When I first played this game, back then I was relatively simple: finding my favorite songs and then trying to challenge them on 1 or 2 star difficulty, trying to aim for a higher accuracy to get an s rating.
It was also at that time that I began to enjoy watching replays of the top players, envisioning that I could one day be as good as they were.Inspired by them, I started to play the map with mod. Even i just play with hr, but still leave me a deep impression:Never thought a map could become more challenging and fun, it stirred up my competitive spirit and I became addicted to it.
That's also when I was introduced to dt: the songs became faster because of the multiplier playback, paired with hr make the whole map harder, and I've never been more excited than at this moment as I watched my cursor fly: I felt like a top player in the replay.
From there, I felt like I was going down a very extreme path: I would start using hr and dt to play lower difficulty maps（maybe 2-3 star on nomod）, and the quest for accuracy forced me to go for 100% accuracy. It's like an obsessive-compulsive disorder: ss or retry.
I was very addicted to gaming at that time, when I was free I would play for three to four hours a day until I felt tired. Maybe it was the incorrect posture and high sensitivity of the mouse that caused me to develop tendonitis, especially after I graduated from college and started working, I still needed to use the computer for long hours every day, which made my hands even more painful, and finally this year I accepted my doctor's advice and started to treat my hands: trying to do some rehabilitation exercises, wearing wrist braces and using pain medication.
This weekend, because of my active treatment I felt my hand was in better shape, and suddenly I wanted to keep playing the game, I opened it up and started playing maps with the dthr again, and even got my new bp!
But when I looked back at my personal page, I was suddenly a bit frustrated: I'd spent five hundred hours on this game, seventy thousand playcounts, and despite earning a number of ss scores, when I tried to play without the mod, it was obvious to me that I was far below my ranking: someone with a similar ranking to me might be able to get through the 5 star difficulty and try to get a good score on the 4 star difficulty, whereas I was addicted to using dthr to play 2 or 3 star maps, even though the difficulty boosts from the mods made it seem like I was good. But once I leave them, I will be in my original form.
I began to reflect: if I hadn't chosen to use the mods in the first place, but instead started playing on a low difficulty and gradually began to challenge myself on a higher difficulty, spending the same amount of time on the game, would I have gotten a bigger boost? But now my hand pain has affected my real life. And I'm no longer having as much fun with the game as I used to. I feel like a robot now: even though I'm still filled with a sense of accomplishment every time I get ss, it's hard for me to take as much joy from it as I used to.I felt like I was falling into paranoia about the pursuit of perfection: I would get anxious about repeatedly trying and failing to get ss, and the pursuit of world rankings or pp amplified this even more.
I feel like I'm in a very bad state of mind right now: I've tried to play other games and gain enjoyment from them (yes, I bought a lot of games on steam, but I played them less because I was addicted to osu in the first place), but it's not working. I think I should try to take up some new hobbies and care more about my life and health, like the osu's cue: "Your hands are for your whole life, not the osu."
It was also at that time that I began to enjoy watching replays of the top players, envisioning that I could one day be as good as they were.Inspired by them, I started to play the map with mod. Even i just play with hr, but still leave me a deep impression:Never thought a map could become more challenging and fun, it stirred up my competitive spirit and I became addicted to it.
That's also when I was introduced to dt: the songs became faster because of the multiplier playback, paired with hr make the whole map harder, and I've never been more excited than at this moment as I watched my cursor fly: I felt like a top player in the replay.
From there, I felt like I was going down a very extreme path: I would start using hr and dt to play lower difficulty maps（maybe 2-3 star on nomod）, and the quest for accuracy forced me to go for 100% accuracy. It's like an obsessive-compulsive disorder: ss or retry.
I was very addicted to gaming at that time, when I was free I would play for three to four hours a day until I felt tired. Maybe it was the incorrect posture and high sensitivity of the mouse that caused me to develop tendonitis, especially after I graduated from college and started working, I still needed to use the computer for long hours every day, which made my hands even more painful, and finally this year I accepted my doctor's advice and started to treat my hands: trying to do some rehabilitation exercises, wearing wrist braces and using pain medication.
This weekend, because of my active treatment I felt my hand was in better shape, and suddenly I wanted to keep playing the game, I opened it up and started playing maps with the dthr again, and even got my new bp!
But when I looked back at my personal page, I was suddenly a bit frustrated: I'd spent five hundred hours on this game, seventy thousand playcounts, and despite earning a number of ss scores, when I tried to play without the mod, it was obvious to me that I was far below my ranking: someone with a similar ranking to me might be able to get through the 5 star difficulty and try to get a good score on the 4 star difficulty, whereas I was addicted to using dthr to play 2 or 3 star maps, even though the difficulty boosts from the mods made it seem like I was good. But once I leave them, I will be in my original form.
I began to reflect: if I hadn't chosen to use the mods in the first place, but instead started playing on a low difficulty and gradually began to challenge myself on a higher difficulty, spending the same amount of time on the game, would I have gotten a bigger boost? But now my hand pain has affected my real life. And I'm no longer having as much fun with the game as I used to. I feel like a robot now: even though I'm still filled with a sense of accomplishment every time I get ss, it's hard for me to take as much joy from it as I used to.I felt like I was falling into paranoia about the pursuit of perfection: I would get anxious about repeatedly trying and failing to get ss, and the pursuit of world rankings or pp amplified this even more.
I feel like I'm in a very bad state of mind right now: I've tried to play other games and gain enjoyment from them (yes, I bought a lot of games on steam, but I played them less because I was addicted to osu in the first place), but it's not working. I think I should try to take up some new hobbies and care more about my life and health, like the osu's cue: "Your hands are for your whole life, not the osu."