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Appealing body figures, preferences and opinions.

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Topic Starter
boat
First of all, my apologies for the confusing title and my half assed english, I'm not in a very good mood right now, and my typing is generally rather shoddy to begin with as english is not my native nor second language. Hopefully it is interpretative enough.


So the thing is, there is this guy i know, a very close friend of mine, who seems to be severely depressed due to his appearance, mainly his body and figure. He quite often is very saddened and down because he believes that his appearance is not good enough for the standards of the people he wants to look appealing for. He has a nice build, he isn't fat, but isn't an anorexic twig either, but yet he is an incredible harsh critic on himself, and it hurts me very much to see him like this. What i mainly want is to get into his head that if your looks doesn't go with ones preference, then that does not in any way mean that you are ugly.


You don't need to be model skinny to look pretty, and a little bit of chub doesn't mean that you're a fat and ugly cow. Everyone has their own preferences, but what looks not appealing to you isn't instantly unappealing (ugly), just because you yourself think that you're ugly, then that doesn't mean that someone else wont find you as appealing, and when someone who matters to you calls you good looking, then it is just offensive to reply and say that you are not. That is just calling the person a liar, and it does not make me feel appreciated at all, despite that i mean what i say.


So basically, tell me your opinion of what an appealing or "not bad looking" person is, and you most likely by now understand what I'm on about. I just want him to know that he should stop being so immature and listen to what people have to say. Most people dislike their own looks in one way or another, but what might be unappealing to you can just as well be very much appealing to someone else.
Backfire
I think everyone is beautiful on their own accords.

Anyways, what appeals to me is someone who has nice hair, nice skin, and nice eyes. I could care less about how big or small they are.
...If it's a girl I like 'em short though.
Boys? Tall <3
Topic Starter
boat

Backfire wrote:

I think everyone is beautiful on their own accords.
Everyone have their own appeal in one way or another.

Of course a person who does not take care of him or herself at all can look unappealing, but if you aren't that then you shouldn't claim yourself to be.
Shiirn
It's natural for certain types of body styles to garner sexual attention more than others - however, humanity has evolved to the point where these instinctive hormonal cues are no longer enough to truly desire another person as a long-term mate. You can also attribute social pressures, both telling people that "you should want to bone / be boned by THIS type of person" AND "personality is more important than a nice ass".

Things like this are utterly contradictive, so confusion is natural. It's up to the person in question as to whether they will follow certain social cues or not.

Clearly, your friend is too stuck up on the "looks make the person" side, to the point that his personality is also being affected.
Being told you are appealing means nothing if you don't believe it yourself, so what he needs is...well, he needs to find that.

I for one hate how tall and large i am, but apparently that's something that a lot of people like in a man. I'll let the social cue for that go since it's not being negative to me.
Rewcal
To put it simply: In my opinion, if the person your friend is trying to attract would turn them down based on their looks, they weren't worth it in the first place.
Topic Starter
boat
That is true, but the person he is trying to attract claims him as good looking, yet he still argues against.
Shiirn
There's a certain amount of healthiness in "I want to be prettier for my other half", but that's taking it too far heh.
YellowerYoshi
I definitely am into the brawnier guys. Not huge muscle heads or anything... bigger guys that have a little definition. Also a nice gut is glorious for me. My tastes would be considered far out of "the norm" to mainstream society, in part because I like dudes and in part because my tastes aren't "hunky guys with no fat and huge pecs" like you usually see in the media.

Honestly, a little chubby is incredibly attractive to me.
Cuddlebun
Some muscles and a beard are the only criteria for looks for me.

As for your friend, failboat, he's the kind of person I try to cheer up for a while and then leave them alone because people like that tend not to listen to whatever positive thing you're saying. If he wants to think like that despite whatever everyone around him tells him, then let him.
FisHie
what ama ia doing here

I like everyone
Vext

failboat wrote:

What i mainly want is to get into his head that if your looks doesn't go with ones preference, then that does not in any way mean that you are ugly.
You know I once told Firo that brown hair and curly hair were not my favorites, it did not go well. If you're curious, favorite is black straight hair, bonus points if an unnatural color or black with pink highlights/streaks.
But of course like any sane person she realized I love her hair and it didn't matter if it was my favorite kind or not.
All-in-all, appearance means nothing when it comes to love. If Firo was 400 pounds and had a mustache I'd still love her, I would probably avoid sex but hey. If the person can't love you when you don't look incredible then they don't love you for you, only what you look to be.
Shellghost
Everyone is ugly and deluded.

I'm ugly. I make myself think that I am average looking through observational comparison and self serving compromise.

"Beautiful" people are ugly. People have instinctive influence in their preference for other people's appearance such as fitness and strength, however most of this has been overcome with media advertising and peer pressure basically telling us what we should think is attractive and placing those people on a higher social status than others. It can be easily presumed that this is where your friend's self loathing originates from.

You all know this, you knew what I was going to say as you were reading it, but we seem to have trouble retaining the idea outside of discussion.
Pokebis
Show him the internet. The way I see it is no matter how you look there's some sick fuck out there who would still want to bone you based on some random feature you can't even think of because people have weird fetishes.
Ephemeral
what your friend has is probably a symptom of depression rather than any implicit aspect of his personality

in my experience appearances are ultimately secondary or tertiary to other traits in a prospective partner. you simply don't care about the little things when you find a person you really like.
lkjl23

Shiirn wrote:

It's natural for certain types of body styles to garner sexual attention more than others - however, humanity has evolved to the point where these instinctive hormonal cues are no longer enough to truly desire another person as a long-term mate. You can also attribute social pressures, both telling people that "you should want to bone / be boned by THIS type of person" AND "personality is more important than a nice ass".

Things like this are utterly contradictive, so confusion is natural. It's up to the person in question as to whether they will follow certain social cues or not.

Clearly, your friend is too stuck up on the "looks make the person" side, to the point that his personality is also being affected.
Being told you are appealing means nothing if you don't believe it yourself, so what he needs is...well, he needs to find that.

I for one hate how tall and large i am, but apparently that's something that a lot of people like in a man. I'll let the social cue for that go since it's not being negative to me.
Don't know what world you live in buddy, but being overweight isn't attractive at all. Anyone that says looks don't matter are in serious denial. Then again I guess that's their defense mechanism of coping with their own looks. Going out with fat people is like rewarding bad behavior. Shows that you don't care even for your own health, and that's not very attractive.
Vext

NeverDie wrote:

being overweight isn't attractive at all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman
lkjl23

Vext wrote:

NeverDie wrote:

being overweight isn't attractive at all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman
I'd like to see hot guys going out with fat chicks. Ugly people will go out with ugly people, and good looking people will go out with good looking people. Bird of a feather, flock together. Sure there's some exceptions, kind of like how some polar bears have mated with grizzly bears, but those are nothing more than just that, exceptions, and will never be the norm. It's evolution's way of weeding out weak and bad genetics and promoting only the best in the long run.


Inb4 I get flamed for this.
Shiirn
Just saying, i think Darwin was thrown out the window when a handful of human beings built an atomic bomb. Scales kind of tipped ever since we started burning coal and charged a bundle of copper wires from a rotating water mill, it's no longer survival of the fittest. Humanity isn't based off of "who can run fastest" or "who can hit the hardest" anymore - heck, we've actually reverted those practices into sport rather than serious living.

As such, while obesity and other health issues surely do exist, and social standing despises it, it remains at the source simply instinctive. It's "bad" and all, but I hardly see any reason to consider yourself better than someone less healthy than you when they're just as likely to be smarter or "make up for" it in other ways.

You seem to be under the impression that being able to bench-press your own weight will save you from a financial crisis - it won't.

Sexual impulses of course lead via physical appearance, but that's not important anymore.

Also, absurd cases of obesity fall under the "fail to take care of self" clause unless there are actual extenuating circumstances (none of the fake baw-crap that's actually a lack of willpower)


I'm not going to argue with you specifically about this, neverdie - since you're under the impression i'm severely overweight (have you seen me?)


@Ephemeral: appearances, while being secondary or tertiary, are also rather important as more often than not it shows how much a person cares for their own body (or, conversely, does not care about who they are on the inside if they over-do it [cough, we all know a person like this]) which is a rather important part of a person's psyche.
lkjl23

Shiirn wrote:

Just saying, i think Darwin was thrown out the window when a handful of human beings built an atomic bomb. Scales kind of tipped ever since we started burning coal and charged a bundle of copper wires from a rotating water mill, it's no longer survival of the fittest. Humanity isn't based off of "who can run fastest" or "who can hit the hardest" anymore - heck, we've actually reverted those practices into sport rather than serious living.

As such, while obesity and other health issues surely do exist, and social standing despises it, it remains at the source simply instinctive. It's "bad" and all, but I hardly see any reason to consider yourself better than someone less healthy than you when they're just as likely to be smarter or "make up for" it in other ways.

You seem to be under the impression that being able to bench-press your own weight will save you from a financial crisis - it won't.

I'm not going to argue with you specifically about this, neverdie - since you're under the impression i'm severely overweight (have you seen me?)


@Ephemeral: appearances, while being secondary or tertiary, are also rather important as more often than not it shows how much a person cares for their own body (or, conversely, does not care about who they are on the inside if they over-do it [cough, we all know a person like this]) which is a rather important part of a person's psyche.
The importance of being physically fit of course are not logically needed too much in this day and age, but evolution takes hundreds of thousands of years. It does not change the fact we still feel great sexual urges for someone that's fit over someone that isn't. That's not going to change for thousands of years to come. But I understand that you're trying to find ways to justify it all, but sadly that just isn't reality. And I remember how you told me your height and body weight. You're over 50 pounds overweight. Last time I checked, that's a lot of fat to be carrying around.
Vext

NeverDie wrote:

Ugly people will go out with ugly people, and good looking people will go out with good looking people. Bird of a feather, flock together.
Can't agree with that one either, Firo is beautiful and I'm nothing special.
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