8:52 PM PST.
i'm wasting time.
i'm wasting time.
i'm wasting time.
fuck.
i hate how pointless my effort seems.
i hate how effortless failure is.
i hate how inert i am.
i hate how apathetic i am.
but it's what i rely on at times.
what do you do when you may or may not have to abandon what helps you most?
true emotions? heh, those are rather hard to emulate at times. i can't express them very well anymore.
even through music and art, i struggle to come up with anything.
and it just makes it all the more tiresome.
it just makes it all the more reasonable to give up.
it makes it all the more reasonable to stay inert.
it makes it all the more relieving to stop.
but i won't.
yet i'm still inert. i'm still living as if i've given up on my ideas.
maybe i should trust myself more.
that might not even be it.
there's something i'm missing.
something i'm missing, that i desperately need.
something i'm missing, that would've made shit work out.
something i'm missing, that stopped me from falling into creative destitution.
something i'm missing, that things normally so deeply desired would still need to ever be carried out.
something i'm missing, that sooner would contribute to my life than time itself.
i don't know what that is.
so here i am.
how tiresome.
