-Luminate

formerly known as

next15926

This has been weighing my mind for a long time now, I just want to come clean with it.

Deep down, I always see myself as a mid mapper, no uniqueness, nothing to remember by, just your usual anime/eroge mapper. As for the mappers who have started the journey right around my active time, they all have their maps recognized, be praised, and they all have achieved something that I could never have.

Jealousy? yes, I could say that so for myself. I always have this feeling.. of being inferior. I admit that I bear my own share of resentment to some fellow mappers, for that I could never reach the point they are at.

I was a BN, yes, but I never stand out in any way to begin with. Even as a mapper, I bear this badge of "simplicity" as a mapper because that is what I will always be. This? It's nothing I'm ever proud of. And I know there are people out there that genuinely disgusts at the sight of my maps.

I do appreciate people who did reach out to me, encouraged me, or even tell me that they are small/big fan of mine. That, is what drives me to continue mapping whatever I wanted to map, so that I could share my music 'taste' to whoever that also like them.

I could say that I even considered shifting to map tech or high-end maps that can do wacky stuff, but in the end, they are not what I'm aspired for and not what I really wanted to do. It's just not my thing to begin with.
Even so, I *tried* to do wacky stuff on some of my maps, but they are eventually TRASH that I wouldn't want to push any of them. It never worked, never was any good, and all my past attempts ended up as a failure. This could probably be my own problem at its core. I... was never a good mapper in the first place.

To anyone that has read until this, player or mapper, whether you hate or like my maps. I sincerely am grateful for a wonderful community you all have given me despite my own shortcomings. I enjoyed my time as a BN, as a mapper that can map songs that I like, as a player with rivalry in the past. This is what I grew up with since I was 14, now that I have a work and responsibility in real life, but I still constantly come in and play/map because of fond memories I had. It was truly a blast.

Thank you. I hope you have a good day, and good luck.
ps. I swear this all is not chatgpt bs I brought up. I just want to rant whats on my mind recently thats all
ps2. I play hsr btw if ur on asia server add me UID 808169991 so that I can copy ur team on moc,pf,as and all that