Puzzle wrote:
Carmlillball wrote:
7:10
Must get ready for school soon (I mostly did earlier, but I'm waking until 7:30 for the rest, when my siblings wake up). I'm begging myself to believe that everything's going to be okay. Somehow my 2 hour exam in the morning isn't the cause of this massive heap of anxiety, but it sure doesn't help. I hope everything's alright, I hope. Great way to start the morning, being all worried and upset like this. Why can't I just stop guessing what will happen? Why can't I just accept whatever happens?
GHFFF I hope it turned out okay, anxiety is the fucking worst
It's 8:25PM andddddd I'm thinking about work, I suppose. Hope it turns out to be an alright day.
15:31
Hiya!
Thanks a ton! It really does mean a lot for you to care!
I hope your day's also going well!
Sadly, this anxiety's more long term than just today. It's more worrying about the future. Friend found out something about me, they were concerned, and yesterday promised that they'll talk to someone of higher authority in this group thing we're both in, and I don't know what the Hell is going on. I know this person has quite a close tie with the school and I worry about the special needs staff of the school knowing about this, and possibly having a meeting with my mum, and making my mum anxious about this thing. I've always tried to semi cover it up for her and don't want my cover absolutely destroyed. The matter isn't big of a deal for me. I think that everyone else is way too concerned. I'm personally really concerned about everyone blowing it out of proportion. Every day, I panic, today is the day I'm going to be questioned. Today is the day this person who's been told everything will want to meet up with me to discuss it. And it hurts when the concerns I've sent this friend weren't getting answered at the time. I've only just came back from school, so I haven't checked email yet to see if she's answered my emails, but I very much think that today will come to the same disappointment. The confusion hurts. And I don't feel like going through that stuff again right now, so I'm not checking for the time being. Either if I go on there my questions will be answered and I'll be more relaxed, or I'm going to be disappointed and end up horribly anxious and upset. I think I'm coming to terms now with just how bad my anxiety really is. Opens up a new load of self-loathe. My bravery has been all I've ever liked about myself, because I love taking challenges and facing my fears. This 'bravery', it's completely fake, faked for myself. I should not be this emotional, I hate how emotional I am. Good times are amazing and build me up, making me feel like a queen. Bad times completely screw me over. There's no middle, and that's tiring.
My head is truly messed today. Might just need to get off the internet for now.