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Officer, I Can Explain!

posted
Total Posts
282
theleoleole
117 posts
Joined February 2013
Topic Starter
theleoleole
Lets play a forum game :D

A police officer has pulled you over. In the back seat are three items, which the previous person to you has listed. You have to convince the police officer that you are not up to anything that's against the law.

Since there's no one before me... thennn :

In the back of your car:
Fake Passports and ID cards,
A 3000$ in a briefcase,
A giant cabbage costume.
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Birdy
"The passports and IDs are for a play. The money is fake, for the same play. Do I even need to explain the costume? Now excuse me, it starts in an hour and we're supposed to run an exercise before it."

A rope
Booze bottles
A dummy

so sorry for ninja
Last edited by Birdy , edited 1 time in total.
AmberLynx
626 posts
Joined December 2010
AmberLynx
Great idea :D

Officer, I can explain!
These fake passports and ID cards are just props for an amateur foreign movie project that I'm currently involved in and I get to play the runaway illegal immigrant, Eduardo. For one scene I had to escape past a heavily guarded cabbage patch which explains the costume. Conveniently, I'm just returning from a retirement party after being awarded this $3000 for best actor. I'm in no way heading towards the border now for illegal reasons I swear!
Wow :| I'm sad
Officer, I can explain!
I just came back from a rock climbing tournament and I enjoy collecting bottles so I scavenged them in the after-party I had. This dummy's just used to demonstrate safety harnesses and for fall impact tests. It belongs to my trainer but his girlfriend is coming over his place for the night and he didn't want funny ideas so I had to be the one bringing it home, I swear!

In the back of your car:
- An oversized rubber ducky
- A dismembered mannequin
- Rusty hacksaw
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Birdy
sorry, I swear I didn't mean to do it
take a potato as an apology

"Oh, what? No, I'm not a psychopath. I'm just taking duck-sama to a ride, while taking out the trash. Are you questioning my pet? Anyway, about the mannequin, it must have broken down while setting up stuff inside my new shop. Yes, it's down this very street, called
DATA TRUNCATED BY FBI. The hacksaw is just the last remain of the old job of mine. Oh yeah, someone burnt our dumpster shed down lately, that's why I'm taking these straight to the dump pit, so don't be worried."

Several Hentai VHS tapes
A bright pink skateboard
A dildo shaped like a gun
OsuMe65
1,519 posts
Joined May 2011
OsuMe65
"Oh officer, actually I'm an ACE Undercover police of the Government. *shows wallet with ID* If you don't want to be arrested... or should I say fired for being a douche, let me explain. These tapes aren't porno. These are ammunition for this Gun-looking dildo, or should I say, Dildo-looking gun. And this bright pink skateboard... is my gift to my daughter. Please."

A bag of credit cards
Laptop
Winchester
Ceph23
687 posts
Joined September 2013
Ceph23
Well officer these credit cards are all fake. They are a novelty item.
* swipes credit card on the webcam. Thnk goodness the cop is as stupid as a sack of bananas and thought it was a scaner.
see officer. No data.
And I'm taking that rifle to an auction for that show pawn stars. You know that show right?
Of course you do. Now excuse me I'm off to sell this bad boy. Unless you want me to sell it to you and I can see you want it.

1. A tied up loli
2. A mysterious box
3. Paper towels
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Birdy
"I don't have time for this, dear officer. My imouto is bleeding severely, and I need to get her to hospital ASAP. That's why she's wrapped and there's the bloody towels everywhere, nothing odd going on. *imouto agrees in a hurting tone* The box is just a medicine stash, I'm pretty sure they will be useful earlier or later. Now excuse me..."

A bird in a cage
Bleach
A sharp wooden stake
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
Officer, this bird is an endangered species and is dying. I need to get it to the vet or else it's a goner. Oh, the bleach was just for laundry, I keep it there all the time since I don't have a washing machine of my own. Don't worry about the stake, my kid left it there after camp.

A knife
handcuff
whip
Trash Boat
4,403 posts
Joined April 2013
Trash Boat
Officer, i can explain! these items are just prop for a movie. they are fake. which movie you ask? sorry, it's secret. highly confidential. yeah, i'm very sorry but i can't tell you. not a single bit, even to an officer. no, you can't guess. i can do this all day, why you just don't let me go? thank you. don't worry, you'll find out soon enough

1,000,000 U$D in a leather bag
a shortened shotgun
a vendetta mask
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
Officer, my friends and I are just about to have a reenactment of our last GTA V heist at our base. I'm a licensed shooter, so the shotgun's alright.

a body bag (full)
a knife
a towel covered with red liquid
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Birdy
"I'm just a performance artist and they booked me for a violent, masochistic setup for tonight. The bag is full of paper for now, feel free to check. It will be filled of me later. Oh, by the way, you're all welcome to get in there too!"

A bloody popcorn machine
A fishing rod
An old television which probably doesn't even work anymore
Rio-
3,364 posts
Joined March 2013
Rio-
"Okay, officer... actually I'm gone fishing with My Dad recently, He brought a popcorn machine (I had no idea why?) and somehow, My dad suddenly slipped and hit his head to the machine. that old television was one of My catch when fishing, my dad said that we probably could try fixing it."

Billiard Stick
Glass Shard
Pieces of Cloth
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
I'm just got back from pooling with my friends and one of them was drunk, so he threw a bottle at me while I was putting away my stuff. Luckily it missed. There's nothing suspicious about the cloth, it's just in case someone spills a drink on the seat
a bottle labeled cyanide
empty bullet shells
bloody bandage
Jing Yuan
1,500 posts
Joined September 2013
Jing Yuan
I am bleeding from a stab wound from the stomach and I am going to the hostpital. That's why there's a bloody bandage, i mean, im not just gonna drive to the hospital without at least trying to stop the blood. As for the bullet shells, that is my 'self defense' against the guy who stabbed me. Also, the cyanide is for a friend. He said that he needed some. For what purpose i dont know.

Some 'leaves' in a plastic bag
disc set of hentai
bloody knife
Trash Boat
4,403 posts
Joined April 2013
Trash Boat
Officer, i can explain! i cut my finger by accident and now im going to the hospital. oh that bag? just leaves of tea. green tea. and that disc set? my friend forgot them in my house and after the hospital im going to return them. not that i watched it, which i don't. can i go now? thanks

a bag filled with crap
a bent crowbar
several bras
Awoo-
31 posts
Joined May 2013
Awoo-
Office, you mean to say that men can't wear bras? After all, many women wear boxers, so why can't men wear brassiere? This crowbar? I bent it with my knee. I'll bend it back to show you. Lastly officer, you can take my shit to analyze it for all I want. Have fun with that.

1 - Your friend riding in the trunk
2 - Book on how to fool cops
3 - A radio that only plays Islamic music
Kyno
102 posts
Joined July 2013
Kyno
officer, my friend is just getting a ride since he had too many drinks. What? Dead? No, hes just farked up. This book? Why, that's just a... a... a play I wrote! Yes yes "how to fool cops". I like how Islamic music is officer. Why? is it that I don't have freedom to pick what music I want?


1 - thousands of dollars in a case
2 - strange large duffel bag with the mayor's head sticking out
3 - multiple bags of fake I.D's
izzydemon
1,382 posts
Joined April 2013
izzydemon
officer, these thousands of dollars are what i got from selling everything but the head of this statue of the mayor. no, no, it's totally a statue; i even have the ID of the guy that sculpted it right here. i'm telling the truth!

1 - a justin bieber mask (you're wearing it) blame lilyhammer for inspiration
2 - an unlocked safe in the trunk
3 - three more guys on the back seats with money bags and wearing justin bieber masks
NotEvenDoomMusic
377 posts
Joined May 2012
NotEvenDoomMusic
"Yeah *scratches head* you see, me and my homies back there came back from a houseparty where everyone disguise ourselves as some kind of celebrity. Walmart only had those Justin Bieber masks in stock because everything else was sold out and they had too many of those mask in store so we didn't had a choice but got a JB mask for all of us.

We totally forgot to take off the masks since it was such a wild party you know.
And about that unlocked safe; it's from the host of that party- he accidently kicked and locked the door of that safe where he stored all of his wealth from guests that were appearing there. He asked everyone on the party if they could unlock the safe and we were the ones volunteering-
He also said we could keep most of the wealth and split it amongst us, we should just give him back his safe though.

Sir, if you had ever seen Herb Alpert live, then you probably know how the party went

Everyone, literally, tried to blow their own horn"

1. The underaged daughter of your neighbor holding a trumped, naked, tied down and her mouth sealed with cellotape.
2. A sack of really really really really really really really really really really really really really really old sacks.
3. Membership card of the KKK
4. A CD of Skrillex and Darude - Sandsong
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
Officer, don't panic, I'll explain everything if you stop pointing that shotgun to my face. First of all, I'm an undercover agent from the FBI trying to infiltrate the KKK and tear it apart from within. I need to have their trust first in order to do so, so I joined their ranks. I just found the sack on the road side and thought, "hey, why not. It's free anyway". The girl's gonna be 16 tomorrow, so she asked me to do this as a favor for her birthday. I'm not a fan of SM play, but you can't deny her after you see her puppy face

-Thermite
-Igniter
-Blow-up wife
Ceph23
687 posts
Joined September 2013
Ceph23
Not much to say officer. I want to see the effects of thermite on my blow up wife. It's probably gonna be a bang

-a half broken Greatsword
-a book on quantum physics
-a sack of weed
YukinoDesuDesu
164 posts
Joined April 2012
YukinoDesuDesu
Ah you mean what's in this sack? Well, magic ingredients! Not joking, look at this, a book on quantum physics and a legendary broken sword to fend off evil. Magic is some serious stuff u know... So can I go now? Or are you perhaps evil that has be put down by Shadow Lightning Dark Flame Sama?

-loliflan
-blood bags
-machine gun
beeboy123
183 posts
Joined June 2013
beeboy123
It's Loliflan someone was going to do it eventually.

- 3 little girls tied up and bruised
- Hammer
- All covered in your blood filled windowless white van
Trash Boat
4,403 posts
Joined April 2013
Trash Boat
Officer, i can explain! these girls.... well i hate to admit it but they are kinda masochist. they asked me to tie them and take them to some sort of creepy place. please dont ask me which one because i dont know. the van? yeah they are gory too. but the hammer is mine. i have to fix something when all this ends. can i go now? thanks

a Bazooka
a top supermodel with a militar uniform
crystal drugs
Toukai
79 posts
Joined April 2012
Toukai
Well officer, I was actually an undercover agent and prevented this bazooka from being smuggled out of the country....the top supermodel with the militar uniform is for my cousin who has a weird fetish and I don't really think you would want to hear the explanation to that...and the crystal drugs are fake to lure out criminals who have been going around buying drugs all over the place....

A ticking time bomb
a bloody machete
a mans head
Ryu Sei
2,898 posts
Joined October 2013
Ryu Sei
Officer, I don't- I just suddenly found this thing inside my car... Oh, I've just borrowed my car's key to my friend. I think he is the killer of my neighbourhood.

A tablet PC
A last note
A knife
Nathanael
Global Moderator
6,163 posts
Joined January 2013
Nathanael
Officer, my tablet pc has the records from the crime scene of Ryu Sei's friend.
This last note was found from the victim's pocket and the knife that has fingerprints of the killer.
So if you would excuse me, I'm on a hurry to submit these items for further investigation.

A casket where a corpse is dressed with a wedding gown
A used shovel with blood stains.
A treasure box that contains rare jewelries.
Toukai
79 posts
Joined April 2012
Toukai
Well...officer...as you can see i'm driving a hearse and i got lost on the way! That shovel? I'm a part time worker at a farm and I was shoveling up poop for fertilizer and one of our "clients" had a massive case of bloody diarrhea...need I say more? okay. The treasure box is this persons most prized items and the family wanted it to be buried with this person...*tears*


dead friend #1
dead friend #2
dead friend #3
beeboy123
183 posts
Joined June 2013
beeboy123
Officer these are all props for the new running dead episode as they where to relistic I need to return them to the warehouse before I can no longer get a refund.

-Trashboat holding a tied up midget
-42 Parking tickets
-Both you and Trashboat are dressed like Nazi's
Last edited by beeboy123 , edited 1 time in total.
Myke B
1,074 posts
Joined April 2012
Myke B

beeboy123 wrote:

Officer these are all props for the new running dead episode as they where to relistic I need to return them to the warehouse before I can no longer get a refund.
Where are my 3 items?
Nathanael
Global Moderator
6,163 posts
Joined January 2013
Nathanael

beeboy123 wrote:

-Trashboat holding a tied up midget
-Both you and Trashboat are dressed like Nazi's
These aren't 3 items but a person. :/
Try again next time. I'll do it for now. :)

- An identification card
- A lethal injection
- A lab coat
Toukai
79 posts
Joined April 2012
Toukai
O-officer...okay...fine...YOU GOT ME D:< "Shows ID" i'm actually developing a super drug that MAY or MAY NOT turn you into a super human...side effects are usually a zombie apocalypse! I tried it on myself (no animals were tested in the making of this explanation) and I seem to be fine! ..a-a-achoo! jaijfriasj! w-whoops hehe seems like I caught a cold :O I can keep myself warm with that lab coat over there (being an amazing scientist and all dat) w-well then...GOODB-RGFHAHAAAR *zombie apocalypse*

- ski mask
- SMG
- a grenade
Myke B
1,074 posts
Joined April 2012
Myke B
No, no officer - you got it all wrong. I'm on my way to the prison to give a death row inmate his lethal injection. Just look at my license to kill (identification card). "what's the lab coat for?" I don't want this shit getting on my clothes!

1. Gag ball
2. Chloroform
3. Teddy bear
Blaziken
611 posts
Joined June 2011
Blaziken
Listen officer, you don't want to know what the ball gag and chloroform is for, just take the damn teddy bear and pretend this never happened.
1. Spray paint
2. A stick of dynamite
3. Reinforced container of corrosive acid.
Ikikaera
149 posts
Joined January 2014
Ikikaera
-
Last edited by Ikikaera , edited 1 time in total.
Myke B
1,074 posts
Joined April 2012
Myke B
Officer, I was trying to give myself a vasectomy, but I had to test it out on some "willing" participants first. Needless to say - I fucked up a couple of times.

Okay.. really tough one. GL.
1. Baking soda
2. Battery acid
3. Americium
Ryu Sei
2,898 posts
Joined October 2013
Ryu Sei
Uh, Officer, I've recently bought a baking soda for my cake recipe. Battery acid? That's my friends'. I don't know, I've mistaken an aluminum foil with an Americium.

1. An fluorescent
2. A bloody fork
3. A note
Myke B
1,074 posts
Joined April 2012
Myke B
Hey officer! I know what it looks like.. but I can explain. I tried eating the fluorescent light bulb with this fork, because I never learned to read warning labels D: (note)

1. A rope with a noose knot.
2. A porno
3. lube
Ceph23
687 posts
Joined September 2013
Ceph23
S&M officer. Want to take part? ;)

- Nuclear rods
- Meth
- Last week's leftover spaghetti
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
we're doing a spin off of Breaking Bad. There's gonna be a scene where we'll blow a crack house with a bomb and all. Awesome right? As for the spaghetti, I just wanna see how long till it starts to mold, no big deal.
- Magnifying glass
-Thermite
-A box of used contraceptives
Ceph23
687 posts
Joined September 2013
Ceph23
I'm doing an experiment. Can Thermite burn through soggy condoms. I'll be inspecting the results with these magnifying glass. THIS WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!

- A Bloody skeleton
- A a movie titled "Little sister rape ~ even thourg I trusted you onii-chan"
- Red pots
Ryu Sei
2,898 posts
Joined October 2013
Ryu Sei
That bloody skeleton... It's just a property imo. For desktop wallpaper. A movie? Just bought it yesterday. Red pots... that's mine.

- A tile
- A cutter
- A keyboard (instrumental)
AmberLynx
626 posts
Joined December 2010
AmberLynx
Occifer, explain I can! I'm in a band called The Tile Cutters and I'm the keyboardist. Not much else to say here..

- a naked peppy
- a pot of curry
- a talking donkey
ZenoDiac
117 posts
Joined August 2011
ZenoDiac
Err... officer I can explain... W-we were having supper at my house earlier tonight when my friend decided it would be a fun idea to slip in some Bhut Jolokias into our curry. I told him "that's not a good idea Peppy", but he wouldn't listen... he said this stuff will increase dexterity on the keyboard and enhance your eyesight... He took a bite and let out a small "halp" sound. So I went to fetch some water and when I turned around he had already lost all his clothes and headed to the bathroom, screaming. Turns out this stuff goes right through.
I called a doctor but said not to come cause a droplet of that sauce will burn a whole in the hospital floor - we need to cool him off in a lake.
Officer pleeeease can't you see my friend's eyes are turning into volcanoes... w-we need to go to the lake...
No no no, he's not on drugs.. I gave him that donkey puppet to distract him from distracting me - he's having his own conversation with it -says he needs to feed the donkey too. PLEASE!

In your car:
- A Hello Kitty vibrator
- A wedding cake
- A caged iguana
Ceph23
687 posts
Joined September 2013
Ceph23
Officer let me explain. I work for an eccentric sex shop that specializes in custom items. A client of ours ordered a a wedding cake and asked us to put in a Hello Kitty vibrator in the cake once we got there, let me tell you, those weeabos are real weirdos if you ask me. The iguana comes standard from our "Cold blood-Warm Blood" package that our client ordered along with these two items. Here are the order slips......

- A picture of a poorly photoshoped Obama head on a topless body builder
- 3 wet lolis tied up together
- A pedobear inspirational poster
Ikikaera
149 posts
Joined January 2014
Ikikaera
-
Last edited by Ikikaera , edited 1 time in total.
hersa37
116 posts
Joined November 2013
hersa37
We're having a bdsm party with underdeveloped women, wanna join in? Oh, the plastic? You gotta have some place to throw trash into, right?
A broken axe, empty shotgun shells, flashlight
Last edited by hersa37 , edited 1 time in total.
Trash Boat
4,403 posts
Joined April 2013
Trash Boat
Officer, i can explain! I was practicing my shooting and the douche of my brother threw my axe on purpose. The flashlight is because i was practicing late and i have to look for the pieces of my axe

a whip
an oppai
leather suit
theleoleole
117 posts
Joined February 2013
Topic Starter
theleoleole
Officer, i can explain! Im going to play as a cowboy in a drama. So does the oppai is a fake for the drama play. Now would you mind getting out of my car officer?

A broken laptop
A tied man in your baggage
A Rocket Launcher
Kurogamii
1,026 posts
Joined May 2013
Kurogamii
"He's don't wnat to go to his birthday party because busy playing his laptop, so the only way is force him to go. Don't worry, that rocket launcher actually a firework."

A Bag
A Rope
90 Gold Bar @1KG
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