I had a two year long LDR, he broke up with me earlier this year. Gay relationship if anyone was wondering, there's no real story to it but, ya know, sadness.
Look, saying things like that is likely to just push it even further away, it's like a curse. You got to tell yourself the exact opposite thing, even though it might sound like lying to yourself, but that's just how it goes?! Trick your brain into it. I have to do it every day as I myself am the least self-confident person on the Earth. (And giving up is not a valid option for me and should not be a valid option for anyone.)Nyquill wrote:
I'd say most of my chances flew out the window due to lack of self confidence, haha.
when will you tell him about us?maal wrote:
ohhhhh boy
that was so beautiful i'm in tearstyrael6192 wrote:
i'm in love with a
a very beautiful someone
we live so far from each other and sometimes i really wonder whether it's a lost cause
whether all these emotions will really count for anything
or whether it will just... dissolve as time passes, leaving my one-sided expectations to slowly destroy me from the inside
because no matter how hard I try... maal just won't love me back
CDFA wrote:
Haha my roommate broke up with his girlfriend a few days ago so the topic of love and shit is actually in my head for once.
I never really liked anybody until second semester of my junior year of high school. I had some people who I was like "If they asked then I'd say yes", and I could have made some cute stories with some people. But the first person I loved was a girl named Nicole who was in band with me, and sat next to me in Freshman Biology, Sophomore Wind Ensemble, Junior Jazz II (Where I was a TA and she was a pianist), and Senior Physics, until she had to be homeschooled due to a severe thyroid infection. I don't know how it happened, it just sort of sparked up. Anyways, I spent a good 7-8 months being completely extacic about her, always wanting to do things with her, and getting closer with her. People told me I was doing too much, but I was so devoted I didn't even care. I spent so much money on her, and I did so much for her. I asked her out in September of my Senior year. She said no. It wasn't awkward at all, we still were good friends and hung out a lot and stuff. During my infatuation with Nicole, I met a girl online named Victoria. We met over a MLP Roleplaying Group, as we were the two admins of said group when it was created. I talked with her often about Nicole, my frustrations and my successes. We became close friends very fast. Victoria even became friends with Nicole. It was fun stuff. Anyways, after I asked Nicole out, I vented to Victoria about it. A few days passed and she pretty much was like "Don't worry Brian, there's someone out there that loves you". She said it in a way that concerned me, and in late september, I asked her if she was trying to ask me out. She said yes. I remember during 5th period english when I got that text, my heart just skipping a beat, as someone finally loved me. I cared about her. Not as much as Nicole, but I still was dedicated. The relationship became official on October 3rd, 2013. Things went pretty decent for a while, but she always tended to get really emotional and stuff. Which I did too, so it was ok. She was also really slutty. She pretty much was the girl that sucked everyone's dick at her school. As far as I knew, she was a virgin. That was totally fine with me, as she let me express my sexual desires, and shared many of the same fetishes that I did. I was so happy that I could finally let so many things out with someone that I intended to have such a huge future with.
Things got weird really fast. She told me she had a form of Multiple Personality Disorder that only appeared when she fell asleep. She also would always talk to her ex boyfriend a lot, and he would spam her wall with love notes and everything. She'd talk about how she was failing basic college prep classes, even though she was an AP student the previous year, and she would always freak out about not having a purpose in life, yet never take my suggestions on how to make things better. She had a weird obsession with keeping her vagina as tight as possible and was mad at me because I never asked her for nudes ever. Later in the relationship, she admitted that she was not a virgin, as she had sex with her ex-boyfriend during our relationship. I trudged through it though, because that's who I am. I trudge through no matter what. So yeah struggles woo woo. We did meet up in person like in November, and things went nicely. She was nervous as hell but I did my best to make things as good as possible. She met my mom, and I met her mom, and things were cool. She told me straight up that she "knew from the second she saw me in person that I was the one"
December 26th, 2012 comes up. I'm texting her about Christmas, and I make the mistake of asking her why she's not very responsive while we text. She asked me that so often when I don't text, and I immediately fix it. However, I guess when it goes on her it flips her shit. So she got really emotional and broke up with me through text while I was still laying in bed. The last thing I ever asked her as her boyfriend was how her little brother liked her WiiU. She never responded. I didn't really give a shit. Like, I was sad, but I didn't cry or anything. It didn't hit me for a while, but when it did, I was completely over it. She tried talking to me so much, but in the end, we haven't spoken at all in a conversation since March. She is a part of a pornography group I'm in, and I'm forced to like say things to her a few times (Such as "Don't post this weird shit what the fuck")
So sometimes afterwards, in like, Feburary, I'm talking to Nicole. I still have feelings for her, but I know that it won't happen. We're still great friends, I make an effort to talk to her as much as possible. She tells me that she might have to be homeschooled, because her thyroid infection is getting worse. It was already bad enough, to where she had to quit band her junior year (And she was a prodigy trumpet player, being one of the only freshmen along with me and a few other people to make wind ensemble in our first year), and she couldn't eat solid food. The last time I saw her was March, I think. She was always bad at responding to text messages. I tried texting her, but she'd never respond. So I thought of something. . . If I don't text her, will she text me back, ever? I haven't heard from her in such a long time. She deleted her Facebook, removed me from her Skype contacts, and won't respond to any of my texts. I have no knowledge if she even exists anymore. I don't know what happened to her. How is she doing? Where is she going to college? Is she. . . alive?
I've never missed a person like I missed Nicole. I grew to not love her so deeply in the final months of my knowledge of her. I saw that some of my original reasons for liking her turned out to be misconceptions. I saw so many things that would have bothered me in terms of a relationship. But I still could relate to no person closer than her. Maybe Victoria, since I could talk about more fetish stuff with her, but it felt more special with Nicole.
I want her back in my life. I don't care if it's as a friend, as a lover, or just as that person I text when I'm REALLY lonely. I'm scared for her. I haven't heard or seen her in such a long time. Her mom never uses her Facebook, and her brother is too busy finishing his UG at Berkley School of Music, and it'd be weird if I messaged him to ask where Nicole was.
I've tried falling in love after this. I honestly put in an effort. But every time, I would drop the thoughts after a few days, with no approaches at all. It just wasn't the same. Love is something completely dead to me. As an outcast of my university, where my words that got me praised and loved in high school make me the person to avoid in college, I know love isn't going to happen.
If I had one dream, it would be to see Nicole again. Or to at least have her text me back. She means so much to me, even as just a friend. I have so many memories with her, and I want it all back. I was so happy during that time. I'm happy now, because I have intensive instrumental study as my solace, but there's still that hole in my heart that will never be replaced.
haha holy shit am I actually posting on the forums
Good read. I'm not a love god of any sorts, and I don't even know a decimal of context of your relationship with that person so I can't really give you a good answer. But, I guess I can give you an opinion. Love hurts. In any direction. You just have to chose which road will hurt the least. Be a chicken and keep a friendzoned relationship? Or confess your love?Rorona wrote:
I'll just leave a link here to something I added to my tumblr just now.
My English might be really broken.
hopefully I don't regret this (also bringing this topic back might be a good thing)
pls take all my star (oh it's not a map)GeeNX wrote:
I'm okay with being a single now but I wonder if I will regret later not looking for a girlfriend nowadays
LoliFlan wrote:
I can't move on that easily
this.Luxie wrote:
all i know is im single and ready to eat pringles
or suicide[Luanny] wrote:
Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
I'm self conscious about my weight and I don't have a bath anymore[Luanny] wrote:
Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
this is truth![Luanny] wrote:
friends > relationship
this is like a rule
so I'm completely ignored, okay then ;__;Princess wrote:
this is truth![Luanny] wrote:
friends > relationship
this is like a rule
i'm glad someone said this before I did.
Shouldn't have laughed so much omgGeeNX wrote:
Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.