I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN MY LIFE WOHOOOOOOOO

I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE A BODY RIGHT NOW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU

I'm tired

life is looking bleak rn but im working and optimistic on changing that

having a lot of mood swings this days, i go from super happy to stressed out to happy again

Body dysmorphia is insane

in the past weeks, i'm starting to notice dissociation symptoms.

<3

I'm having the worst headache possible, it feels like somebody stabbed me from my forehead

Reyalp51 wrote:

having a lot of mood swings this days, i go from super happy to stressed out to happy again

a bit better now, stress b4 job interview and a fuck ton of emocionally taxing things that happened this summer
eventually it will go away

I AM VERY SMART wrote:

I'm having the worst headache possible, it feels like somebody stabbed me from my forehead

BEAT THE SICKNESS

chill now

chat is this the new GD meta? I can literally post "I'm ok" everyday and farm!!!

Polyspora wrote:

music is very interesting indeed, all the funny sounds helps your mind wander around, its a unique experience if you choose the right music and you're in the right mood.

agreed :> that's generally my experience with it, it's kind of like an ecosystem or environment to fill in your headspace, it's soothing when you need it to be and stimulating when you want it to be

Polyspora wrote:

chat is this the new GD meta? I can literally post "I'm ok" everyday and farm!!!

i'm ok

°✻₊✩˚ ∷ °✻₊✩˚

on-topic: in all seriousness, not actually doing very well, i've been awful with physical health maintenance but i think i'm just kind of too complacent to care until it's genuinely undeniably painful. psychologically/emotionally, it's been pretty normal ^^ that is to say, it's normal for me to be generally exhausted by anything that isn't either a work of art someone made or a distinctly meaningful and sweet interpersonal moment

final pages of the book

Noreu wrote:

final pages of the book

just to be sure, are you ok? i'm open to listening

...how about a cat?

Achromalia wrote:

Noreu wrote:

final pages of the book

just to be sure, are you ok? i'm open to listening

...how about a cat?

im not sure bout myself. its kind of a weird to explain..
i can explain in terms of music i guess.
https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZwKt4FhOXQn10I1kDnmYu?si=21347c9ba56445e7

Noreu wrote:

im not sure bout myself. its kind of a weird to explain..
i can explain in terms of music i guess.
https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZwKt4FhOXQn10I1kDnmYu?si=21347c9ba56445e7

listened to it on youtube instead since i don't have a spotify account;;

it's familiar, i listened to some things like this but never really ventured into the more original musicians of these styles. it was always cathartic for me to listen to when i was younger... but i've grown to listen more to ambient music lately

if it's too much to explain, then... i'm grateful that you've found music that you believe describes your experience for you. sometimes people need something like this to accompany them, like a mirror to reflect your experiences, somewhere that you feel heard and recognized through what other people express in that music

I am doing pretty decent! Swamped by academics, but we move forth!

i feel so bored i feel so bored i feel so bored

yippee im spiralling :')

...but im also really happy to read the webcomics i like... i feel like those are a lot of what keep me sane;;

but everything else, im just so tired

Achromalia wrote:

yippee im spiralling :')

wym

The past was the past. I know that academically I have gotten the worst. My 10th grade percentage was 74.2 and in 12th it has gotten 57.4 which is very bad. I am so angry with this result that I think about the past whenever I go to sleep. I think about it so much that I get emotional. 11th and 12th grade were so bad that I am giving my 12th again. There are so many things about which I am scared to start doing. For example, driving a scooter 🛵 or a car 🚗 or anything like I can't even open a Bank Account on my own. My siblings are so much better then me. I don't know why it's like this.... Maybe because I am weak? Maybe because I just don't know how to get things right? Maybe I procrastinated a lot in 12th?

Just maybe... Just maybe I can get my academics this time right. It will require immense dedication and motivation to stay on track and I will do it.

Regarding about my past thread in GD. That thing is complicated even for me. I think I am a sadist or a masochist. I will try my best to overcome that. If all else fails, I will try to forget about her. We never ever interacted with each other but still... Still it happens.

I lack so much confidence. Even though I have some IRL friends I don't really interact or out effort 😭. I just wish that we still stay as friends.

just watched cyberpunk edgerunners (its so over)

Polyspora wrote:

Achromalia wrote:

yippee im spiralling :')

wym

i guess theyre never really emergencies or anything, i always have quiet little moments of despair. sometimes about things i dont care to share like now

i have always recovered from them, im normally so tired that i dont have the emotional energy to commit to doing anything with myself or dwell on anything for very long, so it fizzles out like a weak glowing ember

Rhythm32 wrote:

The past was the past. I know that academically I have gotten the worst. My 10th grade percentage was 74.2 and in 12th it has gotten 57.4 which is very bad. I am so angry with this result that I think about the past whenever I go to sleep. I think about it so much that I get emotional. 11th and 12th grade were so bad that I am giving my 12th again. There are so many things about which I am scared to start doing. For example, driving a scooter 🛵 or a car 🚗 or anything like I can't even open a Bank Account on my own. My siblings are so much better then me. I don't know why it's like this.... Maybe because I am weak? Maybe because I just don't know how to get things right? Maybe I procrastinated a lot in 12th?

Just maybe... Just maybe I can get my academics this time right. It will require immense dedication and motivation to stay on track and I will do it.

Regarding about my past thread in GD. That thing is complicated even for me. I think I am a sadist or a masochist. I will try my best to overcome that. If all else fails, I will try to forget about her. We never ever interacted with each other but still... Still it happens.

I lack so much confidence. Even though I have some IRL friends I don't really interact or out effort 😭. I just wish that we still stay as friends.

i deeply sympathize... academically, i used to be considered "gifted" before i burnt out and failed a variety of classes for a while. i was very perfectionistic about my grades, but at some point i seemed to grow disillusioned with schools and became jaded and apathetic before growing severely depressed from external circumstances. once i lost momentum, i couldnt pick it back up, and ever since then ive always lacked willpower and volition to really endure and do anything for myself

i dont have any siblings, there is nobody "better" or "Worse" than me, all i know is that i dont know enough, and im not in a condition to presume i could know anything at all... which is probably quite silly, but... i guess i had and kept a victim complex of some sort, or a kind of feeling as though i needed to be rescued. many people say that the only true solution is not to wait on others to save you, but to save yourself. and i look at those people, and i wonder... where do they find the energy for that? certainly, i could imagine survival would compel people to do quite a lot, but im not sure how much i value my life as it is that i could possibly do anything

my experiences are primarily described through fear and inertia. i let everything happen, and i stay where i am, because i fear the course of cause and effect in an opaque world that i dont understand... i fear all kinds of people, i fear all kinds of systems, i fear anything i can't see, i fear anything i can't do, i fear obligations and demands, i fear life itself in many cases. i dread the realization that i never had the chance to be who i wanted to be, who happened to be someone im not and cannot be

i dont understand what you experience with crushes, thats not really a thing i know anything about. but im glad youre willing to decide to let go. i have watched other people describe many things about their experiences with relationships, and i couldnt really imagine your situation being good for you or her, not with the baggage you seem to have and not when it seems like you struggle to keep up with your feelings... i feel like it is already quite responsible of you to be willing to let it be, to wait until you sort out your own life first. it could be possible that nothing damaging or harmful would happen, so i would not say anything with certainty, but my sincere belief is that you have not had enough time to understand yourself through different perspectives than your own

it is important not to internalize shame in ways that compel you to form insecurities about things you believe you must do in order to meet a performative standard... i have the impression you like to narrativize or maybe romanticize your own story of what these things mean to you and what you intend to do, and i fear that some things might cause you to grow cynical and self-destructive or abusive

confidence is a curious problem. i lack confidence, and generally have a moderately low sense of worth. i don't really estimate my abilities to be very high, since i don't really know enough of anything to claim i have any skills in particular... but i also don't want to be particularly focused on "being confident", i don't want to perform confidence, i don't want to fixate on that and then completely neglect something else

...because confidence isnt necessarily the entire picture of what causes my problems, and there are far more factors involved in why i struggle to take care of myself or my surroundings... i dont have irl friends to interact with, and i dont have any plans to make any, and i already fear people enough as it is-- i fear being a burden, or being invasive or strange, or being useless or insensitive, or being boring or unintelligible

...and yet, sometimes we do find an opportunity to be a little better, just on a whim...

i think you will have some time to continue nourishing yourself a little more. keep asking people questions, be curious and listen to how people see things, recognize how their experiences shape their perspectives and how those perspectives inform their view of you. if you dont mind, im willing to sit with you and listen for a while :)

in the meanwhile... see what interests you have, explore your understanding of yourself, and continue watching and learning <3

frozen in place

NicNock wrote:

frozen in place

^

Probably not tbh. I moved interstate and my friends and parents keep telling me to go get assessed for ADHD. Which I keep forgetting to book

ok well its been a while since ive posted on the osu forums. but since the last time i did things have gone bad. i want to die. a lot of personal issues which i dont want to talk about on here. school has been horrible, no time to do anything i want. and my parents forcing me to be perfect. its all horrible. i have thought about ending my life every day and i probably will do it.

Depressed as hell.
I really don't wanna talk about it in public.

I got physically sick after an anime I liked ended
First world problems.

LinuxMintGamer wrote:

Depressed as hell.
I really don't wanna talk about it in public.

I hope you’re doing well in the future

im having episodes due to BPD. im hoping to get therapy and such situated soon for it

Feeling worried about the mistakes at work to the point I started crying.

I've been in a dark place for a while already, and now my therapist of two years just lashes out at me. Walked me crying to her door without a word shortly after. If this is the "mental health check", I'm out of money, then...

Offdensen wrote:

im having episodes due to BPD. im hoping to get therapy and such situated soon for it

Good luck with your therapist! Hope you'll get a good one.

Aireunaeus wrote:

Feeling worried about the mistakes at work to the point I started crying.

I feel ya. Hope you're feeling better now, too!

nozomi p0wer wrote:

I've been in a dark place for a while already, and now my therapist of two years just lashes out at me. Walked me crying to her door without a word shortly after. If this is the "mental health check", I'm out of money, then...

Damn, that's crazy. All i can say is you can get out of your dark place and eventually get better by talking with oter ppl about it!

nozomi p0wer wrote:

Aireunaeus wrote:

Feeling worried about the mistakes at work to the point I started crying.

I feel ya. Hope you're feeling better now, too!

An emotional support porcelain kittie?

thank you i feel better by now and thanks for the porcelain kittie lol

being



while

truthfully, i don't know how my week has been

i mean, it's sort of a mosaic of damage and repair...? there are things that horrify me and bring me dread, but i find things that soothe me and bring me peace. ultimately, change is a very slow process here at the macroscopic scale, so there isn't very much to actually meaningfully say

i've considered making off-topic forum threads just to exhibit the things i've been thinking about, but... i don't anticipate myself keeping up with it, and i don't really believe i can trust those conversations to really be compelling or be given sensitive care

there is far too much that can be described, and far too little that i really would willingly share/depict, even when i would've wished to have some way to express myself

shit

i think this is the best i've felt about myself in a long, long time, is all i'll say

It got better.

we ball

Probably at an all-time low rn
Although it will get better tomorrow since gym

the mangaka is going nuts tbh current arc goes hard

need lots of therapy

will not get therapy

will not see the light of day :)

I am really unhappy.
Depressed as hell as well.

Don't wanna talk about the details in public but I'm not very mentally stable.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME

Achromalia wrote:

need lots of therapy

will not get therapy

will not see the light of day :)

shut up!

Polyspora wrote:

Achromalia wrote:

need lots of therapy

will not get therapy

will not see the light of day :)

shut up!

ok ^^

it is okay to make mistakes, it is ****okay**** to make mistakes. they have no bearing on your value as a person, even the stupid and obvious ones. your ability to recognise a mistake, regardless of if it's fixable in this instance, is the thing that matters most and anyone that thinks otherwise is someone who will never view you as anything more than subhuman and ergo don't deserve your time and energy in the first place

but also what if they're right and i'm truly as inferior as they believe?

i am so fucking shloked in rn its crazy (being shloked in is good btw)

:sleepge:

I'm not good but I'm not the worst position.