10:17 AM.

16 days until proposed due date. might want to postpone.

Achromalia wrote:

10:17 AM.

16 days until proposed due date. might want to postpone.

For what? 16 days, honestly, is quite a bit of time.

2:40pm. Fuck this has been a really nice Friday in contrast to the last three days. Only had to ship one thing. P much no stress today. Cant wait for the weekend. Whee. Gonna do more anatomee.

12:56 PM.

16 days until I the day I expect to release something. I'm not in the mood to wind up silent for another 4 months like last time. "Achromatism - Atrophy" isn't doing too well as a result.

Achromalia wrote:

12:56 PM.

16 days until I the day I expect to release something. I'm not in the mood to wind up silent for another 4 months like last time. "Achromatism - Atrophy" isn't doing too well as a result.

Super good luck then.

4:36PM

holy shit everything that happens from after the 6th badge to the 7th badge in pokemon b2/w2 is GARBAGE wtf??

edit: why are the legendary pokemon just kinda... appearing... for no reason????? why are these routes (except for the really long one) absolute trash for catching pokemon??? who’s idea was it to let u catch a lvl 42 sewaddle/tranquill?????? yea lemme just give u a lvl 40 fuckin weedle, essentially. whats the point in ANY of these towns other than like 2 sentences of story, if even??????
WHY ARE THE LEGENDARIES JUST APPEARING FOR NO REASON???? like theyre just chilling in the middle of these shitty routes... no special dialouge or hideout or anything except for their cry i guess. PLEASE dont be like this for the rest of the game i was having such a fun time.

3:41pm just realized that chara/reuni's timezone is EST/EDT and my timezone is CDT/CST.

*cries in italic*


edit: today's the day after the last day of school, i'm officially on summer break

10:26 Feeling quite ill, but got to study some Geography at 10:30, or maybe 11:00. Not sure whether or not studying English is necessary. I write stories and ideas for them in my spare time so that part of the exam would just be me doing a hobby! However, I write sci-fi and fantasy, while the exam wants boring realistic stories. I think that they can be historical, as the teacher encouraged me to practice writing for a war story idea I had, so I might brush up on my knowledge of Ancient Greece to make my story interesting, and to have more of an idea of what to write about. Quite sad how I know more about history than I do about present teenage life, due to my lack of real life social interaction.

Somebody told me
That you have a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend

Carmlillball wrote:

Somebody told me
That you have a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend

11:33AM

FFS, it has to be a trap, if it's like this.
I thought about it, months ago.


12:24PM
That Card aside...
READ THE FIELD, YOU DAMNED STUPID!
12:25PM
AND THE CARDS' DESCRIPTION!

6:42
Meds

45Traeath wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

Somebody told me
That you have a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend

11:33AM

FFS, it has to be a trap, if it's like this.
I thought about it, months ago.


12:24PM
That Card aside...
READ THE FIELD, YOU DAMNED STUPID!
12:25PM
AND THE CARDS' DESCRIPTION!

11:44 ^ Seems interesting.

Quite bored. Now decided to space out geography revision throughout the day, as this would be most helpful. Not sure whether to have a bath today, or tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll need to be out at 14:00, which is more than enough time, but I'm just so bored right now, and not feeling like doing much, and, either later today, or tomorrow, I'll probably be chatting a lot beforehand about plans, with the friend I'll be out with. Or she'll probably be sneaky on me. Any of these will do. I just like hanging out with her.

Carmlillball wrote:

11:44 ^ Seems interesting.

10:24PM
A'ight, what to do next, now that I'm done with this.

45Traeath wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

11:44 ^ Seems interesting.

I don't see which part is but if the context is wanted...

Both.

21:27 Not that worried now. It's all well.

4:48 Been awake for 10 minutes. Woke up way too early! But l cant sleep again!

S:48 Listening to some old rock, and don't know what else to do.

04:35PM

Oh no, not mango again...

17:44 Upset and regretful. Of, just everything!
20:23 I'm feeling pretty relaxed and joyful.
What is this? A complete contradiction of the above statement? Yes, yes it is.

4:44 p.m.

city lights are pretty

6:59 am

About to take finals test. I hate my life.

7:09 p.m.

PLS FUCK OFF DOGS

Journal wrote:

7:09 p.m.

PLS FUCK OFF DOGS

n o

8:22PM

god i wanna play football or something

18:52 Now I have school again, I finally have a life!
Somewhat

1258 PM. It has taken over 20 minutes for my work computer to boot up. Fuck.

Edit: I read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy when I was younger and liked it a lot, but not nearly as much as I do rereading it now. Douglas Adam's is amazing.

11:06PM

*Weather Forecast tells "16°C/29°C"*

Kae used two "Blazing!" Cards, holy ****...

6:46PM

IRIS’ HAXORUS HAS A FUCKING FOCUS SASH THATS A LEGIT RUN KILLER SJSJSJSJSJSJ

8:02 PM.

Anatomy practice time. I only have 12 days left of my allotted 4 weeks of anatomy drawing. Less than 2 weeks, I'm over halfway done. Progress has definitely been made, too, so I'm all looking forward to when I'll be finished.

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

Carmlillball wrote:

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

GHFFF I hope it turned out okay, anxiety is the fucking worst

It's 8:25PM andddddd I'm thinking about work, I suppose. Hope it turns out to be an alright day.

Puzzle wrote:

Carmlillball wrote:

7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?

GHFFF I hope it turned out okay, anxiety is the fucking worst

It's 8:25PM andddddd I'm thinking about work, I suppose. Hope it turns out to be an alright day.

15:31
Hiya!
Thanks a ton! It really does mean a lot for you to care!
I hope your day's also going well!

Sadly, this anxiety's more long term than just today. It's more worrying about the future. Friend found out something about me, they were concerned, and yesterday promised that they'll talk to someone of higher authority in this group thing we're both in, and I don't know what the Hell is going on. I know this person has quite a close tie with the school and I worry about the special needs staff of the school knowing about this, and possibly having a meeting with my mum, and making my mum anxious about this thing. I've always tried to semi cover it up for her and don't want my cover absolutely destroyed. The matter isn't big of a deal for me. I think that everyone else is way too concerned. I'm personally really concerned about everyone blowing it out of proportion. Every day, I panic, today is the day I'm going to be questioned. Today is the day this person who's been told everything will want to meet up with me to discuss it. And it hurts when the concerns I've sent this friend weren't getting answered at the time. I've only just came back from school, so I haven't checked email yet to see if she's answered my emails, but I very much think that today will come to the same disappointment. The confusion hurts. And I don't feel like going through that stuff again right now, so I'm not checking for the time being. Either if I go on there my questions will be answered and I'll be more relaxed, or I'm going to be disappointed and end up horribly anxious and upset. I think I'm coming to terms now with just how bad my anxiety really is. Opens up a new load of self-loathe. My bravery has been all I've ever liked about myself, because I love taking challenges and facing my fears. This 'bravery', it's completely fake, faked for myself. I should not be this emotional, I hate how emotional I am. Good times are amazing and build me up, making me feel like a queen. Bad times completely screw me over. There's no middle, and that's tiring.

My head is truly messed today. Might just need to get off the internet for now.

That sounds even worse than what I thought. Sheesh. It sounds like you're in a rough spot.

I dont know how much random internet advice can really help, but the way I defeat (or at least fight) my anxiety is by putting things in perspective.

Things happen. Time passes. At the end of a year, will I care about what's happening to make me anxious? How about 5 years? 10? The answer is generally no. And how much of my life do I have left to live? Quite a lot more than just a year, or 5, or 10. So I just tryo to focus on the things that will help me long term. Maybe what I'm anxious about is something that will help me in the long run. I stop caring about it so much then. The important thing is moving forward and working through the things that are hard so I can have a better future.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is often the things that make you anxious aren't things that matter in the long run. And if they are, the most you can do about it is try to work on whatever it is. In the end, I find worrying almost never benefits me except if I take it and turn it into motivation. So the situation sounds scary, but I hope you can use it to your advantage. Anxiety really does suck, though; I hope it passes soon.

12:25PM

my altaria killed the haxorus bc it tried to dual chop it and missed

run saved

Puzzle wrote:

That sounds even worse than what I thought. Sheesh. It sounds like you're in a rough spot.

I dont know how much random internet advice can really help, but the way I defeat (or at least fight) my anxiety is by putting things in perspective.

Things happen. Time passes. At the end of a year, will I care about what's happening to make me anxious? How about 5 years? 10? The answer is generally no. And how much of my life do I have left to live? Quite a lot more than just a year, or 5, or 10. So I just tryo to focus on the things that will help me long term. Maybe what I'm anxious about is something that will help me in the long run. I stop caring about it so much then. The important thing is moving forward and working through the things that are hard so I can have a better future.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is often the things that make you anxious aren't things that matter in the long run. And if they are, the most you can do about it is try to work on whatever it is. In the end, I find worrying almost never benefits me except if I take it and turn it into motivation. So the situation sounds scary, but I hope you can use it to your advantage. Anxiety really does suck, though; I hope it passes soon.

Hello!

I really thank you for the advice! Very encouraging! I'll try to think more like this!


18:26 Finally had the courage to open emails. And yes, it crashed to the ground. I ended up just sending a email, apologising for bothering her. I've tried to talk, but clearly she didn't want this. I'm not checking anymore, I'm really not. I'm done with that bullshit, getting my hopes high for them to fall. Shame. Shame on me. I hate making others upset, and I feel I've done just that.

08:01PM

Journal wrote:

I’m assuming we’re talking about the major tennis tournament, [...].

Yes, this, sorry for the lack of accuracy.

It's 8:30 PM and I've finally drawn my first semi-decent anatomy sketch. The proportions are alright, the figure looks realistic enough and decently accurate. The only issue with it is the pose is really un-lifelike, which I hear is a very common issue when people first get into anatomy; and I didn't have a reference to draw the hands from, so they look like shit.

Learned a lot from the sketch though. I think my big takeaways are how to better structure the hips, a little bit about how the knees protrude, how I should be actively thinking about how joints are altered by perspective, and that I should start practicing drawing hands from memory. My hands are pretty good if I've got a reference picture but without one I seem to struggle a little.

Anyway, I'm really happy and pretty proud of myself. This actually looks passable instead of the mangled pieces of garbage with god-awful proportions and body structure I've been producing for the entirety of the last 2 weeks. Progress.

7:31 Got fully ready for school early. I'm not sure when the silence will end. I'll probably check after school. Geography exam, and I feel alright about that. My head is a little more clear now. Yesterday I honestly thought my worrying would turn me crazy. It kinda did. But at least that's all slowly packing it's bags.

7:49 Part of me wants to check emails now and possibly have my worries sorted, part of me wants to not check at all.

11:33pm

Only 5 more hours til my shift is over. Fuck graveyard shifts.

4:13 AM

Tryna look into 3D stuff in Unity. I'm planning on doing one of these new short 3D courses that they've provided on their official site just to understand some basics, since I've only ever worked with 2D stuff. Then maybe after that I could do a game jam using Unity 3D so that the experience can help me learn and improve at it.

Westonini wrote:

4:13 AM

Tryna look into 3D stuff in Unity. I'm planning on doing one of these new short 3D courses that they've provided on their official site just to understand some basics, since I've only ever worked with 2D stuff. Then maybe after that I could do a game jam using Unity 3D so that the experience can help me learn and improve at it.

that'd be pretty damn cool. would love to see what you make.

4:19 AM PST.

I shall never sleep.

I've woken up recently in the middle of the night, and decided that considering the amount of time that passed, I'd be best off just taking a shit anyways. I did all that, and now I'm here, struggling to come up with music stuff, because for whatever reason, I'm absolute shit at properly doing what I envisioned.

it's frustrating.

but at least the buildup is out of the way now.

fucking hell, i've got school in a few hours, too.

15:58 Geography exam was easy, apart from the damn map stuff. But that wasn't a huge deal of marks. The last paper went amazing, so I think I'd definitely get a good mark as a whole. I have no idea what's going to be on the last paper, except maybe questions about some trips the geography classes went on. I didn't go to a trip due to stomach issues so damn I'm going to revise that certain trip a lot.

Ate lunch today. I don't really like when I'm made to eat lunch, but my mum insists.

Maths exam tomorrow, I've been studying that quite a lot yesterday, and I'll continue to today. Thank goodness that exam wasn't yesterday or the day before. I've had an English exam yesterday, and I did absolutely terribly on it, because my mind was in a really bad place. At least, with English, I think I've done very good at the other exams, and will do amazing at the non-fiction, so I'm not really concerned with that one exam. Maths I'll need to be more careful for. On the last mocks, I've barely got a 4. I'm terrified. But I also did a lot of revision since then. I know a lot more now.

I'll check emails after the main studying is finished with. Soo.. Probably not today. Dammit, me doing studying is causing me to procrastinate! Who knew that was possible!

16:34 Screw it, I shouldn't be getting surprised if there's no reply. And, if there is one, I'll be way more energetic and positive. I need that for hours of studying.

OH LORD THERE'S LOTS I'M CRYING
I'm sorry, it's just, a huge relief. She's amazing with explaining stuff to me and I really need her positivity. Really fights my negativity.

I kEeP eDiTiNg ThIs, UnSuRe WhAt To ShArE

Ahh. I can see why that'd be a cause for drama. Well I dont wanna add more to it so I'll just say try to stay healthy.

Its 10:23 AM and I'm thinking about what kind of car to get. I dont really know, to be honest. Urgh.

11:37AM

i want to give wooloo a fuckin g hug

hypercyte wrote:

Y'all too good for me and my trackpad : (

Meah wrote:

Aww..

1155am

5:55pm

Currently contemplating on the decisions made in the past hour


I have an exam tomorrow.