imbackasalways
IM ALWAYS COME (J.S) BACH
IM ALWAYS COME (J.S) BACH
good morning guys!!lostsilver wrote:
Achromalia wrote:
yippee congrats ps!bandu ^^ im glad-- pfff bandu what lollostsilver wrote:
dave: "we had cheeseburgers for dinner! we made some for the ps!au so they didn't have to worry about making dinner tonight. ^^"
bambi: "mhm. we all had soda."
expunged: "hehe... also,, my hands are really shaky for some reason? uh,,, i mean sometimes they shake but wow why am i so shaky right now"
bandu, making direct eye-contact with ex: "your skeleton is ready to hatch :>"
ps!dave: "we appreciate the haywalls making dinner for us tonight."
ps!bambi: "mhm. ambrose and i had... quite a long day... we've been out all day running errands, so we're both pretty tired, heh."
ps!expunged: "i'm glad ps!bandu's eating again."
ps!bandu: "i feel better now than i did earlier today!!"
also!! with the goofy animatic, i plan on making something short with ex listening to bad romance ft dave, bambi and bandu hehe <33
sorry for ex, i get that sometimes, be careful with tremors :c
and the animatic with the fam seems sweet :>
expunged: "yeah... also i agree with you, what bandu--"
bandu: "what?? i heard kandi say it!!"
ps!expunged: "hehe."
ps!bandu: "ty!! and lostie's workin on one if the animatics right now!! hopefully she has it out before she falls asleep lol,, also i bet since i feel really good right now it's all gonna crash and burn in the middle of the night by making my body spasm HAHA--"
awww,,, fluffy birb,,, <33Achromalia wrote:
mmn... good morning...
dave: "i'm curious as to why they only have one eye in that form... but other than that, i enjoy cuddling with them and/or playing/running around with them in their origin form."Achromalia wrote:
for dave: what a feature of expunged's origin form that you're curious about? how do you like to spend time together with them when they're in this form?
for expunged: do you remember a moment where dave accidentally experienced a freudian slip while making conversation with you?qna queue:ps!expunged: "give me something about ps!bandu."
ps!bandu: "give me something about ps!expunged!!"
expunged: "yeah lol,,, also, lostie's working on that goofy animatic right now, so be on the lookout for it!!"Achromalia wrote:
not the name mix-up,,, x'))
but they do sound so similar!! so its kinda understandable lolll
dave: "we had grilled cheeses for lunch!"Achromalia wrote:
...i had another nap
for everyone: lunch & sips & stretch <3
i feel ok sharing ^^ some of them seem interestinggg...lostsilver wrote:
also, you don't have to reply but i'm a lil curious as to what you thought of the fears thing!lostsilver wrote:
dave: arachnophobia (fear of spiders)
bambi: none/unknown
expunged: hemophobia (fear of blood), autophobia (fear of being alone)
bandu: thanatophobia (fear of death), autophobia (fear of being alone)
ps!dave: none/unknown
ps!bambi: none/unknown
ps!expunged: agateophobia (fear of insanity), slight claustrophobia (fear of small or enclosed spaces)
ps!bandu: trypanophobia (fear of needles/injections), isolophobia (fear of isolation and/or solitude)
that's exactly what was running through my head when i gave the two that fear! they were too traumatized from being abandoned at such a young age that they can't fathom the fact that it would've happened again... but haywood and cornwall were happy to take the two in and keep them safe!! <3Achromalia wrote:
i feel ok sharing ^^ some of them seem interestinggg...lostsilver wrote:
also, you don't have to reply but i'm a lil curious as to what you thought of the fears thing!lostsilver wrote:
dave: arachnophobia (fear of spiders)
bambi: none/unknown
expunged: hemophobia (fear of blood), autophobia (fear of being alone)
bandu: thanatophobia (fear of death), autophobia (fear of being alone)
ps!dave: none/unknown
ps!bambi: none/unknown
ps!expunged: agateophobia (fear of insanity), slight claustrophobia (fear of small or enclosed spaces)
ps!bandu: trypanophobia (fear of needles/injections), isolophobia (fear of isolation and/or solitude)
what i say abt them is more like a headcanon of what could make sense in my heart if i was writing a lil bit abt them, all from how it felt like to be part of something with them over the past few months
im gonna do it piece by piece bc i have a lot of thoughts and love to ramble...
i hope reading it can be enjoyable enough to make it maybe worth it... <3autophobia:the ashbluffs being such close siblings for each other and feeling so attached to having someone they can trust and be safe with and share their love with, someone who wont reject them... i feel like some of it can be bigger bc of having such a terrible sad early childhood at the hands of the chaos god parents, where ex feels like the only presence of love they know and understand is that of little baby bandu, and where baby bandu relied a lot on his own older sibling to be his guardian and parent for a little while as his source of love and care and attention...
and when theyre abandoned and find themselves in the human world, they face that sudden extreme trauma of complete alienation from anything and everything except each other... the siblings realize they only have each other, that ultimately the only way to be ok is for them to not be alone bc they dont know who they are on their own at that time or what they can be if theyre alone without each other ;o;
so when the haywalls find them and pick them up, something interesting happens-- maybe it could be that this fear still exists, because although the new dads mean so much and have been so much for them now, the siblings still probably learn that all of this depends on there Being Someone There With Them And For Them... its just that its easier for them to bear, because they now feel like they are part of a loving and "whole" family. but everything from the past still hurts so much, and they dont look like they ever really learned to detach from the dads or each other at all... however, i think they can do a lot of things independently, its just that they might feel like they first have to feel reassured in trusting that everything will be ok, and that nothing will separate their family, and that nobody will be alone, before one of the siblings can move forward in doing something. but just because they can do something on their own... doesnt mean they dont still really really prefer to be with each other and with the dads, so theyre still very attached which can be both to their benefit and detriment :')
expunged: "that's exactly why i have the fear of blood. it kills me inside knowing how terrified and vulnerable i was when i was young, and now that i'm stronger and in a better headspace/spot in my life, i don't really have to face it anymore. seeing blood just... gives me that overwhelming sense of dread that being afraid of death or what may become of you in the future does. because of all the abuse i went through, there was alot of bloodshed that sparked my fear of it. but... yeah... at least i know it's okay to be somewhat vulnerable with bandu, mr. haywood and mr. cornwall. protecting bandu was the whole reason i was so hesitant about being around mr. haywood and mr. cornwall at first, but now i know that they were just trying to help. and now that they're in my life, i feel so much better <3"Achromalia wrote:
here is some more for the ashbluffs ^^hemophobia + thanatophobia:i dont have many thoughts on these tho(fortunately i was wrong lolll <3), they are both kinda common and although autophobia is sort of common too, i feel like its harder to take them as part of the story... but here is what i have for now!!
expunged is probably in a position where historically they have had to be sorta strong for bandu and for themself, and i think it could be possible that seeing their own blood could make them feel something related to the realization of how vulnerable they can be, and... maybe more concretely, they could have been old enough to very deeply remember seeing blood and associating it with bad bad times if their chaos god parents physically abused them :c
that mixture of vulnerability and trauma can feel like a dizzying swirling churning pit opening up in expunged's brain... and although a lot of people have very common and naturally-induced reactions to their own blood with zero childhood trauma, i think this would explain the fear a lot more
for bandu, i think the fear of death can be attached to a couple things... he is probably not as familiar with outright abuse, but he knows what it did to ex and he absorbed plenty of pain himself even if it could just be second-hand observation. more importantly, seeing ex vulnerable and stressed and abused in addition to their abandonment to the elements of earth, i think bandu could be feeling something like... a looming sense of doom about really dying for real but not knowing it intimately because of ex protecting them from thinking about it, where maybe ex would have been already familiar with it and maybe thought they would die-- to the extent that there wasnt really any fear anymore as long as they could protect bandu ;-;
because of this mixture of this obscure aura of dread from watching ex + being abandoned + being sheltered and protected from having to think about pain, there's this mystery to death that bandu might not really know how to face, so he might run away and refuse to think about it if at all possible as opposed to ex being very understanding of the concept and reality of it...
ps!expunged: "mhm. i do want to say something about the slight claustrophobia, though. it may not make sense, but the reason i have it is because of where i feel like i'm trapped in my own head sometimes. i just feels so small and crowded sometimes, and i just despise it... and the 'swallowed by something bigger than you' thing kind of also explains it. i sometimes feel like the overwhelming stress of over-working myself is swallowing me whole, giving me nothing but a small hole to sit in. it's just... something with me, i suppose... but anyways, thank you for your thoughts. (and i did end up making a vaccine, which i gave to everyone except ps!bandu and ps!kandi.)"Achromalia wrote:
now to consider the fears of the bandellos, starting with ps!expungedagateophobia + claustrophobia:hmmn...
i wonder how to articulate the impressions/intuitions i have abt it and those impressions/intuitions are kinda simple theyre just,, not easy to find words for even when they feel like they could make sense
ps!ex does seem like someone who would rely a lotttt on seir brain. with lots of pressure on seir mind, from things like a heavy heavy fixation on understanding organic and chemical compounds in seir labwork to treat-but-not-cure ps!bandu and spare zem from the harsher physical effects, and then the more general ethics/ideals of hoping to prevent the spread of the parasite's influence on other people or otherwise cure it for people who do not want anything to do with it... that is hard on the heart and heavy on the mind
it isnt just pressure tho-- se would probably also legitimately enjoy learning and thinking about what se would observe of the world around them... there is a curiosity in sem that probably feels very dependent on seir ability to think, and... i kinda relate to the fear of losing yourself or your ability to think and perceive things correctly/accurately, being unable to trust my own thoughts/feelings/impressions/intuitions, not knowing if anything i interpreted would even be remotely close to reality
i dont fear small spaces generally but im sure some more-specific small spaces could be really awful like cave-diving or something... i don't really know what this means for ps!ex, and i genuinely cant imagine what it might relate to if anything-- maybe it just exists as a result of feeling swallowed up and suffocated by things bigger than you with only smaller and tighter areas left to exist in... maybe if there's something, claustrophobia could connect to that pressure...
entirely understandable from both of you actually :') from ps!bandu it explains a little bit as welllostsilver wrote:
ps!expunged: "mhm. i do want to say something about the slight claustrophobia, though. it may not make sense, but the reason i have it is because of where i feel like i'm trapped in my own head sometimes. i just feels so small and crowded sometimes, and i just despise it... and the 'swallowed by something bigger than you' thing kind of also explains it. i sometimes feel like the overwhelming stress of over-working myself is swallowing me whole, giving me nothing but a small hole to sit in. it's just... something with me, i suppose... but anyways, thank you for your thoughts. (and i did end up making a vaccine, which i gave to everyone except ps!bandu and ps!kandi.)"Achromalia wrote:
now to consider the fears of the bandellos, starting with ps!expungedagateophobia + claustrophobia:hmmn...
i wonder how to articulate the impressions/intuitions i have abt it and those impressions/intuitions are kinda simple theyre just,, not easy to find words for even when they feel like they could make sense
ps!ex does seem like someone who would rely a lotttt on seir brain. with lots of pressure on seir mind, from things like a heavy heavy fixation on understanding organic and chemical compounds in seir labwork to treat-but-not-cure ps!bandu and spare zem from the harsher physical effects, and then the more general ethics/ideals of hoping to prevent the spread of the parasite's influence on other people or otherwise cure it for people who do not want anything to do with it... that is hard on the heart and heavy on the mind
it isnt just pressure tho-- se would probably also legitimately enjoy learning and thinking about what se would observe of the world around them... there is a curiosity in sem that probably feels very dependent on seir ability to think, and... i kinda relate to the fear of losing yourself or your ability to think and perceive things correctly/accurately, being unable to trust my own thoughts/feelings/impressions/intuitions, not knowing if anything i interpreted would even be remotely close to reality
i dont fear small spaces generally but im sure some more-specific small spaces could be really awful like cave-diving or something... i don't really know what this means for ps!ex, and i genuinely cant imagine what it might relate to if anything-- maybe it just exists as a result of feeling swallowed up and suffocated by things bigger than you with only smaller and tighter areas left to exist in... maybe if there's something, claustrophobia could connect to that pressure...
ps!bandu: "i do wanna say something abt why i don't want to be cured,,, it's because of my trypanophobia, and plus, i feel like if i do get cured, i'm not gonna feel comfortable in my own skin anymore... but yeah, just how i feel... :')"
mine does that when i go to bed sometimessametdze wrote:
ear lightly ringing
ps!expunged, smiling: "thank you."Achromalia wrote:
entirely understandable from both of you actually :') from ps!bandu it explains a little bit as welllostsilver wrote:
ps!expunged: "mhm. i do want to say something about the slight claustrophobia, though. it may not make sense, but the reason i have it is because of where i feel like i'm trapped in my own head sometimes. i just feels so small and crowded sometimes, and i just despise it... and the 'swallowed by something bigger than you' thing kind of also explains it. i sometimes feel like the overwhelming stress of over-working myself is swallowing me whole, giving me nothing but a small hole to sit in. it's just... something with me, i suppose... but anyways, thank you for your thoughts. (and i did end up making a vaccine, which i gave to everyone except ps!bandu and ps!kandi.)"Achromalia wrote:
now to consider the fears of the bandellos, starting with ps!expungedagateophobia + claustrophobia:hmmn...
i wonder how to articulate the impressions/intuitions i have abt it and those impressions/intuitions are kinda simple theyre just,, not easy to find words for even when they feel like they could make sense
ps!ex does seem like someone who would rely a lotttt on seir brain. with lots of pressure on seir mind, from things like a heavy heavy fixation on understanding organic and chemical compounds in seir labwork to treat-but-not-cure ps!bandu and spare zem from the harsher physical effects, and then the more general ethics/ideals of hoping to prevent the spread of the parasite's influence on other people or otherwise cure it for people who do not want anything to do with it... that is hard on the heart and heavy on the mind
it isnt just pressure tho-- se would probably also legitimately enjoy learning and thinking about what se would observe of the world around them... there is a curiosity in sem that probably feels very dependent on seir ability to think, and... i kinda relate to the fear of losing yourself or your ability to think and perceive things correctly/accurately, being unable to trust my own thoughts/feelings/impressions/intuitions, not knowing if anything i interpreted would even be remotely close to reality
i dont fear small spaces generally but im sure some more-specific small spaces could be really awful like cave-diving or something... i don't really know what this means for ps!ex, and i genuinely cant imagine what it might relate to if anything-- maybe it just exists as a result of feeling swallowed up and suffocated by things bigger than you with only smaller and tighter areas left to exist in... maybe if there's something, claustrophobia could connect to that pressure...
ps!bandu: "i do wanna say something abt why i don't want to be cured,,, it's because of my trypanophobia, and plus, i feel like if i do get cured, i'm not gonna feel comfortable in my own skin anymore... but yeah, just how i feel... :')"
that sounds,, a lil uncomfy :(lostsilver wrote:
mine does that when i go to bed sometimessametdze wrote:
ear lightly ringing
ok <3lostsilver wrote:
ps!expunged, smiling: "thank you."Achromalia wrote:
entirely understandable from both of you actually :') from ps!bandu it explains a little bit as well
ps!bandu: "glad to know it at least somewhat explains things!! alsoo,,, lostie's workin on the goofy animatic again!! she made cupcakes earlier today so that's why she was gone for a bit :> she'll try to post progress as she goes!!"
it kinda is yeah... it always happens when i'm comfy too so it kinda scares me lol,,, :')Achromalia wrote:
that sounds,, a lil uncomfy :(lostsilver wrote:
mine does that when i go to bed sometimessametdze wrote:
ear lightly ringing
dave: "we had tacos tonight."Achromalia wrote:
ok <3lostsilver wrote:
ps!expunged, smiling: "thank you."Achromalia wrote:
entirely understandable from both of you actually :') from ps!bandu it explains a little bit as well
ps!bandu: "glad to know it at least somewhat explains things!! alsoo,,, lostie's workin on the goofy animatic again!! she made cupcakes earlier today so that's why she was gone for a bit :> she'll try to post progress as she goes!!"
for everyone: dinner before bed? a little sip of water, get cozy ^^
i actually like it when my ear ringsAchromalia wrote:
that sounds,, a lil uncomfy :(lostsilver wrote:
mine does that when i go to bed sometimessametdze wrote:
ear lightly ringing
#BB99FF
purple#AAAAFF
light "blue"#2222FF
actual blueoh!! there was a video for this!! it was very briefly mentioned in "everything sbout color (literally)" or something similar to thatNicNock wrote:
why does light blue look kinda purplish compared to actual blue?
■ -#BB99FF
purple
■ -#AAAAFF
light "blue"
■ -#2222FF
actual blue
am I colorblind
I am watching what I think is the video right nowAchromalia wrote:
oh!! there was a video for this!! it was very briefly mentioned in "everything sbout color (literally)" or something similar to thatNicNock wrote:
why does light blue look kinda purplish compared to actual blue?
■ -#BB99FF
purple
■ -#AAAAFF
light "blue"
■ -#2222FF
actual blue
am I colorblind
urgh i dont remember it
the abney effect @ 22:22!! thats what i was looking forNicNock wrote:
I am watching what I think is the video right nowAchromalia wrote:
oh!! there was a video for this!! it was very briefly mentioned in "everything sbout color (literally)" or something similar to thatNicNock wrote:
why does light blue look kinda purplish compared to actual blue?
■ -#BB99FF
purple
■ -#AAAAFF
light "blue"
■ -#2222FF
actual blue
am I colorblind
urgh i dont remember it
not a thing but a collection of things <3NicNock wrote:
if an achromalia was a real thing, what would it be?
a-
(prefix: "without") chrom-
(prefix: "purity of color", freedom of hue, freedom from black/grey/white) -alia
(suffix: "a collection", in neuter plural reference)"a collection of things without any purity of color, wholly buried in greyscale"
hydrogen + helium + lithium + beryllium + boron + carbon + nitrogen + oxygen + fluorine + neon + [...]
a-
(prefix: "without") chrom-
(prefix: "purity of color", freedom of hue, freedom from black/grey/white) anomalia
(translation: "anomaly" or "irregularity", from spanish, originally greek)"an anomaly or irregularity without any purity of color, wholly buried in greyscale"
i... really adore this, actually... i would love to see more ;-;NicNock wrote:
I'll try to salvage something, let's start small.
The achromalia itself:There. I'll try to expand upon it little by little.
- The achromalia is a flower resembling a rose with iridescent, glassy petals. The plant is known for it's strange properties, historical significance, and psychoactive effects.
I FOUND IT !!reffty_gag wrote:
imbackasalways
i have a mental breakdance after sees my friends beat my score on a map, like BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PLS I WANNA COME BACK BUT MY PC CAN'T, IT WILL BE SERVICE TOMMOROW I HOPE