You are Larto. You are woken by a loud telephone ringing downstairs while you sleep.
"Ugh, you get it, Larto..." says your partner Jar, half asleep next to you.

Jar bitchslaps you, and it hurts.
"I'm tired, you stupid fuck!"

The phone is downstairs. Your arms are not long enough to reach it from your bed.

You can't get to the kitchen, because the door to your bedroom is locked

When you are finished, Jar says "Wow, we really need to get you checked out by a psychiatrist some time"
The phone is still ringing.

Jar gets out of bed and groans.
"You're such a retard sometimes, grow up..."
He kicks you in the balls, and it hurts.

You start to bitch, but Jar stops you.
"Get the fucking phone, it's hurting my ears.

You pick up Jar and attempt to break down the door with him. He doesn't like this and kicks you again. It hurts even more.

You lean in to kiss jar but he turns away. You bitchslap the door and, amazingly, it topples over.
To your left is the door to mashy's room. Straight on are the stairs. There is brokn glass on the floor.

You jump on the glass and bits get stuck in your feet and it fucking hurts. You run, crying like a baby back to Jar who insults you then slowly and painfully picks out the bits of glass with his teeth.

Mashy's room is right next to yours, so you open his door and hop in. He is lying awake because you wouldn't get the phone, you fucking jerk. On the floor there are random clothes, as well as some planks of wood, some string and some sticky tape.

You bring up the subject of drugs, to which Mashy replies "Look dad, that stuff davidz slipped me was NOT cocaine!"

You are now Mash.

You tuck your coke safely into your pocket.
COCAINE has been added to Mashy's inventory!

There are no windows in your house

Nah, that's a bad idea

Jar is in the other room, and Mashy's legs are too short to jump the gap without treading on glass.

You shove Larto, and he topples into the glass. He is temporarily knocked out by the pain of all that glass. You jump on top of him, hear the crunch of a few of his ribs and climb over to the stairs.
You are in the living room. There is a TV, a sofa, and a small table with a phone, still furiously ringing on it. To your right are doors to the Dining Room and the Kitchen.

You go into the kitchen and find some custard creams. Mmmm, custard creams. You take them and eat them while watching the TV which is not turned on.

Unluckily, the phone's wire is bolted into place

You do not have scissors, the only thing in your inventory is COCAINE

You waste time bitching about the phone to yourself. No one listens.

The phone gets covered in crumbs and cream. Good job, retard.