So you want to know how roast a frog? But not just any frog, a Blitzfrog! Well you've come to the right place. Here at Diabolical Flaming Edgy Roasts Inc., we have professionals which are going to tell you the secrets of roasting the very one Blitzfrog.
A warning of disclaimer: Any frogs or toads shall not attempt this as our insurance policy does not cover self targeted roastings.
Now to the cooked meat!
Step 1: Fish for the frog
Ok, we can't roast if we don't have a Blitzfrog to roast. So you need to catch it. How to catch it you ask? Well it's not so simple. Patience is the key. A wild Blitzfrog takes time to appear in a thread and may very well take up to 5 minutes for one to appear. For accelerated effect, we recommend putting this species name in the title of you post.
Step 2: Interpret the situation
So Blitzfrog has posted, now he is open for roasting. You start typin- NOT SO FAST! Whatever you were about to type, forget it. Forget everything you learned in school. That doesn't apply here. This is Blitzfrog level roasting we are talking about. The requires delicate skill and effort. Let's take one of his posts to see what we can learn of this strange creature.
Step 3: Know your opponent
Blitzfrog likes to shitpost. ALOT. He won bingo twice only to epicly loose to over shitposting for a reason. He also has this "deez nutz on your chin" thing which he pushes around too often for comfort. In fact, it's almost as if he is mental with that line. Hmmm, I think this goes well with the schizophrenic laptop, don't you think? I think we have this wrapped up and ready to be shipped!
Step 4: Roast Engineering
Now that we have the chess pieces, we need setup the board. We have a computer that doesn't know what's real, and an illegally lewd mingle between Stefan, kai and Blitzfog. We have that he posts too much and that he over pushes "deez nutz on you chin". Now the key here is to come up with something that is funny, innocent, and offensive at the same time. Time to combine them all into one wonderful sauce:
Well now we are done! We successfully laid the trap and it's a matter of time before a wild Blitzfrog appears. Actually that roast is not as badly of a roast as you think. Blitzfrog can recover from that one. We need a better roast, something that puts a nail in the coffin. Something like... this thread. Yes! This entire thread is roast, a roast of how easy it is to roast Blitzfrog. Until now you did not know it, Blitzfrog, but you are so easy to roast that you are the joke of this thread! Blitzfrog the Roastfrog!
Aaaand now we are done! Enjoy your tender roasted, nuclear cooked frog!
A warning of disclaimer: Any frogs or toads shall not attempt this as our insurance policy does not cover self targeted roastings.
Now to the cooked meat!
Step 1: Fish for the frog
Ok, we can't roast if we don't have a Blitzfrog to roast. So you need to catch it. How to catch it you ask? Well it's not so simple. Patience is the key. A wild Blitzfrog takes time to appear in a thread and may very well take up to 5 minutes for one to appear. For accelerated effect, we recommend putting this species name in the title of you post.
Step 2: Interpret the situation
So Blitzfrog has posted, now he is open for roasting. You start typin- NOT SO FAST! Whatever you were about to type, forget it. Forget everything you learned in school. That doesn't apply here. This is Blitzfrog level roasting we are talking about. The requires delicate skill and effort. Let's take one of his posts to see what we can learn of this strange creature.
This is an actual comment made by an actual Blitzfrog. So now need to figure out the angle the roast should come from. "My computer has schizophrenia". Ok let's start with that. Schizophrenia means that the patient doesn't know what is real. Next part says "It keeps playing Allmynameistaken's fanfics live". Now the key here is to know the inside meaning behind these kind of things. If you don't know what it's spewing about, then you are as lost as the Blitzfrog and that means I got a roast lined up for you ready to be fired. So in this instance, Allmynameistaken's fanfic is an atrocity that came from the newly made osu!News discord, which can be found here, that involves raping and a mingle between Stefan, kai and Blitzfog.Blitzfrog wrote:
My computer has schizophrenia. It keeps playing Allmynameistaken's fanfics live
Step 3: Know your opponent
Blitzfrog likes to shitpost. ALOT. He won bingo twice only to epicly loose to over shitposting for a reason. He also has this "deez nutz on your chin" thing which he pushes around too often for comfort. In fact, it's almost as if he is mental with that line. Hmmm, I think this goes well with the schizophrenic laptop, don't you think? I think we have this wrapped up and ready to be shipped!
Step 4: Roast Engineering
Now that we have the chess pieces, we need setup the board. We have a computer that doesn't know what's real, and an illegally lewd mingle between Stefan, kai and Blitzfog. We have that he posts too much and that he over pushes "deez nutz on you chin". Now the key here is to come up with something that is funny, innocent, and offensive at the same time. Time to combine them all into one wonderful sauce:
Blitzforg's posts make me worried that he is schizophrenic who's "deez nutz on the chin" is a mild hallucination he had as a childStep 5: Wait for it
Well now we are done! We successfully laid the trap and it's a matter of time before a wild Blitzfrog appears. Actually that roast is not as badly of a roast as you think. Blitzfrog can recover from that one. We need a better roast, something that puts a nail in the coffin. Something like... this thread. Yes! This entire thread is roast, a roast of how easy it is to roast Blitzfrog. Until now you did not know it, Blitzfrog, but you are so easy to roast that you are the joke of this thread! Blitzfrog the Roastfrog!
Aaaand now we are done! Enjoy your tender roasted, nuclear cooked frog!
