Penguin Sanchez wrote:
When people truly feel the desire to commit suicide, it's not to experience the "better" state of life. It's to end the pain that they are currently experiencing. The pain that they feel is too much for them. The sense that no future is worth enduring that pain for. Depression makes you lose all compassion for what you once loved, all motivation that you once had. You can't force yourself to do anything beneficial for yourself even if you wanted to. Because everything is just so god damn difficult. Even getting out of bed and taking a shower can be the most difficult and demanding thing you've ever done. Your mind just wants to shut down and not do anything.
The pain is so real and so strong that there is no thinking of the future, and how it can be all temporary with the correct help. The only thing your mind is hyperfocused on is the loneliness, the uncertainty of everything, the sense of having no control over anything. You just want to end it all. Believe me, when people commit suicide, they absolutely think about how it will affect people close to them. But they don't care. They can't care. It's because depression makes you selfish and apathetic in that regard.
Honestly, the only way to truly understand suicide and depression is to go through it all. To experience for one's self how depression takes control of your mind and wrecks havoc.
That's something that I wish noone has to ever go through though. Unfortunately, it's more common than you'd think. I'm a huge advocate for Mental Health Awareness and I believe that we as a society need to put more effort and time into caring for each other's mental health. We're all human beings, we should all help each other out.
Also, I don't think Achro is trying to explain the "senselessness" of suicide. I believe he's trying to convey the state of uncertainty and indecisiveness that comes before the major decision of suicide.
Exactly. This is what I meant. It's been a pretty big struggle to prevent that apathy from completely taking over, and I've managed to do really well, but at the cost of my ability to emotionally react properly. I dont really know how to react IRL, so either I copy what I've seen to try to make conversations go smoothly so I dont look weird for not reacting appropriately, or I just dont interact at all.
Cometi wrote:
Achromalia wrote:
I dont feel like there's a point to killing myself, since from my perspective, "death is no greater" than living. I dont achieve anything from it, and i wont have the consciousness to enjoy anything from it.
The uncertainty and indecisiveness comes from the very fact that he would even contemplate death over life in the first place. The uncertainty is expressed through the broader theme of existential nihilism that is often carried with suicidal thoughts. Achromalia is conjunctively depicting the uncertainty of death/life whilst deciding that death is "no greater" than living.
Okay, you've understood a bit, but I think you've let your own feelings into the interpretation. It seems that by what you're describing, it's as if i abhor suicide, or suicidal people, or rather, you abhor the thought of people considering suicide. I'm not making a statement on it being mindless and senseless. As potentially controversial as this statement is, I would be rather neutral on life between death. I dont really favor either choice, in my mind. I decide to live because I'm too lazy to really look for a reason why suicide actually would do anything. So I thought about what the point of it would be, and just gave up on it. I dont think it's a certainty I'd never choose to go through suicide, but I at least doubt it, and with my neutral standpoint, I'm able to postpone it. I'm too lazy to really resist against my instinctual will to survive anyways.
Yes, suicide hurts people, directly and indirectly. Being numb and tired of living, it'd be hard to really care, because... well, you have no reason to, considering the perceived futility of life itself in the first place.
In my standpoint, neither is greater than the other. I let nature do the work and pull me towards life, because i dont have the motivation or conviction to commit to either of them. I'd be okay with existing without a reason to. It'd feel strange, sure, but honestly, I dont care about it. Apathy counters it.
Strangely enough, apathy is both a benefit and a detriment. It's painfully limiting and depressing to go through, but somehow, in some ways, it actually has really helped me out with being rational and practical in an objective sense. It does have some side-effects on the sense of morality and ethics, though, since, well, you dont care.
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OT: 8.99/10