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Love and relationships

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Mikelicious
337 posts
Joined September 2012
Mikelicious

JAKACHAN wrote:

Love is a painful thing everyone but just never give up. No matter how much physical and emotional pain you go through you only come out of it even stronger.
Agree on this, your two stories touched me, maybe cuz something similar happened to me recently but yeah...I will write mine these days, Im a bit depressed atm, a lot of bad memories just came back to my mind.
However, cool idea.
Poop
9 posts
Joined March 2013
Poop

dkun wrote:

@ future posts: Any inflammatory material will be removed and severely punished for. You have been warned.

This is a pretty cool idea for a thread! Let's start.

Hello. I'm dkun, or some of you may even know me as jay. As for my last three (+) years on osu!, I've gone through a number of different relationships, both IRL and on here. I'm a firm believer that someone should follow their feelings regardless of distance, or any other obstacle that a "normal" individual would be turned away from the thought of love. Follow your heart.

I spent nearly two years with someone from here (my maps should give you more of a hint, if you so please) and as time passed by, the strains of a long distance relationship showed. It's no easy feat to do by any means. There were many fights over things I can't even remember anymore, and the months "together" started to show until the both of us just got sick of it. She found someone else in a relatively short time, and I, well.. I didn't know what to do. The phrase "You don't know what you have until it's really gone" really came into play here. I dismissed the thought of love and just spent more time on osu! (I became BAT as this happened). I modded maps as the new BAT in town, and I accepted any request that came my way with no discrimination. I just didn't care.

A few months down the line, a very good friend (here on osu!, at that!) and now my girlfriend now showed up in my life. Someone who could make me laugh so much that I would forget the pain in my heart. Someone that understood my pain and didn't care for my past, but for how I was as a person. I spent more and more time with her, and it figures out that she was going to live in my city for university! I haven't felt this happy about everything in.. well, ever. I haven't looked back and it's just steady cruising from here! (we're one happy couple~)

I commend those that do go through the struggle of being in a long distance relationship. I wish you guys the best of luck in your endeavors and hope that you'll find that sense of happiness we're all looking for.
I just read your story and your story sounds very similar about your gf going to your city for uni from my gf. o_o;
Soulclenz
445 posts
Joined October 2009
Soulclenz
Hmmm, very nice stories from everyone, thank you for sharing.

I am in the same boat and of the same mindset as Luanny currently. Just ended things with someone I thought cared about me as much as I cared about them, but strangely enough, as soon as I discovered that they were taking advantage of my kindness and stringing me along for a crazy ride, I almost immediately sprang back to my feet and brushed myself off.

Every now and again thoughts of her will pop into my mind but they are pretty quickly stamped out as I remind myself I am worth more than being walked all over, so I am now focusing on my own happiness and doing things I've had my sights set on for the past 2 years, but neglected. If someone happens to come my way and we click, then great. If not then that's just fine as well, I shall press forward and not let the past bring me down.
has
172 posts
Joined April 2012
has
I'm in a LDR right now but tbh I wish I had never got into it to begin with. Long story short, the person I'm dating can't get over their ex and so they keep pushing all their frustations on me, sometimes even saying they wish they still were with their ex and that they won't be able to love anyone else, all while mentioning that we are in a relationship and that without me they are completely alone.

I really don't know if I want to keep this up, especially because they've started ignoring me all of sudden after I said I wanted to help them out with getting over their ex, but at the same time I feel this responsability of staying by their side, even if it hurts me as well.
JonnyThatJonny
254 posts
Joined November 2009
JonnyThatJonny
^By your description, you're pretty much being used, and you're fully aware of it. Get some guts and tell this person you want a real relationship and not that BS. "I'm completely alone without you" is an horrible excuse, tell this person you can be a friend at most.

I wasn't planning on posting more on this thread but I couldn't help it on this one, I've been in a similar situation in a bit of a distant past. My self esteem back then was so low I'd keep this dumb hope of changing someone by being there for them even if I was frequently just being used, on these cases you just have to man up and let it go.
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Topic Starter
Birdy

Holyja wrote:

I'm in a LDR right now but tbh I wish I had never got into it to begin with. Long story short, the person I'm dating can't get over their ex and so they keep pushing all their frustations on me, sometimes even saying they wish they still were with their ex and that they won't be able to love anyone else, all while mentioning that we are in a relationship and that without me they are completely alone.

I really don't know if I want to keep this up, especially because they've started ignoring me all of sudden after I said I wanted to help them out with getting over their ex, but at the same time I feel this responsability of staying by their side, even if it hurts me as well.
Nobody should have to stand for this. Cut the relationship, and possibly all connections with them. It's the best solution, which I realized rather too late in my previous one.
Destiny
73 posts
Joined March 2012
Destiny
I had a two year long LDR, he broke up with me earlier this year. Gay relationship if anyone was wondering, there's no real story to it but, ya know, sadness.
Nyquill
osu! Alumni
1,781 posts
Joined February 2011
Nyquill
I'd say most of my chances flew out the window due to lack of self confidence, haha.
AstralPhnx
302 posts
Joined April 2012
AstralPhnx
In a nutshell, never been in one in my life so I don't exacly have any backstory or anything. Its not the end of the world though. It takes patience.
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Topic Starter
Birdy

Nyquill wrote:

I'd say most of my chances flew out the window due to lack of self confidence, haha.
Look, saying things like that is likely to just push it even further away, it's like a curse. You got to tell yourself the exact opposite thing, even though it might sound like lying to yourself, but that's just how it goes?! Trick your brain into it. I have to do it every day as I myself am the least self-confident person on the Earth. (And giving up is not a valid option for me and should not be a valid option for anyone.)

There'll always be people who'll find you attractive in a way or another, and you shouldn't push them away if they happen to approach you. You don't have to approach anyone, because I'm not capable of doing that even myself, it's the worst thing for doubtful and tender people. But just grab the chances back from the wind, and stop giving up. Trust me, I'm a professi-*shot*
Giralda
1,008 posts
Joined August 2012
Giralda
I haven't been in a relationship for a while, mostly because I grew tired of it. I originally wanted to write a giant post that spanned for 6 years, just for the sake of telling my story, but it's just simply way too long and I would probably have written a book by now if I had to write a 6 year story about love, friendship, betrayal and hate.

I've been through many different relationships before - LDR, real life, gay, etc. It was only after my last LDR that I told myself "it's just not worth it right now to have a relationship." Currently, I want to spend more time on my studies, and do the things I want to do. I want to be successful in life and finish my BComm. I know that seems very selfish of me, but I've never felt more free from the chains of love than these past two years of being single. I do have crushes and I do know some people who I want to be in a relationship with, but for the meantime, I can't be in one simply because I just want time to myself. The times I spent with my friends, people that I talk to in games, the friends that I play with in League, the connections I've made in school, all of these little things are what currently makes my life enjoyable.
-Cho
20 posts
Joined February 2013
-Cho
Not entirely sure what to write about here so I guess I'll just go with right now. I do kinda want to say first though that a lot of people here have experiences with LDRs and that's what I'm writing about as well, I'd really advise to anyone thinking about it if you can avoid falling for someone long distance before it's too late, do it.

A couple of years ago I was really into competitive team fortress 2 and an online friend introduced me to this girl he knew from an mmo he used to play by asking me to play on omgpop (rip) around August-October 2011 (http://puu.sh/58TXu.png) with the two of them (I found out since we both had a one-way crush on him at the time), we didn't talk much but I enjoyed it most of the time when we did. I had a bit of a crush on her to begin with but since we were barely talking it just kind of went away until a few months ago when we were talking one night and she said something about liking me a bit for a while and me just being clueless (Obviously, this was genuine cluelessness on my part) so I told her I liked her and cue a lot of things I don't want to think about much less write about.

After a really... abysmal month... in all honesty, that would have made most people just forget about it, we awkwardly got together. Definitely learned a lot more about each other after that than we knew before it, still do learn things since it hasn't been that long. Things aren't always perfect obviously but thankfully everything is turning out alright so far. Living 400+ miles away means we don't get to see each other very often but I look forward to seeing her again every day we aren't together and completely enjoy every minute we are. Little bit surprised she hasn't got sick of me making sure I tell her how much I love her at least twice a day, which I do a lot. Found out that learning Cantonese would impress her mother if I ever wanted to marry her so hey, guess what language I've decided to start seriously learning. Being on Skype almost 24/7 is something we started recently and talking to her so much has definitely been making me a much happier person lately, yay technology for allowing that to happen. And now of course both being addicted to osu! and having that to play together.

Lots of other little things like that I suppose, overall I just want to say that LDRs don't always have to be two people struggling through it. It doesn't really feel like a struggle to me right now, just that that's how the relationship is right now. (Hopefully won't be all it ever is of course.)
maal
maal

Nyquill wrote:

I'd say most of my chances flew out the window due to lack of self confidence, haha.
youre 18 man

most of your chances havent even come yet


keep your chin up and be as positive as you can be, youll win one day
tyrael6192
706 posts
Joined October 2010
tyrael6192
i'm in love with a

a very beautiful someone

we live so far from each other and sometimes i really wonder whether it's a lost cause

whether all these emotions will really count for anything

or whether it will just... dissolve as time passes, leaving my one-sided expectations to slowly destroy me from the inside

because no matter how hard I try... maal just won't love me back
Vish024
2,640 posts
Joined December 2010
Vish024
Hey maal would never betray me.
maal
maal
ohhhhh boy
Primula_old
Primula_old
I was in love with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with.
It was long distance but I really wanted to make it work, the first year was great.

We were together for 2 years, but broke up a couple days ago - Not even sure why, I'm assuming she's seeing someone else because she's preferring to be on Skype call with this other guy more often lately and she's just been so full of excuses and lies throughout this year, also she forgot my birthday and tried to cover that up with terrible excuses too. ;--;

Finding someone with similar interests to me, and someone I can be comfortable around is so difficult. Q^Q
GladiOol
4,475 posts
Joined August 2008
GladiOol

maal wrote:

ohhhhh boy
when will you tell him about us?
Kanye West
2,222 posts
Joined July 2011
Kanye West

tyrael6192 wrote:

i'm in love with a

a very beautiful someone

we live so far from each other and sometimes i really wonder whether it's a lost cause

whether all these emotions will really count for anything

or whether it will just... dissolve as time passes, leaving my one-sided expectations to slowly destroy me from the inside

because no matter how hard I try... maal just won't love me back
that was so beautiful i'm in tears

tyrael wins, gladi and volpe gtfo
Shimy
16 posts
Joined March 2011
Shimy

CDFA wrote:

Haha my roommate broke up with his girlfriend a few days ago so the topic of love and shit is actually in my head for once.

I never really liked anybody until second semester of my junior year of high school. I had some people who I was like "If they asked then I'd say yes", and I could have made some cute stories with some people. But the first person I loved was a girl named Nicole who was in band with me, and sat next to me in Freshman Biology, Sophomore Wind Ensemble, Junior Jazz II (Where I was a TA and she was a pianist), and Senior Physics, until she had to be homeschooled due to a severe thyroid infection. I don't know how it happened, it just sort of sparked up. Anyways, I spent a good 7-8 months being completely extacic about her, always wanting to do things with her, and getting closer with her. People told me I was doing too much, but I was so devoted I didn't even care. I spent so much money on her, and I did so much for her. I asked her out in September of my Senior year. She said no. It wasn't awkward at all, we still were good friends and hung out a lot and stuff. During my infatuation with Nicole, I met a girl online named Victoria. We met over a MLP Roleplaying Group, as we were the two admins of said group when it was created. I talked with her often about Nicole, my frustrations and my successes. We became close friends very fast. Victoria even became friends with Nicole. It was fun stuff. Anyways, after I asked Nicole out, I vented to Victoria about it. A few days passed and she pretty much was like "Don't worry Brian, there's someone out there that loves you". She said it in a way that concerned me, and in late september, I asked her if she was trying to ask me out. She said yes. I remember during 5th period english when I got that text, my heart just skipping a beat, as someone finally loved me. I cared about her. Not as much as Nicole, but I still was dedicated. The relationship became official on October 3rd, 2013. Things went pretty decent for a while, but she always tended to get really emotional and stuff. Which I did too, so it was ok. She was also really slutty. She pretty much was the girl that sucked everyone's dick at her school. As far as I knew, she was a virgin. That was totally fine with me, as she let me express my sexual desires, and shared many of the same fetishes that I did. I was so happy that I could finally let so many things out with someone that I intended to have such a huge future with.

Things got weird really fast. She told me she had a form of Multiple Personality Disorder that only appeared when she fell asleep. She also would always talk to her ex boyfriend a lot, and he would spam her wall with love notes and everything. She'd talk about how she was failing basic college prep classes, even though she was an AP student the previous year, and she would always freak out about not having a purpose in life, yet never take my suggestions on how to make things better. She had a weird obsession with keeping her vagina as tight as possible and was mad at me because I never asked her for nudes ever. Later in the relationship, she admitted that she was not a virgin, as she had sex with her ex-boyfriend during our relationship. I trudged through it though, because that's who I am. I trudge through no matter what. So yeah struggles woo woo. We did meet up in person like in November, and things went nicely. She was nervous as hell but I did my best to make things as good as possible. She met my mom, and I met her mom, and things were cool. She told me straight up that she "knew from the second she saw me in person that I was the one"

December 26th, 2012 comes up. I'm texting her about Christmas, and I make the mistake of asking her why she's not very responsive while we text. She asked me that so often when I don't text, and I immediately fix it. However, I guess when it goes on her it flips her shit. So she got really emotional and broke up with me through text while I was still laying in bed. The last thing I ever asked her as her boyfriend was how her little brother liked her WiiU. She never responded. I didn't really give a shit. Like, I was sad, but I didn't cry or anything. It didn't hit me for a while, but when it did, I was completely over it. She tried talking to me so much, but in the end, we haven't spoken at all in a conversation since March. She is a part of a pornography group I'm in, and I'm forced to like say things to her a few times (Such as "Don't post this weird shit what the fuck")

So sometimes afterwards, in like, Feburary, I'm talking to Nicole. I still have feelings for her, but I know that it won't happen. We're still great friends, I make an effort to talk to her as much as possible. She tells me that she might have to be homeschooled, because her thyroid infection is getting worse. It was already bad enough, to where she had to quit band her junior year (And she was a prodigy trumpet player, being one of the only freshmen along with me and a few other people to make wind ensemble in our first year), and she couldn't eat solid food. The last time I saw her was March, I think. She was always bad at responding to text messages. I tried texting her, but she'd never respond. So I thought of something. . . If I don't text her, will she text me back, ever? I haven't heard from her in such a long time. She deleted her Facebook, removed me from her Skype contacts, and won't respond to any of my texts. I have no knowledge if she even exists anymore. I don't know what happened to her. How is she doing? Where is she going to college? Is she. . . alive?

I've never missed a person like I missed Nicole. I grew to not love her so deeply in the final months of my knowledge of her. I saw that some of my original reasons for liking her turned out to be misconceptions. I saw so many things that would have bothered me in terms of a relationship. But I still could relate to no person closer than her. Maybe Victoria, since I could talk about more fetish stuff with her, but it felt more special with Nicole.

I want her back in my life. I don't care if it's as a friend, as a lover, or just as that person I text when I'm REALLY lonely. I'm scared for her. I haven't heard or seen her in such a long time. Her mom never uses her Facebook, and her brother is too busy finishing his UG at Berkley School of Music, and it'd be weird if I messaged him to ask where Nicole was.

I've tried falling in love after this. I honestly put in an effort. But every time, I would drop the thoughts after a few days, with no approaches at all. It just wasn't the same. Love is something completely dead to me. As an outcast of my university, where my words that got me praised and loved in high school make me the person to avoid in college, I know love isn't going to happen.

If I had one dream, it would be to see Nicole again. Or to at least have her text me back. She means so much to me, even as just a friend. I have so many memories with her, and I want it all back. I was so happy during that time. I'm happy now, because I have intensive instrumental study as my solace, but there's still that hole in my heart that will never be replaced.

haha holy shit am I actually posting on the forums

get her back man :(
Sayuki Fujimi
146 posts
Joined June 2013
Sayuki Fujimi
Interresting but that's not everyone who's in a relationship.
Rorona
281 posts
Joined January 2013
Rorona
I'll just leave a link here to something I added to my tumblr just now.

My English might be really broken.

hopefully I don't regret this (also bringing this topic back might be a good thing)
psKirika
81 posts
Joined November 2012
psKirika

Rorona wrote:

I'll just leave a link here to something I added to my tumblr just now.

My English might be really broken.

hopefully I don't regret this (also bringing this topic back might be a good thing)
Good read. I'm not a love god of any sorts, and I don't even know a decimal of context of your relationship with that person so I can't really give you a good answer. But, I guess I can give you an opinion. Love hurts. In any direction. You just have to chose which road will hurt the least. Be a chicken and keep a friendzoned relationship? Or confess your love?

In any case, as you said, making yourself exist for that person is a good start. Hang out, blablabla do stuff with him/her. GL.
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Topic Starter
Birdy
Friendship over relationship. Things tend to go downhill after starting an official relationship. Just stay close to them, don't make it too big of a deal if you don't have to.
GeeNX
1,081 posts
Joined June 2012
GeeNX
I'm okay with being a single now but I wonder if I will regret later not looking for a girlfriend nowadays
kouzuki_karen
948 posts
Joined March 2013
kouzuki_karen
I think you guys are all lucky to have experienced what it is like to be in a relationship. For teens in Asian families it is much harder to enter one, let alone sustain a healthy one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of the fact that I am Chinese and can speak three languages (two and one dialect if you're really going to be sharp about it). However, I believe that a downside to being a kid in an Asian family is their views on dating and relationships. For those who may not understand, basically one is not allowed to get a boy/girlfriend (in my case, girlfriend) while they are in secondary school, because they have to put all effort towards being #1 in the state when the graduate. Even in university, we still can't find a boy/girlfriend because we have to focus on graduating. Then after we have done that and entered a ridiculous profession (yes, that's where the "docterrr/rawyer" thing comes in) we have to *instantly* find a spouse. How do you successfully find a spouse when you have had no prior experience in doing so? That's like asking a freshly apprenticed carpenter to perfectly construct a wooden building without any assistance whatsoever. Or like a level 1 osu! player trying to FC Big Black.

Of course there are also some exceptions (it does depend on the parents, I know someone at my school who's probably had 999,999 boyfriends now, I won't describe any more here because they sometimes play osu! as well and I don't know whether they would lurk around in the forums).

That kind of attitude from our parents means that by the time we are 25 and "meant to be" looking for that special someone, it becomes quite hard to do so. And then most end up being 40 year old virgins.

I know that I am only 16, and even by Western standards that is probably too young to have a partner. I do accept the fact that relationships with people my age often never go beyond secondary school. So if you meet someone that you like? Lol, friendzoned forever. (I know that has happened to me before, how I liked someone romantically but had to stay where I was, again I won't talk about it much here for fear of reprisals at school, in case anyone I know is here). Even if you do start something serious with them eventually your parents will find out (you can lie of course, but that brings along a host of problems on its own), and they will start making complete bullshit threats such as disowning you, kicking you out of the house (and making you move to your partner's house, which would indeed be strange at my age regardless of your gender) or starving you, blah blah blah.

However, I'm confident that whenever I get the chance, I will meet someone who I like and who truly likes me (instead of some random who marries you for $$$ and face in the family). Someone who can be with me when I am feeling lonely, and who I can be with when they feel lonely.

For now, study and back to hitting keys on the keyboard to the sound of music...
GeeNX
1,081 posts
Joined June 2012
GeeNX
Be Romeo, np
Flanster
5,938 posts
Joined August 2010
Flanster
I love her but she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Her reasons are understandable and i agree to them but..
I don't even know what to feel. I'm just talking random crap just so I can atleast talk to her, thats the most I can get out of all this.
I try so hard not to bring up anything love related so it doesn't cause problems. I don't really know what to do...
Life. ha. ha.

No matter what good things happen, they're just covered up by this and I can only feel happy for a slight time.
This isn't a way to live.. I can't move on that easily..
- Marco -
7,369 posts
Joined December 2011
- Marco -

GeeNX wrote:

I'm okay with being a single now but I wonder if I will regret later not looking for a girlfriend nowadays
pls take all my star (oh it's not a map)
DaddyCoolVipper
342 posts
Joined July 2012
DaddyCoolVipper

LoliFlan wrote:

I can't move on that easily

It's very tough. The pain *will* go away eventually, though.
Luxie_old
23 posts
Joined August 2013
Luxie_old
all i know is im single and ready to eat pringles
Aurele
Global Moderator
7,514 posts
Joined January 2011
Aurele

Luxie wrote:

all i know is im single and ready to eat pringles
this.


feels like relationship will be impossible for me..
I hate to be a gay-kid.
Cloudchaser
2,327 posts
Joined May 2012
Cloudchaser
As much as I try to truly love someone, I always disappoint...
I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy what I really fell in love but he create stupids and so fake excuses for not be with me. "I'm not ready for a relationship" "I want to focus on my studies"
Bullshit. I saw the guy got a gf before he said no to you in the past and see him with a girl...I didn't understand...It just made me feel so fucking bad. "What have I done bad?"
I felt so confused, sad and frustrated...
Well... It's not the first time what it happens to me the same with other guys, It hurts and I'm bored of it.
Although I feel a bit better now, I feel so lonely and I really want a warm hug...my heart is really sad and alone.
I'm not interested to be in a relationship for now untill someone shows interest on me. I don't want to lose my time with worthless people.

brb crying
[Luanny]
8,248 posts
Joined April 2011
[Luanny]
friends > relationship
this is like a rule
Cloudchaser
2,327 posts
Joined May 2012
Cloudchaser
Chocolate bar is my best friend, well...
[Luanny]
8,248 posts
Joined April 2011
[Luanny]
Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
Foxtrot
1,165 posts
Joined April 2012
Foxtrot

[Luanny] wrote:

Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
or suicide
Jarby
2,963 posts
Joined August 2008
Jarby

[Luanny] wrote:

Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
I'm self conscious about my weight and I don't have a bath anymore

jerk ;_;
Martinawa
105 posts
Joined December 2010
Martinawa
Finally I realised that love is shit.

Okay, maybe not. But it's the first time for years that I don't feel I'm in love with someone, and I feel very relaxed this way.

My last relationship (10 months long) ended a few months ago in the worst way possible, with her breaking up with me after a month of indecisition from her about our relationship. I didn't wanted to end our relationship and I even did my best to avoid because I thought that if she left me, I wouldn't be able to rely on anyone else anymore and I would become extremely lonely (I lost most of my friends the prior months for several stupid reasons bc I'm a narrow-minded). Finally, she got definitely tired of me and broke up with me. Later I realised she cheated on me days before while she was on holidays in another city. Maybe it would sound stupid but anything before did hurt in my pride the way that did. Because of some other reasons (I cried my sadness ON HER because I thought I didn't had anything else, and that only did hurt me even more and more) we broke up any contact a few weeks after breaking up. At the beggining I felt really lonely but I'd managed to go through that and, fortunately, things got better.

Then I realised that for the first time in many years (three or four, maybe), I'm no longer thinking about any "special person" anymore. Maybe things from the past come in my mind because they are really recent, but they slowly vanish from my mind, appearing less and less often. In that four years, I've been in three relationships, with little breaks (1 year the longest), jumping from one girl to another, trying to fill the void in my heart with a love partner. Now I am understanding what kind of a fool I've been from all that time. Also, that relationships and all the people who was around it taught me many things. I had a long-distance relationship and I don't want it anymore. I had a very fast growing relationship (in 2 months we went from total strangers to a formal couple) and it vanished faster that it grew. I did know that people who encourages you to have a relationship with someone for its own will is going to confuse and maybe hurt you, and I did the very most mistake of all: I did start a relationship with a girl who I considered my best friend before going out. She almost ruined me emotionally.

Thankfully, all of that has already passed, and I want to look forward. I have to thank that I still have friends and I can count on them for anything, so, maybe a little rest for love could be good for me, and I'll only be there, sitting in a chair, without expecting anything, letting love knock at my door quietly and slowly. Maybe in other issues is not my best moment, but in love it is. You would think "But he isn't even in love with anyone!", but for that reason is why I feel that good right now. Love gave me a lot of insecurities and bad feelings that now I don't have, so, I recommend that if you are hurt or desperated about looking for a boy/girlfriend, relax, and take it easy. Things go in their own flow, and love will knock on your door someday. In my language there's an expression which says "Who doesn't look for it, finds it".

Sorry if my English is confusing but I wanted to say it. Looking for love is not the only way and I finally realised it. :)
Zerostarry
osu! Alumni
1,563 posts
Here since the beginning
Zerostarry

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
this is truth!

i'm glad someone said this before I did.
[Luanny]
8,248 posts
Joined April 2011
[Luanny]
Sooo, decided to post my story so far. It's so long even I won't bother reading it again to fix typos so ignore the wrong stuff if you are brave enough to read it.
SPOILER
It's really boring before osu, I've only had some ~friends~ with second intentions on me. This was REALLY annoying and I became afraid of socializing.
I decided to stop hanging out with my ~friends~ and I found osu!
At this time I was totally against LDR. This was something really SILLY imo.

Well, because of some serious irl problems I was seeking for attention somewhere, and I had osu! (this was back in 2011)
I loved to socialize here and made some good friends. I thought it was enough and that I wasn't feeling alone anymore, until I took one of the stupidest decisions ever.
A guy started to kinda... flirt with me. The person was feeling alone just like me, so I thought "here's my chance to make another friend, this is great!" and ignored the flirting.
He didn't stop. In two days he told me he loved me. Like wtf? Only 2 days? Unbelievable. I was trying to find the pros of the situation tho. I have never been in a relationship before at this point and I was curious. I decided to jump in and see what happens.
Well, it was really happy at first. Being ~loved~ was something nice after all so why not giving it back?
I tried but couldn't really love that guy... he was extremely overprotective and jealous.
Again I was feeling alone with this annoying guy stalking me everywhere. Well, I started to stalk him as well! Fair enough.
Found out he had a tumblr. Found disgusting stuff there. Posts from his ex saying stuff she shouldn't be saying and his answers were even worse.
This was the first step to cut this BS.

It lasted for more 2 weeks until I started to get really closer to another good friend. No second intentions tho.
We played minecraft together and we talked a lot. Unlike the other guy, this had the same interests as me, was really fun to talk to and could understand how I was feeling. I'd say he was/is the best friend I've ever had/will ever have in terms of having a conversation without killing each other because of opinions.
After some time I found out that the annoying guy was cheating on me with his ex. Kinda obvious this was happening but oh well.
This was the best excuse to be free from that guy. My friend supported me on this and everything was ok.

Again, something that SHOULDN'T have happened... happened. We fell in love with each other. Legitly, this time.
That was my first love.. so beautiful and perfect.
On valentine's day (2012) I finally decided to tell him about my feelings and he was feeling the same \o/
Was the perfect relationship. We didn't fight and we had the same line of thought for almost everything. I wanted to be with this guy 24/7... until some stuff happened.
He lost his pc.
This just killed the situation... we weren't able to talk for days and missing each other made us stressed.
The fights started and I was being extremely asshole with him. It wasn't his fault but I was feeling REALLY BAD. The love of my life was taken away from me and I couldn't do ANYTHING. We had some moments in peace to talk but.. we were so tired from everything... we couldn't even enjoy the moments together anymore.
I was feeling alone and guilty and my heart was broken.
I knew our relationship was dying. Day by day. Depressing.

SO again osu! was there! I started mapping and chatting more. I had to spend my free time. Meanwhile my heart was in ruins.
Chatting around I noticed some poor soul around the channel. I really like helping people for some reason I don't know but I feel worried about them even if I don't even know them. That person was feeling so stressed and depressed around the chat... I wanted to help him. Would be my new way to spend my time! Well, I failed. I pm'd him some times, tried to talk about maps and osu! and stuff. Sometimes it worked and we had some really nice talks. We even said it would be cool if we met someday to do stuff together but sometimes it wouldn't go more than 3 lines.
I kinda gave up... I wanted to be his friend but he wasn't being receptive.
Some time later we started one of our talks again. Started on #portuguese then it moved to pm because it was taking the whole channel. We FINALLY found stuff we both like. Creepypastas.
I have some... problem with them. I love this stuff but I just >CAN'T< get scared. I have heavy nightmares and sometimes I get sick. With screamers then I almost die. Finding someone to read/watch them with me was comforting. We spend like 1 or 2 hours talking about it until the subject changed to Renard and his creepy dark ambient albums. We had the GENIAL idea to listen to them reversed. Damn, that experience was SO FUN. We spent more hours excited about it, decided to listen to some more stuff and that day was great!
Was really fun AND I could finally get closer to that depressed kid.

In one week we were already best friends. Eventually he told me why he was feeling so depressed and why he ignored me sometimes. The reason was so stupid I started to think he was retarded. For serious. This or he was just a little kid knowing nothing about life. I knew he'd grow eventually and forget it. I I wouldn't even bother thinking about this stuff.. I just wanted to make him feel better.
It worked.
Meanwhile my relationship was in pieces. I don't know why my boyfriend started to hate my new friend for some unknown reason and then they hate each other. WHY?
Stuff went downhill after that. I didn't want to take a side. I wanted to keep my boyfriend and I also liked my new friend. What's the damn problem about it?
I'm lucky my boyfriend was actually a calm guy and things cooled down. But... my love was slowly fading out and I didn't want this to happen. At the same time I was feeling more and more attracted to that depressed kid. I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. I still hate my brain for this.
I had everything almost perfect and I was about to ruin it.
...couldn't control it.
Found out that the depressed kid liked me more than he should as well. I couldn't deny that I felt the same way. This was extremely wrong. I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend so I broke up with him. The depressed kid asked me to be his gf some hours later.
....I felt really bad for this and I secretly regret my decision everyday. I wanted to fix my relationship, not to start another. My heart wins and there's nothing I can do after all.

It started better than I expected. We had free time to do anything we wanted. We were like lego pieces together fitting perfectly.
It was way too perfect to be true. After 3 months comes the first fight for some useless reason. SO useless I won't even tell.
I didn't know how to deal with it so I asked some guy for help. He indeed helped and everything was ok after some hours.
Buuut we started to fight over silly things again. No one knows why but ANYTHING was a reason for a fight. I'm a calm person who hates discussions and stuff while he was some disturbed mad person. Fighting was a must. The only way to avoid discussions was staying offline for a long time until he comes back to his real human form instead of a giant monster. We lived this way for a long time. The bad moments were really sad but the good moments were worth it.

But oh well. Things get harder and harder. Turns out that all his anger wasn't normal. He had real problems and he should find a doctor asap. Months telling him to seek for help and nothing. I said "find some help or I won't talk to you again". This never worked.
Shit was getting serious and I couldn't handle it anymore. I had more bad moments than good moments. The good moments weren't even worth it anymore.
I wanted to break up and stay away from the world. Couldn't. I got a stalker boyfriend again. Couldn't do anything alone anymore, couldn't have close friends and stuff but this time I KNEW it was a serious problem and it could be fixed.
I recharged my hope everyday. I wanted this to work. I wanted to fix this and have that perfect relationship between good friends again.
Even without the relationship, I wanted to have him as a friend because I knew I wouldn't be able to find someone like him again.
I'm a really weird girl. What other guy would accept the fact that I pretend I have a penis? What other guy would enjoy the same weird creepy stuff?
I wouldn't take this risk to lose an awesome friend. He had a problem and HE WAS IN NEED of a good friend to support him.
This has been my plan since the beginning, to help this depressed kid to get better and be happy.
I could easily leave him. I was hurt enough. This guy is lucky that I have a kind heart and I just can't hear him crying and telling me about his problems.
He was a really problematic depressed kid and the challenge was bigger than I expected.

It was really hard to survive and my hope was dying until he FINALLY realized he had a problem and he should seek for professional help.
Oh my god, hope 100% restored. It would take months but I knew it would be ok eventually. Oh and I could finally meet him. This restored my hope even more because irl he's a calm little angel. irl it's easier to control but over the internet he was still hurting me a lot.
He started a treatment but I didn't want to wait. I wanted to stay away from that monster asap! Things were out of control again.
It was wrong, I shouldn't let a person in need alone but... I was also in need. I needed peace. I realized I should think about myself first and help myself before I help others. That's what I did.
Wasn't so hard but he didn't like the idea at first. We broke up and decided to be just good friends like we were over 1 year ago. This stays nowadays.

Wow I'm impressed, finally a good decision. Well fights still come eventually (for silly reasons) but we are learning to deal with each other (FINALLY!!!!!). The treatment is finally being effective and I can have some more peace. It will be over someday, but I'm afraid we won't be friends anymore when this day comes.
Again, I don't want to leave my plan to make this kid happy but he's finding his own way alone. I won't be needed anymore soon and I will finally have my peace, without fights every week and without a monster trying to rape me.
But... he's like my little brother now. I hate him. I really do. But I can't just delete him from my life.
We may be distant someday but I know he won't forget me and I won't forget him. We learned a lot with each other even if it was painful and we keep learning.
I don't think we will be in a relationship again. I don't want it to happen. We both agree that it's better this way.
Yet I hope I can seize the moment while I still have it, because I know it will be all over soon. And... this is sad but I will be happy knowing I helped someone.

We're gonna meet again in a month and this will be probably our last time together and the official 'goodbye'. At least it will end in a peaceful way with a loooong hug (or at least I hope so).

It's fun because this guy has stuck in his head that I don't care about him and that I'm some selfish asshole but I suffered a lot just to see this depressed kid less depressed today. If this is not love... than I don't know what it is.
Life is not fair ._.

Wtf wall of text pls.

Jarby: sucks to be you ;_;
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Topic Starter
Birdy

Princess wrote:

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
this is truth!

i'm glad someone said this before I did.
so I'm completely ignored, okay then ;__;

I don't have a bath either ;____;

;_______;

Alright let's get back on topic or so.
GeeNX
1,081 posts
Joined June 2012
GeeNX
Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.

Also, I don't think going out with your best friend it's a problem, the problem is where you lose the sight of being a very good friend and starting to love someone, I think that's very common, when you're spending so many time with a person of the genre you like, if you are very very good friends, you might end up thinking that you're starting to like her/him , and sometimes it's right, but others is just wrong, it's not like you've fallen in love, distinguish love from VERY GOOD FRIENDS, you can be very good friends with a girl, be very close to her for years, and that doesn't mean you have to end up loving her....It was my mistake once, so most of times friend > relationship, and when you take that wrong and you take the next step, it will backfire and you will end up losing that person. Well, maybe Im the only idiot who couldn't distinguish once that , but maybe this is useful for someone

tl;dr : Being very close to someone doesn't mean that you have to love that person, you can be the closest friends ever, and it's okay like that.
[Luanny]
8,248 posts
Joined April 2011
[Luanny]

GeeNX wrote:

Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.
Shouldn't have laughed so much omg
Foxtrot
1,165 posts
Joined April 2012
Foxtrot
you guys are always so mean to him, jesus

at least be mean to someone who's actually silly or something

edit = here’s a tip: if you start dating a depressed person, don’t be surprised if they are still depressed while they are dating you.
they’re not depressed because they’re single, and you are not an all-powerful cure for mental illnesses. just be there for them.

i don't know who wrote it, i just found it somewhere but i thought this was pretty true
kouzuki_karen
948 posts
Joined March 2013
kouzuki_karen

Martinawa Hatsuhi wrote:

Things go in their own flow, and love will knock on your door someday
I totally agree with you.

GeeNX wrote:

Be Romeo, np
I'm not exactly sure I want to die three days after finding my ideal person...

Read if you want:
SPOILER
Actually, I must say that last year someone in a way confessed that they loved me, but on top of the entire "Asian family" thing I honestly wasn't feeling the same way for them. I was kind of stuck in an awkward position because if I said no directly to her she would start gossiping about it and everyone around would accuse me of rejecting her because she had depression and was bisexual (that was not the reason at all, believe me). But I also didn't want be with someone who would eventually cheat on you and hit it off with some guy from a school that's 10 kilometres away. Eventually I just said that we should remain friends and I just gradually stopped messaging her (which was good, because that meant I had more time to spend on my studies and do other things rather than get spammed with iMessages filled with meaningless "I love you's". She's gone back to hanging out with her friends and being the stereotypical attention seeker, you know the type. The ones holding scissors.

I guess what I've learnt from all this is that you'll eventually know who is worth your time and dedication. Wo, me not being satirical on osu! for once.
Mismagius
9,267 posts
Joined July 2008
Mismagius
Seeing some of the latest posts, decided to write my story here as well

SPOILER
Well, uhm. I've never 'liked' or have someone like me at school, or any place in real life. All of my relationships were LDRs. I can't say that is horrible and you should never try it, but it's just so stressing that it doesn't work for me.

My first relationship started basically when I was 10 and I met a girl in a pretty cool forum. We did talk and become best friends in a month, and we were pretty close to each other. One of my friends saw that, and he started bugging me telling me I was in love with her, and I think that made me start thinking if I actually was. I still don't know to this day if I was really attracted to her that way - I was too young to know that, and we were just really close friends. Anyways, it happened, we did confess our love to each other when she had no internet, which was pretty hard to do, considering she would talk to me for 5 minutes once a week, but okay. After that got solved, we started a relationship and it worked well for a bit - we had some pretty big plans in mind, that obviously would never happen (we were just kids, and our thoughts of how relationships worked were extremely messed up). Due to some circumstances that did annoy me by a lot (some of her IRL friends constantly were telling me that she often cheated on me with some random guy), I felt very bad and that wasn't particularly one of my best moments in live. As I felt very lonely, I started to do very stupid stuff (yeah, I was young and retarded) and started being basically a whore in osu!. That was just horrible, something I never wanted to become, but it happened because I needed so much attention. This made many people hate me, including myself. After a while, I decided that this had to be stopped and I would never do that again, but first I had to find a solution to my loneliness. I talked to one of my closest friends at the time (she couldn't talk to me too much though, because of RL issues on her part) and she suggested a few people I could get close to and start a friendship so I would stop that senseless attentionwhoring (coincidentally, one of the people she suggested would become very close to me about a year later). Anyways, one of them seemed interesting and fun to talk to, and it actually worked. We became close friends in not so much time, and we would have awesome discussions (that were actually intelligent, and not weird/senseless) about everything. It was just amazing, but I started feeling 'that' again. I was starting to like her, and I really wish that didn't happen. It just... started happening, and I think it happened to her too.
Well, when everything seemed to go that way, one of the... I wouldn't say 'worst', but probably not the best thing, that happened to me. I started talking to a random girl and we became friends VERY quickly, as in few hours. I was feeling so weird that night that I made the stupid choice of becoming her boyfriend when she asked me. I don't even know why the fuck I said yes, but I did. Either way, next morning, I felt like shit and told her that I didn't really want to become that close to her and 'broke up' with her. But we still talked a lot and were very close to each other.
The other girl, who was pretty close to me and that had amazing discussions with me, also started to like me, and when she noticed that I was close to another person, that caused a horrible amount of arguments with everyone, fights, and a sliiiiight feeling of depression for me. I wanted to stay away from all that, and I did for a while, then I came back and just... 'chose' one of the girls, so that fight would just stop. And unfortunately, that wasn't the best choice I would have done.
The girl I 'chose', started acting terrible to me, and would do things that made me feel horribly depressed and extremely jealous, just for the sake of it. But I still ran after her, because I thought we would be okay after a while.
Then she did something horrible to me, something I won't ever forgive. I don't feel bad to THIS day because of it, but it was just something that no one should ever do.
Because of that, I stayed extremely sad for some months. I came back to that attentionwhoring phase, although much smaller than before. One of the girl's friends, which was kinda close to me, tried to calm me down and started to become my friend and that made me forget my loneliness. She was very busy though and we couldn't be together all the time, but that made me stay okay for a while. We didn't actually started a love relationship - we just loved each other as friends, but treated each other with words that lovers say. That didn't feel very right to me, but it made me stop being an attentionwhore for a while. After some time, I started feeling guilty with that and told her that we shouldn't do that kind of stuff, and she accepted with no problem. I was still depressed a bit about what happened on my previous relationship and would have some breakdowns every once in a while, but then...
I met this girl in osu!, but this time, there were no 'second intentions'. I wouldn't become her boyfriend or start teasing her, I could finally find someone that would be my friend, nothing more, nothing less! Yay!

....

nope

This girl had something different. She had the same interests as me. She talked mostly the same way I did. She loved my jokes (even though they were/are horrible), and I loved hers. Also, she was making me stop having breakdowns, and I woke up early everyday, happy, just to talk to her for a bit before going to school. It was just amazing. I still wanted to be her friend, though, but we started becoming closer, and closer, and closer... And you know what happens next. After a month... we confessed our love to each other (in a very original way), and we started dating after 3 days. And it started again.

The first few months were amazing. Then, we started fighting. And fighting. And fighting. And it would never ever ever ever stop.
I always ran after her, even though I was mostly the one who caused all of these fights. She started going through a pretty bad phase and I tried to make her feel better but in the end I would be an asshole and ruin everything. I still feel sorry for her for doing that, but I know she won't ever accept what I have done.
Well, we went through good times and bad times, but we were always together. Sometimes it seemed that it was just about to end, and other times it felt like we have just met, like that first month. We had plans to meet each other, but these plans would always stay far away (mostly because of my parents that wouldn't let me just go to a place I don't know with a possible pedophile, etc etc etc). When her dad finally agree to let her come here, it was amazing. Even though we were going through a bad time, we just couldn't wait to see each other! She stayed at my house for a week, and let me tell ya, that was the best week of my life. It was simply PERFECT. I still feel nice everytime I remember those moments.

Well, but as nothing is perfect, when she came back home, it started again. All of these fights, getting worse, and worse, and worse, and I was also becoming more of a stressed guy than what I was, and this just wouldn't end well. It didn't.

We are still friends, but I'm always scared, everyday, of doing something that will hurt her and make her go away forever. I'm currently trying to get my parents to take me to her place, but it's very hard. I hope everything will end up fine, even though I know we probably won't be able to hold a relationship again.

And here we are, in the present day.
tyrael6192
706 posts
Joined October 2010
tyrael6192

GeeNX wrote:

Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.

Also, I don't think going out with your best friend it's a problem, the problem is where you lose the sight of being a very good friend and starting to love someone, I think that's very common, when you're spending so many time with a person of the genre you like, if you are very very good friends, you might end up thinking that you're starting to like her/him , and sometimes it's right, but others is just wrong, it's not like you've fallen in love, distinguish love from VERY GOOD FRIENDS, you can be very good friends with a girl, be very close to her for years, and that doesn't mean you have to end up loving her....It was my mistake once, so most of times friend > relationship, and when you take that wrong and you take the next step, it will backfire and you will end up losing that person. Well, maybe Im the only idiot who couldn't distinguish once that , but maybe this is useful for someone

tl;dr : Being very close to someone doesn't mean that you have to love that person, you can be the closest friends ever, and it's okay like that.
this is a gr8 post

wow all the spaniards on the last page really have this love thing sorted out i'm jealous
Mikelicious
337 posts
Joined September 2012
Mikelicious
Good luck BD, i know perfectly the feeling of be scared of do something ¨bad¨ and lose someone, isnt cool feel that 24/7, but yeah, wish you the best.
GeeNX
1,081 posts
Joined June 2012
GeeNX

Dulcet wrote:

you guys are always so mean to him

I think it's the first time I was "mean" to him, and if people does that maybe it has a reason. I still remember the post when he was mean to you, but well, this is out of the topic.

Well, I have read some , wouldnt say good because honestly, we re not telling here the best moments of our life, but while I wait to the doctor I read all of them and wow, some things are somehow similar to ones Ive experienced, I might write something later, in the mobile its a bit annoyin
Mamoru Senpai
Mamoru Senpai

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
I broke that once for my first big love and I'm still regretting.
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