First you need to understand, osu! is way too big for a single community, you'll find smaller communities all over the place, for example the forums alone (the part im most familiar with) has several communities with their own mindsets and such. As example, the offtopic community is vastly different from the one over at G&R, same can be said for FG and the modders. Each has their own group and for the most part keep to themselfes.
You're judging all these groups based on what you see on the #osu community, dont you think thats unfair? I can gurantee you, almost nobody here regulary chats in #osu, so why would #osu be representative for us?
If you'd want to take a proper look in order to judge the osu! community as whole, you'd have to talk with people from the sepperate subcommunities. Ofcourse, you dont need to talk with EVERYONE, but randomly pick a few and you'll find the people and communities all rather different to each other.