17:44 Upset and regretful. Of, just everything!
20:23 I'm feeling pretty relaxed and joyful.
What is this? A complete contradiction of the above statement? Yes, yes it is.

4:44 p.m.

city lights are pretty

6:59 am

About to take finals test. I hate my life.

7:09 p.m.

PLS FUCK OFF DOGS

Journal wrote:

7:09 p.m.

PLS FUCK OFF DOGS

n o

8:22PM

god i wanna play football or something

18:52 Now I have school again, I finally have a life!
Somewhat

1258 PM. It has taken over 20 minutes for my work computer to boot up. Fuck.

Edit: I read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy when I was younger and liked it a lot, but not nearly as much as I do rereading it now. Douglas Adam's is amazing.

11:06PM

*Weather Forecast tells "16°C/29°C"*

Kae used two "Blazing!" Cards, holy ****...

6:46PM

IRIS’ HAXORUS HAS A FUCKING FOCUS SASH THATS A LEGIT RUN KILLER SJSJSJSJSJSJ

8:02 PM.

Anatomy practice time. I only have 12 days left of my allotted 4 weeks of anatomy drawing. Less than 2 weeks, I'm over halfway done. Progress has definitely been made, too, so I'm all looking forward to when I'll be finished.

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

Carmlillball wrote:

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

GHFFF I hope it turned out okay, anxiety is the fucking worst

It's 8:25PM andddddd I'm thinking about work, I suppose. Hope it turns out to be an alright day.

Puzzle wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

GHFFF I hope it turned out okay, anxiety is the fucking worst

It's 8:25PM andddddd I'm thinking about work, I suppose. Hope it turns out to be an alright day.

15:31
Hiya!
Thanks a ton! It really does mean a lot for you to care!
I hope your day's also going well!

Sadly, this anxiety's more long term than just today. It's more worrying about the future. Friend found out something about me, they were concerned, and yesterday promised that they'll talk to someone of higher authority in this group thing we're both in, and I don't know what the Hell is going on. I know this person has quite a close tie with the school and I worry about the special needs staff of the school knowing about this, and possibly having a meeting with my mum, and making my mum anxious about this thing. I've always tried to semi cover it up for her and don't want my cover absolutely destroyed. The matter isn't big of a deal for me. I think that everyone else is way too concerned. I'm personally really concerned about everyone blowing it out of proportion. Every day, I panic, today is the day I'm going to be questioned. Today is the day this person who's been told everything will want to meet up with me to discuss it. And it hurts when the concerns I've sent this friend weren't getting answered at the time. I've only just came back from school, so I haven't checked email yet to see if she's answered my emails, but I very much think that today will come to the same disappointment. The confusion hurts. And I don't feel like going through that stuff again right now, so I'm not checking for the time being. Either if I go on there my questions will be answered and I'll be more relaxed, or I'm going to be disappointed and end up horribly anxious and upset. I think I'm coming to terms now with just how bad my anxiety really is. Opens up a new load of self-loathe. My bravery has been all I've ever liked about myself, because I love taking challenges and facing my fears. This 'bravery', it's completely fake, faked for myself. I should not be this emotional, I hate how emotional I am. Good times are amazing and build me up, making me feel like a queen. Bad times completely screw me over. There's no middle, and that's tiring.

My head is truly messed today. Might just need to get off the internet for now.

That sounds even worse than what I thought. Sheesh. It sounds like you're in a rough spot.

I dont know how much random internet advice can really help, but the way I defeat (or at least fight) my anxiety is by putting things in perspective.

Things happen. Time passes. At the end of a year, will I care about what's happening to make me anxious? How about 5 years? 10? The answer is generally no. And how much of my life do I have left to live? Quite a lot more than just a year, or 5, or 10. So I just tryo to focus on the things that will help me long term. Maybe what I'm anxious about is something that will help me in the long run. I stop caring about it so much then. The important thing is moving forward and working through the things that are hard so I can have a better future.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is often the things that make you anxious aren't things that matter in the long run. And if they are, the most you can do about it is try to work on whatever it is. In the end, I find worrying almost never benefits me except if I take it and turn it into motivation. So the situation sounds scary, but I hope you can use it to your advantage. Anxiety really does suck, though; I hope it passes soon.

12:25PM

my altaria killed the haxorus bc it tried to dual chop it and missed

run saved

Puzzle wrote:

That sounds even worse than what I thought. Sheesh. It sounds like you're in a rough spot.

I dont know how much random internet advice can really help, but the way I defeat (or at least fight) my anxiety is by putting things in perspective.

Things happen. Time passes. At the end of a year, will I care about what's happening to make me anxious? How about 5 years? 10? The answer is generally no. And how much of my life do I have left to live? Quite a lot more than just a year, or 5, or 10. So I just tryo to focus on the things that will help me long term. Maybe what I'm anxious about is something that will help me in the long run. I stop caring about it so much then. The important thing is moving forward and working through the things that are hard so I can have a better future.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is often the things that make you anxious aren't things that matter in the long run. And if they are, the most you can do about it is try to work on whatever it is. In the end, I find worrying almost never benefits me except if I take it and turn it into motivation. So the situation sounds scary, but I hope you can use it to your advantage. Anxiety really does suck, though; I hope it passes soon.

Hello!

I really thank you for the advice! Very encouraging! I'll try to think more like this!


18:26 Finally had the courage to open emails. And yes, it crashed to the ground. I ended up just sending a email, apologising for bothering her. I've tried to talk, but clearly she didn't want this. I'm not checking anymore, I'm really not. I'm done with that bullshit, getting my hopes high for them to fall. Shame. Shame on me. I hate making others upset, and I feel I've done just that.

08:01PM

Journal wrote:

I’m assuming we’re talking about the major tennis tournament, [...].

Yes, this, sorry for the lack of accuracy.

It's 8:30 PM and I've finally drawn my first semi-decent anatomy sketch. The proportions are alright, the figure looks realistic enough and decently accurate. The only issue with it is the pose is really un-lifelike, which I hear is a very common issue when people first get into anatomy; and I didn't have a reference to draw the hands from, so they look like shit.

Learned a lot from the sketch though. I think my big takeaways are how to better structure the hips, a little bit about how the knees protrude, how I should be actively thinking about how joints are altered by perspective, and that I should start practicing drawing hands from memory. My hands are pretty good if I've got a reference picture but without one I seem to struggle a little.

Anyway, I'm really happy and pretty proud of myself. This actually looks passable instead of the mangled pieces of garbage with god-awful proportions and body structure I've been producing for the entirety of the last 2 weeks. Progress.

7:31 Got fully ready for school early. I'm not sure when the silence will end. I'll probably check after school. Geography exam, and I feel alright about that. My head is a little more clear now. Yesterday I honestly thought my worrying would turn me crazy. It kinda did. But at least that's all slowly packing it's bags.

7:49 Part of me wants to check emails now and possibly have my worries sorted, part of me wants to not check at all.

11:33pm

Only 5 more hours til my shift is over. Fuck graveyard shifts.

4:13 AM

Tryna look into 3D stuff in Unity. I'm planning on doing one of these new short 3D courses that they've provided on their official site just to understand some basics, since I've only ever worked with 2D stuff. Then maybe after that I could do a game jam using Unity 3D so that the experience can help me learn and improve at it.

Westonini wrote:

4:13 AM

Tryna look into 3D stuff in Unity. I'm planning on doing one of these new short 3D courses that they've provided on their official site just to understand some basics, since I've only ever worked with 2D stuff. Then maybe after that I could do a game jam using Unity 3D so that the experience can help me learn and improve at it.

that'd be pretty damn cool. would love to see what you make.

4:19 AM PST.

I shall never sleep.

I've woken up recently in the middle of the night, and decided that considering the amount of time that passed, I'd be best off just taking a shit anyways. I did all that, and now I'm here, struggling to come up with music stuff, because for whatever reason, I'm absolute shit at properly doing what I envisioned.

it's frustrating.

but at least the buildup is out of the way now.

fucking hell, i've got school in a few hours, too.

15:58 Geography exam was easy, apart from the damn map stuff. But that wasn't a huge deal of marks. The last paper went amazing, so I think I'd definitely get a good mark as a whole. I have no idea what's going to be on the last paper, except maybe questions about some trips the geography classes went on. I didn't go to a trip due to stomach issues so damn I'm going to revise that certain trip a lot.

Ate lunch today. I don't really like when I'm made to eat lunch, but my mum insists.

Maths exam tomorrow, I've been studying that quite a lot yesterday, and I'll continue to today. Thank goodness that exam wasn't yesterday or the day before. I've had an English exam yesterday, and I did absolutely terribly on it, because my mind was in a really bad place. At least, with English, I think I've done very good at the other exams, and will do amazing at the non-fiction, so I'm not really concerned with that one exam. Maths I'll need to be more careful for. On the last mocks, I've barely got a 4. I'm terrified. But I also did a lot of revision since then. I know a lot more now.

I'll check emails after the main studying is finished with. Soo.. Probably not today. Dammit, me doing studying is causing me to procrastinate! Who knew that was possible!

16:34 Screw it, I shouldn't be getting surprised if there's no reply. And, if there is one, I'll be way more energetic and positive. I need that for hours of studying.

OH LORD THERE'S LOTS I'M CRYING
I'm sorry, it's just, a huge relief. She's amazing with explaining stuff to me and I really need her positivity. Really fights my negativity.

I kEeP eDiTiNg ThIs, UnSuRe WhAt To ShArE

Ahh. I can see why that'd be a cause for drama. Well I dont wanna add more to it so I'll just say try to stay healthy.

Its 10:23 AM and I'm thinking about what kind of car to get. I dont really know, to be honest. Urgh.

11:37AM

i want to give wooloo a fuckin g hug

hypercyte wrote:

Y'all too good for me and my trackpad : (

Meah wrote:

Aww..

1155am

5:55pm

Currently contemplating on the decisions made in the past hour


I have an exam tomorrow.

3:41 AM

Thanks to rank decay I might actually beat this other trackball osu player in rank soon. Its never really been a goal of mine but I guess it'll bring some satisfaction? Although I don't actually play too often so it may still take a while.

I'm comin for ya booty Trackball dude so ya better buckle that ass up boi

4:07 AM PST.

time to head to bed.

made some progress.

Achromalia wrote:

4:07 AM PST.

time to head to bed.

made some progress.

That's good news. I'll be checking out your post on the disc server when I get a chance.

Its 8:43 AM. I'm thinking about next Saturday after this one. That will be the last anatomy sketch I bang out for my month of anatomy and I can finally go back to actually enjoying drawing. I think I'll improve a lot. Not sure what I want to make at that point though.

Also I'm hungry and have a nice lunch for work but cant eat it now.

2147 ginger tea

18:24 School went well. I think I've done really well in the maths exam!

Had lunch today.. I think that the school WAS told about my 'lack' of eating (I honestly don't think I'm eating that little, but what do I know, everyone else irl is concerned), after all, so the TAs are really putting their foot down on lunches. I must have lunch. I can't eat much of it though, and it's just making my poor appetite for dinner worse. I think it's making me eat less, even if it's more meals. At least I've managed to eat SOME dinner today.

I don't know how, or why, my eating habits have changed so much. Used to eat all the time.

Been quite successful, socially. Been chatting a bit. I'm definitely more calm now!

Been studying Biology, and I'll continue to do so.

08:13PM

Now that I think about it, I'm already making a mistake typing the quotation marks first and then inserting the text afterwards, am I not...

I just watched a bunch of grandmas twerk
1229pm
Think I just swallowed my wax 908 pm

Journal wrote:

I just watched a bunch of grandmas twerk
1229pm
Think I just swallowed my wax 908 pm

Uhhhhh

Hey are you okay

It's 9:24 PM and I'm really upset with myself. Anatomy practice went absolutely god awful today. I'm not even sure if I learned anything from it.

11:25 p.m
If I don't take a shower and go to sleep right now, I won't be able to get up in the morning and i'll end up late again

2:03 AM

This Asset Forge software is pretty useful for making some simple models for 3D projects. Its got Simplistic UI and is super easy to understand and get right into. It's nice for quickly whipping up some simple-looking models, especially if you've got little to no experience with modeling like me. It's fun to mess around with it as well to see what I can do with it.

I feel like I'm talking about this as if this were an advertisement. Next I'd say something like-

ENTER CODE "WESTONINI" AT CHECKOUT FOR 25% OFF YOUR PURCHASE OF ASSET FORGE!!!

Tad

Listen to me Tad

We have to make the featherless penguin goddess decide to become trans

9:09

05:41PM

Damn it.

05:43PM

What the...
9 songs ( . .)

17:02 Today has actually been good, and I'm so glad it's the weekend starting from tomorrow! Dreading leaver's assembly already though.. I've never liked any assemblies, I've always avoided them. They're painfully overwhelming.

10:19 AM.

It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know what to do, write or type sometimes.

I got left behind, and couldn't even finish my first paragraph in time.

This final grade is going to fuck me over.

I don't think I even had a chance.

Eghh.

Achromalia wrote:

10:19 AM.

It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know what to do, write or type sometimes.

I got left behind, and couldn't even finish my first paragraph in time.

This final grade is going to fuck me over.

I don't think I even had a chance.

Eghh.

No Ahhhh

Shibbt. Maybe you can talk to your teacher about it. They might be understanding and give you some sort of extension of some type.

8:12
Woke at 5:30. Wow, time's going fast!

I actually have a decent idea for a story, and this always puts me in a great mood. And, while planning, the story keeps improving and improving!
l write science fiction. Easily the best genre to write and read!

Had to explain something (which was emotionally quite difficult for me to explain) to a friend, but I've got a reply starting with 'WOW! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!'. She doesn't seem to be the emotional type, so this is truly special. I nearly cried, I was so happy, I love to know I've made someone so happy! More than worth it!

Achromalia wrote:

10:19 AM.

It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know what to do, write or type sometimes.

I got left behind, and couldn't even finish my first paragraph in time.

This final grade is going to fuck me over.

I don't think I even had a chance.

Eghh.

Damn, that sucks, I've went through the same with much of my English Language exams. I'd be surprised to pass that. (At least my Literature papers were great, though!) You're not the only one screwed. Heck, you probably have more of a chance than I do.
I'm a worrier myself, so I know that this is difficult, but try not to worry until you get your grade. I'm currently trying this, and it does make me more optimistic for the future exams. Maybe, you've not done as bad as you thought. But I don't know how American schooling and grading works.

12:52 AM PST.

well, the assignment's already due. i started the second paragraph.

that accounts for something akin to an F. i'd predict somethin' like 15%.

considering how heavily weighted the finals are, it'll bring me from the 85% i struggled to get up to in this damn class down to somewhere between 55% and 70%.

a failing grade's quite a big deal considering my circumstances, though i'd rather not explain them.

today was terrible. but tomorrow should be a nice day.

i'm excited to meet her again, after all these years.

11:21AM

Hope you go through a nice day ( '-')b

11:33AM

FOR F***'S SAKE, SHAM!
YOU'VE BEEN IN MY WAY FOR LIKE, AT LEAST 6 TIMES!!

17:23 Nice and calm. Did some maths studying and been chilling a bit.

12:25 AM - I have gay.

Thinkingofgettingapiercing 1138am also 女團 album is pretty good
packages are taking a long time to arrive 1142am

Its 12 PM. I'm gonna go swimming with my little brother. Should be alright.

18:04

I have 5 hours to study. Time to make a start!

7:28PM

break time

see ya soon!

Journal wrote:

Thinkingofgettingapiercing 1138am also 女團 album is pretty good
packages are taking a long time to arrive 1142am

Oh neat, what type of piercing? I've kinda always wanted to get one as well.

- - -

5:06 PM

My cat seems to be back to normal. He wasn't eating or drinking, was constantly hiding and throwing up, and was losing a lot of weight. He wasn't acting like his normal self at all.

Took him to the vet a few times where they gave him shots and had some scans done and what-not. I believe they said that they suspect that he has Pancreatitis, but they aren't entirely sure how cats get that in the first place.

Either way hes been acting like his usual self recently and has started eating again so I'm pretty relieved.

Westonini wrote:

Oh neat, what type of piercing? I've kinda always wanted to get one as well.

Double helix, and nostril (studs probably)

What's been holding you back?

Westonini wrote:

Either way hes been acting like his usual self recently and has started eating again so I'm pretty relieved.

I'm hoping he'll stay this way, good luck.
817pm

6:27 PM

Journal wrote:

What's been holding you back?

Not sure. I never really looked too much into it I suppose. Also it may or may not be a hassle dealing with it depending on where you put them and stuff like that. Could hurt you when applying for a job as well, same with tats (which I've also considered getting). They can look pretty cool tho so who knows, maybe eventually I'll get one. My sis has a really cool apocalypse-skull type thing on her upper back that looks pretty nice. Thing is fucking huge tho.

It's 9:53 PM and I'm actually a zombie right now. So tired after today. Was productive though. And fairly stressful... but productive. Learned lots in my anatomy practice. It went well. Only 1 week left. That translates to 5 days of drawing anatomy only. I'm doing ittttt

10:33

Time's going quite quickly!

I've been wanting to go outside for a walk, but I think it's going to rain!

Ate breakfast, made my mum proud. I only ate a Lunchable and I feel quite ill. I'm not really surprised, this has been happening all the time when I eat recently. Very unpleasant.

I used to eat way more than a normal person would, without feeling full, until just a few months ago. How on Earth did I manage to eat so much back then, while I now struggle with a proper breakfast and dinner?

Sunday today, most likely having roast dinner. That's going to make me feel horribly self-conscious.

Played some Osu!. After posting this, I'm going back on. I'm just having a bit of a break right now. Definitely getting much better at alternating!

Planning to study some maths. I studied a lot yesterday and don't have that much to study now for the star-marked topics. Might secure the unmarked. And going to study some Geography. I'm hopeless with this topic!

Been typing out my story, slowly but surely.

21:56

Studying civil law for the test tomorrow.

Kill me.

5:05PM
I have finals in a week and haven't started studying yet
what should I do

toonisoop wrote:

5:05PM
I have finals in a week and haven't started studying yet
what should I do

07:22PM

Bah mets-toi y ( . .)

07:23PM

Bon, après, si tu foires, bah ca ira mieux la prochaine fois.
J'espere ( . .)

12:18 PM.

a bit bored.

i'll likely get back to producing music in a little bit, i might make some more progress today.

i need to take care of myself better as well, though.

8:16 am.

About to take the test.

Only 2 more subjects to go.

I hate finals.

Wish me luck bois.

18:06

Tad Fibonacci wrote:

8:16 am.

About to take the test.

Only 2 more subjects to go.

I hate finals.

Wish me luck bois.

Good luck!


My head's been aching a ton so I've been relaxing. Have to study some maths now.
Decided to send a friend a video my sister sent me. I took a quick glace of the video, saw it should be educational, and rushed into sending it. But I then realised my sister isn't the sort of person to be helpful, nor sensible, and I watched the video. Most of it was okay and would've been funny jokes, but there was a religious joke and.. another joke at the end.. and I really regret sending that video. I apologised as quickly as possible. She would've probably just seen the video as funny, and I've told her far worse (stuff that actually got her concerned) but I just wanted to make sure.
Don't feel like having anything to eat today. Didn't have anything since around 17:00 yesterday but still.

19:52 I'm impressed, still not feeling like anything.




6:54
Got a maths test and I'm super worried for it. I've been studying a ton but I fear just forgetting everything when I'm in the exam. Went over some equations. Circle equations, area of a non right-angled triangle and Cosine stuff. Did a tiny bit of Sine rule, but I'm great at that. Gonna start getting ready for school around 7:00-7:30.

16:24 Maths test ended up going surprisingly well. Kept switching between teachers, which was quite stressful, but also helped with not getting bored. I think I'll do okay in my Chemistry. Stressed. Anxious. Playing some Osu! to rewind.

17:42

2nd Mathematics A-Level exam tomorrow morning, and have 6 hours left to prepare : (

01:36 WIB

checking some neocities web


....mebious.neocities.org

Its 3:42 PM. I'm reading a series of books that have a fairly interesting world but are kind of written pretty badly. The first book was really gripping but I'm on the second now and it just feels really eh. Lackluster. The writing style is seriously bland and the characters are a lot less interesting than they were in the first book. The characters and the world the story was set in were what really made things interesting in the first. Now everything's really getting kind of boring. Which sucks, because I thought it would be very nice to see how the characters progress. I guess I just have to hope something interesting happens soon in the second book to cover for the bland writing.

Other than that, now I'm kinda just sitting around and waiting to go home. I want to practice drawing and osu and stuff. I'm gonna finish out the week strong with my anatomy, I think. Then I can get to drawing stuff that's more fun again.

[A bit before 06:10PM, after some CtB]

I'm losing focus at the most stupid moments...

12.21am

I'm still awake because I'm calling my mentee... Great, I guess this is my life now, a life where sleep doesn't exist

18:02 Stressed as Hell. I regret telling my friend so much about my eating. Now so many people are getting involved and most likely my mum's very stressed. She gets very worried because she thinks that everything's her fault, even if it's clearly mine.

Carmlillball wrote:

18:02 Stressed as Hell. I regret telling my friend so much about my eating. Now so many people are getting involved and most likely my mum's very stressed. She gets very worried because she thinks that everything's her fault, even if it's clearly mine.

Fhhh. I hope it all ends up well. Sounds stressful...

Its 4:14 PM and it's raining pretty hard. But the only 2 days left in the week are Thursday and Friday which are my favorite workdays so the rain can suck it. Cant wait for the weekend, as per usual. Especially since I'm planning on Friday being my last day of anatomy sketches.

Being called a toe has never felt so nostalgic 903am

Journal wrote:

Being called a toe has never felt so nostalgic 903am

04:29PM
*"A toe"...*
...What?

21:46

Journal's a toe.

... ToeHou.

10:22

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

20:58 Today has been strange. These couple of days have been strange. I want everything to return to normal, but know they can't.

Carmlillball wrote:

20:58 Today has been strange. These couple of days have been strange. I want everything to return to normal, but know they can't.

Change can very easily be very frightening.

I think because of this humanity has a tendency to force their environment to adapt to them instead of adapting themselves to the environment - to almost universally disastrous result. If things change, I generally look favorably on the idea of changing yourself to meet those differences.

4:28 PM

AirPods are overrated and Chobani is disgusting1221 am
What do religions that believe in reincarnation think of yolo
1228am

Its 9:15 am. Not in a good mood.

16:24. I'm watching isekai trash again for some reason. AND I'M ENJOYING IT.

Puzzle wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

20:58 Today has been strange. These couple of days have been strange. I want everything to return to normal, but know they can't.

Change can very easily be very frightening.

I think because of this humanity has a tendency to force their environment to adapt to them instead of adapting themselves to the environment - to almost universally disastrous result. If things change, I generally look favorably on the idea of changing yourself to meet those differences.

4:28 PM

19:13

Hiya!

I mainly like to look on the positives, but it's still horribly difficult.

In the end, time is the best thing to solve this. To have the changes happen for so long that they feel normal. And getting used to this concept helps. 'I wont be panicking about these changes in a month or so, so why am I panicking?'. I admire this way of thinking and find it very helpful.

Carmlillball wrote:

Puzzle wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

20:58 Today has been strange. These couple of days have been strange. I want everything to return to normal, but know they can't.

Change can very easily be very frightening.

I think because of this humanity has a tendency to force their environment to adapt to them instead of adapting themselves to the environment - to almost universally disastrous result. If things change, I generally look favorably on the idea of changing yourself to meet those differences.

4:28 PM

19:13

Hiya!

I mainly like to look on the positives, but it's still horribly difficult.

In the end, time is the best thing to solve this. To have the changes happen for so long that they feel normal. And getting used to this concept helps. 'I wont be panicking about these changes in a month or so, so why am I panicking?'. I admire this way of thinking and find it very helpful.

I'm pretty glad I could suggest something that was helpful, then.


4:05 PM. I'm really, really upset right now. The gist of it is I busted my ass off at work today, promised some customers that I would have things shipped today (literally like 18-20 different parts in a single shipment which is ridiculous) and it's not going to go out because FedEx pickup was fucking early. Early, of all fucking things. We have an entire hour window for pickup- 3:30 to 4:30 - and they come by before 3:20 for the fucking pickup and now because of it this fucking 31 pound box that I worked my ass off to get out on time with literally 20 different parts in it under 8 separate repair orders - that I had to do the paperwork on, package, ship - which I explicitly told our customers would be shipping today - is not going to go out because they come by early. Which we've told them not to do before. I got that shit out in record time and now it doesnt even matter. We even had another package after that - which is supposed to be an expedited package - which won't be going because of this. And I've just generally had an awful day and this made it so much worse.

Puzzle wrote:

4:05 PM. I'm really, really upset right now. The gist of it is I busted my ass off at work today, promised some customers that I would have things shipped today (literally like 18-20 different parts in a single shipment which is ridiculous) and it's not going to go out because FedEx pickup was fucking early. Early, of all fucking things. We have an entire hour window for pickup- 3:30 to 4:30 - and they come by before 3:20 for the fucking pickup and now because of it this fucking 31 pound box that I worked my ass off to get out on time with literally 20 different parts in it under 8 separate repair orders - that I had to do the paperwork on, package, ship - which I explicitly told our customers would be shipping today - is not going to go out because they come by early. Which we've told them not to do before. I got that shit out in record time and now it doesnt even matter. We even had another package after that - which is supposed to be an expedited package - which won't be going because of this. And I've just generally had an awful day and this made it so much worse.

Wow that sucks. It's always annoying how the things that other people do directly inconveniences you or if serious enough, completely fuck you over and you'll have no control over it whatsoever.
All you can do is simply hope that it won't happen and be prepared when it inevitably do happen.
It's even more annoying when you realized that it's completely normal and happens somewhat frequent to anyone.

At least it's not too unbearable if it's a genuine honest mistake, like sometimes people just want to fuck over other people for the sake of it and you can't do shit about it.
My older brother is a prime example of such people, he constantly fucked me over for no real reason. He always fucks up and acts incompetent, even though I'm pretty sure he's not that incompetent, just to annoy me or fuck me over with something. And he always use the same fucking excuse of "oh, we're family so you're supposed to forgive me" and he talks as if I'm the petty person and it's my fault that he fucked up that badly.
Like, what the fuck?

I don't really hate my brother, but it's really hard for me to take him seriously.

OT: 4:36 am
I should go to bed.

Tad Fibonacci wrote:

Wow that sucks. It's always annoying how the things that other people do directly inconveniences you or if serious enough, completely fuck you over and you'll have no control over it whatsoever.
All you can do is simply hope that it won't happen and be prepared when it inevitably do happen.
It's even more annoying when you realized that it's completely normal and happens somewhat frequent to anyone.

At least it's not too unbearable if it's a genuine honest mistake, like sometimes people just want to fuck over other people for the sake of it and you can't do shit about it.
My older brother is a prime example of such people, he constantly fucked me over for no real reason. He always fucks up and acts incompetent, even though I'm pretty sure he's not that incompetent, just to annoy me or fuck me over with something. And he always use the same fucking excuse of "oh, we're family so you're supposed to forgive me" and he talks as if I'm the petty person and it's my fault that he fucked up that badly.
Like, what the fuck?

I don't really hate my brother, but it's really hard for me to take him seriously.

OT: 4:36 am
I should go to bed.

I hate the family excuse so fucking much. I cant even begin to describe to you how much o hate it. It's such bullshit.

Like, I'm not trying to bash on your brother or anything. I dont know him. I'm just speaking in generalities. But thinking people deserve something just because they're family is such a retarded way of thinking. My family is fucked up. My family is awful. They dont deserve shit from me, and I'm not going to give them a damn thing - whether its money, respect, a place to stay - I dont care what it is - unless they deserve it. My family had fucked my life up. I'm still recovering from it. Its taught me that saying somebody deserves something only because they're family is a nice way to ruin yourself. People deserve what they earn. I will never, ever allow anyone to fuck me over just because they're 'Family'. I will never give someone a pass because they happen to be related to me. I don't treat anyone differently just because they're my family. I might love them more, but that doesnt mean I'm going to ignore the bad things that they do. Maybe forgive them easier, maybe make more of an effort to help them, but let it slide just because they're family? No thanks.

That's just my opinion. My own family has really messed things up for me. So it always pisses me off when I hear something about how somebody deserves this or deserves that just because they're family. No they dont. They deserve it if they earn it.

8:24PM

YEETYEETYEET i dont feel any better but here we are

9:02 PM
Sometimes I think about the sky
Turning into fruits and vegetables for no reason why

9:30 food wars

reuni wrote:

8:24PM

YEETYEETYEET i dont feel any better but here we are

Reuuunniiii I missed you mist Charamaraharadarau

Puzzle wrote:

reuni wrote:

8:24PM

YEETYEETYEET i dont feel any better but here we are

Reuuunniiii I missed you mist Charamaraharadarau

boom

9:33PM

i watched all of kakegurui s1 and im halfway thru xx and boy do i have a lot to say about it

ill wait till i finish tho

10:19 p.m
I'm kinda bored, thinking of doing some photoshop stuff or finish an essay

04:31PM

Wait, wait, wait, wait...

"Dale (CV: Okamoto Nobuhiko)"...

I guess I'll watch just to see if that fits.

2:30PM

whats so special about this week and why is it everyones busy week

Well, I had to psuedo-run my family business because my aunt was gone, so that was my reason

1:31 PM, I didn't get enough sleep last night. It's ruining my ability to focus :c

ok mcafee we get it932pm
sikks music puts me in a mood
cut off my legs

im so fucking drunk

9:34 pm

10:36PM

every day i feel closer to a breakdown and it sucks that i dont know when its coming but i can feel it

io love you reuni dont do it

5:24 Wow I woke up early.

It's 11:42 pm

Hi Carm

09:57AM

*Sees*
https://forums.warpportal.com/index.php?/topic/244618-patch-notes-6132019-complete/

Damn it, I'm missing...