Has anyone else experience what I'm about to describe ? If so, how did you fix it?
In short, this game makes me hate myself. I hate how I can't improve, I hate how I've wasted over 500 hours, and I'm still garbage (>50k), I hate how other people make getting better and being good look easy. But I can't stop, those short lived bursts of pleasure chemicals in my brain whenever I do pull off some play that I think is cool, but is actually trash make it impossible to stop. I've tried multiple times over the years, I've tried quitting, I've tried training to get better, I feel like I've tried it all. But this game still manages to make me want to self harm when I realize how bad I am, how much time and effort I've put into it, and how much I want to be better. But simply wanting it isn't enough, I guess in my case trying for hours and hours and practicing for hours and hours isn't enough either. When I see people who are <30K with under 200 hours it makes me really realize how all my hours of practice and effort are worth nothing, because someone who's just naturally not trash can play less then half as long as me and be better. I understand I'm petty, but after so long it all boils over.
Is there anything I can do? Some way to improve I maybe haven't tried ? Clearly "play more" isn't quite good enough, I've "played more" for over 40,000 plays.
In short, this game makes me hate myself. I hate how I can't improve, I hate how I've wasted over 500 hours, and I'm still garbage (>50k), I hate how other people make getting better and being good look easy. But I can't stop, those short lived bursts of pleasure chemicals in my brain whenever I do pull off some play that I think is cool, but is actually trash make it impossible to stop. I've tried multiple times over the years, I've tried quitting, I've tried training to get better, I feel like I've tried it all. But this game still manages to make me want to self harm when I realize how bad I am, how much time and effort I've put into it, and how much I want to be better. But simply wanting it isn't enough, I guess in my case trying for hours and hours and practicing for hours and hours isn't enough either. When I see people who are <30K with under 200 hours it makes me really realize how all my hours of practice and effort are worth nothing, because someone who's just naturally not trash can play less then half as long as me and be better. I understand I'm petty, but after so long it all boils over.
Is there anything I can do? Some way to improve I maybe haven't tried ? Clearly "play more" isn't quite good enough, I've "played more" for over 40,000 plays.