MinorMOT

formerly known as

m4st3rbruh

7/7/20
3/9/20

I can't believe it,
It's only been 5 years since I've fell in love. Fell in love with rhythm gaming, felt such strong passion, respect, admiration, and gratitude towards music as a whole.

And now, I need to let this part of me go.
Two years ago my family were concerned with me overexerting my hands during my ranking days. My hands would shake when I would pick up a fork, take a picture, and even when I was writing my own name. But it was usually after I pulled off a nerve-wracking play, or any other time my heart rate would pick up. It would normally go away afterwards.

I shrugged off their warnings, I was still DTing maps I couldn't handle no mod, pushing at 27s on Etterna when my physical limits were 23. It was all in this petty chase for "PP" and "rank" that I so foolishly thought I needed. I kept on ignored their warnings and pushed on until I reached a turning point.

I started playing rhythm games for fun. I realized I didn't need to be the best. I never wanted to be the best, and I know that I can't and never will be. But it was already too late.

The shaking never stopped.

I've come to another realization that the thing that I've cherished so much for the past 5 years of my life, the thing that opened my eyes to see all of what creative expression and art through sounds could bring to life, how much richer it can be and how much it can help me feel and relate to others, the thing that can connect us despite the disconnect of language, this beautiful, amazing, art... was tearing my physical self apart bit by bit every time I picked it up.

But then it wasn't music itself, it was just music games.

It's tough, it really is.

Having to let go of half of your soul because of your own mistakes.

My love for rhythm games and music, they go hand-in-hand, peas in a pod, Bonnie and Clyde. I've always seen it as I couldn't have one without the other. But after my family pointing it out, I realized that that isn't the case at all. I can still love music, be passionate about it and enjoy it to the fullest without having rhythm games.

So here I am.

I'd like to thank everyone I've met along the way. Joshi, D4shFlight (hey dash if you're reading this right now you may not remember me but you're really cracked), Drago, Shiroyuki, Erkfir, anyone that joined my osu! amino chat for mania players, damn that was such a nice time. I really wish I interacted with the communities I was present in more. Social anxiety got the best of me for the better part of 5 years huh.

Thank you.
Goodbye.