00:10:708 (10708|5,11041|1) - It feels a little weird when these LNs are connected to the 00:10:874 (10874|3,11208|6,11208|3) - next LN(I think it's because there's no actual vocal continuation). How about shortening them by one space(end with blueline)?
02:31:897 (151897|4,152073|3,152250|2,152426|1,152603|0) - these single notes feel like they're getting in the way rather than helping 02:31:985 (151985|6,151985|5,152162|6,152162|4,152162|5,152338|5,152338|3,152338|4,152338|6,152515|3,152515|5,152515|4,152515|2,152515|6,152691|4,152691|6,152691|1,152691|3,152691|2,152691|5) - To emphasize these
It's tempting to think of it as a dump expression for backgound sound, but it creates too smooth a flow for that I think it's better to space them out to give them a bit of separation
If it's not just removing these seems to help a bit more