i should never have wanted to try to be real (only to grow paralyzed and fearful instead of really committing to any attempt)
maybe because such a person could never have existed from here
what i should try, however, is to dissociate and be an extension of others' dreams. that will resolve everything
if only that "sponge" thing was not just metaphorical but fundamentally descriptive...
what life is there to want for that isnt prefabricated and illusory and dependent on being a particular person-doll, what life is there that is sincere and not lived at another person's expense