i think that's interesting to me. does it seem to you like being invested in helping someone is necessarily always a demonstration of "seeing people as victims" or "feeling superior"? from how i interpret this, maybe what you're describing is that you dislike what you consider to be empty platitudes and patronizing pity...
that's probably fine. in fact it might be helpful if that's something that worked for someone and if they understood what you intended to say, but i tend to find your own ironic critique similarly empty and pointless if it wasn't for that potential effect
in that sense, it seems like you project your experience similarly to how i would-- "it happened for me, it must mean it would happen for them". we're making judgments about how to interact with people on the basis of what made sense to us-- cute words solved shit for me, comforted me and gave me hope in people being ok and safe to be with. i've often found the callousness of others to drive me away, and this is often why i've been wary around you even when you otherwise tend to seem more gentle in practice through you actually doing something and reaching out or checking on someone that's already in your circle that you want to do something with
i figure a lot of the conflicts people endure are a result of this-- projection of what worked for them, employing it with the impression they might be being useful and therefore empathetic, and/or imposing it more decisively either by nature or with a purpose in mind
i think it was for similar reasons and impressions that i was more likely to be dry with you, believing that this would avoid compelling you to artificially engage with my overelaborate cute decorative words, hoping that by cutting it out you might find something more meaningful. but for me, it fundamentally transformed the dynamic in a rather negative direction because i couldn't really enjoy myself when i was compelled to be dry-- therefore, we were probably incompatible
resignation and indifference is understandable, i suppose
i wonder if you view cute words and care as necessarily artificial and insincere if the things i say are genuinely ambiguous enough for you to question if they're "bait"
im sincere and cringe and prefer it that way, especially when im decorative about it
ultimately, explain or remain unexplained, i'll probably continue to openly wonder about this regarding you. there are so many people vaguely similar to this dynamic with you, and they all fascinate me just as much as they intimidate me
i'm weary, but i would like to learn more. and so that's why i ask and wonder, that's why i think as much as i do
for clarity, you're still as ok to me as you were before, if you happen to be curious about what my opinion is (judging by how you tend to say people "flip" on you). although i've grown to imagine that maybe you're quite accurate in suggesting you don't care what people think or believe, and... that's probably as clear an explanation for things as any
