Patatitta wrote:
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I hate my life.
I hate my life, but I don't want to die, I think.
Every day is the same. I wake up in the same room, sit on the same chair, turn on the same computer, and sleep on the same bed. A life that doesn't move forward or even backward, just an existence that lives on, refusing to die.
I lay back in my chair and stare at the ceiling. My mind feels too numb to even want to think. I need to get out of here, even just for a bit.
Checking the time in the corner of the world that is my monitor, I see that it's 3:34 AM. Perfect, now is the time when my parents, and the rest of the world is asleep.
After putting on a puffer jacket and some socks, I leave my room for the first time this week, trying to slink over to the front entrance as quietly as I can. With my shoes on and the door opened and closed without a creak, I now experience the only freedom I get during my days that are always the same, with the cool breeze on my face. Taking in a deep breath, the fresh air rejuvenates me.
I feel like running. How long has it been since I exercised? Years? I'm still pretty young and I'm not fat, I can still run.
As I start moving my body in a way that feels completely foreign, I hear thud of my feet on my pavement and the swish of my jacket as I swing my arms back and forth. The cold air bites at the inside of my lungs, and my mouth feels dry. A pain runs through my knee, I haven't moved my body in so long. Yet I don't want to stop.
Thud thud thud thud. How long can I go? What am I running from? Thud thud thud. Wow I'm unfit. Thud thud. Is that a car?
It all happened so suddenly. As I layed down on the pavement, a swarm of hormones still rushing through my brain from the exercise and the shock, I felt the irony of everything. I, who couldn't bring himself to die, was now about to. At least this way I was finally free, free from the shackles of my life in this world. Heh, maybe I'll get isekaied and go on amzing adventures with cute girls. That would be nice.
The next thing I feel is a profound sense of nothingness. It was as if all my senses were turned off, and I was floating in the void. Was I dead? What happens now?
"T.....a....."
"C.......m."
Sounds.
"......s...."
There's something, someone out there.
"....he..........."
I try and reach out, but I can't. I try to say something, but I can't.
"......waking up."
Suddenly a bright light fills all of reality. My senses were coming back to me. Where was I? Who am I?
A ceiling. A white ceiling. Warmth. A pillow. Bedsheets. Pain. A heartrate monitor. Oh.
I wasn't isekaied. I was in the hospital. I was still me. What a shame.
"Sato-san, can you hear me?"
I meet the gaze of a nurse. She's pretty. She holds my hand. It's warm, but everything hurts.
"If you can hear me, squeeze my hand."
I feel my hand tighten around hers, and see an emotion flash across her face.
"Sato-san, you are in the hospital and everything will be okay. I will be here, by your side, so don't worry. Your family has been called and they are on their way."
"U-Ummm," I manage to stammer something out.
"W-Who's Sato-san?"Huh? I'm Sato. Sato Akihiko.
"That's your name, Sato-san. You are Sato-san."
I know that.
"W-Where am I?"I can't move my mouth. Well, I can feel it moving, but that's not me.
"You are currently in Tokai University Tokyo Hospital, in the emergency room."
Yes, that's the hospital closest to where I live.
"Tokai? Tokyo? Where's that? Am I not in Aribithia anymore?"This is not me. This is not fucking me. I'm not saying this. I can't move. But my mouth keeps moving. What the fuck is happening.
"I understand you might be confused Sato-san. I believe you may be suffering from amnesia. Don't worry, you will probably remember everything soon. I am here to answer any questions."
But I do remember. I remember everything.
"But I do remember. I'm Roan Valentia, and I live in the city of Zwein, in Aribithia. I think you may have mistaken me for someone else."Huh? What the fuck?
I feel the muscles in my body contract as I try to sit up. A pain shoots down my left side, like I'm about to be split in half. But I'm not doing anything. My body is just moving by itself. No. My body is being moved by something else. Someone else. By Roan.
"Ah, please lie back down. Your stiches have not fully set."
I feel the nurse's warm hands pushing my chest, and my muscles relax as I sink back into the bed. No, I'm not doing any of this. Is this really my chest? Are these really my muscles?
"Umm, have I been transported to another world? Uhhh, sorry, that doesn't make much sense.""Well, I don't know where you came from, but this is Tokyo, Japan."
"I see."I feel a smile creep across my face. A smile has never felt more unpleasant.
"I didn't die! I was transported to another world! With this new body, as Sato, I can live a new life! Thank you gods! Hahaha!""Sato-san, p-please calm down."
The nurse looks taken aback. Why was this man, who was me but also not, spouting such strange things?
"Sorry about that."Roan stopped talking, but the smile didn't go away.
"Aki! Is he awake?"
My mother burst into the room with a panicked look on her face.
"Yes he is awake, but he seems to be suffering from memory loss and is very confused. Please don't yell."
"Oh, Aki, it's me, your mother. Do you remember me? I was so worried!"
"Y-yes mother, I remember you. I am Aki.""Oh thank god you're alright!"
As my mother keeps blabbering on, the reality of my situation dawns on me. Someone else is in my body. Someone else is using my mouth, my tongue, my lips, my voice, and telling my mother that they are me. I can see and hear all of it. I can't look away. I can't close my eyes. I can't tell myself to stop. I can't do anything but watch. I'm forced to watch.
What will happen now? Will I be forced to watch, as this other person uses my body and lives my life? As this other person, not chained by my room or my computer, can go back to school, get a job, maybe even find love and have children? While all I can do is watch, feeling every single thing, the clothes as I put them on my body, my hands as I open every doorknob, my lips as I kiss someone I don't know?
I would've been better off dead. I wish I were dead.
So yeah patatitta does thius answer your question
Sorry for the slow response it took a while to type this out
