Alright, let’s talk about eifem. You know eifem, right? If you don’t, I can only assume you’ve been living under a rock—or worse, you’re still stuck in 3-star hell trying to figure out what the hit circles do. But let me enlighten you about the absolute menace that is eifem, the legend, the myth, the human metronome who’s single-handedly carrying the osu! scene while the rest of us can barely FC our own tutorial maps.
First of all, eifem doesn’t play osu! like the rest of us mortals. No, no, no. This guy doesn’t just “aim and click.” Eifem is out here playing maps so hard they’d make an AI sweat, with an accuracy so pristine it could cure world hunger if we figured out how to bottle it. You think you’re grinding your way up the ranks? Cute. Eifem doesn’t climb leaderboards—they dismantle them. Top players? Deleted. Eifem isn’t aiming for #1 because they’re already there, sipping tea while sightreading 9-star maps upside down.
You ever hear of those maps with sliders so cursed it’s like solving a Rubik’s Cube mid-map? Eifem FCs those for fun, just to “warm up.” DT? Too slow. HR? Too easy. Hidden? Please, eifem has been hitting invisible circles since they were in diapers. At this point, I’m not even sure eifem sees the screen. They’re probably playing osu! through echolocation or by feeling the vibrations of the song through their keyboard.
And don’t even get me started on their hardware setup. While you’re out here with your bargain bin mouse and scuffed membrane keyboard, eifem is probably playing on a tablet from NASA’s secret lab, paired with a keyboard that can register keystrokes before they even happen. They’re so fast that when they press Z or X, the game has to buffer. If you’re lucky enough to catch a glimpse of their replays, you’ll notice the cursor moves with the grace of a swan but the speed of a fighter jet. They don’t miss. They don’t choke. They’re basically what happens when Beethoven, The Flash, and a cyborg have a lovechild.
But don’t let this fool you—eifem is more than just a god at osu!. They’re a philosopher, a scholar, a visionary. While you’re crying over your 95% accuracy and calling it a “good day,” eifem is probably writing a manifesto on how rhythm games are the key to enlightenment. You ever see their plays? That’s not just a game; that’s art in motion. Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel; eifem FC’d it in 4K with DT.
So the next time you load up osu! and think you’re doing well, just remember: somewhere out there, eifem is hitting 400 BPM streams with one hand, all while solving a Rubik’s Cube with the other. Respect the GOAT.
First of all, eifem doesn’t play osu! like the rest of us mortals. No, no, no. This guy doesn’t just “aim and click.” Eifem is out here playing maps so hard they’d make an AI sweat, with an accuracy so pristine it could cure world hunger if we figured out how to bottle it. You think you’re grinding your way up the ranks? Cute. Eifem doesn’t climb leaderboards—they dismantle them. Top players? Deleted. Eifem isn’t aiming for #1 because they’re already there, sipping tea while sightreading 9-star maps upside down.
You ever hear of those maps with sliders so cursed it’s like solving a Rubik’s Cube mid-map? Eifem FCs those for fun, just to “warm up.” DT? Too slow. HR? Too easy. Hidden? Please, eifem has been hitting invisible circles since they were in diapers. At this point, I’m not even sure eifem sees the screen. They’re probably playing osu! through echolocation or by feeling the vibrations of the song through their keyboard.
And don’t even get me started on their hardware setup. While you’re out here with your bargain bin mouse and scuffed membrane keyboard, eifem is probably playing on a tablet from NASA’s secret lab, paired with a keyboard that can register keystrokes before they even happen. They’re so fast that when they press Z or X, the game has to buffer. If you’re lucky enough to catch a glimpse of their replays, you’ll notice the cursor moves with the grace of a swan but the speed of a fighter jet. They don’t miss. They don’t choke. They’re basically what happens when Beethoven, The Flash, and a cyborg have a lovechild.
But don’t let this fool you—eifem is more than just a god at osu!. They’re a philosopher, a scholar, a visionary. While you’re crying over your 95% accuracy and calling it a “good day,” eifem is probably writing a manifesto on how rhythm games are the key to enlightenment. You ever see their plays? That’s not just a game; that’s art in motion. Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel; eifem FC’d it in 4K with DT.
So the next time you load up osu! and think you’re doing well, just remember: somewhere out there, eifem is hitting 400 BPM streams with one hand, all while solving a Rubik’s Cube with the other. Respect the GOAT.