July 12 update:Chapter 7: Because starting stories on Chapter 1 is boring."How did you arrive here?" asked Nyquill. She had never expected the mysterious stalker to follow her all the way to China.
"Before you left, I had one strand of hair extracted from you while you slept. I took in one breath of its smell, and it led me here. I am Agent Bob."
"My mind just got blown." Nyquill responded, and pulled out her secret weapon. "I've always had this bubble tea in my pocket, ever since I passed through customs. But I never thought I would have to use it."
"I'd be careful about activating that device." Agent Bob said. "LunarSakuya, my prisoner, is carefully trapped within the temporal rift. Disturb it now, and you may never see him again."
"I see." Nyquill put the bubble tea at her feet. "In that case, you have ten seconds to reveal his true location or you shall never return to your hometown in 1987."
"You've done your research, I see. In that case, I concede. I am LunarSakuya from his future."
"I knew it." Nyquill said triumphantly. "No one has a stupid name like Agent Bob. But if that's the case, why did you need to extract my hair to know I would be here in China?"
"The answer to that question lies within your imagination." LunarSakuya said. "The more important thing to do now is stop me. 2 years ago, LunarSakuya encounters a life-changing event. I need you to prevent that from happening or his life will turn into mine. On that date, he joins osu!!"
"Aha!" Nyquill picked up the bubble tea again. "The real LunarSakuya would know that that point in time cannot be manipulated, or we will have never met and our wedding would be cancelled!"
"As if your wedding would be cancelled just because you hadn't met." LunarSakuya removed his mask to reveal another mask. "I am in fact, not LunarSakuya. But I am not Agent Bob. I am you, Agent Nyquill."
"No, you're not. I would never pretend to be a person named Bob, especially an agent." Nyquill replied, backing away.
"And that is why, Nyquill," Agent Nyquill continued, "You are not Nyquill at all. The real Nyquill, Agent Nyquill, knows that Bob is a cool name."
At that point, Agent Nyquill stole the bubble tea from Nyquill's hands and forced it down her throat.
"What have you done?" Nyquill choked. "I am your brother!"
"But, if that's the case, then I feel much worse about what we did last night!"
"What!?"
To be continued...
July 15 update:Chapter 4: Because writing a story in chronological order is also boring.Nyquill sighed as he walked by another Starbucks with no sign of bubble tea in sight.
"I think I know why you're sighing." LunarSakuya said comfortingly. "It's been too long since we've seen a Starbucks, isn't it? There's simply a deficit of them out there."
"You don't understand. We have to eliminate Starbucks entirely. Not a single one of those stupid coffee shops has bubble tea available at all. We're going to go to the opening of the first Starbucks in history and destroy it."
"Isn't time travel impossible?" LunarSakuya asked. She was very educated, but hadn't travelled long enough to learn Nyquill's secrets.
"No, in fact it's very simple." Nyquill said. "If you haven't noticed, I've just teleported us to the opening of the first Starbucks in history already."
LunarSakuya looked around and to her amazement, Nyquill was correct. "It's 1971, isn't it? That's when the first Starbucks opened."
Nyquill looked at LunarSakuya and to his amazement, she was correct. "Yes, and I assume you've done extensive study on coffee shops and specialized in Starbucks, is that so?"
"Actually, yes." LunarSakuya produced the degree from her pocket and handed it to Nyquill. "I did it all in the space of time between when we travelled from present day to 1971."
"In that case," Nyquill smiled. "You should know what this device does." Nyquill produced from his own pocket a dangerous-looking device covered in sharp edges.
"Yes, if we use it together, at the same time, simultaneously, then it will detonate the nearest Starbucks and replace it with a bubble tea store."
"Oh, is that what it does?" Nyquill looked at the device in his own hand. "I had no idea. But thank you for telling me. Now, hold on to it with your right hand and I'll hold on to it with my left hand."
"Does it actually matter which hands we use?" LunarSakuya asked.
"Yes, if I remember correctly the man said it does something drastically different when you hold it the wrong way when I bought it from him in a dark alley."
"Oh, well." LunarSakuya replied. "What could possibly go wrong?" She placed her right hand on the device Nyquill was holding with his left hand, and for a moment their hands touched.
In this moment, they both immediately blacked out and fell down through time and space, and as they fell, they spoke.
"So, what did it do?" Nyquill asked, letting her hand free from the device.
"I don't know." LunarSakuya said, crossing his arms. "I'm pretty sure something is different but I can't tell what it is."
Chapter 6: Because the characters deserve their privacy."That was really good." Nyquill said, getting out of bed. "I'm so glad we figured out how to change our sex at will with that device!"
"Me too." LunarSakuya agreed. "But won't this end up confusing people someday?"
"It might." Nyquill said. "But I wouldn't worry about it. I've got a trip to China planned for the two of us."
LunarSakuya thought very hard about these two statements, but was not able to see how they were relevant. "After thinking very hard about those statements, I am not able to see how they are relevant." he said.
"They are not." Nyquill sighed. "Now, I believe we still need to convert that Starbucks to a bubble tea store."
"But like when I join osu!, that is a point in time that cannot be manipulated." LunarSakuya said, very sure of himself.
"Couldn't you have told me that before all of this happened?"
LunarSakuya paused for a moment, and then said "Yes."
"I suppose you're right." Nyquill picked up a comb and started to brush her hair. "And I also suppose that this trip for China is now a trip for one."
"No!" LunarSakuya cried out in despair as Nyquill destroyed one of her two tickets to China. "I'll follow you to China if it's the last thing I do!"
"It might be, so be careful there." Nyquill then ran out the door and kept running until she arrived at the airport. When she got there, she passed through customs as usual.
"Excuse us," said an important-looking man with a nametag that read "BOB" in large letters. "But the quantity of toothpaste you are attempting to bring into another country is simply too large and is a threat to the safety of the universe."
"Oh, you have no idea." Nyquill said. She then opened the tube of toothpaste and revealed her warp vortex machine inside, prepared to destroy the airport at any moment.
"If you have a warp vortex," BOB said calmly, "Then why did you bother coming to the airport?"
"Don't question the logic of your executioner!" Nyquill said, pointing the tube of toothpaste at BOB threateningly.
"You underestimate me." BOB said. "BOB is not a name, it is an acronym. I am in truth, a Belligerent Obstruction Builder!"
"What does that mean?" Nyquill asked, trying to stay calm.
"It means I've distracted you long enough to take this toothpaste away from you, ma'am. Please enjoy the flight."
Following this exchange of words, Nyquill went to China.
July 16 update:Chapter 10: Because we can."I've never had a tea party in a hostage situation before." LunarSakuya said, disgruntled. "How do you think I can enjoy myself, knowing that I may never see Nyquill again?"
"Now, now." Bob said. "I know it's difficult, but we've agreed to enjoy ourselves until her judgement."
Nyquill was being held hostage in The Tower of 60 Floors. In fact, the tower was only 10 stories high, but each story contained 6 floors to cut costs on walls and ceilings. The tea party had been arranged as a means to discuss Nyquill's situation as a hostage and whether or not she would be allowed to live by the increasingly evil Bob.
"I know I can escape this place if I try very hard." Nyquill thought, and reached into her pocket for the bubble tea and found nothing. She sighed, as she so often did, and stood at the room's only window. "If I jump very slowly, someone might be able to catch me."
Nyquill then leaped from the window and closed her eyes. To her surprise and relief, she was caught, but not by anyone she had expected.
"Hello." the catcher said. Nyquill looked up to see that he was, in fact, Nyquill as well.
"Well, if you just had to complicate things." The female Nyquill got back on her feet and looked at the male Nyquill. "You're looking good."
"So am I." The male Nyquill responded. "We could go back into that tower."
Meanwhile, back at the tea party, LunarSakuya was trying very hard to poison Bob's tea while he wasn't looking, which was very hard because in addition to Bob looking very closely, he had no poison either, and Bob was talking to himself anyway.
"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
"Oh, shut up, you pretentious semicolon user." LunarSakuya responded. "I've had enough of this." He picked up a teapot and held it to Bob's head. "Bring me to The Tower of 60 Floors or I'll kill you to death!"
"What, with tea?" Bob smirked. "Besides, you wouldn't dare kill me when I have the secret to your true love's location."
"You'd usually be right, but you're so annoying I'm going to do it anyway." LunarSakuya let the toothpaste she had been hiding in the teapot flow out and melt Bob.
"It cannot be!" Bob cried. "Curse you, airport customs!"
LunarSakuya did a quick spot check and found The Tower of 60 Floors was in fact right next door, so he ran to it as fast as he could and then leaped all the way from the ground to the top floor. When he looked in, he saw Nyquill and himself, or perhaps Nyquill and herself were already preoccupied.
"Do you think I came all the way to rescue you for this?" LunarSakuya screamed angrily.
"Oh, sorry!" Nyquill said. "You were taking a while, and Nyquill was here, so, we just decided to do some."
"But, how could you?" LunarSakuya grew tearful. "You know that you never do sudoku puzzles with anyone but me."
"But he's me too!" Nyquill said, pointing to Nyquill.
"Even if he's you, you're not me and I should be you instead of him!" As the two Nyquills attempted to figure this out, LunarSakuya pushed the male Nyquill out of the window and he fell down all 60 floors and 10 stories and was suddenly caught at the end.
"Oh, hello." The male Nyquill said, looking up at the female LunarSakuya. "You caught me by surprise."
"No, I caught you with my hands." LunarSakuya said. "Now, let's leave those other two alone."
Meanwhile, in the top story, female Nyquill and male LunarSakuya were still arguing about the implications of doing a sudoku puzzle with yourself.
"You didn't let me fill anything in." LunarSakuya said, looking at the puzzle sadly. "You finished without me."
"I'm sorry, but one logical conclusion lead to another, and before I knew it I was done."
"More importantly, look. You left two 6's in the same column. You're not even doing it correctly!"
"It was a really hard one, okay? I've never done one like this before."
"I take offense to that!"
They then argued for a while until Nyquill's jet lag caught up to her and she passed out.
"Oh." LunarSakuya thought, taking out his pencil. "Who'll be doing the sudoku puzzles now?"
July 17 update:Chapter 12: A new paradigm of non-indicative chapter titles.After LunarSakuya had finished thoroughly filling in Nyquill's sudoku puzzle, he waited for her to regain consciousness. "I have bubble tea." he whispered, and Nyquill immediately woke up.
"Where? Where's the bubble tea?" Nyquill yelled out in a daze.
"I lied." LunarSakuya said. "But I have figured out something that I think you should know. When you came into contact with the male Nyquill, if he was really you from a different time then you would have died."
"I knew touching myself was bad, but I didn't know it was that bad." Nyquill was flustered. "But why?"
"That's my point." LunarSakuya armed herself with a tube of toothpaste and pointed it at Nyquill. "The real Nyquill would know exactly why. Ever since we changed sex with that device, neither of us has been quite ourselves. We're completely different entities, and that's why you were able to come into contact with yourself without dying. And now, with this tube of toothpaste, I'm going to be rid of you and take the real male Nyquill for myself!"
"I knew it!" Nyquill yelled. "You were never really happy with a female! But I have news for you too." Nyquill produced from her pocket a bottle of NyQuil. "Prepare yourself for sedating antihistamines, hypnotics and alcohol!" But before Nyquill could defend her life with the NyQuil, the NyQuil caused Nyquill to convulse and pass out for the second time that day, inconveniently falling out of the window once again and to her death.
"How sad." LunarSakuya thought. "She fell victim to the rare, but serious side effects."
"Oh really?" Nyquill's voice could be heard again. "Nobody dies from falling out a window!" She then appeared again, riding an airship. "This airship will be taking me to a world of happy endings with Nyquill and LunarSakuya, if you know what I mean."
"Actually, there's one thing you weren't counting on." LunarSakuya smirked. "This tube of toothpaste is, in fact, filled with bubble tea."
"It cannot be!"
"It be! Perhaps no one has died from falling out a window, or in a blogging accident, but I have bubble tea." And with the bubble tea, LunarSakuya caused the female Nyquill to implode and hopped on the airship.
"How did you do it?" The real Nyquill asked.
"While she was passed out, I replaced her blood with bubble tea and gained control of her body."
"How impolite." Nyquill said.
"But now, I've finally got you to myself." LunarSakuya started leaning forward in towards Nyquill.
"Hello?" the real LunarSakuya said, and the other two suddenly acknowledged her existence. "Nyquill is mine. He's a good person and, like NyQuil, helps me get to sleep at night, if you know what I mean."
"No, I have no idea what you mean." The other LunarSakuya said angrily and took Nyquill by the hand anyway, and in a sudden turn of events, all of their molecules fell apart and they died.
"I'm so confused." LunarSakuya pouted. "None of this makes any sense."
"Because," a voice from behind her said, "None of them have actually died. All of them were Bob in disguise, but he created so many versions of himself running around throughout time that they eventually forgot who they were, touched each other and fell apart. "But I, the last version of Bob, have managed to persist, because I am not really Bob at all. And I will help you find the real Nyquill."
"But then, who are you?" LunarSakuya asked.
"There is only one person I can be!" The person who was not Bob exclaimed. "Of course, everyone knows that it's not cool to pretend to be a person named Bob, but I am an exception, for I am The Pretender!"
"RLC!" LunarSakuya said. "This is unfortunate, because I'm actually RLC as well."
"Oh, really?" RLC asked unhappily.
"No, of course not really, I'm just tired of everyone secretly being someone else." And then RLC and LunarSakuya began their journey to find the real Nyquill in the land of happy endings.
July 18 update:Chapter 13: A happy ending."We have 2 hours, 35 minutes, and 37 seconds to complete this mission." RLC said.
"How did you calculate that so specifically?" LunarSakuya asked.
"I didn't, I just rounded to the nearest 37." RLC flew the airship through space and time, causing LunarSakuya to question if it could really be called an airship at this point. "We should soon be arriving at the Ominous Castle of Darkness, or OCD for short." RLC said.
"A bit melodramatic, isn't it?" LunarSakuya looked out to see the OCD, complete with a gate made of reinforced spider webs and torches burning an unnaturally black flame. "I suppose their interior decorator was very depressed at the time they made this."
"Ah, but I am the interior decorator." A voice said, amplified by a loudspeaker. "If you wish to see your precious Nyquill again, you will relinquish your complete supply of bubble tea!"
"Never!" RLC said bravely. "Nyquill is probably worth all the bubble tea in the world, and we're going to save them both!"
"Probably?" LunarSakuya asked.
The voice ignored her and began speaking again. "In that case, I have no choice but to invite you inside my very definitely final dungeon." Right on cue, the gate opened slowly and dramatically and the two even noticed a choir chanting in Latin off to the side.
LunarSakuya and RLC entered the first floor of the dungeon, which did indeed have also both walls and a ceiling as the interior decorator, while depressed, apparently had a high enough budget after paying for their pain medication. Interestingly enough, the floor also took the form of an airport terminal.
"Alright, what are we doing here?" LunarSakuya asked the voice.
"I have reached into your mind and created a landscape of horrors designed from your own memories!"
"I hate it when people do that." RLC said and stepped forward. "Also, I have a feeling that you're Bob again."
"I thought you said Bob died." LunarSakuya said.
"Yes, but that certainly hasn't stopped anyone so far. Reveal yourself!" RLC shouted at the ceiling.
"I can't, I'm in the shower." Bob said. "Why do you think I'm taking the role of omniscient voice-thing? I'd come down and talk to you myself if I weren't trying out this new bubble tea-scented shampoo."
"Do you even have Nyquill, or are we just here to amuse you?" LunarSakuya was getting frustrated with this Bob character.
"I spent all the time designing the Ominous Castle of Darkness for you, so just shut up and work your way up to the top floor." LunarSakuya and RLC heard the sound of water running again, and decided it was of no use speaking to Bob anymore.
"Do you think it's cheating if we simply ride the airship up to the top floor?" LunarSakuya asked.
"I don't know, but it's worth a try." RLC and LunarSakuya left again and entered the airship. To their surprise, Bob had not bothered to set up any sort of mechanism preventing this. They entered the top floor and confronted Bob at last.
"Hold on, isn't this a bathroom?" RLC asked.
"Of course it's a bathroom." The voice behind the curtain responded. "You realize I had to have one somewhere." Out from the curtain stepped Bob, and to everyone's relief he had already finished dressing himself again.
"Alright then, where's Nyquill?" LunarSakuya asked.
"Oh, he's on the second floor. I thought you two might cheat your way up here, so I planned ahead." Bob snapped his fingers, and the scenery of the bathroom melted away, revealing a piece of land drifting through space, crumbling apart and falling down into a pit of lava below. "I've also just brought you two to the end of the world, so I hope you're ready for this."
"Seriously?" LunarSakuya scoffed. "How would we possibly be ready for this?"
"We are to have a duel." Bob said. "I get this sword, and you are going to use this banana."
"Is that fair?" RLC asked, suspicious that it was indeed not fair.
"Well, it certainly wasn't fair flying your way up to my bathroom." Bob responded, and drew out his sword. As RLC and Bob fought, LunarSakuya thought.
"Hold on," she thought to herself. "From my previous travels, I still have a strand of Nyquill's hair, a teapot and a warp vortex in the form of a tube of toothpaste in my abnormally large pocket. Together, all of these things form a deus ex machina." She put together all of the items, and in a flash of light Nyquill appeared.
"Oh good, you're back." LunarSakuya said.
"Doth my eyes deceive me." Nyquill wondered out loud. "Luckily for you, I've brought my own sword. All I do is force that villain into the pit of lava, reverse the power of the toothpaste, get us all home and Bob's your uncle."
"Am I really? What does that mean?" Bob asked and hesitated, apparently listening to their conversation.
"It means I've distracted you long enough for RLC to hit you with his banana and force you into the pit of lava." Nyquill said, as RLC hit Bob with his banana and forced him into the pit of lava.
"Well done!" LunarSakuya clapped her hands, and the three of them were finally reunited.
"In fact, it's very simple." Nyquill said. "If you haven't noticed, I've just teleported us to the opening of the first Starbucks in history already."
"That's not the first time you've done that, is it?" LunarSakuya asked.
"I suppose not." Nyquill said. "Now, we're going to do this correctly this time." Nyquill pulled out the device again and adjusted it slightly, pointing it at the Starbucks and adding bubble tea to its list of available items.
"How convenient." RLC remarked. "What kind of device is that?"
"A plot device." Nyquill concluded. "Now, we're all going to go back to the present day and order bubble tea at Starbucks."
"It certainly took us long enough to reach this point." LunarSakuya noticed, and the three of them teleported to present day, walking into the first ever Starbucks and started to order their bubble tea when the barista turned around and surprised them all.
"Bob!" RLC said. "You again?"
"Nobody dies from falling out a window!" Bob laughed.
"But you didn't fall out a window. You fell into a pit of lava." Nyquill said.
"That may be correct." Bob said. "But it's mostly the same thing. Anyway, none of you have to worry because I've left behind my murderous and kidnapping ways now that I get all the bubble tea I want for free at Starbucks." Bob handed each of them bubble tea and smiled.
"Wow, so bubble tea really does solve everything." LunarSakuya said, unsurprised.
All in all, it was a very happy ending for all four of them. Perhaps there would be more hardships and adventures in their lives. Most importantly, they were prepared with the best thing they could have: bubble tea!
My map hasn't reached +15 SP yet because I don't like starring my own maps, but it should be ready soon enough and hopefully I can have a ticket.