i do not, but im sure there was something, whatever it was
as much as im exhausted by my impressionistic regrets for scattered half-remembered things that shouldnt have happened at all, i really could not tell you what headspace i was in back then... other than the stories i keep telling myself, where i guess i was presumably more bitter or cynical or...? idk, i was less of who i wanted to be. i guess i can find out if i really wanted to, but it hasnt taken precedence over my current curiosities yet
i am [lucky? unlucky?] to have even half-remembered anything anyway. but my life was not nearly as especially awful as i seemed to think it was. not that much happened, the problem is mostly just me and everything within me and everything that im not and everything that still hasnt grown from me :/