I found a new position to play in that I think it actually going to help me finally improve. That is to say, after 3000+ plays, im still as bad as i was at like 1000. [not from lack of trying, mind you] it was infuriating beyond belief, even though i spent every one of my plays on stuff i struggle on [hence the rank]
I spent the past 4-5 years with mouse at neck level basically which more or less means I had to keep my left shoulder/arm tensed at all times to keep my hand on the mouse and even then my mouse movements were always restricted. It's made it so hard to do ANYTHING. I remember seeing people flare their cursors [bouncing on slow notes, spinning their cursors in slow sliders] and I thought "how?" because for me, those types of movements took immense effort.
Getting a real desk and moving it down to slightly above navel height lets me actually take a relaxed position and move my mouse more freely.. suffice to say my spinner speed went up by like 50 rpms instantly, and I don't feel any sort of physical tension while playing which, amplified by the stress of trying to get better, just created misery. Now I can actually MOVE my mouse freely. It feels like a new game. Feels like I can start progressing again. No longer is it a struggle just to get my cursor across the screen, im addicted to just throwing my cursor everywhere in loops and bounces just because I can now without being restricted..
Still gotta get used to it but it feels so nice now.
i still cant read for shit, but that can be fixed in time. there's time now. i feel like the last man on earth who just walked into a library.
Who knows, maybe my next 3000 plays will actually count for something now. *crosses fingers*