So unfortunately this doesn't check off any of your "things that will make me extremely happy", but it also doesn't hit any of the blacklisted stuff so its worth a shot
NM
https://osu.ppy.sh/s/805425
Also Happy New Year if you don't see this until January
NM
https://osu.ppy.sh/s/805425
Also Happy New Year if you don't see this until January