why am i even playing this?
- related to my own approach to gaming in general, rather than the game itself, i would say anxiety. it's so bad. i literally start losing my shit, trembling like my life's on the line when i get over 250-300 combo... most of the time. i cannot think clearly at all, and the worst part is that it's not fatigue or anything, i came back to the game after a 2 year break. it does make me look bad as you're reading this - i know, and it sounds extremely over the top - but i'm not being melodramatic. i really wonder if i'm the only one with this issue. all i can tell myself while playing is that i'm going to fail because i suck, and it makes me more nervous, ironically, which is why i can't keep high combo for long.
- OBSESSIVELY playing some maps that are literally below my skill level, due to choking on the easiest parts like an idiot - which makes me frustrated enough to try over and over, because this beach needs to be fc'ed as it's not even on my LEVEL !!!! vicious circle ensues ... seriously, go check my page, i have 1k plays on a map that has a difficulty rating of 3.2 stars or so. and it will stay there on my page forever. unless i find another map i can OCD on. also, in this regard, my playcount-ranking ratio speaks for itself.
- also, another problem i had before i left the game was my laptop freezing, like really, can't you run osu properly with 8GM RAM? 8D however, i must admit i was really "pp crazed" and competitive and... yea, that's not why you should play the game at all. i'm trying not to care about that anymore - after all pp is a very vague way of ranking players by skill, to the point of being irrelevant i'd say - some players have 6k pp but their top score is 400pp on a Flashlight overdose, while someone has 8k pp but doesn't play mods at all (i think i'll fall into the latter category)
- i also used to be oblivious when choosing the right setup (skin and key bindings). as most people say, rightfully so, set up is really important, and up until a few days ago i was playing with left/right arrow which would make my fingers feel like they're about to snap. i switched the keybindings and it worked great.
- being spectated was one of my biggest pet peeves, even when people i was close to did it, as flattering as hearing someone who doesn't play the game's reaction was (since i'm an insecure p.o.c.), it really makes me play badly because i'm just too self conscious. also anxiety related i guess
- and now, speaking of the game itself, i'd say choking on the very few last objects due to various reasons, playing with mods - i hate hard rock the most, i'd say, which is tied to one last problem that i'm going to mention - and that's high AR (above 9.5, i guess). oh, and some patterns really seem impossible to me but i guess that's commonplace.
so yeah... i don't even know if there's someone with such an unhealthy playstyle that still plays the game regardless (besides me, DUH). i think i'm a sado-masochist, but, overall, i believe i'm just unintentionally providing comic relief for people who are reading this
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