Grab some gauze bandage rolls and wrap it around your chest firmly, then lie on your back on the ground to keep the injury elevated above the heart.
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The Awpventurer- All Aboard the Bandwagon
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Topic Starter
(yes there is empty space I'm too lazy to fix it)
You passed out anyway but your beard came through with blood transfusions while you drooled all over the tile! You're not sure where the blood came from but somehow you find it best not to ask.
Search for Sinistro.
Topic Starter
Your best bet is to wait until he is lurking again; if he is not lurking then Sinistro is generally unavailable and does not want to be found. You never did eat breakfast or find Tode and beat her to a pulp.
For god sake, call tode using someone's iphone :3
Topic Starter
You take off the bandages to find yourself fully healed--that's the power of your beard! You somehow find yourself with peppy's iphone and so call Tode angrily. However, you find yourself swayed as usual by her soft southern accent and convince yourself that she's just a silly little female, no need to beat her up. You decide just to steal from LuigiHann's secret stash of emergency cash and buy that new computer you were thinking about anyway later.
Whisper sweet nothings to Tode, get off the phone, and finally eat some goddamn breakfast.
Topic Starter
There's no food in the house, but a flattered Tode overhears your dilemma and offers to come over and make you breakfast.
with love~
uh I mean lots of mayonaise or some shit like that :v
uh I mean lots of mayonaise or some shit like that :v
Topic Starter
Tode will make what she wants to make, don't tell her what to do. You secretly laugh at her pout.
Wait for food then praise Tode for her actions.
Eat pancakes, asks Tode if she would like some as well.
Don't just eat them, savour them.
Topic Starter
N-no...Tode is on a diet (again).
An awkward silence falls.
The pancakes are pretty fuckin' delicious.
rub your belly in anticipation of the next course
Topic Starter
You're pretty full already and Tode doesn't like cooking that much. Best wait until lunch.
For reference, it is 10 AM.
Ask Tode if she has any plans for the day.
Topic Starter
Tode tells you she was just planning on running various errands and then maybe going clothes shopping. Why, would you like to come?
Yes, he would like to go shopping with you.
Topic Starter
You've never really expressed interest in shopping with Tode but for some reason you feel like accompanying her today. You both head to the garage, where you can choose from the awpcopter or the awptrain--foulcoon does not allow anyone else to drive his Toyota Impala.
Sneak a cigar from the Emergency Garage Stash (number 3, since number 1 is for special occasions and number 2 is currently empty or misplaced), ensure the Bottomless Island Lighter is still working after having gone through the wash, and offer to go to the shops by foot. They're within walking distance and Tode looks like she could use the exercise. But don't mention that.
Topic Starter
Tode doesn't notice you staring at her ass as you try to figure out how much it's grown THIS time. You start walking down the sidewalk. Where would you like to go first?
Remember, Tode wants to go shopping for clothes, and she needs to buy groceries and another piggy bank.
Clothes, Piggy Bank, Groceries, in that order. Women take forever to buy clothes and you don't want to be holding that piggy bank all day.
And do not let Tode buy any ice cream.
And do not let Tode buy any ice cream.
Topic Starter
What specific store will you go to first?
for reference your inventory so far:
CIGAR
PEPPY'S IPHONE
LUIGIHANN'S CREDIT CARD
BOTTOMLESS ISLAND LIGHTER
Clothes shop, so we can get this part over with.
Topic Starter
Dear God why do so many different kinds of clothes exist and why does Tode insist on trying them all on? The sheer size of the bags you are now carrying would worry you if you had been using your own credit card.
Tode wants to get ice cream before you go get a piggy bank.
Let her get the ice cream for the sake of finishing shopping quickly.
Topic Starter
Ninjas are attacking the ice cream store! Or so it sounds--you still haven't taken the bandaid off your eye. It feels like someone is watching you unseen.
Tode sounds like she's about to cry if she doesn't get ice cream.
Ninjas blend into the shadows. Eyesight is useless. Light the cigar and prepare to kick some silent warrior ass.
Remind Blubberguts that you don't need a living ice cream salesman to enjoy ice cream. You just need the ice cream. It's not theft if he's dead.
Remind Blubberguts that you don't need a living ice cream salesman to enjoy ice cream. You just need the ice cream. It's not theft if he's dead.
Topic Starter
Leaving a crying Tode--maybe you were a little too harsh--you slaughter the ninjas. However as you stand covered in blood, you hear rustling and a scream, and you realize you missed one and now the last ninja is holding Tode hostage. There is still that niggling sensation that someone is lurking around watching the scene unfold.
Call out to your chocolate thunder for assistance.
Topic Starter
Fist logic prevails! As Ival's punch sends the ninja flying into a coma, Tode rushes into her beloved awp's arms, mindless of his bloodsoaked chest and beard. You sense that Sinistro is no longer lurking--you lost another chance to catch him.
(xanek sinistro is not the ninja you stupid fucker)
Give tode a cigar
Question why Ival is not wearing pants and only boxers
(also tode, no need to be mean, i mean you never know, I don't have your mind)
(also tode, no need to be mean, i mean you never know, I don't have your mind)
xanek doesn't know shit about the awpforce, jesus
Topic Starter
N-no...Tode has bronchitis, and wouldn't want to waste your cigar. She'd much rather have ice cream.
Buy icecream for tode and Ival (if the ice cream salesman is not dead, of course.)
And ask for diet ice cream for tode wihout her noticing.
And ask for diet ice cream for tode wihout her noticing.
Grab a spoonful of ice-cream and rub it on your band-aid in hopes the band-aid will lose it's stickiness and fall off your eye.
I'd like to formally request that you stop calling my car a Toyota.
It is a Chevy Impala.
You will refer to it as "The Impaler".
(Continuing....)
Buy Tode a giraffe for her dorm!
It is a Chevy Impala.
You will refer to it as "The Impaler".
(Continuing....)
Buy Tode a giraffe for her dorm!
Topic Starter
You smear bubblegum ice cream on the bandaid--nothing happens. What did you expect? While Tode is busy enjoying her chocolate diet ice cream, you sneak off and come back with a giraffe--just for Tode! You tell her to consider it a going away to college present.
Hooray! You are now full of ice cream and can use the giraffe to carry the bags of clothes. GIRAFFE and SHOPPING BAGS have been added to your inventory, as well as SHURIKENS you looted from the dead bodies of the ninjas.
Search for Ival, and then throw a shuriken into his chest as revenge for the afro pick incident earlier.
Then put a band-aid in his eye.Derekku Chan wrote:
Search for Ival, and then throw a shuriken into his chest as revenge for the afro pick incident earlier.
Stick a shuriken into a cone of ice-cream and give it to Ival. He'll enjoy eating that I'm sure...
Topic Starter
After the first two, Ival doesn't fall for the ice cream. He is not very pleased with you, and you find it wise to retreat with Tode and hurry on to the next store before he can show you more of his fist logic.
Check how much money there is in Luigihann's credit card.
Clothes? Check.
Ice cream? Check.
Piggy bank? Go buy Tode her piggy bank.
Later: Groceries.
Later: Buy awp a new computer.
Ice cream? Check.
Piggy bank? Go buy Tode her piggy bank.
Later: Groceries.
Later: Buy awp a new computer.
Use it to buy a year's worth of calendar.
...And bump???Derekku Chan wrote:
Go buy Tode her piggy bank.
Please don' rape me ;~;
Topic Starter
LuigiHann foolishly set no spending limit on his card! hahahahaha oh he will regret that.
Tode leads you to a 'make-your-own-piggybank', which apparantly consists of you taking a white piggy bank and painting on it to your heart's desire. Your only desire to go get drunk but Tode is looking at you with those big blue eyes and you know that if you leave without painting her a piggy bank then her bitching will be unrelenting.
You went to university for this? What will you do?
Put a beard on it.
Duh.
Duh.
Make it an awpbankkkk or maybe one of the vehicles? AWPTRAIN
(just draw a huge orange beard on it to begin with at least :v)
(just draw a huge orange beard on it to begin with at least :v)
Paint on it "I LOVE TODE"
Copy Tode's awp tattoo onto the pig's chest.
Topic Starter
You painted so much awpness that the piggy bank explosively transformed into a giant awpig! It's huge, muscular, and anatomically correct, to the dismay of all the mothers in the store with their children. It looks dangerous! What will you do?
(I just realized the censor bar is placed rather suggestively. The pig is not excited in that aspect, please ignore.)
Ask awpig for a piggyback ride
Jarby wrote:
Ask awpig for a piggyback ride
Keep staring at awpig's giant manhood.
+ 2 (total)Powerdrone wrote:
Jarby wrote:
Ask awpig for a piggyback ride
Topic Starter
You leap on the pig, ready to ride it into the horizon and--you break it. What did you think it was made out of? As you stare wistfully at a shard, dreaming of the adventures you two could have gone on, Tode glares at you for breaking her piggy bank and you feel someone else staring at you too.
Gingerly the shopkeeper sweeps away the shattered remains of the pig's giant manhood to throw in a furnace.
Ask awp for a piggyback ride.
Stare at awp's giant manhood.
Start spinning around.
SEPPUKU!
And offer to be Tode's Piggy Bank =)
And offer to be Tode's Piggy Bank =)
tode where are you cuddlebun
Topic Starter
You decide to settle the need for a piggy bank and devour all of Tode's quarters in one swoop. As Tode chokes on her disbelief, you hope she doesn't request those quarters back any time soon.
With that put aside, you are free to continue your day. What shall you do next?
Watch a sad movie somewhere. A very sad movie.
Go on a quest to find La Roux.