mental health is the world's hardest balancing game
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Mental health check!
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especially if ur bipolar this shit sucks, would not recommend
These days I have been feeling considerably better overall. It's great to have time for yourself without someone that annoys you. I am starting to feel stable.
ambivalent. whatever i'm experiencing, it's been too normal to be anything but a numb itch, and i'm superficially complacent with that, but i'm fairly certain it masks a deeper weary exhaustion with introspective + interpersonal + structural/systemic/environmental opaqueness
things are urgent, for reasons, but i don't really meet that urgency with any energy of my own
things are urgent, for reasons, but i don't really meet that urgency with any energy of my own
I am still walking around, I lost my job but have others applied for and an interview set up. I have lost a group of people I hung out with irl cause they couldn't trust me enough to tell me my faults so I lost trust for people even more. I am planning to go seek therapy though so if anything else, those people broke me out of my self-denial for the last 7 years. My dog is in her final days unfortunately, but I am going to stick by her til the end cause she is the one I love the most. Overall things are bad, but they could be worse. I am on the road to trying to be better, even if the world or myself wants to beat me down I am still moving forward
Keep going king. I'm sure you can do it.UPR wrote:
I am still walking around, I lost my job but have others applied for and an interview set up. I have lost a group of people I hung out with irl cause they couldn't trust me enough to tell me my faults so I lost trust for people even more. I am planning to go seek therapy though so if anything else, those people broke me out of my self-denial for the last 7 years. My dog is in her final days unfortunately, but I am going to stick by her til the end cause she is the one I love the most. Overall things are bad, but they could be worse. I am on the road to trying to be better, even if the world or myself wants to beat me down I am still moving forward
From my previous reply, I wanna say that things have gone pretty alright, but I am starting to feel inferior again and currently, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal. I understand that this isn't healthy, though, so I'm trying to figure out something to balance my thoughts out. So far, I can't find something, but I will keep trying.
I know that it is okay to be a virgin, but it is certainly stigmatized and I'm not sure if being one as the years go on will really bring me any favors. I already feel like I don't really have anything else going for myself, but it's okay.
there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.Winnyace wrote:
, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.
I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.xch00F wrote:
there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.Winnyace wrote:
, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.
Winnyace wrote:
I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.xch00F wrote:
there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.Winnyace wrote:
, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.
I feel kinda shitty writing this lmao, gonna spoiler it
realistically if you're just trying to "reframe" feeling inferior for not being able to get laid, it doesn't need to be in a racial context at all. ppl of every race can feel inferior because they're a virgin, and it can be for a myriad of different reasons. there are things you can improve about yourself that will make you more sexually desireable across the board, skin color is not one of them. and besides, if someone wants to have sex with you based purely on your skin color and not because of some kind of intimate personal relationship, that would also be racist.
this is a rabbit hole that you definitely do not want to fall down and the fact that you're self aware enough about it makes you way less likely to fall into it. not very far, anyway.
also, have you considered not watching porn
nope, its all going downhill, or I'm just becoming more mature and callous idk
I don't know why you would feel bad about writing this, since I agree with it.xch00F wrote:
Winnyace wrote:
I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.xch00F wrote:
there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.Winnyace wrote:
, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.
I feel kinda shitty writing this lmao, gonna spoiler it
realistically if you're just trying to "reframe" feeling inferior for not being able to get laid, it doesn't need to be in a racial context at all. ppl of every race can feel inferior because they're a virgin, and it can be for a myriad of different reasons. there are things you can improve about yourself that will make you more sexually desireable across the board, skin color is not one of them. and besides, if someone wants to have sex with you based purely on your skin color and not because of some kind of intimate personal relationship, that would also be racist.
this is a rabbit hole that you definitely do not want to fall down and the fact that you're self aware enough about it makes you way less likely to fall into it. not very far, anyway.
also, have you considered not watching porn
To answer your question, yes, for a long time now, but it is pretty difficult for me to stop, honestly. My guess is that I lack self-control, alongside not knowing how to redirect this sex drive into something else that doesn't cause me pain/as much pain.
it's shitty because it implies that this feeling of inferiority is rational and engages with it as tho it is
I think I'm good.
Since I'm a choleric, I can lash out pretty often, but since I'm also a phlegmatic, I don't do it everywhere and every day. It fine for me, and the summer break just started, so I'm not gonna be so stressed anyway.
Since I'm a choleric, I can lash out pretty often, but since I'm also a phlegmatic, I don't do it everywhere and every day. It fine for me, and the summer break just started, so I'm not gonna be so stressed anyway.
My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her
my condolences bub, losing a pet is always hardUPR wrote:
My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her
that's so sad... stay strong, man. life is rough. you'll get through this <3UPR wrote:
My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her
Literally just had a telehealth appointment with my therapist so yeah you could say that. Had an intense week too but I'm doin alright.
working on myself, working out, eating better, moving soon, I'm absolutely SLAYING
Man's got life figured out, GG.le_benny wrote:
working on myself, working out, eating better, moving soon, I'm absolutely SLAYING
getting better
nevermind my anger issues are kicking in again
nevermind my anger issues are kicking in again
nothing changes when nothing changes
an inertia of inertia
little to no volition to will my way away
an inertia of inertia
little to no volition to will my way away
Sadness and happiness don't exist, there's only madness
+1,Achromalia wrote:
nothing changes when nothing changes
an inertia of inertia
little to no volition to will my way away
,,,exhaustion
i dont seem to know how to elaborate on that...
i want to dream forever :')
so exhausted at the moment
I am sane
mend toll ill niche :((
presumably going to get worse
...i hover and gift you a quiet lingering hug, gently and encouragingly
you will still have different kinds of delights to find... i hope that one day there is something in your local field of view that you can indulge in, through which you may rekindle and nurture a kindhearted childlike joy :)
presumably going to get worse
i float beside you listlessly, reading and viewing you and your experiences and sensationsEyeonized wrote:
Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug
...i hover and gift you a quiet lingering hug, gently and encouragingly
you will still have different kinds of delights to find... i hope that one day there is something in your local field of view that you can indulge in, through which you may rekindle and nurture a kindhearted childlike joy :)
Have a virtual hug.Eyeonized wrote:
Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug
mental health has improved for today, actually
i guess it probably will worsen tonight? but i've found lots of interesting things to enjoy that soothe and regulate me :> i took care of my body whenever i could manage to
i guess it probably will worsen tonight? but i've found lots of interesting things to enjoy that soothe and regulate me :> i took care of my body whenever i could manage to
i keep expecting to be in despair but i guess i must be doing a good job of distracting myself lately
incredibly cozy, metaphorically soaking into comfort... i think it's something with the way im laying in bed?? it stretches my joints in the strangest most relieving ways and the music im listening to is an absolute pleasure, it makes me really think about the. satisfying subtleties of sound design ^^ its like im buried in a sensory sea
i know it will fade with time but i want to hold onto how this has been feeling
incredibly cozy, metaphorically soaking into comfort... i think it's something with the way im laying in bed?? it stretches my joints in the strangest most relieving ways and the music im listening to is an absolute pleasure, it makes me really think about the. satisfying subtleties of sound design ^^ its like im buried in a sensory sea
i know it will fade with time but i want to hold onto how this has been feeling
Working for 5 days straight. Feeling mentally drained rn 😭😭
feeling a little better this week. getting my job back soon and met with some friendsEyeonized wrote:
Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug
thank you to all who offered a hug<33 im grateful thimgs are lil better, good luck for employment bc labor markets are brutal q-qEyeonized wrote:
feeling a little better this week. getting my job back soon and met with some friendsEyeonized wrote:
Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug
getting worse, feeling disconnected.
music is very interesting indeed, all the funny sounds helps your mind wander around, its a unique experience if you choose the right music and you're in the right mood.Achromalia wrote:
i keep expecting to be in despair but i guess i must be doing a good job of distracting myself lately
incredibly cozy, metaphorically soaking into comfort... i think it's something with the way im laying in bed?? it stretches my joints in the strangest most relieving ways and the music im listening to is an absolute pleasure, it makes me really think about the. satisfying subtleties of sound design ^^ its like im buried in a sensory sea
i know it will fade with time but i want to hold onto how this has been feeling
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE WOHOOOOOOOO
I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE A BODY RIGHT NOW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU
I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE A BODY RIGHT NOW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU
life is looking bleak rn but im working and optimistic on changing that
having a lot of mood swings this days, i go from super happy to stressed out to happy again
Body dysmorphia is insane
in the past weeks, i'm starting to notice dissociation symptoms.
I'm having the worst headache possible, it feels like somebody stabbed me from my forehead