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Depression and osu?

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[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]
Something I've wanted to post for a while as to who actually is an osu player that has this?

What is depression?
For the not so logical... depression, simply put, is when you start getting pangs of sadness for a reason or maybe no reason. You feel terrible etc. Now why am I posting this in an osu forum?

I'm wondering if anybody here does the same as me: Uses osu as a way to cope.

People use many ways to cope... some of them not so good. Me? I use osu and simple music. Does anybody here have depression and do the same? It's an interesting topic to discuss in my opinion, and I'd also love to hear the reason osu is a way to cope?

Reason: Well many people have reasons for using what they use to cope. I have a specific reason as to why osu is used to cope... so I started this game 2 years back and originally it gave me an interesting feel that no game ever has. Ever since then it's felt like a classic and I could go back and reminisce the old days as well as play some stuff. I could also say that it's one thing I'm good at (altho... not really) and stuff.

Personally I think this is an interesting topic... so what's your view on using osu as an anti-depressant... or what do you use? Do you even have depression? What color is a purple dinosaur- wait a minute.... why would you ask what color a dinosaur is? Okay I'm weird... but idk seemed like an interesting thing to post... what do you think?
Mahogany
2,684 posts
Joined August 2014
Mahogany
I have sorta the same thing. osu is what helps me get over the frustration of school, and now that school is over, I'm not as good anymore.

So yeah, I can definitely agree with you, OP.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
You forgot to add that depression is often (too often for my taste) getting mixed up with mere sadness. "I feel so depressed today!" - no, depression is a psychoneurotic disorder marked by a prolonged period of sadness, withdrawal, inactivity and many other symptoms. Put in simple words, it is a general illness that takes shape when you can't live your life in a healthy fashion (both physical and mental) anymore.

You've definitely chosen a nice topic for a discussion, and I hope it stays clean from all the children.

To begin:
Osu is like any other game (especially multiplayer-support ones where communities form) a good way to escape the harsh reality of life. It's nothing special in that regard, but you'll see many people here agreeing with you because a fair number of people who watch Anime do so to escape from their lives, and since this game is popular in that circle - you get where it's going.

For you, this game is a nice way to cope with it as it gives you that feeling of nostalgia, from what you've said, and you are good at it. The latter is a valuable source of information - depression is generally also marked by feelings of worthlessness, so playing a game or doing something you're good at gives you a false feeling of value and importance. In a way, you already said everything - it acts like medication against depression.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Aurani wrote:

You forgot to add that depression is often (too often for my taste) getting mixed up with mere sadness. "I feel so depressed today!" - no, depression is a psychoneurotic disorder marked by a prolonged period of sadness, withdrawal, inactivity and many other symptoms. Put in simple words, it is a general illness that takes shape when you can't live your life in a healthy fashion (both physical and mental) anymore.

You've definitely chosen a nice topic for a discussion, and I hope it stays clean from all the children.

To begin:
Osu is like any other game (especially multiplayer-support ones where communities form) a good way to escape the harsh reality of life. It's nothing special in that regard, but you'll see many people here agreeing with you because a fair number of people who watch Anime do so to escape from their lives, and since this game is popular in that circle - you get where it's going.

For you, this game is a nice way to cope with it as it gives you that feeling of nostalgia, from what you've said, and you are good at it. The latter is a valuable source of information - depression is generally also marked by feelings of worthlessness, so playing a game or doing something you're good at gives you a false feeling of value and importance. In a way, you already said everything - it acts like medication against depression.
^ This guy

You've pretty much said it exactly. And it's a remarkable thing, how depression works. But in a bad sense. I feel bad for the people that don't game or have a good way to cope so they use... bad ways to cope. I think you understand where I'm going with this. It's saddening, and I hope that if anybody here has depression, they can feel free to add my on osu or Skype or anything and we can talk as well as maybe get a couple of games in. I do enjoy Skype calling and playing osu it's always a good time.

Mahoganytooth wrote:

I have sorta the same thing. osu is what helps me get over the frustration of school, and now that school is over, I'm not as good anymore.

So yeah, I can definitely agree with you, OP.
Haha I know how you feel. Same for me. If you got anything to talk about tho, feel free to add me up... or add me anyway cuz I'm lonely... lol.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
Indeed, taking drugs or trying to cut yourself in retaliation is the worst path you could go down, BUT, gaming isn't also without its quirks. Remember that those people who confine themselves within their homes and ignore all social aspects of the "real world", tend to go over the top so much with their seclusion that it's often hard for people to help them with their problems until they've already entered the clinical depression stage, or worse - attempted to end their lives.

The crux is that while gaming is the "cleanest" form of coping with the problem, it has some major downsides, one of which I already mentioned above.

Also, I like your idea of talking to people via Skype or PMs. Most of it will definitely fail until they discover the CORE of their problem and root it out to end the depression, but a tiny portion of people IS going to be helped by talking to friendly people, so whoever needs me, I'm here on both Skype and Osu.
Cloudchaser
2,327 posts
Joined May 2012
Cloudchaser
My osu friends are who help me indirectly when I am depressed, instead of the game itself. Nowadays I am very recovered thanks by a lot of support from osu and irl.
Abraxos
855 posts
Joined October 2014
Abraxos
I understand you may be trying to be helpful, but I've seen this response to expressions of depression (ha, rhyme) all over the internet and in real life as well. I get that your sentiments are genuine, but if there's one thing depression isn't, it isn't simply getting bogged down in circumstances. Yes, this does happen frequently in depressed people, but fixing the situation isn't simply a problem of "getting motivated." If you'll allow me, I'd like to take some time to explain depression from the viewpoint of someone who has it.

remember that you have absolute power in your life and you can change it however you want.

False. False false false false. In my own mind as someone who's experienced depression, drawing the disabling mental illness wild card out of the genetics pool is analogous (but definitely NOT the same as) being born into a terrible socioeconomic situation. Yes, some people do "work their way out of it" and make great symptom-free lives for themselves, but a) this is definitely not the case for most people, and b) it is ridiculously, ridiculously hard to do so. Mental illness in its uglier forms can and does rob people of the capacity to lead healthy lives. A visit to any psychiatric hospital will confirm the existence of the absolutely insane amounts of sadness the human mind has the capacity to suffer under. Depression is real and not something that can be willed away by better diet and sunlight. Yes, these things may help, but realize that 1.) these things will not instantly cure what is a goddamn difficult to treat and very serious illness, and 2.) even the thought of taking these steps can be too much to ask for someone in the throes of depression. Living life as someone experiencing depression is like scuba diving with a bunch of friends, only to find out mid-dive that your equipment doesn't work-- sure, your friends are having the time of their lives exploring the reef and marveling at the pretty fishes, but in the meantime you're there, choking to death, frantically clawing at your oxygen tank and mask praying to any dear sweet deity that you don't pass out and die right there at the bottom of the ocean. Now, imagine those friends becoming frustrated and bored with your "antics" and insisting you "lighten up", enjoy the dive and the pretty coral and "stop being such a buzzkill." It's not very fun.

Some people (like my now-ex) think that depression is derived solely from a set of bad circumstances, and that once these circumstances the depression should by all rights go away. Again, false. The entirety of modern science recognizes that mental illness is a legitimate condition that doesn't ebb and flow according to how great your life is going on paper at any given moment. People may argue over whether money and fame can buy a person happiness, but at my most depressed I felt like nothing in the world I could have bought with money would make me feel any less suicidal.

Alright, you think, what the hell can people do about this? The good news is that people can and do get better. It happens all the time. The standard regimen of therapy and proper medicine regimens goes miles in helping depression, but honestly, for anyone who wants to help someone suffering from depression the best you can do is show that you care. I don't mean that you should offer advice like "hey, keep your chin up!" -- I mean show it. Offer what favors you can, like driving them to therapy or staying in with them and watching stupid cartoons. Anything. Sit with them, hold them, cry with them, listen (that's a big one - so many people have things to say, but not enough people stay long enough to hear them). Be a friend to someone in need.

I apologize for being long winded, just wanted to put some information out there that's not always readily understood. Thanks for bearing with me and I hope at least some of this was useful.


Taken from a beautiful post. Link here: http://www.reddit.com/tb/18qsuq

Hope this helps anybody who really doesn't understand how it is and hopefully clear some ignorance in the air. :D
Faust
osu! Alumni
4,785 posts
Joined January 2009
Faust
Cthulhu is actually pretty insightful.

Nice read. Could do with a little more paragraphing and spacing though.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

L0rdCthulhu wrote:

I understand you may be trying to be helpful, but I've seen this response to expressions of depression (ha, rhyme) all over the internet and in real life as well. I get that your sentiments are genuine, but if there's one thing depression isn't, it isn't simply getting bogged down in circumstances. Yes, this does happen frequently in depressed people, but fixing the situation isn't simply a problem of "getting motivated." If you'll allow me, I'd like to take some time to explain depression from the viewpoint of someone who has it.

remember that you have absolute power in your life and you can change it however you want.

False. False false false false. In my own mind as someone who's experienced depression, drawing the disabling mental illness wild card out of the genetics pool is analogous (but definitely NOT the same as) being born into a terrible socioeconomic situation. Yes, some people do "work their way out of it" and make great symptom-free lives for themselves, but a) this is definitely not the case for most people, and b) it is ridiculously, ridiculously hard to do so. Mental illness in its uglier forms can and does rob people of the capacity to lead healthy lives. A visit to any psychiatric hospital will confirm the existence of the absolutely insane amounts of sadness the human mind has the capacity to suffer under. Depression is real and not something that can be willed away by better diet and sunlight. Yes, these things may help, but realize that 1.) these things will not instantly cure what is a goddamn difficult to treat and very serious illness, and 2.) even the thought of taking these steps can be too much to ask for someone in the throes of depression. Living life as someone experiencing depression is like scuba diving with a bunch of friends, only to find out mid-dive that your equipment doesn't work-- sure, your friends are having the time of their lives exploring the reef and marveling at the pretty fishes, but in the meantime you're there, choking to death, frantically clawing at your oxygen tank and mask praying to any dear sweet deity that you don't pass out and die right there at the bottom of the ocean. Now, imagine those friends becoming frustrated and bored with your "antics" and insisting you "lighten up", enjoy the dive and the pretty coral and "stop being such a buzzkill." It's not very fun.

Some people (like my now-ex) think that depression is derived solely from a set of bad circumstances, and that once these circumstances the depression should by all rights go away. Again, false. The entirety of modern science recognizes that mental illness is a legitimate condition that doesn't ebb and flow according to how great your life is going on paper at any given moment. People may argue over whether money and fame can buy a person happiness, but at my most depressed I felt like nothing in the world I could have bought with money would make me feel any less suicidal.

Alright, you think, what the hell can people do about this? The good news is that people can and do get better. It happens all the time. The standard regimen of therapy and proper medicine regimens goes miles in helping depression, but honestly, for anyone who wants to help someone suffering from depression the best you can do is show that you care. I don't mean that you should offer advice like "hey, keep your chin up!" -- I mean show it. Offer what favors you can, like driving them to therapy or staying in with them and watching stupid cartoons. Anything. Sit with them, hold them, cry with them, listen (that's a big one - so many people have things to say, but not enough people stay long enough to hear them). Be a friend to someone in need.

I apologize for being long winded, just wanted to put some information out there that's not always readily understood. Thanks for bearing with me and I hope at least some of this was useful.


Taken from a beautiful post. Link here: http://www.reddit.com/tb/18qsuq

Hope this helps anybody who really doesn't understand how it is and hopefully clear some ignorance in the air. :D
*Applauds fiercely* Very very good post and I can see where you were going with this. I personally do have depression and if I could give my viewpoint on my specific depression: I get sad easily... and I mean EASILY. So it's no surprise that I get depressed often... I have social anxiety as well so that doesn't help. It's troubling for me to actually go to the store without almost having a heart attack but I manage it. I also have trouble going over people's houses thinking I'm not welcome even though I was invited. It's a tough life to live, social anxiety and stuff. It's also a tough life when you put yourself down... at least I do that. All day I can't exactly say I'm good at anything even though people say I'm good at something. I just can't bring myself to say I'm good, the only thing I've managed to say I was good at was osu. Which I'm happy for. It kinda pushes away my depression for some moments as I play and enjoy the game.

Again very nice read and it's pretty damn accurate, and like your scuba diving analogy, I like a quote that goes with that: "Depression is like drowning, except you can see everyone around you breathing." ... at least that's how I like to look at it.

Aurani wrote:

Indeed, taking drugs or trying to cut yourself in retaliation is the worst path you could go down, BUT, gaming isn't also without its quirks. Remember that those people who confine themselves within their homes and ignore all social aspects of the "real world", tend to go over the top so much with their seclusion that it's often hard for people to help them with their problems until they've already entered the clinical depression stage, or worse - attempted to end their lives.

The crux is that while gaming is the "cleanest" form of coping with the problem, it has some major downsides, one of which I already mentioned above.

Also, I like your idea of talking to people via Skype or PMs. Most of it will definitely fail until they discover the CORE of their problem and root it out to end the depression, but a tiny portion of people IS going to be helped by talking to friendly people, so whoever needs me, I'm here on both Skype and Osu.
Yeah I have actually... done things. I hate mentioning it so forgive me xD, I think you know what I mean. But yes I understand there are people who won't be helped by Skype but I feel it'll make them forget about issues for certain periods of time.. ya know? If you're in a Skype call joking and laughing I think you forget about certain issues. I was playing league of legends with my group of friends and we were screaming I forgot I was ever sad. Ofc after that I got sad again but I was grateful I forgot about it.

Also about gaming yeah it does have issues... but if you can maintain it with being socially active it's a very good form of escape


Also you should add me on Skype n osu :p
Last edited by drum drum , edited 1 time in total.
Mafuuu
830 posts
Joined December 2014
Mafuuu
Depression is a really touchy topic and I only know it from my point of view so correct me however you want. That would be great.

Now I do well agree with the fact that meeting positive people online through games or anime does help people cope with depression, it's still just an 'if'. If, perhaps, you didn't meet those people? If no one bothered to reach out to you, what then? You'd keep playing the games and watching anime alone, slowly getting sucked into an even deeper depression and not being able to climb out of the hole you dug yourself.

Now some people are likely thinking 'If you just open up to people they'll help you out.' right? Oh wait. Lmao. I totally forgot that no one talks to me positively in the first place. 'This is why I got depressed and started using these things I call hobbies as escapism!' See? What helps that person then? Really it all comes down to your ability to become close to people when you put other things aside. I was born into a well off family and even graduated highschool without being bullied for 10 years with all the same classmates, not a single one of those people talked to me enough for those things. Not even close. I have tried multiple times but I'm like a fucking repellant to human contact. By now I pretty much figured why it happens so I'm as emotionally unstable as before, I mean, what else do depressed people think about other that 'why?' ? Some things like that just repeat because the solution you want so much also had something to do with the cause.

A simple execution of the process consisting of 'find cause' > 'look for solution' > 'apply solution' > 'BAM FIXED' will always hit a snag somewhere with these things. People who actually get to the last step are simply people who have lucked out and were able to find people who were able to be sincere.
Astrofiziks
192 posts
Joined April 2015
Astrofiziks
i have depression and avoident personality disorder. i'm currently taking lexapro, which has been helping me with my depression a lot, though sometimes i still have my down days... osu is great way to take my mind off of things during those times i've found. so yeah, i guess i use osu as a way of coping too. before osu i would just lay in bed and try to sleep, but it never helped because i wasn't being productive; i just ended up feeling worse. osu makes me feel like i'm being a little productive at least.
i think it helps me with my avpd too, because i'm not avoiding talking to people or doing things like i normally do. i mean i'm actually posting in a forum for once.

pretty good way to cope imo
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Mafuuu wrote:

Depression is a really touchy topic and I only know it from my point of view so correct me however you want. That would be great.

Now I do well agree with the fact that meeting positive people online through games or anime does help people cope with depression, it's still just an 'if'. If, perhaps, you didn't meet those people? If no one bothered to reach out to you, what then? You'd keep playing the games and watching anime alone, slowly getting sucked into an even deeper depression and not being able to climb out of the hole you dug yourself.

Now some people are likely thinking 'If you just open up to people they'll help you out.' right? Oh wait. Lmao. I totally forgot that no one talks to me positively in the first place. 'This is why I got depressed and started using these things I call hobbies as escapism!' See? What helps that person then? Really it all comes down to your ability to become close to people when you put other things aside. I was born into a well off family and even graduated highschool without being bullied for 10 years with all the same classmates, not a single one of those people talked to me enough for those things. Not even close. I have tried multiple times but I'm like a fucking repellant to human contact. By now I pretty much figured why it happens so I'm as emotionally unstable as before, I mean, what else do depressed people think about other that 'why?' ? Some things like that just repeat because the solution you want so much also had something to do with the cause.

A simple execution of the process consisting of 'find cause' > 'look for solution' > 'apply solution' > 'BAM FIXED' will always hit a snag somewhere with these things. People who actually get to the last step are simply people who have lucked out and were able to find people who were able to be sincere.
In my opinion you could live a perfect life, but still be a sad sad soul due to the monster that is depression. Oh and yeah I know the feeling, when you try to suddenly talk to people but feel youre just bein stupid (note that when I say 'you' I mean in general) it's really annoying and I feel making friends is a big challenge... but nothing we can't overcome. I appreciate your viewpoint and respect it 100%, and if you ever need a friend I'm here on osu and skype just message me or something :)

Astrofiziks wrote:

i have depression and avoident personality disorder. i'm currently taking lexapro, which has been helping me with my depression a lot, though sometimes i still have my down days... osu is great way to take my mind off of things during those times i've found. so yeah, i guess i use osu as a way of coping too. before osu i would just lay in bed and try to sleep, but it never helped because i wasn't being productive; i just ended up feeling worse. osu makes me feel like i'm being a little productive at least.
i think it helps me with my avpd too, because i'm not avoiding talking to people or doing things like i normally do. i mean i'm actually posting in a forum for once.

pretty good way to cope imo
Osu is my favorite way to cope right now... and yeah I'm glad I have osu. Before that it was minecraft but everyone built better than me and through certain people that's how I started putting myself down.... osu is a game that barely anyone of those friends know so they can't be better than me and I'm pretty happy. Other friends have gotten better than me but now I've learned to respect that. Depression puts an awful twist on things and it makes you seem like a bad person... at least that's how I view it
Ayu
1,126 posts
Joined December 2011
Ayu
I'm really sorry for posting this and not contributing to the discussion but I just really had to tell that this thread is genuinely mood uplifting and also I almost shed a tear at chtulu's post as it was so amazingly beautiful for some strange reason
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Ayu wrote:

I'm really sorry for posting this and not contributing to the discussion but I just really had to tell that this thread is genuinely mood uplifting and also I almost shed a tear at chtulu's post as it was so amazingly beautiful for some strange reason
Yeah, I didn't know if this was going to be a really depressing thread... or not. I'm glad that people are actually liking it :)
Granger
835 posts
Joined April 2014
Granger
I play games as escape, i often dont feel like i actually enjoy them but they keep my mind busy and away from sad toughts. Mindnumbingly repetive things like MMO's or Minecraft (mining) seem to work best for this... after a while it just becomes click click click enemy dead next enemy click click click ammo empty refill click click click... dont think, thinking is bad.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
That's what I dislike the most about such people, as I was one of them. Trying to escape from that isn't going to work in the long run. It's like having a horrific stomach ulcer that broke through the lining and keeping it in check with pills. Sooner or later, those pills won't be able to help you anymore, and you'll be at risk from more than just a mere ulcer, facing even potential death.

If there is one thing you could learn from my experience, it's that the more you escape, the worse it becomes. Don't do it - don't be a lazy bum and seek help from wherever you can. The more you retreat into your own shell, the lower the chances of recovery are.
Ayu
1,126 posts
Joined December 2011
Ayu
This actually worries me a bit, I've been escaping on a daily basis like most do and I haven't really reached out to any help. Mostly because (maybe I'm too stubborn?) I always think that stuff like therapy or something similar isn't really going to help me at all and I can't seem to put myself over that thought. The most I feel like I can do is sometimes put hints out there to closer friends and hope that they jump in and let me vent for a bit, but I can't imagine them picking up the hints and so it also barely happens. When it does all I hope for is that they let me vent a bit and they will/would, but after doing so I fall back in to my ordinary situation.

Actually, I'm even very bad at dealing with people that do pick up the hints, as it requires me to speak which for me feels like the same as making a very important life choice, there's also usually some kind of regret if I do talk with them about this stuff.

I'm also having quite the trouble writing this for reasons I can't explain but at least I get a good feeling about posting it, kind of.

//i forgot to mention that i feel like i have some kind of hero complex or something oh well brightening up someone elses day also instantly brightens up mine so y'know if i can do anything for you lemme know?
Last edited by Ayu , edited 1 time in total.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Granger wrote:

I play games as escape, i often dont feel like i actually enjoy them but they keep my mind busy and away from sad toughts. Mindnumbingly repetive things like MMO's or Minecraft (mining) seem to work best for this... after a while it just becomes click click click enemy dead next enemy click click click ammo empty refill click click click... dont think, thinking is bad.
This is so true ^^^^^^^^ I play world of warcraft a bit, it's fun!

Ayu wrote:

This actually worries me a bit, I've been escaping on a daily basis like most do and I haven't really reached out to any help. Mostly because (maybe I'm too stubborn?) I always think that stuff like therapy or something similar isn't really going to help me at all and I can't seem to put myself over that thought. The most I feel like I can do is sometimes put hints out there to closer friends and hope that they jump in and let me vent for a bit, but I can't imagine them picking up the hints and so it also barely happens. When it does all I hope for is that they let me vent a bit and they will/would, but after doing so I fall back in to my ordinary situation.

Actually, I'm even very bad at dealing with people that do pick up the hints, as it requires me to speak which for me feels like the same as making a very important life choice, there's also usually some kind of regret if I do talk with them about this stuff.

I'm also having quite the trouble writing this for reasons I can't explain but at least I get a good feeling about posting it, kind of.
it's okay I'm glad you did, because it gives me something to talk about. When you need help, select a few people to always go to. Don't go to anyone random... and just... open up to them. Maybe experiment with some people to see if they're worthy to vent to... not all are. It's a pretty difficult thing to deal with... a feeling of nobody caring.
Last edited by drum drum , edited 1 time in total.
Ayu
1,126 posts
Joined December 2011
Ayu

[ Scarlet Red ] wrote:

it's okay I'm glad you did, because it gives me something to talk about. When you need help, select a few people to always go to. Don't go to anyone random... and just... open up to them. Maybe experiment with some people to see if they're worthy to vent to... not all are. It's a pretty difficult thing to deal with... a feeling of nobody caring.
Actually really struggling lately with feeling as if someone cared. I don't want to just vent to someone, I feel like I just want to be with someone. Get the feeling they care, being there for me, the whole package. I don't know, I guess I also don't really care that much, or something. Not really looking for it and I don't really feel like trying, actually.
Hika
1,553 posts
Joined February 2010
Hika
This looks like a really nice topic for actual beneficial discussion.

I can't use osu! to cope with depression currently and I actually don't recall doing so.
I do remember playing other games to do that, however, but it got to the point where 'running away' and becoming somewhat of a social recluse did a number on me up until the last year of high school. That running away started becoming a bigger deal because now, I can't exactly use games as a way to divert the fact that I am depressed, but rather, a reminder that I am depressed and can't seem to deal with the fact that I'm not helping myself as properly as I'd like.

Long story short, I was diagnosed with a few mental disorders and was deemed incompetent at the university I was going to and cannot be admitted back until I am "normal". What crushed me the most was that no matter how hard I tried, I ended up in the same place and the hole kept getting bigger whenever I decided to not be social and keep to myself. That was the worst decision I have ever made. Even with the friends I made before I got into university, none of them was willing nor worthy enough to listen to the venting that I had, and I had a lot of stuff piling time over time.

What I can say is that if you are depressed, you can't keep yourself around these things that will keep you away from beneficial people... The first step to clearing yourself of this issue is to help yourself as much as you can before taking help from others. You can't learn to love if you don't love yourself so I hope none of you all are using a third party to pretend like you don't have a problem. That never helps and never WILL help. So what you need to do is take the steps to appreciate everything you've been given.

I'm not like everyone else; I wasn't born with a higher social status like a lot of people around here but that is my motivation to get out of this so called depression so I can help everyone else around me. Just remember that depression doesn't just affect you but also the people around you.

P.S. - If anyone would like to talk I'm here to listen, but only if you're willing to take the first step and HELP yourself, otherwise, talking to me would be useless. I do not condone digging bigger holes. I prefer filling them in.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Ayu wrote:

[ Scarlet Red ] wrote:

it's okay I'm glad you did, because it gives me something to talk about. When you need help, select a few people to always go to. Don't go to anyone random... and just... open up to them. Maybe experiment with some people to see if they're worthy to vent to... not all are. It's a pretty difficult thing to deal with... a feeling of nobody caring.
Actually really struggling lately with feeling as if someone cared. I don't want to just vent to someone, I feel like I just want to be with someone. Get the feeling they care, being there for me, the whole package. I don't know, I guess I also don't really care that much, or something. Not really looking for it and I don't really feel like trying, actually.
Honestly I wouldn't mind being your friend and building trust. I know how that all goes... trust issues. And it also sucks that it's so common to hear: "I'm there for you" or "You're beautiful" or "So many people love you and if you want to talk I'm here." That's all so generic and it makes people feel generic... when most of these people aren't sincere. Me personally I am sincere. Also it sometimes does help to talk to just anybody and get your thoughts out, but that's only for some people. Nevertheless if you would like to become friends hey... I wouldn't mind that. We don't even have to talk about depression, I just get kinda lonely with the little amounts of osu friends I do have...

Hika wrote:

This looks like a really nice topic for actual beneficial discussion.

I can't use osu! to cope with depression currently and I actually don't recall doing so.
I do remember playing other games to do that, however, but it got to the point where 'running away' and becoming somewhat of a social recluse did a number on me up until the last year of high school. That running away started becoming a bigger deal because now, I can't exactly use games as a way to divert the fact that I am depressed, but rather, a reminder that I am depressed and can't seem to deal with the fact that I'm not helping myself as properly as I'd like.

Long story short, I was diagnosed with a few mental disorders and was deemed incompetent at the university I was going to and cannot be admitted back until I am "normal". What crushed me the most was that no matter how hard I tried, I ended up in the same place and the hole kept getting bigger whenever I decided to not be social and keep to myself. That was the worst decision I have ever made. Even with the friends I made before I got into university, none of them was willing nor worthy enough to listen to the venting that I had, and I had a lot of stuff piling time over time.

What I can say is that if you are depressed, you can't keep yourself around these things that will keep you away from beneficial people... The first step to clearing yourself of this issue is to help yourself as much as you can before taking help from others. You can't learn to love if you don't love yourself so I hope none of you all are using a third party to pretend like you don't have a problem. That never helps and never WILL help. So what you need to do is take the steps to appreciate everything you've been given.

I'm not like everyone else; I wasn't born with a higher social status like a lot of people around here but that is my motivation to get out of this so called depression so I can help everyone else around me. Just remember that depression doesn't just affect you but also the people around you.

P.S. - If anyone would like to talk I'm here to listen, but only if you're willing to take the first step and HELP yourself, otherwise, talking to me would be useless. I do not condone digging bigger holes. I prefer filling them in.
Yeah, it is true that people using things to escape reality consistently can end up hurting the people themselves. I simply use it for a good time as an alternative to selfharm. Like: "Why self harm when you have osu?" Then I click a bunch of circles and feel better for a short while. It's a lot of fun. But I do understand where you are coming from... and everyone should help themselves. Learn to take compliments, and people should reduce the amount of times they put themselves down. It will all help.

I'm really liking this discussion so let me tell you my story... now keep in mind it's not the most brutal story but also keep in mind different people have different levels of pain they can take before breaking!

So, hi, simply call me Scarlet I'd prefer that over my real name honestly. I'm 16 years old, dealing with Depression and Social Anxiety... also a couple of other smaller issues like balance and... I'm also ugly <3. But my depression all started around... 8th grade I think. I used to get sudden small pangs of depression around 8 years old etc. on a game called Trackmania United (used to call myself bad often and vented to friends). But that was a small sign, I wasn't knowledgeable on this terrible disorder.

So when I was a very young kid, around 4 or so... I started getting bullied. Harshly, that continued from pre-k to now which I am at the end of 11th going into 12th grade. That's a lot of years of my life just being bullied, hated on, harassed, etc. Why was I bullied? Do we really know these things? I never did anything wrong to people, I was just that one kid everyone hated... so yes. Everyone knew me, but definitely not for good reason. I would always get called out by random kids I didn't even know and it hurt me. Around 8th grade is really when I started to notice depression... it's when I realized my entire life was a failure because of all those kids. I couldn't ever tell myself I was good at things, I couldn't keep friends, it was a mess, a horrible mess. I would always think about.... the S word... and it just was very hard. I had friends but I also have a really bad jealousy issue. That, along with depression is the worst combo in the world. Getting depressed because of jealousy hurts so badly, it was painful, and I'd get jealous because of people on a videogame... so I was also very sensitive.

So what do we have now... Depression, Jealousy, very Sensitive, Bullied my entire life.... oh jeeze.

So moving on, 8th grade... wasn't a great year for me. This depression period which I call "The Dark Times" of my life moved from 8th grade to the end of 9th grade. But after that I've been a constant depressive person. That's also when I noticed my Social Anxiety coming into play. I found it hard to talk to people after that... I was always quiet unless I'm around a very special group of friends I managed to make in 8th grade... and yes. But it was even difficult for me to buy something off of any clerk like at a store for instance. It was painful. Moving into current year I had some relationship problems and a friend calling me so many names and stuff because I couldn't "help myself" I know... its wrong I can't help myself but he shouldn't be calling me a paragraph of hurtful things just to end with: "I hope you have a good life." it really hurt me sincerely... and then finally I made an instagram and was able to connect with other depressed people. That was able to keep my depression steady and now here I am. I also found osu the day before 10th grade started so that's a reason why 10th grade was... eh. But I did lose a very important friend that year... and I got sad then too.

This is my story... probably really boring for most people and such but here... feel free to read it if you'd like...
Last edited by drum drum , edited 1 time in total.
Abraxos
855 posts
Joined October 2014
Abraxos
Hey guys, it's me again! Who would've guessed.

So I've been talking to people about this for a long while now (Head on over to this place if you feel you are capable of helping other people out. Please don't forget to read the sidebar first.) and I'd prefer people that don't set themselves up as a enforcer i.e. you just tell people to contact you and that's it. Showing them that they matter to you is your top priority; being able to put yourself in their place is the best gift you can give them. Don't give a false premise that their situation will get better; tell them that whatever their situation is, good or bad, you are here to talk, to listen, and to offer your support. Being the bestest friend; that's what I like to call it. Don't force them to talk about their problems, let them know that whenever they feel like it they can talk to you. And whatever they do, you will be there. I know it's hard to show sincerity over the web, we can't see each other. But remember: You are here to be a friend and support, not a psychologist who fixes all their problems magically. Hope this helped anyone who is trying to help a fellow friend out.

If you are indeed uncomfortable in going for treatment, then I don't blame you. The social stigma is there; people who go to these things are labeled as broken/unstable/even crazy. But know that treatment can help you; it may be different for everyone, but how would you know whether it works unless you try it? I also strongly encourage you to bring a family member/trusted friend along. Their presence can surely help, and it would be a double plus if they are able to help you out when you are going through your thought processes. But don't forget that treatment isn't always for everybody, it's just a way to help alleviate the feelings you get. Having a family member and/or a friend to talk to may help to the same extent or even more than treatment, it depends on the person and varies a lot. Same as the last paragraph, I hope this helped, even a little.

If you wish to talk to me, I'm on osu! as of now, and I don't usually go offline. I'll try my best to reply to any messages I get (if any). Best of wishes to everybody who read this. And remember: This community may be diverse, but we all love you the way you are. Even if you don't believe me.
Granger
835 posts
Joined April 2014
Granger

Aurani wrote:

don't be a lazy bum
Yeah, thats what everyone always told me, that im a lazy bum... they dont understand, neither do you it seems. They dont see me crying, they just see me on the bed and think im lazy, that im pretending to be sick in order to avoid work or putting effort but the truth is, i want to do all this... i constantly tell me to do stuff but in the next moment it seems utterly pointless to even try, why search for help if theres no one who cares to help or even could if they only cared. Things are so pointless and i have a hard time getting motivation for things even if its something as essential and simple as eating something; theres times where i dont eat anything for several days untill someone calls me for dinner or something.

And yes, i am in theraphy... since several months but it hasnt helped any. Likewise am i trying to reintregate into life which i've ran from but i wonder what for? How is this going to help me? Random strangers seeing me on the street, me wandering aimless trough the city... what is the point?

...I hate talking about this, makes me feel sad.
piruchan
753 posts
Joined October 2013
piruchan

Granger wrote:

... dont think, thinking is bad.
Countless hours were wasted because of this.

osu!, anime and all the weeb stuff are keeping me away from abusing alcohol, so I think that's good. But during certain periods nerdy things don't work and I would spend my time staring into spaces.

I don't know if it's true for other people, but my decision to stay "clean" from substances helps in minimizing the damage. I realized a few years ago that I spend most of my free time sitting in front of the computer and don't do much exercise. My body is bad enough, I can't put things like alcohol and whatnot inside. I've also avoided taking medications unless it's really necessary. Got really close to doing potentially harming things this year, gladly nothing happened. Fighting with the urge to get sleeping pills right now, and I think I'm winning.

Oh, and trust issues is a bitch.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani

Granger wrote:

Aurani wrote:

don't be a lazy bum
Yeah, thats what everyone always told me, that im a lazy bum... they dont understand, neither do you it seems. They dont see me crying, they just see me on the bed and think im lazy, that im pretending to be sick in order to avoid work or putting effort but the truth is, i want to do all this... i constantly tell me to do stuff but in the next moment it seems utterly pointless to even try, why search for help if theres no one who cares to help or even could if they only cared. Things are so pointless and i have a hard time getting motivation for things even if its something as essential and simple as eating something; theres times where i dont eat anything for several days untill someone calls me for dinner or something.

And yes, i am in theraphy... since several months but it hasnt helped any. Likewise am i trying to reintregate into life which i've ran from but i wonder what for? How is this going to help me? Random strangers seeing me on the street, me wandering aimless trough the city... what is the point?

...I hate talking about this, makes me feel sad.
Yes, you are lazy, as are most people with depression.

No one is going to magically help you, no one is going to show just how much they care about you - but they nevertheless do, no one is going to force you to better your life and yourself, as all of that is ENTIRELY up to you. If you fail to see that you exist for a reason and should fight for it, then that's no one else's fault. You need to find a goal in life, something that is worth fighting for and pull yourself together.

Depression is a mental illness and is not just going to go away on its own. Crying about how no one cares about you as a person or how you can't do something because you lack motivation is not going to help you. Many people care, like it or not. People who you wouldn't even imagine ever thinking of you are probably eating their souls out when they see you like that, but don't know how to help you or just can't, but they still care about you.

If you are saying that you can't get any motivation for doing things, it's because you lack a goal in life - something that you'd desperately want to achieve beyond all pain and agony. Life is not worth living without something to live for.

All of that above is why therapy is likely to not work out in the long run and usually doesn't work out for most people. Imagine yourself as a brick wall, missing a few bricks - those professionals come there and parget it. Sure, to everyone else, you seem like you've just been reborn - ecstatic and ready to face challenges life undoubtedly ought to bring to you, but inside you're half-rotten, as by the time anyone notices what's going on below the tiny few cracks every wall has, rain will have already penetrated through them and pulled apart every single brick inside, as well as rotted all the organic material on the inside, and it will be too late to do anything about it.

Running away from the problem is fundamentally the same as going to a therapist or just taking medication. You are merely trying to cover it up - build a facade and hope the problems don't ever return, but they will. You aren't going to get out of the damn depression unless you find a purpose in life and find motivation to execute your plans. No one can help you with that - they can point you in the right direction, but no one can give you a push as long as your parking brake is still on.
deletemyaccount
730 posts
Joined May 2013
deletemyaccount
I can definitely relate to osu! as an escape from depression. I used to play this game for obscene amounts of time; but not because I found it fun, but because helped me feel better about myself. I think anyone can agree that in life, we want to be 'valued' and feel like we're worth something; hence why everyone is very conscious about their ranks and high scores. I eventually realised that the reason why I played this game so much was because I gained satisfaction from believing that I wasbetter than other people. This 'feeling' is almost like a high; which can we extremely valuable, especially if you suffer from depression.
Cloudchaser
2,327 posts
Joined May 2012
Cloudchaser
@Aurani: that got me so bad.
I want to ask if Anxious attacks are part of depresión as well, since I got it many times during and after the period of my depression. It bothers me and makes me feel guilty with myself, about miserable or non important things. I start to hurt myself because I feel scared so I scratch my arm with my long nails and usually eat them. I cry and feel lost for no reason. It makes me so unhappy, people doesn't understand and think I am just hyperventilating or just bored.

Sadly, my parents barely trust me on what I say like, "you can't be depressed because you are 15 years old goddamnit" and with that I know I can't count with them anyway... I really need help, it is hard yet. Actually I have never talked about this if not to by boyfriend.

Thanks.
Reva
78 posts
Joined April 2015
Reva
well I don't have much friends and I study in a small school and the fact I see my crush 1-3 times per year so loneliness are what making me depressed. But everytime I play osu, I feel somewhat, relaxed. It's like I was freed from depression.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Cloudchaser wrote:

@Aurani: that got me so bad.
I want to ask if Anxious attacks are part of depresión as well, since I got it many times during and after the period of my depression. It bothers me and makes me feel guilty with myself, about miserable or non important things. I start to hurt myself because I feel scared so I scratch my arm with my long nails and usually eat them. I cry and feel lost for no reason. It makes me so unhappy, people doesn't understand and think I am just hyperventilating or just bored.

Sadly, my parents barely trust me on what I say like, "you can't be depressed because you are 15 years old goddamnit" and with that I know I can't count with them anyway... I really need help, it is hard yet. Actually I have never talked about this if not to by boyfriend.

Thanks.
??? Actually depression is more common in your teen years I hope your parents know this... and yes anxiety attacks are part of depression, a pretty big part too, I find myself depressed because of social anxiety too

Philantropist wrote:

I can definitely relate to osu! as an escape from depression. I used to play this game for obscene amounts of time; but not because I found it fun, but because helped me feel better about myself. I think anyone can agree that in life, we want to be 'valued' and feel like we're worth something; hence why everyone is very conscious about their ranks and high scores. I eventually realised that the reason why I played this game so much was because I gained satisfaction from believing that I wasbetter than other people. This 'feeling' is almost like a high; which can we extremely valuable, especially if you suffer from depression.
Yes and this "high" isn't a bad one... unlike drugs or alcohol. It's harmless to an extent, and definitely better to use. Yes I also play it a whole lot because its a very fun game which I can safely say I'm pretty good at.
Ayu
1,126 posts
Joined December 2011
Ayu
Related pic.
Railey2
515 posts
Joined February 2015
Railey2
First off, and this is very very important, don't self-diagnose.
The Nocebo-effect is very much a thing and can have nasty consequences for you. Especially when it comes to mental health. You don't want to get trapped in an endless cycle of selectively noticing symptoms, re-affirming your self-image, consequently feeling miserable and then noticing more symptoms.
Don't self-diagnose. If you think that you are depressed, don't google your symptoms, but go to a professional.


On Topic: Playing osu falls in the very broad category of "distraction", and if played excessively, "escapism". Lets take a look at these two categories.

Distraction
Distraction can be a very helpful tool to cope with short-term sadness, and the overwhelming majority of people use it frequently. There is absolutely nothing bad about casually playing osu to combat casual sadness. It's a very normal and natural thing to do. It's similar to many forms of social coping, like having a beer with your friends to "get your mind off of something". In fact, playing osu can be a form of social coping, if you prefer multiplayer etc.

Escapism
However, the situation changes when people play osu excessively to cope with their problems. While it might feel relieving to click some circles at the moment, mid- and long-term it won't solve the problem. That is, because it simply does not address the problem.
As with all forms of escapism, it's a tactic that relies on avoidance.
Now, to be fair, there are problems that can be solved by avoiding them. Sadly, clinical depression is not one of the problems that can be solved that way.

To make it even worse, forms of escapism that socially isolate you (sitting in front of your computer, playing games for 14 hours a day), will often make the problem worse.
With a lack of social contact comes progressive alienation towards social scenarios. With progressive alienation towards social scenarios comes social anxiety. With social anxiety come feelings of general unworthiness, low self-esteem and other negative clusters that feed into depression.


tl;dr
So, in conclusion: There is nothing wrong about playing osu as distraction to combat the occasional sadness or even symptoms of clinical depression. However, if you escalate your play-times so much, that this game becomes a or the center of your life, if you use osu as a means to escape the world instead of "just taking a quick break".... then you are not doing yourself a favor. If you socially isolate yourself while playing, you are not doing yourself a favor either.


SPOILER
I used the Nocebo-effect very broadly here. Usually it just refers to actual, physical supplements that trigger a negative reaction even though they are inherently neutral. So think of your self-image as the "supplement", and the consecutive sadness as the triggered negative reaction. Conversely, an inherently negative supplement would be your favorite pet getting run over by a car and thus, the following sadness wouldn't be nocteboe'd.
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Ayu wrote:

Related pic.
This is so true and it sucks when people that deserve these, don't get these enough. I don't know if I deserve these but I don't get them...
_-INFECTED
_-INFECTED
Related pic.
This is true... not much to say but only that everything in there is true.
piruchan
753 posts
Joined October 2013
piruchan
Related article
Hakusumai
10 posts
Joined April 2015
Hakusumai

[ Scarlet Red ] wrote:

Something I've wanted to post for a while as to who actually is an osu player that has this?

What is depression?
For the not so logical... depression, simply put, is when you start getting pangs of sadness for a reason or maybe no reason. You feel terrible etc. Now why am I posting this in an osu forum?

I'm wondering if anybody here does the same as me: Uses osu as a way to cope.

People use many ways to cope... some of them not so good. Me? I use osu and simple music. Does anybody here have depression and do the same? It's an interesting topic to discuss in my opinion, and I'd also love to hear the reason osu is a way to cope?

Reason: Well many people have reasons for using what they use to cope. I have a specific reason as to why osu is used to cope... so I started this game 2 years back and originally it gave me an interesting feel that no game ever has. Ever since then it's felt like a classic and I could go back and reminisce the old days as well as play some stuff. I could also say that it's one thing I'm good at (altho... not really) and stuff.

Personally I think this is an interesting topic... so what's your view on using osu as an anti-depressant... or what do you use? Do you even have depression? What color is a purple dinosaur- wait a minute.... why would you ask what color a dinosaur is? Okay I'm weird... but idk seemed like an interesting thing to post... what do you think?
Yup, osu helps me get over one thing: My mum and dad is prob divorcing and this game is making this totally fine. ;)
Asephaya
20 posts
Joined May 2015
Asephaya
osu! has been somewhat.. a great distraction (? I guess) for me, especially when nothing just seems to be working for me and just thinking about it is enough to get me all down for a day. I wouldn't say that I've reached the point of depression such that I start cutting myself or whatnot, but osu! clears my mind of unpleasant thoughts. I pretty much feel like I'm in a different world(of circles,hue), free from my worries.

I don't really know how to express it, but osu! just relieves me of stress and stuff? It's like, tapping at the circles and hearing the beats go off, it feels so good, and then when I finally get kind of bored, I just head over to Multi-player for some competitiveness that hypes me up again.

Of course I have other games that I play, but it's not as stress relieving as osu! (yes I'm talking about stuff like League and CS), though I do play those mainly for it's competitive nature. Overall, osu! has been the best carefree and easy-going game I've played and I'm glad to have found this two months ago.
Danshi_old_1
Danshi_old_1
<- Depression and mild anxiety
Alucard
93 posts
Joined May 2012
Alucard
Jesus people, if you're using osu as a coping mechanism you need to seek out help.
Legitimate help, this is just a game and if you're actually depressed or feel that way you need to talk to someone and get whatever proper treatment you need.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
A murrican telling other people to seek help.

How ironic is that... :V
[ Scarlet Red ]
379 posts
Joined September 2013
Topic Starter
[ Scarlet Red ]

Alucard wrote:

Jesus people, if you're using osu as a coping mechanism you need to seek out help.
Legitimate help, this is just a game and if you're actually depressed or feel that way you need to talk to someone and get whatever proper treatment you need.
Um. Osu is a proper coping mechanism??? You of course need to seek out help but if you're feeling sad in that moment should we not play osu?? What's wrong with that?

Aurani wrote:

A murrican telling other people to seek help.

How ironic is that... :V
Lol! Yeah... idk XD
Alucard
93 posts
Joined May 2012
Alucard

Aurani wrote:

A murrican telling other people to seek help.

How ironic is that... :V

Yeah, deflect my comment.
Railey2
515 posts
Joined February 2015
Railey2

Alucard wrote:

Aurani wrote:

A murrican telling other people to seek help.

How ironic is that... :V

Yeah, deflect my comment.
I think I addressed your comment with my comment (top, page3). You don't distinguish between osu as a means of escapism and osu as a means of simple distraction. You should.
Alucard
93 posts
Joined May 2012
Alucard
I do, never said I did.

Anything can be used to distract or as a form of escapism.
My comment is directed to the people who say they're depressed; not even calling into question if they are or not.


Edit: Also, agreed with your top post.
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
You do realise how ignorant of a statement that was, right? You can't just tell those people to seek help, and you probably did so because you never even had proper depression in your life (if you, by any chance suffered from it, you wouldn't have made such a comment in the first place, else I'd just brand you as utterly stupid instead).

If they were capable of waltzing out of their comfort zones and seeking help, I don't think they'd need a random guy on a forum telling them to do it.
Offended
55 posts
Joined November 2014
Offended
To be honest, the majority of people who say they are depressed is wrong, they are just feeling sad. I'm one of them, who can say that I'm depressed from time to time when in reality it's not depression I have. On the topic of using osu! as a way to "escape", I use the game to calm myself when angry, because it feels better to unleash your rage on your keyboard and you'll get so concentrated that you'll forget what you were being bothered of.
Hika
1,553 posts
Joined February 2010
Hika
Please don't self-diagnose, as someone said in this thread before.

It is not fair to those who are honestly depressed and have been diagnosed properly for that.

To add onto my post, after visiting a few doctors around my city, I am almost "better" from their definition of depression. Although I feel happy, they say I can easily slip back into it if I am not staying strong. I really like this thread, thank you for making it.
Liiraye
1,354 posts
Joined December 2011
Liiraye
Stay stronk people, only you can change your situation~
Aurani
762 posts
Joined January 2013
Aurani
I like your avatar. Marry me.
LoliPantsu
311 posts
Joined January 2015
LoliPantsu
Recently a psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild depression along with some other things I don't want to mention but I was told it was mostly due to stress and in a way osu! helps with that.
Liiraye
1,354 posts
Joined December 2011
Liiraye
Yours isn't that bad either, if you were talking to me :)
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