lol, sure, I'll do this
for the past few months I've been absolutely screwed emotionally. I lost about all of my irl friends in a big misunderstanding that basically tore the universe apart and had to reevaluate basically everything that I was doing.
it's pretty weird, but I've stayed with the same friends basically for the past 10 years. irl, anyways. so when this shit happened it really tore me apart. I ended up doing a ton of things to try and get around it, went to massive amounts of therapy for a few months (well, for that reason and others), ended up trying to make an entire new friend base only to realize that they were just as corrupted as everybody else.. even basically ended up sucking myself into osu! even more completely than I was around that time a year before.
then I finally quit therapy and started writing diaries instead. which for some reason works better.
after like, 6 months of this, I finally stopped trying to run away from everything and started to face it. I went back through to a bunch of people that left like that and apologized for a bunch of stuff in an attempt to get them back, and for the most part it worked. hell, my best friend even came back a few days ago (ironically enough he was the one who started most of it) and we got really emotional for a bit getting back on good terms with each other.
but there's no way I would've been able to do this without the people online to help me through all of this; everybody who's stood through with me through me being an awful person, messing up constantly, making constant mistakes and tearing up not only my own friendships but friendships of others.
so what really I've done to better myself was a bunch of different things - I finally came to realization and agreement that online friends are just as good as real life friends, and it took me way more years to realize this than I should have. any friend is a friend, and everybody should be treated the same, regardless of where they exist on. even if they're thousands of miles away from you, emotions travel over the internet just as much as they do face to face.
and on top of that, mostly, I learned to respect myself. after being told it tons of different times from all of the people that took my burdens and listened to me complain for hours on end, I realized I was worth something and I've become a massively better person because of it.
so to everybody, if you're reading this and were a part of my life in the past few months in some way shape or form and you at least talked to me and tried to make me feel better at any point; EVEN IF you weren't even aware that I haven't been totally happy - thank you. from the bottom of my heart. you are the reason why I've become a better person today. without all of the people that held my hand through all of the bullshit that I caused myself, I might've broken.
and to everybody who doesn't know me, or is just reading this out there and feels the same way that I did at one point or another; you too, are important. you're worth something to somebody, regardless of how bad they treat you, how much people might put you down, there's always a part in everybody's hearts regardless of how they feel that has some good in it and although they might not show it, you matter to them somehow. and of course, the people that live away and have never even spoken a word to you in your life - there are people out there that you've never even spoken to that might admire you from afar and think you're the greatest person in existance. everybody, everybody has at least one of these people. I promise.
keep trying, because one day it's going to pay off. don't let people toss you around and put you down like you don't matter, because you do.
so, gd, this is my long essay on how I've become a better person. my entire life changed in 6 months, and now I can say finally that I'm more proud of who I am than ever before in my life.
I literally just vented out my entire life on a board on a circle clicking game
hi
for the past few months I've been absolutely screwed emotionally. I lost about all of my irl friends in a big misunderstanding that basically tore the universe apart and had to reevaluate basically everything that I was doing.
it's pretty weird, but I've stayed with the same friends basically for the past 10 years. irl, anyways. so when this shit happened it really tore me apart. I ended up doing a ton of things to try and get around it, went to massive amounts of therapy for a few months (well, for that reason and others), ended up trying to make an entire new friend base only to realize that they were just as corrupted as everybody else.. even basically ended up sucking myself into osu! even more completely than I was around that time a year before.
then I finally quit therapy and started writing diaries instead. which for some reason works better.
after like, 6 months of this, I finally stopped trying to run away from everything and started to face it. I went back through to a bunch of people that left like that and apologized for a bunch of stuff in an attempt to get them back, and for the most part it worked. hell, my best friend even came back a few days ago (ironically enough he was the one who started most of it) and we got really emotional for a bit getting back on good terms with each other.
but there's no way I would've been able to do this without the people online to help me through all of this; everybody who's stood through with me through me being an awful person, messing up constantly, making constant mistakes and tearing up not only my own friendships but friendships of others.
so what really I've done to better myself was a bunch of different things - I finally came to realization and agreement that online friends are just as good as real life friends, and it took me way more years to realize this than I should have. any friend is a friend, and everybody should be treated the same, regardless of where they exist on. even if they're thousands of miles away from you, emotions travel over the internet just as much as they do face to face.
and on top of that, mostly, I learned to respect myself. after being told it tons of different times from all of the people that took my burdens and listened to me complain for hours on end, I realized I was worth something and I've become a massively better person because of it.
so to everybody, if you're reading this and were a part of my life in the past few months in some way shape or form and you at least talked to me and tried to make me feel better at any point; EVEN IF you weren't even aware that I haven't been totally happy - thank you. from the bottom of my heart. you are the reason why I've become a better person today. without all of the people that held my hand through all of the bullshit that I caused myself, I might've broken.
and to everybody who doesn't know me, or is just reading this out there and feels the same way that I did at one point or another; you too, are important. you're worth something to somebody, regardless of how bad they treat you, how much people might put you down, there's always a part in everybody's hearts regardless of how they feel that has some good in it and although they might not show it, you matter to them somehow. and of course, the people that live away and have never even spoken a word to you in your life - there are people out there that you've never even spoken to that might admire you from afar and think you're the greatest person in existance. everybody, everybody has at least one of these people. I promise.
keep trying, because one day it's going to pay off. don't let people toss you around and put you down like you don't matter, because you do.
so, gd, this is my long essay on how I've become a better person. my entire life changed in 6 months, and now I can say finally that I'm more proud of who I am than ever before in my life.
I literally just vented out my entire life on a board on a circle clicking game
hi