sametdze wrote:
to some extent real, teachers have always picked on me for not making eye contact with them, and because i dont make eye contact with them they think im not listening
i dont know why, but it's like... if my eyes are making contact with theirs, i feel like i can't think. i feel like my brain is overstimulated by vague information that i don't actually know how to process, so it either paralyzes me or just makes me awfully uncomfortable
it's twice as difficult if they're looking at me in return. when that happens, i can't even really look at their face, so i usually read people's expressions from peripheral vision, or i just don't read their faces at all and rely on the words that they speak and the gestures that they make
i tend to zone out in the general direction of specific sections of a person's body-- usually being their hands when they're gesticulating, but sometimes somewhere near their neck or some vague part of the head, sometimes shoulders and arms, often times also the pants or clothes in general. i never remember the details of bodies or faces, and people are always kind of a blur to me unless they're actually there
it's easier to listen and speak if i don't have to process so much, and i prefer it when i have a reliable safe spot to look at that fills out a general "profile" or "silhouette" of the person. looking at people is tiring, and feels invasive, like there's a magnetic repulsion if they're looking directly at me. the moment they glance at my face, i toggle my gaze toward somewhere downwards and off to the side, or somewhere behind that person