I am back to my normal indifference, and have been seeing better stuff happen personally, its been okay now

I slept the entire evening lmao and it is now midnight.

im slowly getting burnout symptoms because of school, anyway, osu! has become my comfort game now
plus i'm worried about my school grades rn

my brother's arguing against my mom about here being a drunk bitch

i honestly wish i can just live my life all by myself sooner or later at this point...

it honestly feels like living with the family's now just not cutting it anymore...

-

I feel ok

I am mostly alright till anxiety comes to say hi.

Lock myself in my room, anime and OSU are the only things keeping me sane rn.

I have been brought to the edge of my mental state, work is exhausting me, people I hang out with are acting pretty shitty in honesty, and my own mental deterioration is reaching even higher peaks. I am not on the verge of doing bad things to myself, but I am reaching a breaking point in my own sanity

Lyawi wrote:

There is a bit too much organisation going on. I'm going to
1. give my apartment a whole make-over
2. incoming big job changes and
3. planning a website for people who found an animal in need of help (it's related to the voluntary work I used to do a few months ago and I like to change things to the better).
yes it's stressing but let's see where this goes~

update
1. still didn't start @_@ but saw an apartment I like and might apply for it instead
2. feeling comfy in the job changes now
3. for now it stays just a thought, don't want to spend my free time on it right now
things are taking its time, and that's ok. surprisingly I'm not stressed out at all

I feel pretty good. Exams at college are coming up, but I think I will get above them.

Damn it why does my family have to deal with many kinds of strange and scary things happening? It's kind of dumb and creepy that all of us are having some kind of issue that can endanger our lives...

It's honestly kind of scary... ;_;

Buuuuut I feel like I gotta have to talk it to someone in private...

Sometimes it's better to keep things somewhat secret, you know..?

MrMcMikey22 wrote:

Damn it why does my family have to deal with many kinds of strange and scary things happening? It's kind of dumb and creepy that all of us are having some kind of issue that can endanger our lives...

It's honestly kind of scary... ;_;

Buuuuut I feel like I gotta have to talk it to someone in private...

Sometimes it's better to keep things somewhat secret, you know..?

Such is life. Sometimes everybody you know is struck by some challenge. Hopefully it is nothing too big/serious, though.

Ok, until something I get traumatized for kicks in.

For the past two weeks, my mental health has felt like it has hit a decline.
Usually comes from stupid thoughts, seriously a killer. Sometimes I feel like I am empty, worthless even, or I am just mad. It is like I have developed anger issues again, and it feels weird to notice that.

I am not completely sure on how to calm it down. Today I wrote in class just my overall thoughts.. But that got negative. So, I don't think it was all that helpful. The other option was to take long walks, get distracted by the nature. Hey, I love that, always, but I do not feel like it has really "fixed" the problem.
I am going to keep some details hidden due to it being at a personal level. All I can say is that it involves family and loneliness, for the most part anyway.

Wimpy Cursed wrote:

For the past two weeks, my mental health has felt like it has hit a decline.
Usually comes from stupid thoughts, seriously a killer. Sometimes I feel like I am empty, worthless even, or I am just mad. It is like I have developed anger issues again, and it feels weird to notice that.

I am not completely sure on how to calm it down. Today I wrote in class just my overall thoughts.. But that got negative. So, I don't think it was all that helpful. The other option was to take long walks, get distracted by the nature. Hey, I love that, always, but I do not feel like it has really "fixed" the problem.
I am going to keep some details hidden due to it being at a personal level. All I can say is that it involves family and loneliness, for the most part anyway.

If you need someone to talk to, please reach out.

Wimpy Cursed wrote:

For the past two weeks, my mental health has felt like it has hit a decline.
Usually comes from stupid thoughts, seriously a killer. Sometimes I feel like I am empty, worthless even, or I am just mad. It is like I have developed anger issues again, and it feels weird to notice that.

I am not completely sure on how to calm it down. Today I wrote in class just my overall thoughts.. But that got negative. So, I don't think it was all that helpful. The other option was to take long walks, get distracted by the nature. Hey, I love that, always, but I do not feel like it has really "fixed" the problem.
I am going to keep some details hidden due to it being at a personal level. All I can say is that it involves family and loneliness, for the most part anyway.

Reach to any sort of professional help.

i love my life but group works in my univ are currently being a bitch
but i love my life

This might get me silenced or something, but I do want to get it off my chest.



I have been dealing with an inferiority complex regarding romantic and sexual relationships. I never had a girlfriend before. When I was younger, I used to think that I would get my first kiss when I was 15-16. It didn't happen, as I'm now 20. Of course, this put a lot of stress on me, beginning from high school and intensifying massively during the pandemic. From 2020 outwards, things have turned more and more grim and only recently have I been starting to feel better about myself.

Needless to say, I still feel it. A combination of being a 20 year old virgin, alongside this inferiority complex has created a mix of negative feelings and prejudice against women, most men, honestly the entire world that makes me uncomfortable to think about. Put alongside this other issues like a low self-esteem, a more reversed personality and poor self-control and you got a disaster.

Now, unlike a couple of years ago, I do have more of a plan: grief. Really, truly begin believing that I am, for the lack of a nicer word, fucked. I will, most likely, never have a girlfriend. Truly mourn this and try to come to terms with it. After I'm done with it, begin to move on by doing things to make this reality better. I already plan to get a degree in computer science and get a nice job in IT. During my time, I want to spend it doing things like playing around with musical stuff, playing video games and maybe even developing them, restore old computers and technology and learn about it, gardening and trying to stay in shape, both mentally and physically. I feel like this will better set me up for a happier self than if I were to be rotting anyway, complaining that the world is injustice and unfair.

Winnyace wrote:

This might get me silenced or something, but I do want to get it off my chest.



I have been dealing with an inferiority complex regarding romantic and sexual relationships. I never had a girlfriend before. When I was younger, I used to think that I would get my first kiss when I was 15-16. It didn't happen, as I'm now 20. Of course, this put a lot of stress on me, beginning from high school and intensifying massively during the pandemic. From 2020 outwards, things have turned more and more grim and only recently have I been starting to feel better about myself.

Needless to say, I still feel it. A combination of being a 20 year old virgin, alongside this inferiority complex has created a mix of negative feelings and prejudice against women, most men, honestly the entire world that makes me uncomfortable to think about. Put alongside this other issues like a low self-esteem, a more reversed personality and poor self-control and you got a disaster.

Now, unlike a couple of years ago, I do have more of a plan: grief. Really, truly begin believing that I am, for the lack of a nicer word, fucked. I will, most likely, never have a girlfriend. Truly mourn this and try to come to terms with it. After I'm done with it, begin to move on by doing things to make this reality better. I already plan to get a degree in computer science and get a nice job in IT. During my time, I want to spend it doing things like playing around with musical stuff, playing video games and maybe even developing them, restore old computers and technology and learn about it, gardening and trying to stay in shape, both mentally and physically. I feel like this will better set me up for a happier self than if I were to be rotting anyway, complaining that the world is injustice and unfair.

There's so much stigma around being a virgin. Just be happy. Nobody cares you're a virgin.

I hate that pain hurts that's it goodbye

I remember when in covid era, i commit suicide but its always failed, i used to got headache, my back hurt, and don't know what to do. But now i back to the right track and wanna live longer anymore. But it left all the pain behind, so hard to express my happiness now. i believe that is the wound that needs to be healed.

don't feel bad bub I didn't get laid for the first time until I was like 22 and I haven't had my dick sucked since. I'm ace tho so take my post with a grain of cum. salt, whatever

lost my job a few months ago and have been meandering about not doing a damn thing except gameing and ignoring my schoolwork. mayb I should fix that since it's making me feel p bad!

mental health is the world's hardest balancing game

especially if ur bipolar this shit sucks, would not recommend

These days I have been feeling considerably better overall. It's great to have time for yourself without someone that annoys you. I am starting to feel stable.

ambivalent. whatever i'm experiencing, it's been too normal to be anything but a numb itch, and i'm superficially complacent with that, but i'm fairly certain it masks a deeper weary exhaustion with introspective + interpersonal + structural/systemic/environmental opaqueness

things are urgent, for reasons, but i don't really meet that urgency with any energy of my own

I am still walking around, I lost my job but have others applied for and an interview set up. I have lost a group of people I hung out with irl cause they couldn't trust me enough to tell me my faults so I lost trust for people even more. I am planning to go seek therapy though so if anything else, those people broke me out of my self-denial for the last 7 years. My dog is in her final days unfortunately, but I am going to stick by her til the end cause she is the one I love the most. Overall things are bad, but they could be worse. I am on the road to trying to be better, even if the world or myself wants to beat me down I am still moving forward

UPR wrote:

I am still walking around, I lost my job but have others applied for and an interview set up. I have lost a group of people I hung out with irl cause they couldn't trust me enough to tell me my faults so I lost trust for people even more. I am planning to go seek therapy though so if anything else, those people broke me out of my self-denial for the last 7 years. My dog is in her final days unfortunately, but I am going to stick by her til the end cause she is the one I love the most. Overall things are bad, but they could be worse. I am on the road to trying to be better, even if the world or myself wants to beat me down I am still moving forward

Keep going king. I'm sure you can do it.


From my previous reply, I wanna say that things have gone pretty alright, but I am starting to feel inferior again and currently, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal. I understand that this isn't healthy, though, so I'm trying to figure out something to balance my thoughts out. So far, I can't find something, but I will keep trying.

I know that it is okay to be a virgin, but it is certainly stigmatized and I'm not sure if being one as the years go on will really bring me any favors. I already feel like I don't really have anything else going for myself, but it's okay.

Winnyace wrote:

, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.

there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.

xch00F wrote:

Winnyace wrote:

, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.

there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.

I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.

Winnyace wrote:

xch00F wrote:

Winnyace wrote:

, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.

there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.

I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.

I feel kinda shitty writing this lmao, gonna spoiler it
realistically if you're just trying to "reframe" feeling inferior for not being able to get laid, it doesn't need to be in a racial context at all. ppl of every race can feel inferior because they're a virgin, and it can be for a myriad of different reasons. there are things you can improve about yourself that will make you more sexually desireable across the board, skin color is not one of them. and besides, if someone wants to have sex with you based purely on your skin color and not because of some kind of intimate personal relationship, that would also be racist.
this is a rabbit hole that you definitely do not want to fall down and the fact that you're self aware enough about it makes you way less likely to fall into it. not very far, anyway.
also, have you considered not watching porn

nope, its all going downhill, or I'm just becoming more mature and callous idk

depends on what's being turned into a callous

xch00F wrote:

Winnyace wrote:

xch00F wrote:

Winnyace wrote:

, I feel inferior and somewhat scared of black males because of their sex appeal.

there's not really an easy way to say this so I'm not going to try and sugarcoat it: this is racist. I'm not saying that you yourself are a racist, but that the fetishistic idea of black men being more sexually desireable, presumably because of what you see in porn, is racist.

I know, but that's what I feel at the moment and I am trying to reframe it into something less negative or try... something to make it less painful.

I feel kinda shitty writing this lmao, gonna spoiler it
realistically if you're just trying to "reframe" feeling inferior for not being able to get laid, it doesn't need to be in a racial context at all. ppl of every race can feel inferior because they're a virgin, and it can be for a myriad of different reasons. there are things you can improve about yourself that will make you more sexually desireable across the board, skin color is not one of them. and besides, if someone wants to have sex with you based purely on your skin color and not because of some kind of intimate personal relationship, that would also be racist.
this is a rabbit hole that you definitely do not want to fall down and the fact that you're self aware enough about it makes you way less likely to fall into it. not very far, anyway.
also, have you considered not watching porn

I don't know why you would feel bad about writing this, since I agree with it.

To answer your question, yes, for a long time now, but it is pretty difficult for me to stop, honestly. My guess is that I lack self-control, alongside not knowing how to redirect this sex drive into something else that doesn't cause me pain/as much pain.

it's shitty because it implies that this feeling of inferiority is rational and engages with it as tho it is

im kinda 👎 rn :c

that is all

I think I'm good.
Since I'm a choleric, I can lash out pretty often, but since I'm also a phlegmatic, I don't do it everywhere and every day. It fine for me, and the summer break just started, so I'm not gonna be so stressed anyway.

My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her

UPR wrote:

My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her

my condolences bub, losing a pet is always hard

UPR wrote:

My Dog has passed away as of yesterday morning, I am not okay, but I am at least grateful she went peacefully, she had a rough 15 years, but 11 of those were spent with me and my family giving her the best life she could have. I hope it was enough for her

that's so sad... stay strong, man. life is rough. you'll get through this <3

Literally just had a telehealth appointment with my therapist so yeah you could say that. Had an intense week too but I'm doin alright.

working on myself, working out, eating better, moving soon, I'm absolutely SLAYING

le_benny wrote:

working on myself, working out, eating better, moving soon, I'm absolutely SLAYING

Man's got life figured out, GG.

In general i feel very happy when playing this game 😇

getting better



nevermind my anger issues are kicking in again

nothing changes when nothing changes

an inertia of inertia

little to no volition to will my way away

Sadness and happiness don't exist, there's only madness

Achromalia wrote:

nothing changes when nothing changes

an inertia of inertia

little to no volition to will my way away

+1,

,,,exhaustion

i dont seem to know how to elaborate on that...

i want to dream forever :')

its whatever

so exhausted at the moment

I am sane

Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug

mend toll ill niche :((

presumably going to get worse

Eyeonized wrote:

Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug

i float beside you listlessly, reading and viewing you and your experiences and sensations

...i hover and gift you a quiet lingering hug, gently and encouragingly

you will still have different kinds of delights to find... i hope that one day there is something in your local field of view that you can indulge in, through which you may rekindle and nurture a kindhearted childlike joy :)

Eyeonized wrote:

Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug

Have a virtual hug.

we go mental (doing good today yayayayayyayayay)

mental health has improved for today, actually

i guess it probably will worsen tonight? but i've found lots of interesting things to enjoy that soothe and regulate me :> i took care of my body whenever i could manage to

as usual i feel good

normal, getting by

i keep expecting to be in despair but i guess i must be doing a good job of distracting myself lately

incredibly cozy, metaphorically soaking into comfort... i think it's something with the way im laying in bed?? it stretches my joints in the strangest most relieving ways and the music im listening to is an absolute pleasure, it makes me really think about the. satisfying subtleties of sound design ^^ its like im buried in a sensory sea

i know it will fade with time but i want to hold onto how this has been feeling

i fucking hate maths

Working for 5 days straight. Feeling mentally drained rn 😭😭

Eyeonized wrote:

Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug

feeling a little better this week. getting my job back soon and met with some friends thank you to all who offered a hug

Eyeonized wrote:

Eyeonized wrote:

Fucking miserable lol. I need a hug

feeling a little better this week. getting my job back soon and met with some friends thank you to all who offered a hug

<33 im grateful thimgs are lil better, good luck for employment bc labor markets are brutal q-q

getting worse, feeling disconnected.

Achromalia wrote:

i keep expecting to be in despair but i guess i must be doing a good job of distracting myself lately

incredibly cozy, metaphorically soaking into comfort... i think it's something with the way im laying in bed?? it stretches my joints in the strangest most relieving ways and the music im listening to is an absolute pleasure, it makes me really think about the. satisfying subtleties of sound design ^^ its like im buried in a sensory sea

i know it will fade with time but i want to hold onto how this has been feeling

music is very interesting indeed, all the funny sounds helps your mind wander around, its a unique experience if you choose the right music and you're in the right mood.

I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE WOHOOOOOOOO

I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE A BODY RIGHT NOW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU

I'm tired

life is looking bleak rn but im working and optimistic on changing that

having a lot of mood swings this days, i go from super happy to stressed out to happy again

Body dysmorphia is insane

in the past weeks, i'm starting to notice dissociation symptoms.

<3

I'm having the worst headache possible, it feels like somebody stabbed me from my forehead

Reyalp51 wrote:

having a lot of mood swings this days, i go from super happy to stressed out to happy again

a bit better now, stress b4 job interview and a fuck ton of emocionally taxing things that happened this summer
eventually it will go away