Now my life has taken a new direction and these problems I mentioned here on my previous post are kinda solved now.
The bad side of this all is that I've been suffering panic attacks and severe anxiety. I am an anxious person by nature but I think it has developed into a serious problem.
I'm 99% sure I suffer GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). It's hard for me to calm down and I just can't stop overthinking. I imagine the worsts scenarios for everything that might happen in the future as a way to be prepared for the worst (because I lost a lot of self confidence) but all it does is exhaust me and break down. I am aware it does nothing but hurt me rather than helping me but I can't handle it.
I can't stop worrying even though everything will be ok no matter how things turn out. It doesn't have to be perfect, but even knowing so, failing is my biggest fear. I'm always feeling under pressure. I have to take two exams in April and only have like 2 weeks to study for both and it's driving me crazy. It will be fine if I don't pass, but I really want to do good. So I'm trying to focus and try hard as much as I can in order to believe a little more in myself.
What makes it worse is that these worries lead to other paranoid thoughts such as feeling isolated or rejected by everyone when it's completely the opposite. Everyone is rooting for me but when this problem takes control of me it won't let me realize it and makes me go blind. It simply makes me think about things that don't make any sense and just torture me further until I end up crying desperately.
It's a burden, I want to stop feeling like this. It's horrible. I need someone to support me constantly. If I don't see other people supporting me it becomes even more difficult to believe in myself, but that's also a big deal because every time I want to rely on someone I just can't open up and say what I think easily. I feel like I'm being a nuisance and making my friends carry with my own burden.
This is also frustrating because it affects on how I interact with people. It makes me feel irritated/depressed/non talkative and even more when people can't understand how I feel, although I can't even understand myself, lol. It's stupid but that's how it is.
I have a lot of trouble sleeping and eating. I feel like I'm losing weight, and when I eat I feel like throwing up sometimes. I'm always feeling exhausted, so I'm trying to soothe my nerves by drinking linen tea, taking deep breaths frequently and repeat on my head positive thoughts over and over as a way to shoo away my recurrent negative thoughts. So yeah I think I have it a bit more under control now. I still feel uneasy and I also worry a lot sometimes but that's much better than panicking more than twice per day. I'm trying to avoid these negative thoughts and try to see the future as it is: uncertain. So yeah, anticipating terrible scenarios that might take place in the future is my worst enemy, indeed. It's more likely that they won't take place, but I still think they will and that's where I end up worrying about it over and over and over again, resulting in a painful never ending cycle.
Sorry for such a long and boring post. I couldn't resume it since my problem involves a lot of things while affecting them in negative ways.
My mental health is a mess right now.
