OT Diary, Entry #vent-1.
I'm the president of a community I hardly know (somehow).
I'm a musician with a shitty lack of willpower and the target of frequent creative blocks for some reason.
I'm an artist who rarely draws, and if anything, I make pretty lackluster art in my own opinion.
I'm a forum-dweller who's a point-holic, constantly drunk on gaining points in Thread Necromancy for no damn good reason, pretty much wasting time I could've spent making music or art, provided that I had the willpower and drive to do so in the first place.
...and then I'm myself.
My self, some enigmatic fuck-up traversing life and acting as what I'd assume to be seemingly appropriate to a situation. Playing the actor and trying to enjoy myself while dealing with shit at home. I don't really talk about it as often, but will occasionally mention shit that happens at infrequent times of a month. I can't help but think I've had an incredibly flawed approach to my life. Shit could've been better, probably.
In the meantime, I'll have to go back to acting as the president of a forum, though I don't really know what the hell I'm doing or how I'm supposed to approach that role.
. . .
Perhaps I'm meant to make speeches.
Perhaps I should cause an insurgency for the hell of it.
Perhaps I'm meant to construct some sort of fake government when I know fuck-all about civics, governing, or lawmaking.
Perhaps I could... just not do anything, and try to fit the description of some lazy president.
Perhaps I'm meant to do something cool for people to actually enjoy being here. I don't know how people work, what entertains them, or anything, really.
Tired. As always. I do recall my goal for this year, though: "time to do better."
Heh. I never knew this was something that I'd consider "better".
. . .
I should still try.