I have been playing this game for almost 5 YEARS, like holy hell that's a long time.
I have been trying to get good at this game for a very long time. I always dreamed of being one of those top players or popular player people look up to. Just like most people who play this game.
But the thing is, not everyone can become that player. Not everyone can become a top player. Of course I'm not trying to diss everyone trying to become one. Go for it! Achieve that goal and dream, do whatever you want.

Thing is, I know I can't become one. I have tried and played so much to the point I know I got pretty far in this game. But for me it's not enough, I want to be even better, beat my scores and get on the leaderboards of maps so that I can see my improvement and see what I'm capable of doing! But I just can't.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that has dealt with this or experienced this, but my situation is a bit different from most i think. I have been trying everyday to get better, playing so many maps, hours upon hours. I got this far, 3.4k in ranks (at the time of typing this) and finally getting a few 400pp scores, things are great, but of course it isn't enough. I always wanted to become a top player ever since i started playing because i thought i could actually do it. I have played many games and was never really good at any of them, osu! being the only game i can sort of consider myself "good" at. So having this feeling of knowing I can't be as good as I hoped to be, started affecting me as a person.

Not everyone can become a god at this game, no matter how hard they try, sometimes you just can't. People always tell me that everyone can become a top 50 player if they try hard enough or, the infamous, Play More! But no, not everyone. People have limits in everything, including this game. I don't think people who are 6 digit or high 5 digit have that much to complain about in my opinion. They still got lot's to learn and lot's to do. I see videos and forums on how to get better but it's all towards that audience. So when you get to the point where I stand where literally nothing works and no matter how much you play you don't get better, it gets difficult. There are no real tutorials on how to get better, i know that. But there doesn't seem to be any advice when it comes to this point of the game. You are just on your own.

For me, I really can't get any better. Just telling me to "play more" doesn't work as advice anymore, i already know to play more. "Play more this" or "Play more that and you'll get better". Those are not advice anymore, they are just lazy common sense answers for a really complicated question. I have been struggling for 2 years now trying to get better, surpass my limits and beat my scores, but I just can't. It's literally to the point where I harm myself playing this game. I punch myself, slap myself, cuss myself out, even cutting myself over this game (I probably need help tbh). I get it's just a game clicking circles, but this is all things that happened in the past before i even played this game. Sports, academics, work, it's all the same. For those i learned to let go, and accept that i can't be good at those, but for some reason this game made me want to do something with this. I don't know what, maybe a streamer or something which sounds kinda dumb tbh (no offence to people who actually do). Anyway, I just wanted to be good at something.

People always want to be good at something, be better than other people, stand out and make a name for themselves because that's just what people want. I do too of course. But i'm not good at anything. I already graduated high school and have no clue what to do in my life. I don't have a talent, I don't have a skill, I don't have a desire to do anything because nothing interests me. I try so many things just to see if I'm able to do something that's different from other people. People say that everyone has something they are good at, at least 1 thing, but I really don't have anything. But I want to have something, this game was the only thing that kept me going throughout high school and middle school. i wanted to be able to do something in this game, be someone I can be atleast proud of in this game, then maybe I can step forward into something bigger. This game would be a small step towards something I thought, but it wasn't. It was a lie i put on myself just so that I could feel better about myself just a tiny bit, but now it's all falling apart and I'm back in this despair of not knowing what to do in my life again. And if i try to quit all of that hard work I put into this game it will just be for nothing. 5 years all for nothing, maybe instead of playing this game I could have found a different game or a different hobby or something! But I didn't and just played this.

I understand that this sounds stupid and edgy for a game just about clicking circles, but I'm not just talking about this game, I'm talking about everything. What can I do with my life? I hate working at a part-time job, and the thought of living with just that kills me. I want to have a full-time job, an education, a relationship, a fun hobby. But that "want" just seems too far away to even happen. I turned this game into something big in my life, bigger than it was supposed to be. osu! literally had to carry my sorry ass the past 5 years, but now it no longer can. Reality is a bitch, life too. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I quit this game and waste the past 5 years I put in this game, or keep playing and risking my mental and physical health just so that I can MAYBE be good at this game?

I just needed to rant about this because I have no life and no one to talk to so, you can ignore everything this random dude on the internet has to say. If you did read all this, thank you!

People are growing up, facing reality, we all have limits, we all have skill caps, we all have to deal with it.
Thinking that everyone can reach the top as long as they try, is pretty naive.
Competitive mindset is easily leading to frustration.
This game is enjoyable at any level, not being able to reach the top don't mean we should quit.
If i like running, should i stop it just because i'll never reach an olympics level ? no.
Please enjoy game !

Juuuuuuuuul wrote:

People are growing up, facing reality, we all have limits, we all have skill caps, we all have to deal with it.
Thinking that everyone can reach the top as long as they try, is pretty naive.
Competitive mindset is easily leading to frustration.
This game is enjoyable at any level, not being able to reach the top don't mean we should quit.
If i like running, should i stop it just because i'll never reach an olympics level ? no.
Please enjoy game !

Yeah enjoying the game is something i should do lol. But i guess at the moment, enjoying the game slowly leads me wanting to go competitive. Guess i just need to fix my mindset

So osu! isn't the special call in your life? Unfortunate my dude. Theres more to life than a circle clicking game. Don't bring yourself down that much over it.
As much as I can hate myself for not being a god at something, having fun is more important.

Flanster wrote:

So osu! isn't the special call in your life? Unfortunate my dude. Theres more to life than a circle clicking game. Don't bring yourself down that much over it.
As much as I can hate myself for not being a god at something, having fun is more important.

yeah you right. I just kind of put myself in this hole and realized it too late. I made this game seem so much bigger to me than it actually is.

I just see playing as a hobby, working on getting good is fun and a nice challenge to see how far you can go, the moment you start putting it over your mental health and everything else you'll only go downhill from there

Make sure you take care of yourself, both physically and mentally, and once there's no worries around you, you can put time in your hobby and see where you can get, but try not burden yourself with overly high expectatives, just be happy with every small improvement you make and have fun.


because like it or not, your health is what determines how fast you improve or not and this applies for most things in life, you need those sweet brain chemicals for best results, and the best way is keeping yourself healthy in every aspect

so make sure you balance things properly


edit: long story short, enjoy game is indeed the best improvement tip

I know how you feel in terms of wanting to be better, or be the best at something. But no matter what game, sport, activity it is, someone is most likely going to be better, if not, on par with you (the competition). This is not a bad thing. Competition makes people better in every aspect.
If you've have hit a plateau in your skills, where you feel like you're not improving, just keep trying to improve even if you're not moving anywhere, because what's the point if you just stop trying. Even though this is just a game of clicking the circles to the beat, this applies to everything. If you get upset from messing up a song a lot, switch to a new song, or just take a break and watch something, that's what I do at least.
You're already really good at the game, no need to tell your self you can't improve anymore, that's when you get worse.

Your story really hit me deep down. Omg, I'm actually crying rn. I can't believe you suffered so much from osu!. Knowning that at this moment, I really do love playing osu, I also know I have a lot to improve. I also know that I have no problems improving, maybe that's because I'm still a 6 digit? Ranks doesn't bother me, but to be able to beat scores impresses me. What made me fell in love with this game? The answer is simple, I don't know.. but I love it. It's like, crushing on a girl. You don't really know why you love her, but once you start talking about her, everything kinda comes out naturally, you did not even realise. I'm sorry to hear about you not improving. I'm sorry to hear you life is going downhill. I'm sorry that you had to rant on a osu forum. I'm sorry for everything. I hope you can find someone that will light up your life. Much love from Norway <3

Maybe a pause from the game could help? I think that a week should be enough, but also playing the game with a more positive mindset should help too. Best luck from germany I hope that you'll feel better soon

Disappear wrote:

I have been playing this game for almost 5 YEARS, like holy hell that's a long time.
I have been trying to get good at this game for a very long time. I always dreamed of being one of those top players or popular player people look up to. Just like most people who play this game.
But the thing is, not everyone can become that player. Not everyone can become a top player. Of course I'm not trying to diss everyone trying to become one. Go for it! Achieve that goal and dream, do whatever you want.

Thing is, I know I can't become one. I have tried and played so much to the point I know I got pretty far in this game. But for me it's not enough, I want to be even better, beat my scores and get on the leaderboards of maps so that I can see my improvement and see what I'm capable of doing! But I just can't.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that has dealt with this or experienced this, but my situation is a bit different from most i think. I have been trying everyday to get better, playing so many maps, hours upon hours. I got this far, 3.4k in ranks (at the time of typing this) and finally getting a few 400pp scores, things are great, but of course it isn't enough. I always wanted to become a top player ever since i started playing because i thought i could actually do it. I have played many games and was never really good at any of them, osu! being the only game i can sort of consider myself "good" at. So having this feeling of knowing I can't be as good as I hoped to be, started affecting me as a person.

Not everyone can become a god at this game, no matter how hard they try, sometimes you just can't. People always tell me that everyone can become a top 50 player if they try hard enough or, the infamous, Play More! But no, not everyone. People have limits in everything, including this game. I don't think people who are 6 digit or high 5 digit have that much to complain about in my opinion. They still got lot's to learn and lot's to do. I see videos and forums on how to get better but it's all towards that audience. So when you get to the point where I stand where literally nothing works and no matter how much you play you don't get better, it gets difficult. There are no real tutorials on how to get better, i know that. But there doesn't seem to be any advice when it comes to this point of the game. You are just on your own.

For me, I really can't get any better. Just telling me to "play more" doesn't work as advice anymore, i already know to play more. "Play more this" or "Play more that and you'll get better". Those are not advice anymore, they are just lazy common sense answers for a really complicated question. I have been struggling for 2 years now trying to get better, surpass my limits and beat my scores, but I just can't. It's literally to the point where I harm myself playing this game. I punch myself, slap myself, cuss myself out, even cutting myself over this game (I probably need help tbh). I get it's just a game clicking circles, but this is all things that happened in the past before i even played this game. Sports, academics, work, it's all the same. For those i learned to let go, and accept that i can't be good at those, but for some reason this game made me want to do something with this. I don't know what, maybe a streamer or something which sounds kinda dumb tbh (no offence to people who actually do). Anyway, I just wanted to be good at something.

People always want to be good at something, be better than other people, stand out and make a name for themselves because that's just what people want. I do too of course. But i'm not good at anything. I already graduated high school and have no clue what to do in my life. I don't have a talent, I don't have a skill, I don't have a desire to do anything because nothing interests me. I try so many things just to see if I'm able to do something that's different from other people. People say that everyone has something they are good at, at least 1 thing, but I really don't have anything. But I want to have something, this game was the only thing that kept me going throughout high school and middle school. i wanted to be able to do something in this game, be someone I can be atleast proud of in this game, then maybe I can step forward into something bigger. This game would be a small step towards something I thought, but it wasn't. It was a lie i put on myself just so that I could feel better about myself just a tiny bit, but now it's all falling apart and I'm back in this despair of not knowing what to do in my life again. And if i try to quit all of that hard work I put into this game it will just be for nothing. 5 years all for nothing, maybe instead of playing this game I could have found a different game or a different hobby or something! But I didn't and just played this.

I understand that this sounds stupid and edgy for a game just about clicking circles, but I'm not just talking about this game, I'm talking about everything. What can I do with my life? I hate working at a part-time job, and the thought of living with just that kills me. I want to have a full-time job, an education, a relationship, a fun hobby. But that "want" just seems too far away to even happen. I turned this game into something big in my life, bigger than it was supposed to be. osu! literally had to carry my sorry ass the past 5 years, but now it no longer can. Reality is a bitch, life too. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I quit this game and waste the past 5 years I put in this game, or keep playing and risking my mental and physical health just so that I can MAYBE be good at this game?

I just needed to rant about this because I have no life and no one to talk to so, you can ignore everything this random dude on the internet has to say. If you did read all this, thank you!

it's never too late to be who you wanna be if 1570 hours playtime not enough play more

Juuuuuuuuul wrote:

People are growing up, facing reality, we all have limits, we all have skill caps, we all have to deal with it.
Thinking that everyone can reach the top as long as they try, is pretty naive.
Competitive mindset is easily leading to frustration.
This game is enjoyable at any level, not being able to reach the top don't mean we should quit.
If i like running, should i stop it just because i'll never reach an olympics level ? no.
Please enjoy game !

Couldn't agree more. Just play and have fun

Instead of looking at the players who are better than you and trying to get on top look at what you've accomplished for these 5 years. Looking at your profile, you seem to be very skilled. Yeah, I just recently started playing OSU, but you were once like me too and now look where you've come. Look at your saved scores on maps and see the differences from before and now how you've improved. Be proud of yourself. Look up songs you like and play with them. Do what you think gives you joy.

AND THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TO WRITE UNTIL I READ THE MIDDLE OF THE 5TH PARAGRAPH

If this game affects you on that kind of level where you harm yourself on purpose for not feeling good enough. Games are not for that. If you have this problem, try talking to someone you trust irl. Consider going to a therapist for this problem. Take a break from OSU, go outside, do something, talk to people, try something new. I know what me and other people under this topic say to you won't make you change your habits as you have your own mindset but please consider what we suggest.

Got ya feelings m8. I'm 6 digit player who stuck in 3*... I thought that was my limit as well, considered myself "good at everything, but not the best at something". Taken break... Nothing happenned. Gotten only worser... Started thinking about throwing this game, forgetting about it and play something else. That was my first thoughts I got. But the second thoughts still was resistant to just throwing this game and everything I achieved (not because I got so much pp and don't want to leave, no). They still wanted to get something more, to know how to get of this pit. And then, I saw my 3-4* plays from 2018...
"Haha, I got 200 combo of the 1000... Maybe I can improve this somehow" I thought to myself, and I did it! Now this is 600 combo of the 1000! Found another map that had the same 2018 play. Improved as well (even FC'ed). I started to enjoy this? Is this what I needed, what I wanted all the time? How my disbelief in myself dissapeared just like there was no disbelief? I stunned... Found my feelings to this game, returned my past addiction to this game. I wanted to play more and I do played more! Now I got from 220k to 185k. I was like "wtf?! When I got to this place?".
Also I remembered how I played when I was newbie. I just didn't cared about scores, pp, other things... Most of the time I were playing only Multiplayer because I just didn't knew how to download maps from site. When I got how to download, I still played only Multiplayer, because that was fun!
For now, I still play Singleplayer, but maybe will play Multiplayer as well! Because sometimes I even got friends to have (we talked with each other a lot, but for now I even rarely see them in the game). Don't be sad just because you can't get at the top, because you're not the one with this problem. You can get to the top, don't fool myself just because you have problems with the game.
Also. "Just a rant" isn't the theme you wrote. You just talked about your problem.
There is many guys who want to help the ones who need help. Even just a newbie can say some smart-as-heck things that will change your mind. Don't close myself from everyone in this world.
You can do it, and I believe in you, as well as I believe in myself.

So, I've always been kind of a lurker on osu forums but, this shit hit close to home.

When I was a kid I didn't really care for achievements, hell I didn't really care for anything. I was just living life by the day. Playing games each and every day with my friends, that was enough to keep me going alongside school.

But one day, after playing for league of legends for about 2 years, one of my friends introduced me to naruto.

This shit changed my life. I had never in my life looked up to someone as wanting to be them, but the character rock lee always inspired me beyond belief.

After that I changed my life. I stopped eating bad food all the time and started working out, started playing league every day to improve myself and some day play professionally, as school did not work out.

After about 4-5 years of playing non stop, I've still only peaked at mid platinum. top 4% of players.

For the longest time, that absolutely tornmented me to no avail. Why couldn't I be good? After all this practise why was I still not better than some of my friends? Why do other players just reach way higher achievements and milestones than I did in so much less time?

It fucked me up. I started going into other passions of mine but it was all just distracting me from what I really wanted. To be number 1 in something.

I know exactly how you feel. So just know I'm right there with you working through it all.

But if there's anything young me would want from me, it'd be to stay motivated and positive. And now, I'm at a point where,
That really is my only priority. To get as motivated and positive as I was when I started taking league serious. The growth and happiness I got from working so hard with so much dedication and hype to work harder than everyabody else was like nothing I've ever experienced.

I know growing up is scary and you might not have the best enviroment around you to deal with things like this but, if anything please hold on to hope. The hope to be happy and reach a place where you're satisfied. And where you don't need a thing to cause you to be happy.

I want you to know that happiness is attainable. Unconditionally. Regardless of if you make it in osu or not. You sound like such a hardworking and passionate individual and there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to get whatever else comes onto your path. One day you're gonna find something that does work out. And if you do keep motivated it'll be no problem to achieve it at all. I promise.

Please look within yourself. It's not easy being so harsh on yourself but I Know it's hard not to be sometimes.

Learn more about why you care so much. Was it something in your past/childhood that made you want to be the best? Learn why it's important to you and just maybe you won't feel as vulnerable anymore over being bad. You are your own harshest critic after all. But if there's no enemy within, the enemy outside can do no harm.

I dropped out of high school but I'm dedicated to still always trying my hardest. I want to make myself and my peers proud. No matter what it takes.

Most of all stay safe. No matter how dark that tunnel gets please pull through for me. And I'll do the same for you.

ive been mapping a lot. finished a fourth set im proud of.

see, on the mapper side of osu, its hard to get noticed when youre a no name.

in the end, i stopped caring about that too much. what i really wanter was just to make maps of songs from these few artists i like. an artist who has only little standing yet in this game. despite getting little of their name out, despite seeing my future (regarding ranking this artist's songs) to be
ranking only few of their songs, i still have the motive to map all their songs. because thats fun for me and im happy with that.

when i feel that im done and its over, then ill stop. to be honest, its not like im particular about climbing the ranks as a player's side.

maybe... once i become less a mapper, ill look towards other things.

maybe "to make something" is different in the improvement if "to get better at something" but nevertheless, lets all play this game with a fun motive.

next.

who knows what ill be ending up doing after graduating. thats far from now. would i even be playing by then? well i mean there are people who have stayed 10 years. anyway... but we should just stop and breathe for a while. youre not interested in much? dont have something you love? have you tried looking somewhere else, aside from this game? as an older person, you probably have many more open options. im just a highschooler. well thats probably undermining myself and bringing me to "you have a lot more roads up ahead available in life, many opportunities to not pass up" or something along the lines. sure im looking. i can proudly say osu is not the only thing im investing on this quarantine... though whether ive been spending a lot on here is questionable. still, im happy. you should know why from the top paragraphs.

who knows. maybe im no better. so finding something, taking a step forward is what to do instead.

for you, you actually have a lot to look back to. you want a full time job, a relationship, hobby, education or whatnot, congratulations! there is something you want in your life. now, theres a show that told me a lot of things... one is that if it seems like there is nothing ahead for us. but if we can take a step forward, then we will know the way. because there are things we can never see if we dont take a step forward. take that step... if thats what it takes to find new relationships, or friendships or connections. if you cant see anything ahead of you, whatre you gonna do? wait until you see something? are you gonna wait in a warzone, not promised any help? no, one would walk towards help. walk, walk, though aimlessly, surely towards something. one particular character in the show really embodied this idea. she was the best at many things when she was younger, but in the end chose nothng. but as she took a step to look for people, and through friendships with those people, in the end she was able to find something interesting. though she was not well versed there in that line of work, she took a step knowing almost nothing. it was better instead of staying nowhere, aimlessly taking college classes. this kind of aimless had a direction.

okay i need to go... something to do later. anyway thanks for listening to my rambling about a fictional character.

dont know if i helped, but i hope things look up for you. there should be a more considerable amount of free time for you considering whats happening in the world now.

がんばれー！

damn dude, as someone with 600 hours and higher rank, i feel bad for you dude

Disappear wrote:

I have been playing this game for almost 5 YEARS, like holy hell that's a long time.
I have been trying to get good at this game for a very long time. I always dreamed of being one of those top players or popular player people look up to. Just like most people who play this game.
But the thing is, not everyone can become that player. Not everyone can become a top player. Of course I'm not trying to diss everyone trying to become one. Go for it! Achieve that goal and dream, do whatever you want.

Thing is, I know I can't become one. I have tried and played so much to the point I know I got pretty far in this game. But for me it's not enough, I want to be even better, beat my scores and get on the leaderboards of maps so that I can see my improvement and see what I'm capable of doing! But I just can't.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that has dealt with this or experienced this, but my situation is a bit different from most i think. I have been trying everyday to get better, playing so many maps, hours upon hours. I got this far, 3.4k in ranks (at the time of typing this) and finally getting a few 400pp scores, things are great, but of course it isn't enough. I always wanted to become a top player ever since i started playing because i thought i could actually do it. I have played many games and was never really good at any of them, osu! being the only game i can sort of consider myself "good" at. So having this feeling of knowing I can't be as good as I hoped to be, started affecting me as a person.

Not everyone can become a god at this game, no matter how hard they try, sometimes you just can't. People always tell me that everyone can become a top 50 player if they try hard enough or, the infamous, Play More! But no, not everyone. People have limits in everything, including this game. I don't think people who are 6 digit or high 5 digit have that much to complain about in my opinion. They still got lot's to learn and lot's to do. I see videos and forums on how to get better but it's all towards that audience. So when you get to the point where I stand where literally nothing works and no matter how much you play you don't get better, it gets difficult. There are no real tutorials on how to get better, i know that. But there doesn't seem to be any advice when it comes to this point of the game. You are just on your own.

For me, I really can't get any better. Just telling me to "play more" doesn't work as advice anymore, i already know to play more. "Play more this" or "Play more that and you'll get better". Those are not advice anymore, they are just lazy common sense answers for a really complicated question. I have been struggling for 2 years now trying to get better, surpass my limits and beat my scores, but I just can't. It's literally to the point where I harm myself playing this game. I punch myself, slap myself, cuss myself out, even cutting myself over this game (I probably need help tbh). I get it's just a game clicking circles, but this is all things that happened in the past before i even played this game. Sports, academics, work, it's all the same. For those i learned to let go, and accept that i can't be good at those, but for some reason this game made me want to do something with this. I don't know what, maybe a streamer or something which sounds kinda dumb tbh (no offence to people who actually do). Anyway, I just wanted to be good at something.

People always want to be good at something, be better than other people, stand out and make a name for themselves because that's just what people want. I do too of course. But i'm not good at anything. I already graduated high school and have no clue what to do in my life. I don't have a talent, I don't have a skill, I don't have a desire to do anything because nothing interests me. I try so many things just to see if I'm able to do something that's different from other people. People say that everyone has something they are good at, at least 1 thing, but I really don't have anything. But I want to have something, this game was the only thing that kept me going throughout high school and middle school. i wanted to be able to do something in this game, be someone I can be atleast proud of in this game, then maybe I can step forward into something bigger. This game would be a small step towards something I thought, but it wasn't. It was a lie i put on myself just so that I could feel better about myself just a tiny bit, but now it's all falling apart and I'm back in this despair of not knowing what to do in my life again. And if i try to quit all of that hard work I put into this game it will just be for nothing. 5 years all for nothing, maybe instead of playing this game I could have found a different game or a different hobby or something! But I didn't and just played this.

I understand that this sounds stupid and edgy for a game just about clicking circles, but I'm not just talking about this game, I'm talking about everything. What can I do with my life? I hate working at a part-time job, and the thought of living with just that kills me. I want to have a full-time job, an education, a relationship, a fun hobby. But that "want" just seems too far away to even happen. I turned this game into something big in my life, bigger than it was supposed to be. osu! literally had to carry my sorry ass the past 5 years, but now it no longer can. Reality is a bitch, life too. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I quit this game and waste the past 5 years I put in this game, or keep playing and risking my mental and physical health just so that I can MAYBE be good at this game?

I just needed to rant about this because I have no life and no one to talk to so, you can ignore everything this random dude on the internet has to say. If you did read all this, thank you!

Wait till you see my profile

Disappear wrote:

I have been playing this game for almost 5 YEARS, like holy hell that's a long time.
I have been trying to get good at this game for a very long time. I always dreamed of being one of those top players or popular player people look up to. Just like most people who play this game.
But the thing is, not everyone can become that player. Not everyone can become a top player. Of course I'm not trying to diss everyone trying to become one. Go for it! Achieve that goal and dream, do whatever you want.

Thing is, I know I can't become one. I have tried and played so much to the point I know I got pretty far in this game. But for me it's not enough, I want to be even better, beat my scores and get on the leaderboards of maps so that I can see my improvement and see what I'm capable of doing! But I just can't.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that has dealt with this or experienced this, but my situation is a bit different from most i think. I have been trying everyday to get better, playing so many maps, hours upon hours. I got this far, 3.4k in ranks (at the time of typing this) and finally getting a few 400pp scores, things are great, but of course it isn't enough. I always wanted to become a top player ever since i started playing because i thought i could actually do it. I have played many games and was never really good at any of them, osu! being the only game i can sort of consider myself "good" at. So having this feeling of knowing I can't be as good as I hoped to be, started affecting me as a person.

Not everyone can become a god at this game, no matter how hard they try, sometimes you just can't. People always tell me that everyone can become a top 50 player if they try hard enough or, the infamous, Play More! But no, not everyone. People have limits in everything, including this game. I don't think people who are 6 digit or high 5 digit have that much to complain about in my opinion. They still got lot's to learn and lot's to do. I see videos and forums on how to get better but it's all towards that audience. So when you get to the point where I stand where literally nothing works and no matter how much you play you don't get better, it gets difficult. There are no real tutorials on how to get better, i know that. But there doesn't seem to be any advice when it comes to this point of the game. You are just on your own.

For me, I really can't get any better. Just telling me to "play more" doesn't work as advice anymore, i already know to play more. "Play more this" or "Play more that and you'll get better". Those are not advice anymore, they are just lazy common sense answers for a really complicated question. I have been struggling for 2 years now trying to get better, surpass my limits and beat my scores, but I just can't. It's literally to the point where I harm myself playing this game. I punch myself, slap myself, cuss myself out, even cutting myself over this game (I probably need help tbh). I get it's just a game clicking circles, but this is all things that happened in the past before i even played this game. Sports, academics, work, it's all the same. For those i learned to let go, and accept that i can't be good at those, but for some reason this game made me want to do something with this. I don't know what, maybe a streamer or something which sounds kinda dumb tbh (no offence to people who actually do). Anyway, I just wanted to be good at something.

People always want to be good at something, be better than other people, stand out and make a name for themselves because that's just what people want. I do too of course. But i'm not good at anything. I already graduated high school and have no clue what to do in my life. I don't have a talent, I don't have a skill, I don't have a desire to do anything because nothing interests me. I try so many things just to see if I'm able to do something that's different from other people. People say that everyone has something they are good at, at least 1 thing, but I really don't have anything. But I want to have something, this game was the only thing that kept me going throughout high school and middle school. i wanted to be able to do something in this game, be someone I can be atleast proud of in this game, then maybe I can step forward into something bigger. This game would be a small step towards something I thought, but it wasn't. It was a lie i put on myself just so that I could feel better about myself just a tiny bit, but now it's all falling apart and I'm back in this despair of not knowing what to do in my life again. And if i try to quit all of that hard work I put into this game it will just be for nothing. 5 years all for nothing, maybe instead of playing this game I could have found a different game or a different hobby or something! But I didn't and just played this.

I understand that this sounds stupid and edgy for a game just about clicking circles, but I'm not just talking about this game, I'm talking about everything. What can I do with my life? I hate working at a part-time job, and the thought of living with just that kills me. I want to have a full-time job, an education, a relationship, a fun hobby. But that "want" just seems too far away to even happen. I turned this game into something big in my life, bigger than it was supposed to be. osu! literally had to carry my sorry ass the past 5 years, but now it no longer can. Reality is a bitch, life too. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I quit this game and waste the past 5 years I put in this game, or keep playing and risking my mental and physical health just so that I can MAYBE be good at this game?

I just needed to rant about this because I have no life and no one to talk to so, you can ignore everything this random dude on the internet has to say. If you did read all this, thank you!

I am rank 140k with almost 1050hrs, if you feel bad about not being a top player just be glad you aren't in my situation. I was 5 digit on tablet but one day I forgot my grip and got stuck. Switched to mouse but even 3 years later I can't get back to even the top 100k. Be grateful you are as good as you are and keep putting in the effort youll get there eventually assuming you continue to play this game.

epic necro

._.