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Officer, I Can Explain!

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Total Posts
282
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Ryu Sei
2,879 posts
Joined October 2013
Ryu Sei
Oh great

As you can see, the shotgun is a replica one. But not for the ammo, since my- no, our producer on an indie film wants the more realistic feeling.
The photo itself is fake.

- Critical Dude's crown
- A letter
- Guitar
imaginarywriter
23 posts
Joined February 2014
imaginarywriter
You see, Critical Dude's crown got lost because he actually doesn't pay attention, the letter came together with the crown saying "If lost, bring back to Critical Dude". Oh, the guitar is mine, I play it in my spare time.

- Mage Spear
- Imaginary Writer
- Sunglasses
Kyno
102 posts
Joined July 2013
Kyno
Officer, the mage spear is just a prop because im going to a convention and im going to cosplay as >insert name<. You see imaginarywriter because he's coming along with me. The sunglasses are mine because dont you see how sunny it is?

- briefcase with real-looking money
- dozens of daggers and knives
- fort knox worker's ID pass
NoScreename
72 posts
Joined January 2014
NoScreename

kynolenkun wrote:

- briefcase with real-looking money
- dozens of daggers and knives
- fort knox worker's ID pass
Officer, I can explain! First with the money. The money is my pay from another high-paying job. The daggers and knives are for self defence, and the ID is for me working at Fort Knox!

- An M4A1 Assault Rifle with Illegal attachments (Not a replica)
- 5 Diamond rings (Not fake)
- A mask
GSG95
406 posts
Joined October 2014
GSG95
I found all these items hidden behind a bush so I decided to take it to a police station. I even called the police first!

Makeshift weapons.
Rope
Water.
theleoleole
117 posts
Joined February 2013
Topic Starter
theleoleole
Gonna make this thread alive again! Hopefully someone will continue.
=========================================
Umm officer, the makeshift weapon are for my school projects. Its also not loaded with ammos. The rope will be used to tie my stuffs for holiday. And the water? Duhh officer. Stay hidrated! OK! Bye!

- a yellow suit
- a wig
- 3 Fake Passport
Tornado
409 posts
Joined May 2014
Tornado
Officer I can explain! The yellow suit and wig is for a cosplay contest! The 3 fake passports; we want to prank our friend that we will go to USA!



- a death body behind your truck

- a half broken crowbar

- a phone keeps ringing near the phone
Aomi
1,993 posts
Joined August 2013
Aomi
That body over there?
That's my drunk friend sleeping, haha!!
The crowbar is purely decorational, I swear!
Aaand the phone... It's broken.
...Yeaaah.

- A vibrator
- 666 tissues
- A dakimakura
lol
145 posts
Joined November 2014
lol
this
ah yes this is my mothers day present, um, yeah

body pillow with loli
enough ramen to last you 4 months
katana
Aomi
1,993 posts
Joined August 2013
Aomi
i come from the holy nippon, i swear!!

69 sex tapes
300 condoms
25 strap on dildos
Eloc
62 posts
Joined March 2015
Eloc
I was throwing a massive orgy man!

1000kg of weed
10tons of crystal meth
Chloroform and duct tape
Aomi
1,993 posts
Joined August 2013
Aomi
my mom mad e me do i t i s wea r

a duck
human organs
surgical mask
Eloc
62 posts
Joined March 2015
Eloc
I was making a duck/human hybrid cyborg I swear! The other parts are at my laboratory!
worst fl player
worst fl player
I was simply pushing my sweetcorn inside her deeper. Nothing to see here
Zain Sugieres
579 posts
Joined January 2013
Zain Sugieres
What items

A mexican
Another mexican
Yet another mexican
GSG95
406 posts
Joined October 2014
GSG95
bringin these guys in 4 donal trumpo yo


chemicals
a book titled " how 2 meth"
a clown mask
Tornado
409 posts
Joined May 2014
Tornado
It is for a legit experiment

Most of the letters are deleted.It is actually: "How 2 keep the Mental Healthy"

It is for the upcoming Halloween Party



a Baseball Bat

a few wall sprays

a package that contains something white-dusty thing.
45Traeath
388 posts
Joined February 2016
45Traeath
I only want to have the Scout from TF2 to sign my bat with those sprays (maybe the amount of color liquid in each spray is quite... well).
You don't know that "Pocket Sand" gag? Since I can't get sand around this city, I rather use flour for such purposes.


Framed glasses [broken part: the glasses]
A wrench
A round doorknob
Blitzfrog
388 posts
Joined March 2016
Blitzfrog
I forgot I had my keys in my pocket so I grabbed the wrench from my garage and smashed doorknob. It flew apart.... The rebound also destroyed my glasses......

A TV
A bra
A bloodied knife
HootOwlStar
750 posts
Joined May 2014
HootOwlStar
"Wanted to sell the TV to the electrical appliance store, but I was attacked by a masked lady after packing my car with the TV. It might be that the attacker lacks experience with using weaponry, the lady cut her arm with her own knife after some struggle with her for a while. I caught the slim chance and snatched her bra as an evidence for further reports. She escaped but carelessly left the knife, and so I picked it up too as another evidence. However after some thoughts I decided to let her go anyway, nobody is perfect and everyone will definitely blunder at least once in the lifetime. Had the appointment with the store manager by the way so could I excuse myself now?"

For the next person, in the back of your car, there are:
  1. Filter papers
  2. Crates of cocaine
  3. Dead sparrow
Edit: Sorry for editing the post. me = frequent post changer
Last edited by HootOwlStar , edited 1 time in total.
Kobi_old_1
45 posts
Joined May 2014
Kobi_old_1
"What do you mean that's cocaine? Shit, man, they told me it was flour, I need an absolute ton of the stuff. That's screwed up my whole day. What do you mean, 'why?', I'm baking all the damn cupcake for my dumbass sister's baby shower. I don't even like kids. Goddammit. The papers are for my disgusting nicotine habit, which last time I checked wasn't illegal on my own property and the mice are my beloved pets, the neighbour's cat fucking demolished them and I'm on my way to get them cremated. Yes, with the flour, what I'm not allowed to multitask? Do you have any idea how stressed I am? You are not helping. Go away."

>An extremely realistic prop severed-hand
>A photo album full of pictures of your ex with his/her face cut out or defaced
>A satirical self-help book entitled "Get over him with Satanism!" which, like all good satire, isn't obviously satirical at first glance

Edit: Dammit while I was typing you changed the third object from mice to sparrow D: how cud u do dis 2 me
Offdensen
274 posts
Joined May 2015
Offdensen
Officer,I can explain! The book is my prized possession,and I am using it to write things in that you normally don't see. My car is yes,old,but I love it,so don't crash it. Also,my brother Sam is innocent.

Winchester demon hunting book
Keys to car
Fake ID
MagicalPug
4 posts
Joined December 2015
MagicalPug
"I was bringing the these items to my wife and this fake I.D. is just a decoration for our bedroom"

A Box filled with O- blood
Police uniform
A police bage
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
I am an undercover police officer and I am pursuing a secret mission that I can't tell anyone about. The blood has to do with it.

A bloody axe.
A tied up bag.
A mask
keremaru
217 posts
Joined November 2017
keremaru
"Oh, this stuff? I'm part of the production cast for a play that takes place in the woods. The axe is for the main antagonist, since he's playing the part of a menacing serial killer that the multiple protagonists have to deduce the identity of. The tied up bag is for one of the main characters, as the setting is during Christmas and the character is dressing up as Santa Claus. The mask is for the secondary antagonist, who serves as a spy within the main cast. I'm sorry for any possible confusion that I may have caused."

Blood-stained hands
A foul odor emanating from your body
A fingerprint that matches your own at a controversial crime scene
Achromalia
213 posts
Joined November 2016
Achromalia
"hey, officer! can you lead me to the station? something really, really fucked up just happened, and... i need to report...

yes, my friend just got killed, we... we were walking out there by the shore and all of a sudden, she screamed, and... i... she... this other woman, she came up to us and... the axe, i... wasn't fast enough. i should've... hhhffffFFFUCK. so i lunged for the throat. i knocked her out, i think, and ripped off her mask.

i really wanted to hit her, but... i couldn't. i didn't even bring my phone... i couldn't...

...mhmm. it happened right back there, behind that line of trees. please, arrest that fucking woman, take this bag with the mask and axe as well, i wanted to bring these to the station but...

...thank you.

alright. i'll wait here...

...

hmm. looks like this might actually work out according to plan. first time wasn't too bad after all."


OT: bruh momentum.

i just wrote a novel and got absolutely fucking ninja'd. i'll rewrite this later.

- - -

a trunk full of assault rifles.
a makeshift grenade.
a syringe with an illegal sedative.
Last edited by Achromalia , edited 1 time in total.
keremaru
217 posts
Joined November 2017
keremaru

Achromalia wrote:

"hey, officer! can you lead me to the station? something really, really fucked up just happened, and... i need to report...

yes, my friend just got killed, we... we were walking out there by the shore and all of a sudden, she screamed, and... i... she... this other woman, she came up to us and... the axe, i... wasn't fast enough. i should've... hhhffffFFFUCK. so i lunged for the throat. i knocked her out, i think, and ripped off her mask.

i really wanted to hit her, but... i couldn't. i didn't even bring my phone... i couldn't...

...mhmm. it happened right back there, behind that line of trees. please, arrest that fucking woman, take this bag with the mask and axe as well, i wanted to bring these to the station but...

...thank you.

alright. i'll wait here...

...

hmm. looks like this might actually work out according to plan. first time wasn't too bad after all."


OT: bruh momentum.

i just wrote a novel and got absolutely fucking ninja'd. i'll rewrite this later.

the warning is still in effect, it seems.

OT:
Preface information: this is in 2014, where the war against Afghanistan is still waging on.
"Officer, what are you doing here? This is enemy territory! You have to get out of here before you get yourself hurt! How did you even get clearance to be out here?! We're about to raid the 'Eye-Assist,' and we can't have any civilians hurt in our war efforts! We shouldn't even HAVE civilian casualties from America! Get out of here, NOW!"

a handgun that is still smoking hot
a full bag of money
the way the cop caught up to you was after a high speed chase
Last edited by keremaru , edited 1 time in total.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Beatmap Nominator
923 posts
Joined April 2016
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Wait, aren't you my accomplish officer? Why are you stopping me? Go back to your spot or else we wouldn't pull this through! Hmph!


A pair of kidney
A brain
Human skins
A heart
A human child
KnightPerfect
7 posts
Joined September 2019
KnightPerfect
That, officer? Well, it´s for my work.
The child? It´s "bring you daughter to work" day.

a Camera
a laptop
an external drive labeled "videos & pics of feet"
Tad Fibonacci
107 posts
Joined August 2015
Tad Fibonacci
"ah yes, I am documenting and researching the aero mechanics of the human's feet. Do you know that the human's feet is a flawed design?
From what I've gathered, it puts too much stress on your spine and is designed to fail once old age comes.
I plan to develop prosthetic legs to help disabled people to be able to walk not only as good as a healthy human being, but they'll even be able to do it much better, with no long term side effects."

---------

A Gewehr 98.
A WWI German empire uniform.
Trench clubs.
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
You see, I am going to host a presentation on the german military and I brang these item with me to show the visitor what the army was using. I have a special liscence that allows me to carry this weapon for the duration of my presentation as you can see here.

----------------------

Several grade-school uniform
A lot of Lubrifiant
A lot of tissue
Achromalia
213 posts
Joined November 2016
Achromalia
no, i'm planning on cosplaying with my friends at [insert local upcoming anime convention]. the lube's... personal, but the tissue's still just for the allergies.

- - -

Andrew Yang's dead body.

Zach Graumann's unconscious body.

Toby Fox in a body bag.
Carmlillball
129 posts
Joined April 2018
Carmlillball
I like body pillows.

---

A gun
Another gun
Jesus how many guns do you have
samX500
54 posts
Joined January 2018
samX500
You see officer, I am a gun collector, all of these gun are prefectly legal I can show you the liscences for each one of them if you wished so.

___________________

A literal ton of explosive.
A mask.
A long distance trigger
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,197 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
Well, It's perfectly normal as I work in a mine.

-------------------------

A loli.
MDMA Pills.
Assorted white powders.
Tad Fibonacci
107 posts
Joined August 2015
Tad Fibonacci
You see, this is my daughter. I've just picked her up from school and we're on our way home.
The pills are for my research.
I am a Doctor tasked with the medical research of Methyl​enedioxy​methamphetamine.
With the supervision from an expert and with enough research and preparations, Methyl​enedioxy​methamphetamine pills may assist in treating severe, treatment-resistant post traumatic stress disorders.

And for those white powders, they're baking soda and flour. We also have milk, eggs, sugar and chocolate.
I was planning to bake a cake for my daughter's birthday.

--------------------------------------------------

Used child undergarments.
Lube.
Children's clothes.
Last edited by Tad Fibonacci , edited 1 time in total.
vinnicci
318 posts
Joined December 2015
vinnicci
I do laundry.
The lube? Oh i use it to remove tougher stains

A pirated copy of Skyrim
A pirated copy fallout 76
A picture of Todd Howard
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,197 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
I'm a bethesda worker, the boss told me to program some anti-piracy code. I admire Todd so much that I had to print his photo as a daily motivation.

--------------

A camcorder.
The blueprints of a school.
A car filled with explosives and weapons.
Nate Bait
136 posts
Joined April 2017
Nate Bait
"Oh, I'm a construction worker. We plan on demolishing an old facility to build a new school.

Speaking of which, my son has a video project for his theatre class. Yes, the weapons are fake."

- - - - - - - - - -

> A rope
> A folded paper
> A family photo
Nuuskamuikkunen
1,197 posts
Joined March 2013
Nuuskamuikkunen
I was about to hang the rope in a tree, and then tie it to a tire, the family photo is because I'm faraway from them, so I wrote a letter and then fold it. I miss them, and as they don't know how to use internet, this is the only way I could communcate with them.

-----------------------------------

A couch.
Several brazzers employees.
Three porn actors.
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