I’ve come to the conclusion to just silently bow out of the osu community and osu altogether. I’ve been around this game since 2010 (2013 for this account itself) and I think my time with it is over for good. I’ve met lots of great friends and have had many great memories come out of this game. Hell, I wouldn’t have the support system/friends I have right now if I hadn’t met them through osu. However, due to lots of bad memories + people holding childish grudges + people in general I’ve found myself losing more and more interest left in remaining. Hosting CMRT3 last year was refreshing and something I don’t regret but it just never felt the same. I wasn’t satisfied with my work nor myself and it started to regrow a toxic part of myself I spent a long time destroying. I had big plans for this year projects wise but as time went on and I worked on myself and actually steered my life in a good direction my interest in osu just dissipated. I was introduced to a new game and a new community that made me feel even more happy and loved than I have ever felt. I met amazing people who motivated me to live better, happier, and open up more. I found a new game that I truly enjoyed and didn’t feel like I was wasting my time with. None of that childish gossip and petty ass drama that I would find myself involuntarily running into in the osu community. The difference between the two is glaring and honestly the change I needed in my online life. As I’ve said before, while I do hold some contempt towards osu.. I will never regret the time I spent, the friends I’ve made, and the many good memories that have made my life full. I may come back later when I find a spark inside me to continue or try for another project/tournament. Or, I may never come back at all, and either way I’m happy. I’m finally taking control of my life from my depression and doing the things that I truly love. If you’ve been a part of my journey I want to thank you. No matter the good or bad, I wouldn’t be who I am today nor be on a much healthier and happier track on life without the influence of you all.
So for now.. Goodbye, and thank you for taking the time to read this :’)
Cindelluna 1/26/22
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college student & med tech | retired tournament host & staffer | dsco & zapy enthusiast
Supporter 6 months from sol_azul - Thanks so much for the christmas gift!! 2 months from Skimble - Thanks so much <3
SylVus Acerd - You'll always be our pp counter boy!! Senjou - The first opponent i've ever had a fun tournament match with. Thanks for the lifelong memories buddy, I'll never forget them.
Macaroni is the best food Exir - Despite you hating my map taste you've always made multis fun. Thanks for introducing me to some pretty great maps. Hazard - Thanks for being a pretty cool son. And don't worry, I have plenty of horror movies for us to watch queued up :^) Mac - Being a mod for you was a wild and fun ride. Thank you for everything, seriously. Menma - Best waifu of all time tbh. God i love Menma. Momo - God tier artist and mom. Thanks for keeping voice chats comfy and being a great teammate. Tai - Thank you for a lot of things. Although our friendship has been rocky and has had ups and downs there still have been some genuine moments i'll never forget. So thank you Tai, seriously. Zirmike - A fellow Touhou appreciator, not to mention god tier host when it comes to multi map picks. Thanks for the late night voice chats and touhou tiddie appreciation hours.
Gamer Grillz ahntaea - Oh hey it's one of my many children. Thanks for sticking around the server for a bit and being one of my showcasers. Won't ever forget the Sunday voice chats. I love you so much, don't forget to message me every now and then ):< izzz - Hey what's up izzzosu. Don't forget to call me on Sundays for our weekly game of golf, i promise i won't throw my back out this time. Thank you for being just about one of the cutest mappool showcasers ever, ily<3. jael - Swordfishosu!!!!!!!! Shit i meant fishosu!!! Thanks for being a great friend you've been nothing but genuine and I can't thank you enough. Also hey I now officially make you the mappool showcaser for all my tournaments from now on. Yes i didn't tell you or ask you beforehand but it's okay you got it, kthx! <3
Tournaments gohst - God tier spreadsheeter holy fuck. You've been with me since my first tournament and ever since then my constant head spreadsheeter. You are extremely talented and have helped me through so much. Your endless support and positivity has always helped me push through long nights of graphic work and spreadsheeting. Ice - Yet another god tier spreadsheeter. Best spreadsheet designs around tbh. Thank you for jumping into my small group of reliable tournament staff and being a constant in it as well. You've helped carry so many tournaments in the technical department, I can just never thank you enough. Spreadsheeter, head ref AND referee? God you don't give yourself enough credit. nik - My first ever head ref and constant head ref since then. Thank you for being one of my most reliable staff members ever and helping me open up more to the tournament scene. Not to forget you're an honorary VORE GANG member too (':
<3 [Shadez] - My favorite full alt player :') A fellow speed player who was the only one that could ever relate to me on that level. Won't ever forget your Out In Middle play and i'll make sure to immortalize you as the true winner of any CMRT (update: you really are the true winner of CMRT's holy fuck). Despite all of our stupid petty arguments and banter we've had some great times together and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Yet another amazing friend I know I can count on or ever talk to when I need it, love ya bud. Thanks for passing R U Still xxxx? btw <3 Axaptice - Thank you for everything you've done for me. Mapping mentoring and helping me kick start my journey of becoming a tournament host. You've always been someone i could lean onto for support or openly talk to. Yet another genuine og supporter of mine as well no matter what endeavor i was tackling. Your endless support has meant the world to me, thanks Axa :') dblade - Hey dad!!! When are you gonna come back home and finally pay for my college tuition... In all seriousness, thank you for being my constant head pooler for my tournaments. Mentoring me to become a better pooler is hell i know, but thank you for enduring through it all. You've helped shaped me as not only a pooler but also as a tournament host. But even outside of tournaments, you have always been a constant supporter of me through all my endeavors. You've been a genuinely true friend to me and have helped me so much in my own life that I can just never thank you enough. I hope everything in your life goes well from here on out. You deserve so much. Thanks dad for everything, i hope to hear from you one day soon. :') Giraffe - Better back off, i'm the real #1 Nanahira fan!!! Also hey thanks for being older than me so I don't have to be the oldest in the vore gang. I'll make sure you don't throw your hip out or something grandpa!! In all seriousness, thanks for being such an amazing friend and someone I can relate to on so many different levels. But seriously when are you gonna use your big cs bucks on me so you can officially be my first sugar daddy, i really need the help with college tuition er i mean. Now if only I can get you to stop chasing after lolis. Hi-def - Egypt? Rosa Parks? Buses? Yeah sounds like a normal game of skribbl with hi-def. The joker of the friend group who has all the memes. You never fail to make me laugh or smile and you easily know how to brighten someones day. Someone who has strongly stuck by my side and supported me even when things were rough in my life. I know i can always count on you when i need it. Thank you for everything mister 1080p :') Also Groundhog fc when? Kahli - Oh god oh fuck you're officially a legal boi. We aren't on a super close friend level yet, but I still consider you a close friend to me that I hold very dear. Thank you so much for hanging around my streams and also commentating a few!! You're definitely someone I can relate to on some levels and someone that can easily brighten someone's day or bring a smile to someone's face. I admire that so much about you. Keep doing you, you're a wonderful person, I genuinely hope you know that. Nibareaux - Oh my, yet another one of the big cuties from my server. There's so much credit you deserve to helping keep my server alive especially during my absence. We aren't super close, but I know in time we'll definitely get closer. I can already tell you're an extremely sweet and caring person, and I want to thank you yet again for all the love and support you've sent my way <3 R-2E-054 - Please love me. The kids miss you. Kidding hehe. But seriously, you are honestly the cutest, literally the CUTEST. We haven't talked too much but man did we hit off pretty fast. You're an insanely beautiful and loving person and you are so PURE AND WHOLESOME AHH. I wish I could give you all the love and happiness in the world because you deserve it all. Thank you for being amazing and such a cutie R2, I love you so much. Silver - OH MY GOD IT'S ANOTHER BIG CUTIE. Hi, I love you so much you beautiful soul. You are literally one of the most caring and wholesome people I have ever met. I literally mean that so much. It's so hard to find truly genuine people that care for the good of everyone, but you are that person and are just so PERFECT!!! Thank you for being there through some dark times and always providing me with support and love. Everything you've done for me has meant the world to me. I love you silver, thank you so much <3 Skimble - God, I honestly don't know where to start. I have so many things to say yet not even enough room to cover everything or even half. You have genuinely been a big positive change in my life. You've always been someone I could rely on or a shoulder to cry on and you've sat there and endured so much for me. You've listened through so much and comforted me through so much and I can't even begin the thank you enough. You are such a genuine and caring person and I'm so happy that I met you and have gotten close to you over this past year. Thank you for everything, holy fuck seriously. I hope life is treating you well, because honestly, you only deserve the best. I love you, thank you for everything. Soulskyeflare - An absolute cutie. Please have my kids, I beg. Okay but seriously, you are such a positive and wholesome person and I could only hope to be as cute as you ahh. I hope over time we get even closer as friends when I'm more active again. You've been nothing but wholesome and supportive and holy fuck does it mean so much to me. Thank you for being genuine, truly genuine. Love ya bud <3 seriously, please have my children, they'd be so cute because of you holy fuck Syltrix - Thank you for helping me get out of my shell and being more social. You've always been a great friend and helped me through so much. Always been a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent to with an immense amount of patience. Thank you for always being there for me Syl, I can never thank you enough. Tilt - I miss you so much it hurts. I wish I could go back and fix everything that went wrong and prevent so much. I miss you but I understand the reasons you had for leaving. It hurts but I know with time everything will be better and hopefully we;ll be able to be close yet again. Do your thing, you got this, I know you do. I have so much faith, trust, love and care in you. Please take care of yourself okay? I miss you so much, please fucking take care of yourself, please. Thank you for being one of my greatest and closest friends. I don't have to say much more given you know everything I have to thank you for. But thank you especially for helping me during a very dark time in my life, i really appreciate it all. I love ya bud. VoreLover456 - VORE VORE VORE VORE VORE!!!!!!!!! I mean uh.. But hey, thanks for being an amazing friend, moderator in my discord, and tournament staff member. You've been there through a lot of my hard times and a lot of my lows yet stuck strongly by my side. You've been someone who constantly supported me and one of my longer standing supporters in general. You've always been someone I could rely on and trust and I don't think I can ever thank you enough :') At this point you have become one of my most trusted and closest friends online. I can't even begin to explain how special that is and and how much you mean to me. You are such a genuine kind and loving person, is a flaw even existent with you? I know you don't really see what myself and so many others say or see in you, but I know in time you will come to learn just how wonderful you are.I could go on for ages about all the great thigns you've done or even the great things about you, but oh man would that be a lot of words. Not to mention I prefer to keep most things between us. So seriously, thank you Yoshi, thank you so fucking much. Did i also mention you're my favorite tsundere????