The rythm you created doesn't entirely fit the flow of the song. Some parts are overmapped (for istance, the first melodic part after the beginning, there I suggest you prioritizing the rythm of the melody). Try to calm everything down.
i just want to give feel like you never catch break when you play it, because the song is so fitting from beginning to ending, the rhytm is almost same. so yeah, i overmapped the whole song with almost same pattern every section