For those of you that know me you may understand from my streams or general talking that I have an anger issue. The thing is I tend to overthink things due to some past events that lead to anger, jealousy and just a general running mind. This has caused many negative impacts on my life, but recent negative events have really caused me to think about myself as a person and how I could better myself to really show those who I have pushed away that I can change and be who I need to be. I invite anyone who has admit their faults recently to post how you as a person have done something to better yourself.


For myself:

I quit my job and started pushing toward a career that I enjoy which has given me so much relief.
I am going to set up a doctors appointment to find out how I may combat my families long line of depression, overthinking and anger.
I have made a push to generally be a more positive individual.
I do not allow myself to give up anymore, the people and things most worth it in life are those who are not easy to achieve.


If you have not made a recent change I hope this may give you the encouragement to really push yourself in a way where you may better yourself and live an even happier life.


As a new step as well. If anyone is too nervous to post publicly you are more than welcome to PM me. I would be glad to give you some advice or just a person to talk to if it would help!

Also, please don't troll this thread.

*hug* <3

Im seeking help for my physical ailments.. it may not be getting me anywhere but I'm seeking it.

JAKACHAN wrote:

For those of you that know me you may understand from my streams or general talking that I have an anger issue. The thing is I tend to overthink things due to some past events that lead to anger, jealousy and just a general running mind. This has caused many negative impacts on my life, but recent negative events have really caused me to think about myself as a person and how I could better myself to really show those who I have pushed away that I can change and be who I need to be. I invite anyone who has admit their faults recently to post how you as a person have done something to better yourself.


For myself:

I quit my job and started pushing toward a career that I enjoy which has given me so much relief.
I am going to set up a doctors appointment to find out how I may combat my families long line of depression, overthinking and anger.
I have made a push to generally be a more positive individual.
I do not allow myself to give up anymore, the people and things most worth it in life are those who are not easy to achieve.


If you have not made a recent change I hope this may give you the encouragement to really push yourself in a way where you may better yourself and live an even happier life.

Also, please don't troll this thread.

Great to hear buddy ^.^, been fixing alot, made alot of good friends recently, keep up the good work! GOGO FIGHT!

my issue is doing things outside of home by myself, i guess that's what happens when you play on a computer for 10 years.

in late 2012 i started taking college classes and it has really helped me to get out and meet people, even driving and getting gas for the car was a big deal for me at first lol but i feel much more comfortable doing stuff outside of home now this next semester i will be signed up to be available for work in the computer department, cant wait to meet people with the same interests as me

Thanks John for sharing your story. It is always nice to hear someone bettering oneself.

As for me, I decided to completely stop drinking soda back 6 months ago. This is not really considered a recent change however, I did not drink a sip of it since then. This was a huge accomplishment for me seeing that I used to drink up to 3-4 cans of it a day. As a result, I ended up losing about 12 pounds naturally.

Another thing I did was limit myself from this game by a huge load. I went from playing this game 4-5 times a week (3-4 hours a session) to playing this game like 1-2 times a week (1-2 hours per session) This REALLY changed my productivity on real life situations and even earned me a better job career. This was actually around 3 months ago.

PS: I also have anger issues in real life but I have learned overtime how to better control it. I am still currently working on it though. There are still some things that REALLY turns me off and I sometimes can not control myself. It's an ongoing process I suppose!

RIP wrote:

Thanks John for sharing your story. It is always nice to hear someone bettering oneself.

As for me, I decided to completely stop drinking soda back 6 months ago. This is not really considered a recent change however, I did not drink a sip of it since then. This was a huge accomplishment for me seeing that I used to drink up to 3-4 cans of it a day. As a result, I ended up losing about 12 pounds naturally.

Another thing I did was limit myself from this game by a huge load. I went from playing this game 4-5 times a week (3-4 hours a session) to playing this game like 1-2 times a week (1-2 hours per session) This REALLY changed my productivity on real life situations and even earned me a better job career. This was actually around 3 months ago.

PS: I also have anger issues in real life but I have learned overtime how to better control it. I am still currently working on it though. There are still some things that REALLY turns me off and I sometimes can not control myself. It's an ongoing process I suppose!

I'm really glad to hear that my friend, I hope you continue to make progress it sounds like you are much happier!

hmm...
well, when I was younger I was a wretch who barely went to school and just played computer games all day. but since then I have moved to a unit in town by myself and am attending college full time, I even go outside and exercise sometimes (at night of course). so I've been doing a few things to better myself, mainly because I don't want to end up a Hik who is a parasite to society.

I don't really think I have any bad character traits, however I am really annoyed at myself because of general lack of intelligence/skills/motivation/social skills. I sort of feel like I lost out on the genetic jackpot, but at least I am of a disposition that I don't care to much and can be happy anyway. I don't get depressed as long as I have a house and a computer to entertain myself.

I think my biggest problem is I hate going outside and I find social interactions quite taxing.

B1rd wrote:

hmm...
well, when I was younger I was a wretch who barely went to school and just played computer games all day. but since then I have moved to a unit in town by myself and am attending college full time, I even go outside and exercise sometimes (at night of course). so I've been doing a few things to better myself, mainly because I don't want to end up a Hik who is a parasite to society.

I don't really think I have any bad character traits, however I am really annoyed at myself because of general lack of intelligence/skills/motivation/social skills. I sort of feel like I lost out on the genetic jackpot, but at least I am of a disposition that I don't care to much and can be happy anyway. I don't get depressed as long as I have a house and a computer to entertain myself.

I think my biggest problem is I hate going outside and I find social interactions quite taxing.

It takes a lot to honestly admit that and I think you are on the right track. I hope you continue to move forward, just set goals for yourself and when you reach them it makes you feel a lot better to the point where further goals don't seem so far.

I have started exercising.
I quit school since all it did was make me miserable and depressed.
Decided to join the Navy and work my way as an SECF and potentially go into the SEALs program a few years from now.

Life has been a hell of a ride recently and it's really looking up from here.

Skriggniichan wrote:

I have started exercising.
I quit school since all it did was make me miserable and depressed.
Decided to join the Navy and work my way as an SECF and potentially go into the SEALs program a few years from now.

Life has been a hell of a ride recently and it's really looking up from here.

Quitting school can be a tough decision, but some people just need to take a different route if it honestly isn't for them. It seems like you are happy with your decision however and I hope the best for you in the coming future. Stay safe out there my friend. I look up to your determination and the time you will spend serving your country.

This isn't so much something I have done to improve myself, but rather things I have realized about myself.

I have always been a lazy person-- I'm sure a lot of us here can relate. At the end of the day all I'm usually concerned about is whether I had fun or whether I was able to work towards whatever silly and insignificant goals I have for myself. My big problem is that I can't motivate myself to do things I am not interested in. The only incentives I have is that I'll starve or die if I don't work that one shitty job (or career even; I've failed to find any sort of work that truly captivates me). After a lot of introspection regarding this I've come to the conclusion that playing games so much is kinda negatively impacting my life. I'm so absorbed in video games that I can rarely find anything that motivates me or amuses me more than them. I've faced the fact and just started doing what I can to get my life in order, like accepting that additional job offer and working to be less of a leech on society and more of a productive working citizen. I should be able to one day find reward in my work. That is what I strive for. I want my video game achievements to be less satisfying than that fulfilling day at work eventually.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and I appreciate your ability to post such a thread. It's kinda brave to admit your faults and it's actually really nice of you to help others learn from your flaws.

Kaoru wrote:

This isn't so much something I have done to improve myself, but rather things I have realized about myself.

I have always been a lazy person-- I'm sure a lot of us here can relate. At the end of the day all I'm usually concerned about is whether I had fun or whether I was able to work towards whatever silly and insignificant goals I have for myself. My big problem is that I can't motivate myself to do things I am not interested in. The only incentives I have is that I'll starve or die if I don't work that one shitty job (or career even; I've failed to find any sort of work that truly captivates me). After a lot of introspection regarding this I've come to the conclusion that playing games so much is kinda negatively impacting my life. I'm so absorbed in video games that I can rarely find anything that motivates me or amuses me more than them. I've faced the fact and just started doing what I can to get my life in order, like accepting that additional job offer and working to be less of a leech on society and more of a productive working citizen. I should be able to one day find reward in my work. That is what I strive for. I want my video game achievements to be less satisfying than that fulfilling day at work eventually.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and I appreciate your ability to post such a thread. It's kinda brave to admit your faults and it's actually really nice of you to help others learn from your flaws.

I agree, this was my goal with the thread and the reason why I want it to spread. People feel like change is a bad thing and always go along with "Just be yourself" but honestly there are always things you can do to better yourself. I don't disagree that being yourself is a good thing, but most people feel much better with themselves and are much more active and positive when they feel like they have improved something.

I just want people to understand that admitting your faults and wanting to make changes is not a bad thing. In fact it's something that will motivate you to live the best life you can. After all, we only have so much time on this planet why not make it the best we can?

Jaka you're my inspiration and my motivation to want to better myself now

Kyonko Hizara wrote:

Jaka you're my inspiration and my motivation to want to better myself now

I hope you can really move forward with it! I believe in you =w=

JAKACHAN wrote:

Also, please don't troll this thread.

Very stern warning on this.

When i was kid something bad happen to my legs. ( sorry i don't want to talk about it )
From start of the holidays i have started training given to me by my doctor.
Before the holidays i was only laying in my bed and sleeping.
From now i need to play football 2x more and sometimes play basketball.
After that i need to run around 10 km.
My doctor says that if i be training like this for 2 months my legs will came back to normal.
After hearing that words i'm trying to fight even more because this will open road to playing again in my club ^^

Trauter wrote:

When i was kid something bad happen to my legs. ( sorry i don't want to talk about it )
From start of the holidays i have started training given to me by my doctor.
Before the holidays i was only laying in my bed and sleeping.
From now i need to play football 2x more and sometimes play basketball.
After that i need to run around 10 km.
My doctor says that if i be training like this for 2 months my legs will came back to normal.
After hearing that words i'm trying to fight even more because this will open road to playing again in my club ^^

I wish you the best of luck with your rehabilitation. I hope to see a future update from you regarding your progress! Keep fighting and I'm sure you will make it.

signing up for zumba i guess

and planning to join a dance team in fall to make more friends =w=

I'm late on posting when I wanted to, but I may as well do so. Late is better than never, I guess.

Throughout these couple of years, a lot of things went down. Me being unable to leave the house more often, not having many friends outside of the internet, and... just not having a huge reason to step outside in general, to the point where if I went outside during the summer, I'd end up feeling like I have an instant fever in seconds because I would stay mainly stationed in my house for months.

However... One particular event took place in terms of wanting to change myself: the visit of Killha (some people, mainly the Mumble crew, will know of my history with him). This guy spent hundreds of dollars to fly from New York out of his two jobs that he juggled just to meet my family and finally meet me in person during my most important milestone in life so far: graduation. It was a pleasant visit, but... also a slap to the face that I could do so much more to better myself. As of late, I've been taking on a lot of goals.

It all lead to some months back, around Winter of 2013. Began taking very early college classes, and been maintaining a 4.0 for my grade so far (hoping to keep it that way, too!). After Killha's visit, I've also been taking time to leave the house more to at least spend time with family, or just go to the mall with my sister and her friends (and sometimes, the boyfriend). I also been looking at myself from a physical standpoint. Been taking a lot more time going to small things like the spa, or to a hair dresser, just to give myself time to look... nicer. For myself. And to think, I haven't really even given a damn about these things until now.

It's funny how some peculiar events make you want to give your life a full 180 into a more positive direction, yeah?

Thanks for making this thread, Jaka.

Signing up for a gym membership and trying to study much more than I used to since I've always been a lazy ass!

I walked from one district to another instead of using the subway to save 3 HKD (40 or so cents) and it was worth because I saw a guy sleeping on a motorbike under a highway.I have been walking a lot lately...

Shall hopefully take a look at some of my old school books to refresh my mind before I go back to studying sometime next year hopefully.
Also trying to build up strength in my back at physiotherapy, and also deciding, if worst comes to worst, getting help from a pain specialist to handle whatever comes my way in life.

My life's been a rollercoaster for the past year or so, what with trying to balance school with friends and video games... I've always been really lazy, but it's been getting a lot worse as of recently. It (as well as my growing negativity) has been causing me trouble in school as well as in my social life, and I've had enough of living a life of constant discouragement.

As for what I'm doing:
I've worked my ass off in school for the past few months in order to secure my graduation this year.
I'm trying to get out of the house more.
I am spending time enjoying long walks.
I've been trying to spend more time with the friends I do have.
I've stopped lying to myself and denying my faults.
I'm finding less and less motivation to play video games (not really an improvement on my part, but hey, at least it means I'll be playing less).
I'm encouraging myself to be a more positive person in general.

There's not really anything happening during the summer though, and I'm still waiting for my exam results so I can find out where I'm going next year. But I am planning on continuing to make an effort to become a better, more likeable person once summer ends. There's nothing to do at this point but look forward, and it'll be refreshing to start anew.

I'm really glad to hear that all of you have not only taken the dedication to improve but the results have been so positive! I read all of these posts and it really makes me feel good to know that one post can cause so many to leave their comfort zone share their faults and work hard to fix them! Keep posting and never give up

It's not so much what have I done lately to better myself but it's what I could start doing to better myself, which didn't take place until last month

For starters I could go for cutting myself some slack. When I know I can do a lot better than what I currently can (Say if I fall a little bit short on a goal), I tend to beat myself up over it, especially if my other friends seemingly are doing progressively better in their lives than what I feel I am with my own.

So I need to not worry about what others are doing and focus more on not beating myself up on every little thing. Adding that to the fact that I overworry too much and I have a very short temper at the worst times and you have a laundry list of things to improve on.

But what have I done LATELY was trying to do the "impossible". Visiting Agnes was the first step as it was something I've always wanted to do since we first built a history together many years ago. Something that a lot of people I knew in real life said that "It just wasn't possible". The fact that I was able to draw the bridge closer between us showed me that when I set my mind to something, it can get done, even if it's something that I never imagined could happen in my wildest dreams.

So what I've done lately is think about my future and how I can achieve it with not only my own hands and of course with the help of others who are there to lend a helping hand. All this time I thought I could do things on my own and yet my visit to Agnes showed me that I really wasn't alone. I'm now realizing that I'm not alone in my struggle

Killha wrote:

Snip!

I'm really glad all this has worked out for you. I have noticed the difference and I hope you meet your goals!

Well I guess I may as well give a small update for myself. Over the past few days since i really started this I have been focusing hard on my anger, and gladly I have gone this entire week without getting frustrated, mad, or angry at a single thing. It's not 100% where I want it to be yet, but the progress is being made and I feel great because of it. This makes me even more determined to get it all taken care of!

.

whoa I'm glad to have this kind of thread on here. I hope people can accept themselves more by admitting and confessing things, and then really work themselves to turn to be much much better than before. goodluck for all of us in the whole world. c:

Lately, I've been having a lot of depression and stress. Why I haven't came to osu! to just sit down and relax by mapping and/or playing, I instead suffered greatly to reboot my computer atleast 15 times this week, fix a couple friendships, and play games with people on a limited basis.

Fortunately, what I did do today about 10 hours ago was was go outside, breath in, walk around, pick a couple flowers, walk back to my house, sit on the front porch, and star at the gazing sky. The night stars remind me distant goals in my life to reach out, and more became to appear, therefore, there would be more goals to set in life. I went back in, sat back down, and decided to think about what I wanted to do with my life. Being lonely really did help me go through depression better imo, and it helped me get rid of the problems I had a lot faster.

@Coldtooh, depression and stress are hard to get over but not impossible, I think that setting goals for yourself is a good step in the right direction and I hope you are able to fight and push forward to get rid of it!

@Greeeenpanda It's all good! Sometimes you just need to rant to really realize what changes you need to make to yourself. It sounds like you have an idea of what you want done now is just the time to start planning out how you will take action.

Good luck to you both!

woop woop long post time

Recently, and over time for a while, I've been having random attacks of depression, anxiety, and being extremely stressed out. I am very likely manic depressive, seeing as my mother also is. Often, I am told to try and get recommended for medication, but I cannot take it due to my size (I am barely within the minimum weight requirements) and because medications often have negative effects on me. I haven't had much motivation to do things that I enjoy, and doing most of them don't satisfy me anymore. Also, I feel like my depression has driven me away from my friends. People I once enjoyed talking with I now worry about annoying them with my problems and depression. Most of the time I don't even know what I'm depressed over, I have no reasons to be depressed, but I am.
Any times in the past I have wanted to better myself, I had never fully gone through with it. I was always either told I was doing it wrong or that I shouldn't do it because I wouldn't be me anymore. But why would they want me to still be depressed?
Jaka making this thread, and getting to talk to him personally, made me want to go through with changing myself for the better. First, I want to get back to doing more things I enjoy, the main thing of this being drawing. I want to complete at least 1-2 pieces per week to keep me motivated with my work, so expect to be seeing more from me in the art thread! Since I want to do more that I enjoy, I want to practice more with my singing. I want to upload some of it, so I'll be making a SoundCloud to keep my stuff in.
Something that I feel will also help with my depression, altho it's prolly really dumb, is getting to meet my boyfriend irl. I have never actually been with someone irl before. My stepbro wants to help me with this, so I hope he keeps to it. If he stays to it, he wants to do this for me every month or every other month.

Kyonko Hizara wrote:

Snip

I'm very glad for you Kyonko, I have known you for a while and have seen you when you are depressed. I never wish that on any of my friends and I hope being able to see your boyfriend really does help you!

I finally left the house.

Diagram wrote:

I finally left the house.

That's always a good improvement! I am doing the same here within the next month or 2 Hope you enjoy your new life out of the house!

Already making improvements~ I have 4 different art pieces I'm working on. I also made a SoundCloud account to upload any of my singing on, I haven't uploaded anything yet, but will be soon.

Another thing I've done that I've wanted to do is get back into playing osu!. So far it's been really enjoyable, so I want to see how it goes. Playing keeps me busy and I used it in the past to keep my mind off things.

Kyonko Hizara wrote:

Already making improvements~ I have 4 different art pieces I'm working on. I also made a SoundCloud account to upload any of my singing on, I haven't uploaded anything yet, but will be soon.

Another thing I've done that I've wanted to do is get back into playing osu!. So far it's been really enjoyable, so I want to see how it goes. Playing keeps me busy and I used it in the past to keep my mind off things.

I'm glad to see you back in the game and glad you are taking steps to get your mind off things and give yourself projects to do!

As for me I have finally taken control of my anger and have started working on my jealousy which I have made big steps on already. I will continue to do so to reach the goal I have set for myself!

As a new step as well. If anyone is too nervous to post publicly you are more than welcome to PM me. I would be glad to give you some advice or just a person to talk to if it would help! I will be posting this on the original post as well.

lol, sure, I'll do this

for the past few months I've been absolutely screwed emotionally. I lost about all of my irl friends in a big misunderstanding that basically tore the universe apart and had to reevaluate basically everything that I was doing.

it's pretty weird, but I've stayed with the same friends basically for the past 10 years. irl, anyways. so when this shit happened it really tore me apart. I ended up doing a ton of things to try and get around it, went to massive amounts of therapy for a few months (well, for that reason and others), ended up trying to make an entire new friend base only to realize that they were just as corrupted as everybody else.. even basically ended up sucking myself into osu! even more completely than I was around that time a year before.

then I finally quit therapy and started writing diaries instead. which for some reason works better.

after like, 6 months of this, I finally stopped trying to run away from everything and started to face it. I went back through to a bunch of people that left like that and apologized for a bunch of stuff in an attempt to get them back, and for the most part it worked. hell, my best friend even came back a few days ago (ironically enough he was the one who started most of it) and we got really emotional for a bit getting back on good terms with each other.

but there's no way I would've been able to do this without the people online to help me through all of this; everybody who's stood through with me through me being an awful person, messing up constantly, making constant mistakes and tearing up not only my own friendships but friendships of others.

so what really I've done to better myself was a bunch of different things - I finally came to realization and agreement that online friends are just as good as real life friends, and it took me way more years to realize this than I should have. any friend is a friend, and everybody should be treated the same, regardless of where they exist on. even if they're thousands of miles away from you, emotions travel over the internet just as much as they do face to face.

and on top of that, mostly, I learned to respect myself. after being told it tons of different times from all of the people that took my burdens and listened to me complain for hours on end, I realized I was worth something and I've become a massively better person because of it.

so to everybody, if you're reading this and were a part of my life in the past few months in some way shape or form and you at least talked to me and tried to make me feel better at any point; EVEN IF you weren't even aware that I haven't been totally happy - thank you. from the bottom of my heart. you are the reason why I've become a better person today. without all of the people that held my hand through all of the bullshit that I caused myself, I might've broken.

and to everybody who doesn't know me, or is just reading this out there and feels the same way that I did at one point or another; you too, are important. you're worth something to somebody, regardless of how bad they treat you, how much people might put you down, there's always a part in everybody's hearts regardless of how they feel that has some good in it and although they might not show it, you matter to them somehow. and of course, the people that live away and have never even spoken a word to you in your life - there are people out there that you've never even spoken to that might admire you from afar and think you're the greatest person in existance. everybody, everybody has at least one of these people. I promise.

keep trying, because one day it's going to pay off. don't let people toss you around and put you down like you don't matter, because you do.

so, gd, this is my long essay on how I've become a better person. my entire life changed in 6 months, and now I can say finally that I'm more proud of who I am than ever before in my life.

I literally just vented out my entire life on a board on a circle clicking game

hi

.

rachel wrote:

Maeglwn wrote:

-snip-

ur a faget

ilymaegdonthurtmepls<3

ilu2 you wonderful person

I've kinda always been slow with just about everything compared to everyone else and it's been a burden on myself and everyone around me for a long time, but I'm trying to catch up and get my life to where it should be at my age. I'm that kind of person that is incredibly lazy, but more because I operate on momentum. It's very difficult for me to start things, but it's also very difficult for me to stop things unless I can transition into something similar. A lot of these things aren't really recent per se, but it's close enough to be relevant.

I dropped out of college after two years due to my own incompatibility with the entire education system. It had been completely obvious to me that continuing with that would never have been beneficial in the end, despite my parents trying their damned hardest to persuade me away. Shortly after, I got a job at a grocery store (primarily to start paying on the student loan bills) and have been focusing almost entirely on making sure my coworkers and managers have as positive an opinion as possible about me. Primarily, I've been trying to improve communication in my department and become a support that people can rely on since... our department is notorious for having people leave or get forcibly kicked out within two months of them joining. One side effect of working here is that I'm also actually gaining social skills since I never talked to anyone during high school.

I'm also working on finally getting a driver's license so I don't have to drown in my own sweat when walking to and from work anymore, and also so that I have a lot more freedom in where I can get a job in the future. Pretty much all of this should've been done once I was out of high school (no way it was ever happening during high school or I would never have graduated).

I'm also trying to work more on writing, since I plan on eventually becoming a full time writer and have too many ideas in my head to just keep them there. Motivation is getting difficult to come by, though...

CalignoBot wrote:

I've kinda always been slow with just about everything compared to everyone else and it's been a burden on myself and everyone around me for a long time, but I'm trying to catch up and get my life to where it should be at my age. I'm that kind of person that is incredibly lazy, but more because I operate on momentum. It's very difficult for me to start things, but it's also very difficult for me to stop things unless I can transition into something similar. A lot of these things aren't really recent per se, but it's close enough to be relevant.

I dropped out of college after two years due to my own incompatibility with the entire education system. It had been completely obvious to me that continuing with that would never have been beneficial in the end, despite my parents trying their damned hardest to persuade me away. Shortly after, I got a job at a grocery store (primarily to start paying on the student loan bills) and have been focusing almost entirely on making sure my coworkers and managers have as positive an opinion as possible about me. Primarily, I've been trying to improve communication in my department and become a support that people can rely on since... our department is notorious for having people leave or get forcibly kicked out within two months of them joining. One side effect of working here is that I'm also actually gaining social skills since I never talked to anyone during high school.

I'm also working on finally getting a driver's license so I don't have to drown in my own sweat when walking to and from work anymore, and also so that I have a lot more freedom in where I can get a job in the future. Pretty much all of this should've been done once I was out of high school (no way it was ever happening during high school or I would never have graduated).

I'm also trying to work more on writing, since I plan on eventually becoming a full time writer and have too many ideas in my head to just keep them there. Motivation is getting difficult to come by, though...

writing is the hardest thing to motivate yourself to do without outside help

so don't be afraid to ask people to go over your work and stuff

goodf or you though :3

I studied for my drivers license and I'm taking it tomorrow! ( For moped / 50cc motorcycle )
+ I went outside

I'm really glad for anyone who has taken this thread as it should be. It's great to see all of you improving and I only wish you the best in your future. My situation has gotten much better but I am still going to continue working hard to fix all of my problems and I hope to hear updates from all of you!

Stay strong!

Earlier this year, as I was graduating, I was thinking about how completely screwed I was. I've waited too long to befriend anyone and they all got into their little groups, which just left me by myself with friends I've never seen that live hundreds of kilometers away. I was thinking that once I enter college, I would just be all by myself without an opportunity to meet anyone, I was also degrading myself constantly and sometimes just broke down crying hugging my dogs wondering why.

Now I've got a job and optimism, I value the little I have instead of wishing for things, I look up to people instead of telling myself they're better than me, I'm not scared of being left alone with my thoughts anymore and I'm going to try to meet new people instead of avoiding them.
Now all I need to do is some exercise and i'm all set.

I stopped trying to kill people 2-3 years ago, but I still have issues with seeing living things as... living things I guess, but then again it's not like I get treated as a living thing outside of the internet.
Having spent years in what I see as isolation because of our mother hijacking our house might be one of the causes of my disregard of life, I just sit in my room all day with almost no natural light/sound and with my laptop because I distrust everyone and everything. That distrust might also be caused because every time I trusted anyone I ended up in a not so pleasant experience(for example brain damage after getting stones thrown to the back of the head or getting barraged by ice balls with stones in them... also aiming for the head)

May I also say that spewing stuff like this out is harder in front of a psychologist than it is to write it down on these forums but I did do it.

So here is what I did to feel less terrible about myself and to be less of a danger to others.
1. Stop trying to choke people to death.
2. Make myself feel better(might sound selfish but eh at least I can think about myself without wanting to blow my brains out now.
3. keep myself away from sharp objects for as long as I don't need them... because out of sight is out of mind.
4. Seek help... my psychologists might be idiots because they just bring up the bad memories each time I talk to them, but they try(I also need them because I do not like... this body).

Blame kyonko's skype status for making me check the forums.

I also left a lot of info out of this text because it simply is too much to write down.

Sorry if my 'essay' comes off as really unorganized, but I'm not a very good writer. Anyways, the past year has been my most productive as far as self improvement goes. The biggest thing that happened to me was probably entering online school. Besides the fact that I'm inside the house more often, it's been nothing but improvements. Public school was just not for me. My grades were horrible. 1 A, rest D's and F's. Not to come off as pompous, but I knew that it wasn't entirely my fault, my classmates were just idiots really. They goofed around, forcing the teacher to have to stop teaching, and the teachers had no backbones, they would never kick them out or anything. So as a result I and anybody who wanted to learn never learned, and all of us got bad grades. By near the end of the year I got into online school, a complete 180. A's and B's.

But, I did get lazy. No working out, sitting on the seat all day. Up until 2 days ago I failed to realize that a huge part of my laziness and not doing anything was because I cared too much about what other thought/said. I stopped playing online games all together, which was really my only contact with any other human beings. I stopped talking to people period. My friends would come over and try to get me to go outside, but I wasn't interested at all. Thanks to some guidance I got from (mostly) myself, I began to turn it around. I already didn't eat chips or anything like that, but my diet was and still is pretty bad. Hotpockets... Pizza... Healthy food is off my radar, so I have to fix that.

Anyways, back to me turning myself around. A huge amount of my enjoyment and happiness was cut off because I was scared that other people would not like what I did, or said, or thought, or anything. That's anxiety I was dealing with for the past 3-4 years. Tbh, I'm kinda disappointing in myself that it took me so long to realize that I need to do what I want to do and not care what other thought unless need be. But hey, it could be worse. Besides all that, I think I should close this post, didn't exactly intend to drag it on for this many paragraphs, but there was nobody for me to talk to this about, as I'm not very good with face to face communication anyways.

To close this post off, I guess I'll list things that I've done to improve myself I guess. Even now I don't feel like posting this cause Idk what others will think, but I'm already several paragraphs in, so here goes nothing.
1) Entered online school (I'm sure it's not for everyone, but this was the best decision I made for my education yet.)
2) Started to look at myself more (There's a lot of things I didn't exactly know about myself that I've been learning recently, for example that thing I listed one paragraph up)
3) Started exercising again.
4) Trying out new things.

That's actually amazing. I especially value the nr. 4) - Sometimes you just have to say 'yes' to everything you get invited to and however boring it might appear, it is always better than doing the same in same out stuff in front of your computer or TV or whatever. + Who knows, within these things that you go to, there might be your hidden passion waiting for you.


As for me:
I'm introverted by nature and was always addicted to video games and anime. I had (and still kinda have - became much better though) horrible social skills and I have always been plagued by speech jamming since my language skills aren't so good (My parents are chinese and I grew up learning their horrible german).
Fast forward, I enjoy going outside on my own now and I've kinda started getting out of my comfort zone, doing funny things in public, making people laugh by being random (like dancing in public or taking strangerselfies and all the weird stuff) and it's really awesome to see and meet new people.

I've also stopped fapping and watching porn, the biggest hurdle of any male in the internet age. It dulls your mind, makes you socially impotenter and generally stops you from speaking to girls since you can always go back to your fap cave and jack one off after a bad day.

For my 3rd point - I started sleeping in 1,5hr cycles which reduces my sleeping time to 7,5 or even 6 hrs, with 1-2 20 minute naps over the day. It not only prevents you from oversleeping and missing half of the day 'coz u slept 11 hours, it also stops you from being tired (duh) by sleeping either too short or too long. I could send links if you really want to see a source.

4th: Started eating better. Not necessarily very healthy, but better. Still eat more fried than baked, but at least it's only meat. Sweets and Snacks are nailed down to nuts and fruit only. Vegetables twice a day ofc and my drinks have been narrowed down to water and orange juice.

I also take more care to have a good posture, be open and smile more. My language skills still suck but at least I look confident while shouting grammatically wrong stuff!


My biggest problem: I still don't exercise as much as I should. In fact, I don't - at all. I feel the only way to build muscle is workout either at home or the gym and I did that for 7 weeks, until my class trip came up - I ate shit and garbage, had fun but still ate shit - and now I'm back to status quo and a lazy couch potatoe doing nothing that improves my physique since my motivation went down, but most importantly my commitment has faded now. I'm 16 now so joining a sports club might be somewhat awkward too since I'm kinda too old for joining a sports club now, am I. (volleyball)
There's a little mountain of bobble building in my stomach area and my face has always been round and fat-looking, which I HATE!!

Well, thanks for this thread JAKACHAN, kind of helps venting when you write down some stuff that's on your mind. Also, keep fighting everyone!


PS: I also only take cold showers now - improves your immune system, is much more comfortable for your body in the summer, literally cools your mind, makes you feel like a man, weakens your libido (urge to masturbate) and is much better for your skin & hair.

It's great that all of you have the bravery to post all of this stuff on a public thread. Admitting these faults to people who can be complete strangers is never easy but I feel as if it really helps build your confidence and motivation to change yourself. I really hope this thread stays alive so I can continue to see all the changes people are making and even updates from those who have posted before!

As for myself I have gotten rid of the negativity brought on from my jealousy and I have come in control with my anger!

Keep fighting everyone!

Magicphoenix wrote:

SPOILER

That's actually amazing. I especially value the nr. 4) - Sometimes you just have to say 'yes' to everything you get invited to and however boring it might appear, it is always better than doing the same in same out stuff in front of your computer or TV or whatever. + Who knows, within these things that you go to, there might be your hidden passion waiting for you.


As for me:
I'm introverted by nature and was always addicted to video games and anime. I had (and still kinda have - became much better though) horrible social skills and I have always been plagued by speech jamming since my language skills aren't so good (My parents are chinese and I grew up learning their horrible german).
Fast forward, I enjoy going outside on my own now and I've kinda started getting out of my comfort zone, doing funny things in public, making people laugh by being random (like dancing in public or taking strangerselfies and all the weird stuff) and it's really awesome to see and meet new people.

I've also stopped fapping and watching porn, the biggest hurdle of any male in the internet age. It dulls your mind, makes you socially impotenter and generally stops you from speaking to girls since you can always go back to your fap cave and jack one off after a bad day.

For my 3rd point - I started sleeping in 1,5hr cycles which reduces my sleeping time to 7,5 or even 6 hrs, with 1-2 20 minute naps over the day. It not only prevents you from oversleeping and missing half of the day 'coz u slept 11 hours, it also stops you from being tired (duh) by sleeping either too short or too long. I could send links if you really want to see a source.

4th: Started eating better. Not necessarily very healthy, but better. Still eat more fried than baked, but at least it's only meat. Sweets and Snacks are nailed down to nuts and fruit only. Vegetables twice a day ofc and my drinks have been narrowed down to water and orange juice.

I also take more care to have a good posture, be open and smile more. My language skills still suck but at least I look confident while shouting grammatically wrong stuff!


My biggest problem: I still don't exercise as much as I should. In fact, I don't - at all. I feel the only way to build muscle is workout either at home or the gym and I did that for 7 weeks, until my class trip came up - I ate shit and garbage, had fun but still ate shit - and now I'm back to status quo and a lazy couch potatoe doing nothing that improves my physique since my motivation went down, but most importantly my commitment has faded now. I'm 16 now so joining a sports club might be somewhat awkward too since I'm kinda too old for joining a sports club now, am I. (volleyball)
There's a little mountain of bobble building in my stomach area and my face has always been round and fat-looking, which I HATE!!

Well, thanks for this thread JAKACHAN, kind of helps venting when you write down some stuff that's on your mind. Also, keep fighting everyone!


PS: I also only take cold showers now - improves your immune system, is much more comfortable for your body in the summer, literally cools your mind, makes you feel like a man, weakens your libido (urge to masturbate) and is much better for your skin & hair.

I've been dealing with abstaining from fapping for over a year now, pretty daunting commitment, but I keep going because I know it will be worth it, from past experiences. I've been interested in changing my sleep cycles for a few weeks now but I "never got around to it". I wouldn't mind links if you want to send them.

Slip wrote:

I've been dealing with abstaining from fapping for over a year now, pretty daunting commitment, but I keep going because I know it will be worth it, from past experiences. I've been interested in changing my sleep cycles for a few weeks now but I "never got around to it". I wouldn't mind links if you want to send them.

If you want to keep yourself the most alert and not have to deal with that drowsy feeling then you can always check out this site.

http://sleepyti.me/

Just put when you want to wake up and it will give you all the times you can sleep at with the best few as well highlighted a different color!