eventually it had to happen. Every osu! player is dead with the exception of peppy which trascended.

A 100% no fake alien.
A 4K camera.
A microphone.
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
We're conducting an experiment of this brave alien who volunteered to be our subject!
---
What's with the:
- Contract about planning a civil war.
- Real guns and missle.
- An analysis data about economic crisis.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
It's all for the storyline of a game world. The guns and missiles? Those are all broken so they are used in a film related to the game.

---

Me (injured)
A dagger with your fingerprints on it
A box full of cash.
Last edited by Hoshimegu Mio , edited 1 time in total.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
A thief bless you and stole the money of Yyotta. I see this, and I kill the thief with the dagger.
We gonna go to the hospital.

  1. NUCLEAR NUKE
  2. Gaz bottle
  3. Something to make fire
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
People in the government are planning a war. I was given permission to transport this stuff.

A plan to blow up the school in full details.
Some bombs.
A few gas masks.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
The bombs are filled with confetti, I'm gonna blow them at the school festival.

The gas masks? They are part of a cosplay.

------------------------

A kid crying and pointing at you.
The angry mother of the kid.
A balloon with the kid's name.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm taking them to the hospital, the kid has a stuck arm and the mom is angry because her kid is like that
the balloon is to make the kid feel better

has:
no car doors
6 people in the backseat
front seat full of unknown substances
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I have just this to drive...

  1. Peppy but dead
  2. Bloody shovel
  3. A tombstone where there is wrote "RIP Peppy -- 19?? - 2020"
Last edited by Corne2Plum3 , edited 2 times in total.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
My car is broken. These people came from nowhere, they teleported.

--

Again, me, but tied up and has chocolate in my mouth.
Boxes of chocolate far from my maximum reach.
Bombs each with the explosion force of around 10kg TNT.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I killed some terrorists and pick their bombs and their chocolate. I tied up the last terrorist who ate chocolate.

  1. A catgirl
  2. An alien
  3. Secret ultimate weapon
Last edited by Corne2Plum3 , edited 1 time in total.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
The real me is here. That one is fake. She is planning terrorist attacks so I must kill her using chocolate. I have legal permission to do this.

A dead officer.
Another dead officer.
A gun with your fingerprints on it.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
They tried to arrest me and kill me for having a gun...

  1. A loli
  2. Some 18+ stuff
  3. A bed
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Those two officers sacrificed on a mission. I must take them so they can rest in peace. That gun there is just a present from my friend.

A giant machine of some sort.
Gears made out of ivory.
Stacks of ivory.
Last edited by Hoshimegu Mio , edited 1 time in total.
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
We're doing an experiment to have an ivory colour with ivory.
---
What's With The:
- Revival Card.
- A chainsaw.
- A future stated I'm going to die.
Meguro
557 posts
Joined June 2017
Meguro
I'm going to die

- TODOKETE
- TODOKETE
- TODOKETE
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
SETSUNASA NI WA.

---------------

A "Nico nico ni" tutorial.
A nico cosplay with your name.
An anime convention ticket. Let's assume there's no COVID
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
Gonna into a convention

  1. Wood
  2. Stone
  3. Metal
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
We were supposed to send these to the construction site.

Grass
Grass
Grass
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
Make my place go green!
---
What's With The:
- Mascot
- Firearm
- Toolkit
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm making a original character!
all these items will be part of this oc

you have:
no roof and doors locked
car flooded with water
a lot of dead bodies piling up above the water
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
It's for my aquarium.
---
What's With The:
- Real Heart
- A knife
- A suitcase worth with real money
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
A flood happened. Those were the unfortunate ones that didn't make it.

Some amino acid samples.
A weird machine that is labeled "Protein maker 27987".
A dead person.
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
Someone is trying to commit a suicide mission by pretending that person is having a protein shaker.
---
What's With The:
- H2O2
- A dead person
- A bartender that suspects to be a culprit
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
That guy just happened to be a failure on chemistry. He tried to show how good he is. The chemist on the other table asked for H2O so he decided to go with H2O too. But then the bartender thought he was asking for hydrogen peroxide so that guy died from drinking it.

A bag of illegal drugs.
Another bag of illegal drugs.
A suitcase.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm finding a place to dispose of these bags, i'm taking my suitcase with me to work

you have:
too many children
a bag full of... things
some strange half-full food container
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I drive a scholar bus to the mountain, they will rest during 1 week.

  1. A gun
  2. A demon
  3. The Death
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Those are my henchmen. They work for me and I sometimes consume them. That's all. The gun is a present from a friend of mine.

A clip of you trying to ***** me.
A portal.
The grim reaper lying dead.
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner

YyottaCat wrote:

The chemist on the other table asked for H2O so he decided to go with H2O too.
I see you get the joke too. ;3
---
Yeah, I went to a portal to end the Grim Reaper's life because it just made a video looks like me trying to UwU you.
---
What's With The:
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
- Paperwork
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Those are some important files for work.

A bottle of KCN.
A bottle of NaCN.
A dead body that got poisoned to death about 5 minutes ago.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I'm going to deliver these chemical componants to the a-braker laboratory. The dead person just have eaten a tacos but from 1977...

  1. A demon
  2. A demon
  3. A demon
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
What do you expect? I'm the leader of hell.

A vicious plant.
A broken LED.
A half-rot human head.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
the LEDs in my car broke
i'm feeding the head to the plant so i can say to the buyer that the plant has been well-fed

???:
no windows or doors
no roof
no carseats
Lott
269 posts
Joined January 2019
Lott
I'm just fixing my car and painting some of the things in it, so I have to take them off.

18+ warning!
Hentai comics
Sex toy
A condom filled with cum.

Here's non-explicit alternate.

A real knife, with blood in it.
A real knife, with real blood in it.
A real knife, with real blood in it and it's a killing knife.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Ehh, you know. I kill other demons for food. I'm the cutest demonoid aren't I? The taste of it is nice. Do you want some? I can give you some if you want!

A patient with a fracture on the tibia.
A heart-scooper.
A necromancy book.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I gonna deliver a doctor object and this fan of Death Note in the hospital...

  1. A blue whale
  2. An orca
  3. A dolphin
ninore
Beatmap Nominator
483 posts
Joined January 2020
ninore
Officer, those are cake. they are all actually chocolate cake.

Officer, you are cake aswell.

a loli
another loli
and another loli
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
They are my friends. Isn't that obvious? They can't drive though.

A cooked pangolin.
A cooked... human.
An invitation to hell.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm bring the human to a club called "hell", i'm also delivering the pangolin to the club

what?:
an alcohol that fills up your whole car
a lighter
a child
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
We're immune to it. We just wanted to scare the human beings.

A human skull.
A book of necromancy.
Some mandrake.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
That's just Achromalia posting in Thread necromancy with a mandrake.

A folder that says "nudes"
An Imgur account.
A camera.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I make my best photos with this camera and I post it on Imgur. For the folder, this is just something I didn't check of my buddy.

  1. A minigun
  2. AK-47
  3. Ralsei with a gun
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
I am just a collector, here are my permits.

A pack of TNT.

A remote controlled detonator.

A very detailed map of a nearby museum.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm bring the tnt and detonator to my friend at the museum

!!!:
no car
a suicide bomber's vest
a fuse
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Hey, officer, this package is for you!

An unconscious child.
A bottle of alcoholics.
A price tag of that particular child.
Meguro
557 posts
Joined June 2017
Meguro
uhhh, i'm trying to trick you into thinking I'm selling this kid

Cat
Fish
More Cat
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Meow! They are all my cats!

A portal gun.
GlaDOS.
A heart cube.
Meguro
557 posts
Joined June 2017
Meguro
uhhh, I'm trying to sling myself to black mesa to kill them with my companion cube, they stole GlaDOS source code,

HEV Suit
Weapon
A pair of glasses
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
It's for a Half-life fan play.

A physics engine abuser.
A tree.
A block.
Meguro
557 posts
Joined June 2017
Meguro
hey, uhhh, I'm Gordon Freeman

a VR headset
a copy of Minecraft
a PC
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
I'm steve.


A broken screen.
A Failed menu.
A gun.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Someone shot their screen after failing. Not my problem. Don't you worry, he'll be at hell soon.

A bag of homework.
A bag of homework.
A bag of dynamite.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
gonna explode my homeworks.

---

All moderators of osu! but tied up.
A lot of guns.
Money.
Meguro
557 posts
Joined June 2017
Meguro
i'm trying to become the god of osu!

---

cat
cat
cat
furry hater
928 posts
Joined September 2017
furry hater
I'm adopting them, are you fucking sick in the head?! They were in a alley with no food.

---

Tea bags

A ridiculous amount of fursuits, all burned

Gaming PC that is the same cost of the fursuits
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i got paid one of the best pcs in the world and a huge amount of tea for helping someone hide the evidence from their mom


:
no car
on the sidewalk
something that ever so slightly looks suspicious
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Guess what, I got z0z's horns!

A circle.
A beat.
osu!.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
I'm playing osu!

A cube
A spike
An orb
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
I'm playing Geometry Dash.

Black Blizzard.
Sunset Sandstorm.
A cube.
furry hater
928 posts
Joined September 2017
furry hater
Get the fuck out I'm playing Geometry Dash

----

Pizza Boxes

A failed human and cat embryo

iPod
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
that's my ipod, someone wanted a pizza that looked exactly like a failed human and cat embryo for some reason and i'm delivering it to them

extra large uncovered cake
unsecured child seat with a child in the back
half the windows are covered
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
That's my little brother. I son't know how he figured to do that but I thought it'll be hreat to block some of the sun out. Sadly, he isn't a catboy.

WAVE.
MINI WAVE.
VSC.
furry hater
928 posts
Joined September 2017
furry hater
Are you ok officer? I'm playing a videogame and you think that it is illegal!


Radio playing this song
The president of the USA.
Some big ass meal from McDonalds with a free knife
Last edited by furry hater , edited 1 time in total.
Jonarwhal
1,227 posts
Joined November 2013
Jonarwhal
nothing to see here, the president just invited me on a playdate and this is what he wanted to do
just normal presidential stuff
he likes mcdonalds and has good taste in music, the best taste in music actually

-an illegal cd of africa by toto on repeat for 10 hours
-an illegal cd of harumachi clover on repeat for 10 hours
-an illegal cd of the space jam theme on repeat for 10 hours
Last edited by Jonarwhal , edited 1 time in total.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
You own these, officer. Don't you try it.

Pikachu in a cage.
An arrow trap.
An explosives trap.
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
The only way I can take that pikachu out is by throwing arrows to some explosives.


Diamonds that aren't yours with your fingerprints.
A jewelry shop with broken windows.
A hammer with your fingerprints as well.
Last edited by Nuuskamuikkunen , edited 1 time in total.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
One of my wheel exploded and I finishes in the jewelry shop...
For the hammer, this is the hammer I hide in my car for a special moment...

A demon
A huge book about black magic
A red marker
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
How many times do I have to tell you that these are my food / henchman? Don't believe it? OK. *Muscles tearing noises* Meow, that's good! Also, I'm trying to finish my black magic course so get away.

A Goomba.
Mario.
A brick.
Jonarwhal
1,227 posts
Joined November 2013
Jonarwhal
nothing to see here
Mario: don't a-listen! Im a-being kidnapped!

some funyuns
an echidna
a fox cub
Last edited by Jonarwhal , edited 1 time in total.
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
I'm feeding this cute little fox. He is Zel's son!
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
Why you talk to me but I have nothing.

$20,000,000 in money
A TNT
Something to open doors without key
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
It's delivery for you, officer!

Nothing but a cardboard box filled with explosives.
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
Free ticket for the last Michael Bay movie.

A waifu
A catgirl
A anime girl pillow
Hoshimegu Mio
1,110 posts
Joined July 2020
Hoshimegu Mio
Meow! Get out! Purr~

Fish
Grass
Dogs
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
The fish and the dogs are my pets.
The grass is for decomposing.
---
What's With The:
- Love Letter
- A bouquet of flowers
- A suit/dress
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
Oh. Of course, these are mine. Who is the fortunate one? Secret~

------------

A voodoo doll.
Needles.
Hair samples of all denizens.
z0z
521 posts
Joined February 2018
z0z
i'm doing a science experiment where i test if i can identify what denizen hair belongs to which denizen which needs needles
the voodoo doll doesn't work

you have:
a lighter
a suspicious looking box
no car, you're just walking on the street
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
It's just my food for 12PM.

Weed
Alcohol
Illegad drugs
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
Weed? That's common hemp, learn to differentiate.
Alcohol? Rubbing alcohol of course, as you can see, it's burning.
The illegal drugs are burning with the alcohol too. I planned to destroy them as these over the counter drugs were no longer allowed to be sold.

A dead kitten.
A knife with blood.
A shovel.
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
Sheesh. This game.

I'm burying my old kitten. THe knife is actually from a cake, it's not blood.
---
What's With The:
- Car
- A dead person
- Tape
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,266 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
It's dead, yes.

DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT GOING TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK! That's why the car is there. The tape is for recording the adventures we'll have together.

A love letter to you from subject A asking for a date and killing subject B.
A love letter to you from subject B asking for a date and killing subject A.
A machine gun.
Last edited by Nuuskamuikkunen , edited 1 time in total.
Castagne
326 posts
Joined May 2018
Castagne
Sir officer, you're seeing this completely wrong! Reality is a lie and that's why these two love letters ended up in the back of my car. Instead of blessing me with useful things like cabbages or gnomes, I got delivered two scraps of paper that seem to refer to an alternate dimension where people cannot meet and therefore beg others to reincarnate. In one of my many travels I came over to the continent of Obololululo where there lived the four-eyed monster Bert who wished for his soulmate Brian to be killed in order for Brian to reincarnate into Obololululo so that they can live together. Brian didn't know about Bert's plans so he begged me separately to kill Bert in order for him to reincarnate to Kahehoohe where Brian lived. In both dimensions it's a common courtesy to address someone as a lover when you request them something.

The machine gun is there because I have a hobby in guns and I have a gun permit.

What are you going to do when you're arrested and in the trunk of your car is:
- A kite
- Walnuts (7 kg of them, to be precise)
- The entire state of Bolivia
furry hater
928 posts
Joined September 2017
furry hater
Sir, this is a picture of Bolivia that was custom made that I made with a bunch walnuts. I still didn't finish but I started to kite recently.

- A bulk of RTX 3090 Tis
- Genetically Engineered Furry
- 2176 Sealed Vinyls
Corne2Plum3
Global Moderator
1,870 posts
Joined November 2019
Corne2Plum3
Just mining Bitcoins with my furry mate, while listening his vinyls collection.

Female hot furry
A bed
A camera
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
Just a reminder, not into her. We are tired after a long trip taking photos for our group project.

---

What's With The:
- Drill.
- A pen tablet.
- Spinner approaching in osu!
Farfocele
1,101 posts
Joined April 2020
Farfocele
the drill is to drill through the wall to insert my new TV, and my tablet and pen is for osu! gameplay, and to spin the approaching spinner at 300 rpm.

A bloodied knife
A body of a top tetris player
A computer
Last edited by Farfocele , edited 2 times in total.
Patatitta
1,380 posts
Joined February 2020
Patatitta
the knife is tainted on tomato sauce, I was cooking earlier, the body is an art piece I need to present to art school, and that's my personal computer


two grenades
suicide note
Farfocele
1,101 posts
Joined April 2020
Farfocele
I am driving to the police, the suicide note and grenades were of an attempted suicide of someone else, and i am trying to report it and get them help!

USB with osu! hacks
real login credentials to 8 multiaccounts
a copy of polybius
JustABeginner
1,283 posts
Joined December 2016
JustABeginner
I need to tell peppy that these are the proves that we need to be more concerned about cheaters.
Also, playing polybius in an arcade.

---

What's With The:
- TikTok.
- A real person taped on the middle of the road helplessly struggling.
- Your car.
179bpm
570 posts
Joined October 2021
179bpm
it was for the views

why is there a:
anime body pillow with blood stains on the ground
knife in your hand
mysterious luggage at the bottom of that lake over there
(i made a new thread of this game
community/forums/topics/1685289?n=1)
Last edited by 179bpm , edited 1 time in total.
Stomiks
9,038 posts
Joined March 2021
Stomiks
Officer I can explain! It's the anime pillow's fault! She killed that woman!

There's mutliple hard drives of pirated content on your computer
And you're using a vpn to access north korea. Can you explain yourself?
Last edited by Stomiks , edited 1 time in total.
Taj
48 posts
Joined December 2015
Taj
officer I have acquaintances that are trapped in North Korea and I am accessing North Korean services to contact them and send them care packages that are actually copies of The Room in disguise

Swiss Navy lube
a scrapbook of every Pope that's ever been appointed
Vicks VaporRub

edit: oh shit I didn't read the limit of items
Last edited by Taj , edited 1 time in total.
Farfocele
1,101 posts
Joined April 2020
Farfocele
just let this thread die if someone else made a new one, even if necroing in forum gakes doesn't usually result in any punishment
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