sametdze wrote:
things get better when it entirely goes away, not just lingers around forever and when you mention it people just look at you strange.
unfortunately very familiar, in some senses. it's particularly exhausting when it only seems to make other people weary and worried and baffled by whatever i'm on about, so i tend to carry the impression i'm paranoid for caring as much as i do about what i experience
but although i share this sentiment, even if similar in this sense, i'm afraid i may not understand what your experience might be either. often times, i have to recognize this is just not something i can compel other people to find reasonable or actionable. and because they don't have my experience, they have very limited comprehension of what they could possibly do for me other than to suggest whatever it was that they thought worked for them or anyone else they've known
i can't really assume anything, and although i would like to understand and hear it from you directly, i don't imagine it would be fair to suggest this is definitively going to help you. i can at least sympathize, and sit with you in the meanwhile
...i fear that a lot of what we see won't mean shit to people or each other, and even if it did, it's hard to find it meaningfully instrumental to actually solving anything for us. sometimes we're left to recycle our thoughts and hope that we'd find literally anything that might grant us more perspective through which we can cope with everything. there are many many ways we're left to conditions and festering intrusions that chronically malinger in us, and living to find anything we enjoy is something that seems to me like an unwelcoming endeavor if we can't rid ourselves of everything that directly plagues us and counteracts our wishes
idk, i'm waxing poetic for something i don't know much about. i imagine you'll share or withhold as you see fit, that's a choice that's entirely your own to make, i'm just saying i'm willing to be among the witnesses to it if you do, and if you don't, then i'm content to understand what little i do from what you've said while accompanying you in the meanwhile
i don't think you get me, i don't think i get you, i'm not sure "getting" each other is an obligatory act we have to make, but if there's anything in life that i can say/share that would even remotely soothe you without harming you, i would probably hope to be intent on doing that
