go around and challenge the two men from earlier

Could we just go to the capital already?

Go to the capital.

Talk to the girl.

harass the girl

"Cis scum!" A fat lady sweeping her porch cries as you drag your feet around the village's stone path.

"Sod off!" You shout at the woman.

"Power to the oppressed!"

Realizing it's pointless, you go back on your usual day of not really doing anything of particular importance. Though now that you think about it, it wouldn't be too bad to clear your name as a sex offender. While you did try to rape someone, you got raped instead so it should even out. Hell, you should be compensated for this!

"Yeah..." You mutter out loud. "Where the bluddy 'ell is that Cross girl?"

You look around... Aha!


That was pretty easy.

"Oi, Cross!"

"Eh?" The girl wobbles about with the jar on her head as you run up to her. "Oh, it's you!"

"You're bloody damn right it's me."

"Corin!"

"Yes. Wait, no."

"No?"

"Wot did you just call me?"

"Corin?"

"Don't call me that."

"What's wrong with Corin?" The girl asks you innocently.

"That's the worst name I've ever heard! I'd rather use a name contaminated with underscores and crosses!"

"...But Cornelius is such a mouthful..." Miss Cross looks down.

"I'll give you a bloody mouth...ful..." You turn to the fat lady from before, sternly watching you from the safety of her porch.

...

"Just pay for my lunch; you raped me"


A water jug and some minutes later, you're sitting at a pub with the loco bitcho. You're actually surprised there's a fully-stocked pub out here, but then yet again the place has hardly any business.

You don't really care though because you're eating.

"..."

"OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM"

Though you should probably do something for the lady sitting awkwardly in front of you. You gulp down your food.

"...Not gonna eat?"

"..."

"Slurped enough semen for the day, that it?"

"W-What are you insinuating!?" The girl loses her composure, shouting as her face turns beet red.

"Haha, just a Brit joke 's all." You wave it off as you take a bite from some chicken leg. "So why're you so wound up?"

"Huh? W-Well, I have work to get back to soon."

"Oh." You ponder for a moment. " 'S all good missy, this won't take long. Even then, I'd have ta ask myself why is a girl like you working in the first place."

"Huh?"

"Why, you're so loaded in pocket and buttock that you wouldn't need to work a day in your life!"

"...Huh?"

"You're a noblewoman."

"W-Wha—" The Cross girl freezes before continuing with just more stuttering. "W-W-What are you talking about? I t-t-told you I'm not a-a—"

"Right, right." You decide to ignore her clear eyes and hair and just focus on spending your lunchtime with a fine lady.


On your way out of the pub, the two of you part ways.

"I'll see you later then, Corin."

"For fuck's sake."

"Oh, and feel free to call me Blanca!" The girl runs away at a brisk pace while saying these words.

"...I'll call you bitch next time."


[] Call it a day, head to the inn
[] Head to the capital, this town is fucking weird
[] Spend some time with your horse, Wallace
[] Go to the lord's estate, get some work

Wallace is smarter than you, ask him for relationship tips.

Can Wallace be as clever as Jolly Jumper already
Spend some time with him then.

go to the lord's estate and get some work

Ask Wallace for relationship tips

you wrote:

loco bitcho

god almighty

You make you way back to the inn, where your horse is quietly minding his own business.

"Hey Wallace, what're you up to?"

Wallace flaps his lips in response.

"Aw come on mate, don't be like that." You run your fingers through Wallace's blond mane.

Wallace turns his head up and looks away, ignoring you.

"Awright, I see how it is." You pull out a carrot from your satchel. Wallace's beady eyes flare up as you pull out the bright orange foodstuff. Before you can even react, he lunges his mouth at the carrot, swallowing it whole.

"OMPHNOMPHNOM."

"I knew you were a hungry whore but this is ridiculous." You comment as he gulps down the phallic vegetable.

"Shut up! You left me here to starve!" A refined voice comes from your horse's mouth, it almost reminds you of Batman's classy butler—you would know his name if Batman had been conceived in this time period.

"Naw I didn't! I told the innkeeper ta keep you safe and fed!"

"Bollocks! That man has been smoking out of his bong all day."

"He has a bong?"

"...Why are you here? Do you want to go to the capital? This place is rather odd if I do say so myself."

"No, that's not it."

"Did you kill someone?"

"No!"

"Then what is it you buffoon."

"What, can't a man spend some time with his horse?"

"I always knew you were a sexual deviant, but to stoop down to animals..." Wallace takes a few steps away from you.

"Touche faggot."

"I try."

You drop a sack of carrots for Wallace, then pat him on the back as he starts practically inhaling the bag's contents. Then you remember something.

"Oh right, I did meet a pretty little miss last night."

"Mmph? Oh, how did you manage that?"

"Tried to stick my dong in her, she raped me instead."

At this, Wallace stops devouring the phallic vegetables and turns to face you seriously.

"El loco bitcho?"

"The locoest."

"Good God, this whole town is doomed."

"I don't think so, she only attacked me when we first met. Otherwise she's pretty much a puppy with tits."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...So? What should I do?"

"Huh? I don't know. I'm just a horse. You could just get some info on the girl, but I'd tell you to get the hell out of this village... Then yet again you only listen to the odd bunch of voices in your head."

"Huh? What voices?"

"Never mind."

Wallace goes back to munching carrots, leaving you at a loss for words.


"Hm..."

You turn your back to your horse and hope nobody just noticed you talking to a horse for ten minutes.


It's almost sundown, what do

[] Go to the capital, this village is fucked up
[] Go to the lord's estate, get some work
[] Go to the marketplace, wander around
[] Call it a day, chill at the inn

Go to the marketplace, realize that you have no money and then go to the lord's estate.

go to the capital

I'll say the capital, because I have a bad feeling about the inn, and the other two aren't too appealing.

Goddamn village, go to the capital, you wasted too much time !

"Hey Wallace, let's head to the capital!", you declare.

"Huh? Why?"

"Wot do you mean why? You just told me to!"

"But it's almost sundown you dolt."

"Oh yeah."

You give him a carrot and head towards the marketplace to secure any provisions you might need. You waste little time getting back to the inn. Wallace catches you as you haul your supplies back.

"Where'd you get all that?"

"Marketplace"

"How much money did your family leave you?!"

"Not too much; I didn't have ta pay for this though."

"Why not?"

"Owners weren't looking hard enough."

"..."

With that, you heard inside to spend the night.


"Heading to the capital from here will take three days, Wallace" you say as the two of ride ride out the village's limits.

"...I can see... You prepared...." Wallace is not only holding you up, but as well as your huge load

Of supplies.

It only took the two of you a few hours to reach the main road. Following it, you spend two days and nights there before encountering a highwayman on the third day.

"Stand and deliver!"

A faggot wearing nothing but a mask, a hat, and a cape appears, waving a sword around like it's none of his business.

What do?

[] Pay him off
[] Stab him
[] Ignore him
[] Strike up a conversation with him

5th option: Duel

Let us share some tips about the fine art of rape.

edit: watch out for the choice edit below ahahah

Let's just ignore him

stab this mo'fo

Masturbate

Sonatora wrote:

Masturbate

#buttblasted


"Stand and deliver!" The highwayman begins helicoptering his dick while waving a rapier at you.

"What should we do, Cornelius?" Wallace takes a step back, anticipating your decision.

"Then I shall stand!" You drop down from your self-aware horse and stand on the plain road. "You! What is your name?"

"S...Stan." The highwayman blurts out, ceasing his indecent helicoptering.

"Full name, bruv."

"...Ann Delver."

"Hm, Stan Ann Delver..." You furrow your brow.

"Uhm, Cornelius?" Wallace whispers into your ear "You do know that—"

"Yes, yes I know!"

You walk up to the highwayman, who shrinks back at your sudden approach. Then, you extend your hand at him.

"Pleased to meet ya Stan! Hope my manners don't botha you!"

"For Pete's sake."

Wallace walks off to look at some scenery while you and Stan have a conversation consisting of you saying things and him just saying variations of stand and deliver. A little while later the two of you consummate your bond by killing merchants and sword fighting. Without your swords.

Your business and a new friend done, Wallace and you head back to your original task.


In a little time, you start venturing out of the plains and into towering plateaus and stifling valleys. As you cross the winding roads and the sunlight gives out, you spot the capital, towering over an immense plateau. Beautiful white walls mark the city's limits, and monumental structures behind them poke out into the sky with countless ornaments and figures. The entire city is painted a bright red as you climb up the main road, greeting passing merchants and travelers.

By the time you reach the gates and the local inn, night has fallen over the city.

You let Wallace do his thing and check inside.

"Evening mate, I'd like ta book a roo—?!"

"Hm, wot happ'ned, guv?" The innkeeper looks at you befuddled.

"OI, YOU LOOK JUST BLOODY LIKE THE INNKEEPER FROM THE VILLAGE DOWN SOUTH!"

"Oh, 'im? He's my brother. We have lots of brothers; our parents were rabbitkin or something."

"Did you all become innkeepers or something?"

"Most of us; oldest brother became a lord after slaying a dragon. Bought us all inns because there wasn't anything else ta give us."

"O-Oh."


Anyway, you book a night at the inn.

The night's still young though; you might be able to do something before heading to bed.

[] Call it a night
[] Head to the pub, gather some info
[] Rape a cute girl
[] Shit on your bed

[x] Shit on your bed

Call it a night. (yeah, again.)

Raping a cute girl always sound tempting, but I have to go with "Head to the pub".

head to the pub

shit on your bed.

Anything that involves penis

Oh yeah I forgot about this because choices were tied. Rolling a die, then


You quickly take off your clothes, lock the door, and then start squatting on your bed. You place your hands on the back of your head and begin flexing your legs.

Using a completely Ahmeriekhan accent, you grunt as you drop down, saying "GLOOTS." Every time you rise, you complete it with "FOR SLOOTS." Continuing with this silly ritual, you slowly start feeling the burn building up in your legs. It feels satisfying.

That is, until your loins start burning too.

"UGH!" You're caught in the middle of a crouching stance when you realize you haven't taken a dump in the last three days. "Uh... Uh... Shit"

The explosive diarrhea blasts out from your pale ass, staining the bed with pestilence and disease-ridden feces. Your butt cheeks slap together, causing a cacophony of epic proportions, smashing windows in a two mile radius. Your body begins succumbing to your ass's reverberations as your legs give out completely.

You clench your teeth, tears streaming down your face from the burning torrent escaping your bowels. You can only endure the pain and press on.

You close your eyes, falling into a deep sleep among the white noise caused by your clapping buttcheeks.


...

"WHAT THE FUCK" a maid cries out from the second floor as she finds your masterpiece.

Luckily you're already serenely skedaddling like a Speedwagon before anybody noticed a thing. With that mess though, you don't think you can go back to that inn today. You might need to find another place to stay before returning.

Wallace shoots a look of disapproval at you before you disappear into the city.


Well, brand new day, what now

[] Go to the adventurer's guild, get some work
[] Go to the pub, get some info on the place
[] Go to the inn, chill out with Wallace
[] Go to the library, rub books together until you remember how to use one

rape a cute girl

Go to the adventurer's guild, get some work !

I don't think I'll unsee that.

I'll go to a library, because I can't read

Go to the pub to ask about places to spend the night at.

I can't believe you wrote this stuff >__>

Anyway, go to the inn.

tied again ?_?

libraryyyy

inn

out

I do believe Corin was first, therefore your post is just as unnecessary as this one, Sonatora.

Rolling

Not entirely sure why, you decide to head to a library. You make sure you have all of your equipment and head through the capital's main streets.

Uff-Topia is known to be a a country of passage—an intersection amongst the many nations of the world—thus it has collected influences from all over the world. One of its most prominent symbols is the Public Archive, a facility built and organized by the Royal Family and the land's many lords during its golden age. The cantankerous library offers literally countless volumes of stories, essays, studies, catalogs, and encyclopedias to the public. Thanks to that, the capital is always filled with enriched and educated folk even in these dark times. Unfortunately, the place hasn't seen much use lately.

But you wouldn't know that, being a foreigner and a brute Brit at that.

"By the Queen's teeth!" You suddenly stand in front of an overwhelming structure towering over the surrounding buildings.

Washed out beige bricks stack endlessly upon each other to make a massive tower stretching up some ten stories or so. The tower tapers into a tip at the top, covering itself with dark tiling and incredibly beautiful ornamentation featuring angels and muses. A mere staircase stands between you and some large wooden doors leading inside. Over the doors lie the words in an arc, reading "PUBLIC ARCHIVE."

"Well this seems important." You comment before stepping inside.

You put your weight on the large door and heave it open.

"Welcome!" for lack of better words, a welcoming voice comes out from the dark interior.

"Hullo, is sumwon theyah?" You throw in some accent to compensate for your confusion.

...

No response.

"Hm wot could that have been?" You consider walking inside, but the darkness is thick and there no windows around here for you to smash for more ligh—

FWOOOOSH

The sound of fire dominates the room, lighting up from above all the way to you. Light begins flowing down like a stream of water, illuminating one gigantic spiral of stairs after another, almost resembling pillars. The walls are riddled with bookcases that extend along the entire area of the tower. Papers are sprawled all over the floor, and webs decorate the ornaments littered about the interior.

From the looks of it, there hasn't been anyone here in a long time.

Then a voice calls out right next to you.

"Welcome to the Public Archive!"

"WOT THE—Oh."


"My name is Ban Cho! If you have any questions, please let me know!"

"...What is this place?"

"The Public Archive!"

"..."

"...It's a library; we keep books here." Ban Cho hands you a couple of booklets about the library to you.

"How... do I use these?" you begin rubbing the booklets together.

"..." Ban Cho's courteous smile disappears, leaving only an expression of frustration. "First person to walk in here in six years and he's illiterate, great." She sits down next to the front desk and pulls out a cigarette from her uniform.

"Wait, I remember now! I used to do this with my sister before I did her!" Your eyes lock on to the scribblings on the pamphlets and begin making out coherent sentences in your head.

Boring sentences.

"..." Ban Cho looks at you with the same expression as before. "So, what, you came in here without knowing what you were getting into?"

"Well, I'm looking for something."

"What is it?"

[] "Job opportunities"
[] "I want to level up my INT stat"
[] "Comic books about little girls playing with octopi"
[] "Your Private Archive, if you know what I mean"