12:05
An endless stream of thoughts. I really need to clear my head a bit.
Usually, I find Saturdays quite boring and uneventful. However, while today is barely an exception, at least I have some studying to do to break me out of this vicious cycle of doing the same stuff over and over. And I had to write some story plans in class yesterday. But I never made them stories. It's not required to do, but I want to develop the ideas into stories. Maybe show the teacher afterwards. I might start to type stories for fun again.
I want to get involved with the real world. That really helps with boredom. Surprising to people who know me, but I kinda enjoy being around people, going to new places and being involved. It's fair for me to assume that the only thing most of my peers know about me is that I'm quiet and anxious. I always distance myself from others because I get very scared of messing up if I try to socialise. A friend of mine, she helped me realise that I should be socialising around 2 months back, or possibly somewhat less. However, as getting involved with the real world goes, I'm horribly naive, with going out, and social skills. I've always lived an isolated lifestyle. Which I thought I enjoyed. I was calm. I was safe. But I never really noticed how upset I always was. I've never really felt anything, except fear and sometimes sadness. But I thought that was pretty normal, and feelings are all a show, an act. I feel genuine happiness now. My smiles aren't faked to please others. Annoyingly, not being used to this, I always feel some urge to immediately hide my smiles. But it's starting to lessen. Aches a ton, too. Which is also starting to loosen. Others have noticed and it seems I'm becoming more approachable. Needless to say, I adore this friend.
I have those 2 hours a week to socialise with someone and go to, for example, a café, and this time is precious to me. Which could be a reason why Saturdays seem so boring. I'm practically waiting for this day to come. I love Mondays, because that's when we hang out. I wake up with a smile on a Monday morning, while others in the house don't want to wake up!
I've been up since 6:30, which is quite a good sleep for me nowadays. And 7:00 is amazing. I remember when I've used to be able to sleep until like 11:00 on a weekend. Great times. Or was wasting life away to mess in a dream world truly great? Maybe I quite prefer it like this, spending more time actually doing stuff.