Guys I was playing Fortnite and I'm, like, totally god at the game so nobody could possibly beat me in a 1 on 1 but then this guy came up and he was like "oh yaa Imma kill youu" and I was like "hell nawww Imma kill youuuu" so then we starting shooting eachother and I was all like "pew pew" and he was like "gratata" and I was like "pew pew" again but he still went "gratata" so I decided to build battle him but apparently he knew how to build battle too so I was like "hell nawww Im better at build battling than youu" and he was like "nu uh!" so I was like "ya huh!" and we kept building over eachother but you know I was totally amazing and was betterer than him so he got angry and used a bounce pad! Like OMFG who uses bounce pads??!?!?!? Anyways so I was like "nu uh that's cheating I'll report youuu" and he was like "it's part of the game scrub" and I was like "GASSSSSP HOW DOAOOARRRR YOUUUUUUUU" and shot him right in the face! But guess what? IT ONLY DID 2 DAMAGE so he was like "haha u suck at this gameeee" so I got mad and threw a C4 and made the giant building we were on go boom boom but guess what! The whole thing collapsed and I died to fall damage! LIKE WTF whyyyyy and since he used the bouncer he survived the fall! I reported him for hacks cuz no one can beat me cuz Im god at the game like wtf I'm quitting.

There I was, Tilted Towers, in the heat of the battle. When suddenly some no skin runs up to me with his shitty little AR and he's like "yeahhh look at me, i'm a no-skin" and misses all his shots. I become absolutely bewildered by how bad his accuracy is and come to the conclusion that he must be mentally retarded. After murdering the poor little no-skin in cold blood, I continue on my journey to clear out all of Tilted Towers. I'm like "BOOM BOOM" "GRATATATATATATATATATA" "COVER ME RELOADING!!!!" and it comes down to just the final 3 of us in tilted. My palms become sweaty, my knees are weak and my arms are heavy, I can't help but think about mom's spagetti, yet I was determined to press on despite all odds. The first guy, bless his soul, had no idea that I had actually pulled a solid snake and him. Whilst he was shooting otherloser69, I was able to sneakily come up behind him and be all like "BAM!". He was like :O!!!!!!! It was truly an epic moment. I think the other guy killed himself or something I dunno. I guess he was too scared of these guns HAH!!! I walked out of Tilted a man who could take on the world of FORTNITE!!! GAMERSSS UNITTEEEE!!!!!

This is a story of what I went through a several years ago. I didn't feel like sharing until now since it haunted me for some time. I just want to get this off my chest, and leave it behind.

It was just another weekend of me wasting my life away, playing osu!. I finished catching up to the newly ranked maps and felt like exploring the pending section. I was searching for a map that would blow my mind away, just like the first time I saw Knife Party - Centipede. Most maps with extreme difficulty were crap, either troll maps or some other fucked up abomination. A good amount of time passed since I started browsing, and I started to get bored.

I had thought on clicking that “x” on the tab, but noticed a map with a strange name. Its title looked screwed up as if the romanization did not work properly. It had one difficulty and was less than a minute long. I don't remember the mapper but I think he was Australian, but looking back, it wouldn’t be surprising if he used a VPN. What I do remember is that the map’s description was as follows,
"01110011011011110111001001110010011110010111000001101111011011110111001001110011011011110111010101101100011100000110
11000110000101111001011011010110000101110000"

Since I had nothing better to do, bored me decided to break the code. I remember trying every hash decrypter online just to find out that it was just ASCII in binary. I was ready to throw out my laptop out the window, but took a breather instead. I came back and took a look at what it said. It translates to something I still can’t forget, "sorrypoorsoulplaymap". Judging by the crazy high BPM, I was expecting it to be one of those maps that even auto would have trouble on. I decided it would be my last map for the day and play it for funsies. I proceeded to download the map and import it into osu!, but I heard nothing after the import… It was total silence. Yes, I did check my volume settings and it was a blank track.

Most maps with blanked out tracks have hitsounds, so I unticked "ignore beatmap hitsounds" just in case. I was tired after that grueling code cracking, but didn’t skip the intro since it was quite short. While looking at the skip button, I realized the texture was a bit glitched. I believe osu! didn’t have the memory leaks or texture corruption bugs back then, so I still don’t know how that was possible.

As I sat through the song, I noticed the progress display showing that the beatmap was halfway done. There was not a single note played so far, which puzzled me. It was around the last 2 seconds where all of the sudden something on screen flashed just scrolled through and the results screen appeared. Zero 300's, zero 200's, zero 100's... and there was a negative number for the miss count. I am unsure how at least the million notes didn’t manage to lag shit on my piece of toaster trash, but needless to say, it was a troll map.

The following day I went on osu! to grind some pp. I didn't feel like playing the standard mode, so I switched to mania. I was a 100k scrub at that time, barely making it to 3 stars. I remember trying to pass Monster (DotEXE Remix) for hours on end. I decided to play it, expecting to miss randomly as always due to those freakn’ SV’s. I skipped the intro and was presented with a black screen. There were no notes.. This was a clear indicator the game was fucking up. I was thinking to alt-tab out for some time, but it seems I waited long enough for the map to reach the end. However, something weird happened. I once again saw a flash on the screen, something scrolling past, and the results screen popped up. Misses: zero, 50's: zero, 100's: zero, 200's: zero, 300's: zero, Perfects... 583. It was a full 1,000,000 score, getting myself #1 in the global ranks.

At this point my mind was blank. I didn't hit a single note, but I got full perfect! It was absurd. I clicked on another song I had struggled with at the time called Mermaid Girl. Again, there was a black background, no notes. 927 perfect's, full 1,000,000 score! Now, what would a typical noob do given this godly power? You guessed it, play the hardest map. So I scrolled to AiAe and clicked it. Seeing me #1 on the map’s leaderboard was weird. I did nothing, yet I beat everyone. AND HOLY SHIT, That 780 pp!

Looking back, bancho was REALLY slacking if it couldn’t tell something’s up. The osu! community, however, caught on quickly (now I know it was osugame). It didn't take long for me to start getting PM’s from players accusing me of hacking. My response: "I am not a hacker. I am just playing the maps". I didn’t know any better at the time. It was a couple months since I first started playing osu! I didn't know how everything worked. Get banned? Nope, didn't even cross my mind! I went on to become the #1 in the world, surpassing Ideu- in mania at the time. And then I thought, why not dominate other gamemodes too?

I lasted maybe a day until the inevitable happened. There was not much else to do other than tell about this supposed magical map that used some glitch in osu! to allow me to perfect every map. I spent at least an hour painstakingly scrolling through the thousands of maps I had, trying to find that glitched map until I remembered that I can sort by date added. It should have been near the bottom of the list, but it wasn't. It wasn't even in the songs folder. Spending hours trying to find this cursed map on the beatmap listing was also resulted in a fail. Maybe bloodcat had it, but how the fuck do you write that jumbled mess of a title?

I had nothing else to do but hope the osu! staff believed me. I submitted an appeal request saying that I just played maps, something flashed, and I got a full perfect. The osu! staff did not disappoint me! I got an email back saying, "You are not telling the truth. Tell the truth or Fuck Off!". How was I supposed to explain this anomaly? I sent them a reply explaining that I was telling the truth. I explained how the map is not there anymore, gave the mapper's name and everything. Unfortunately, there was no proof. Neither the mapper nor the beat-map existed.. And now my old account doesn't exist. However, I did get a middle-finger meme from peppy in the email, which was rather sweet of him.

I decided not to create drama on the forums and reddit since I doubted it would get my account back. It was only a couple months when I decided to fuck the rules and make a new account. All info about me was wiped anyway, nobody should know who I was. Then why did I decide to tell this now? I feel like I needed get rid of a haunted part of my past. And it doesn't matter to me that my previous identity got wiped anymore. I got over it.

If you read through this far, then thank you. I won’t be answering any questions regarding this, so the mods can just lock this. Sorry. It’s not something I like to talk about and the fact that I mustered up the courage to even post this is enough.

am i legally allowed to kill myself after seeing this

ColdTooth wrote:

am i legally allowed to kill myself after seeing this

we'll call it a happy accident

abraker wrote:

This is a story of what I went through a several years ago. I didn't feel like sharing until now since it haunted me for some time. I just want to get this off my chest, and leave it behind.

It was just another weekend of me wasting my life away, playing osu!. I finished catching up to the newly ranked maps and felt like exploring the pending section. I was searching for a map that would blow my mind away, just like the first time I saw Knife Party - Centipede. Most maps with extreme difficulty were crap, either troll maps or some other fucked up abomination. A good amount of time passed since I started browsing, and I started to get bored.

I had thought on clicking that “x” on the tab, but noticed a map with a strange name. Its title looked screwed up as if the romanization did not work properly. It had one difficulty and was less than a minute long. I don't remember the mapper but I think he was Australian, but looking back, it wouldn’t be surprising if he used a VPN. What I do remember is that the map’s description was as follows,
"01110011011011110111001001110010011110010111000001101111011011110111001001110011011011110111010101101100011100000110
11000110000101111001011011010110000101110000"

Since I had nothing better to do, bored me decided to break the code. I remember trying every hash decrypter online just to find out that it was just ASCII in binary. I was ready to throw out my laptop out the window, but took a breather instead. I came back and took a look at what it said. It translates to something I still can’t forget, "sorrypoorsoulplaymap". Judging by the crazy high BPM, I was expecting it to be one of those maps that even auto would have trouble on. I decided it would be my last map for the day and play it for funsies. I proceeded to download the map and import it into osu!, but I heard nothing after the import… It was total silence. Yes, I did check my volume settings and it was a blank track.

Most maps with blanked out tracks have hitsounds, so I unticked "ignore beatmap hitsounds" just in case. I was tired after that grueling code cracking, but didn’t skip the intro since it was quite short. While looking at the skip button, I realized the texture was a bit glitched. I believe osu! didn’t have the memory leaks or texture corruption bugs back then, so I still don’t know how that was possible.

As I sat through the song, I noticed the progress display showing that the beatmap was halfway done. There was not a single note played so far, which puzzled me. It was around the last 2 seconds where all of the sudden something on screen flashed just scrolled through and the results screen appeared. Zero 300's, zero 200's, zero 100's... and there was a negative number for the miss count. I am unsure how at least the million notes didn’t manage to lag shit on my piece of toaster trash, but needless to say, it was a troll map.

The following day I went on osu! to grind some pp. I didn't feel like playing the standard mode, so I switched to mania. I was a 100k scrub at that time, barely making it to 3 stars. I remember trying to pass Monster (DotEXE Remix) for hours on end. I decided to play it, expecting to miss randomly as always due to those freakn’ SV’s. I skipped the intro and was presented with a black screen. There were no notes.. This was a clear indicator the game was fucking up. I was thinking to alt-tab out for some time, but it seems I waited long enough for the map to reach the end. However, something weird happened. I once again saw a flash on the screen, something scrolling past, and the results screen popped up. Misses: zero, 50's: zero, 100's: zero, 200's: zero, 300's: zero, Perfects... 583. It was a full 1,000,000 score, getting myself #1 in the global ranks.

At this point my mind was blank. I didn't hit a single note, but I got full perfect! It was absurd. I clicked on another song I had struggled with at the time called Mermaid Girl. Again, there was a black background, no notes. 927 perfect's, full 1,000,000 score! Now, what would a typical noob do given this godly power? You guessed it, play the hardest map. So I scrolled to AiAe and clicked it. Seeing me #1 on the map’s leaderboard was weird. I did nothing, yet I beat everyone. AND HOLY SHIT, That 780 pp!

Looking back, bancho was REALLY slacking if it couldn’t tell something’s up. The osu! community, however, caught on quickly (now I know it was osugame). It didn't take long for me to start getting PM’s from players accusing me of hacking. My response: "I am not a hacker. I am just playing the maps". I didn’t know any better at the time. It was a couple months since I first started playing osu! I didn't know how everything worked. Get banned? Nope, didn't even cross my mind! I went on to become the #1 in the world, surpassing Ideu- in mania at the time. And then I thought, why not dominate other gamemodes too?

I lasted maybe a day until the inevitable happened. There was not much else to do other than tell about this supposed magical map that used some glitch in osu! to allow me to perfect every map. I spent at least an hour painstakingly scrolling through the thousands of maps I had, trying to find that glitched map until I remembered that I can sort by date added. It should have been near the bottom of the list, but it wasn't. It wasn't even in the songs folder. Spending hours trying to find this cursed map on the beatmap listing was also resulted in a fail. Maybe bloodcat had it, but how the fuck do you write that jumbled mess of a title?

I had nothing else to do but hope the osu! staff believed me. I submitted an appeal request saying that I just played maps, something flashed, and I got a full perfect. The osu! staff did not disappoint me! I got an email back saying, "You are not telling the truth. Tell the truth or Fuck Off!". How was I supposed to explain this anomaly? I sent them a reply explaining that I was telling the truth. I explained how the map is not there anymore, gave the mapper's name and everything. Unfortunately, there was no proof. Neither the mapper nor the beat-map existed.. And now my old account doesn't exist. However, I did get a middle-finger meme from peppy in the email, which was rather sweet of him.

I decided not to create drama on the forums and reddit since I doubted it would get my account back. It was only a couple months when I decided to fuck the rules and make a new account. All info about me was wiped anyway, nobody should know who I was. Then why did I decide to tell this now? I feel like I needed get rid of a haunted part of my past. And it doesn't matter to me that my previous identity got wiped anymore. I got over it.

If you read through this far, then thank you. I won’t be answering any questions regarding this, so the mods can just lock this. Sorry. It’s not something I like to talk about and the fact that I mustered up the courage to even post this is enough.

You forgot the screenshot.

johnmedina999 wrote:

You forgot the screenshot.

not a mistake. Text only post as previous two don't have images

Wait so now this post belongs to abraker?

It always did

.

levesterz wrote:

What if I want cooked men instead of raw men?

TeeArctic1 wrote:

levesterz wrote:

What if I want cooked men instead of raw men?

to cooked a men first you need a men. Not just any men ; a men that have balance quality of menning. too high of mennin will get make the brooth too sticky while too little of menning wiil make the brooth taste too salty.
After you acquire that type of men only by then that you will be able to start cook the men.
too cook it first slap in some oil and rub the oil all around the men and gently massage it to make it all relax ;
then set up a campfire . throw the hen in and viola roasted hen

levesterz wrote:

TeeArctic1 wrote:

levesterz wrote:

What if I want cooked men instead of raw men?

to cooked a men first you need a men. Not just any men ; a men that have balance quality of menning. too high of mennin will get make the brooth too sticky while too little of menning wiil make the brooth taste too salty.
After you acquire that type of men only by then that you will be able to start cook the men.
too cook it first slap in some oil and rub the oil all around the men and gently massage it to make it all relax ;
then set up a campfire . throw the hen in and viola roasted hen

how did it turned from men to hen

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

levesterz wrote:

TeeArctic1 wrote:

levesterz wrote:

What if I want cooked men instead of raw men?

to cooked a men first you need a men. Not just any men ; a men that have balance quality of menning. too high of mennin will get make the brooth too sticky while too little of menning wiil make the brooth taste too salty.
After you acquire that type of men only by then that you will be able to start cook the men.
too cook it first slap in some oil and rub the oil all around the men and gently massage it to make it all relax ;
then set up a campfire . throw the hen in and viola roasted hen

Viola roasted hen

There were a lot of things we couldn’t do in an SR-71, but we were the fastest guys on the block and loved reminding our fellow aviators of this fact. People often asked us if, because of this fact, it was fun to fly the jet. Fun would not be the first word I would use to describe flying this plane. Intense, maybe. Even cerebral. But there was one day in our Sled experience when we would have to say that it was pure fun to be the fastest guys out there, at least for a moment. It occurred when Walt and I were flying our final training sortie. We needed 100 hours in the jet to complete our training and attain Mission Ready status. Somewhere over Colorado we had passed the century mark. We had made the turn in Arizona and the jet was performing flawlessly. My gauges were wired in the front seat and we were starting to feel pretty good about ourselves, not only because we would soon be flying real missions but because we had gained a great deal of confidence in the plane in the past ten months. Ripping across the barren deserts 80,000 feet below us, I could already see the coast of California from the Arizona border. I was, finally, after many humbling months of simulators and study, ahead of the jet. I was beginning to feel a bit sorry for Walter in the back seat. There he was, with no really good view of the incredible sights before us, tasked with monitoring four different radios. This was good practice for him for when we began flying real missions, when a priority transmission from headquarters could be vital. It had been difficult, too, for me to relinquish control of the radios, as during my entire flying career I had controlled my own transmissions. But it was part of the division of duties in this plane and I had adjusted to it. I still insisted on talking on the radio while we were on the ground, however. Walt was so good at many things, but he couldn’t match my expertise at sounding smooth on the radios, a skill that had been honed sharply with years in fighter squadrons where the slightest radio miscue was grounds for beheading. He understood that and allowed me that luxury. Just to get a sense of what Walt had to contend with, I pulled the radio toggle switches and monitored the frequencies along with him. The predominant radio chatter was from Los Angeles Center, far below us, controlling daily traffic in their sector. While they had us on their scope (albeit briefly), we were in uncontrolled airspace and normally would not talk to them unless we needed to descend into their airspace. We listened as the shaky voice of a lone Cessna pilot asked Center for a readout of his ground speed. Center replied: November Charlie 175, I’m showing you at ninety knots on the ground. Now the thing to understand about Center controllers, was that whether they were talking to a rookie pilot in a Cessna, or to Air Force One, they always spoke in the exact same, calm, deep, professional, tone that made one feel important. I referred to it as the “ HoustonCentervoice.” I have always felt that after years of seeing documentaries on this country’s space program and listening to the calm and distinct voice of the Houstoncontrollers, that all other controllers since then wanted to sound like that… and that they basically did. And it didn’t matter what sector of the country we would be flying in, it always seemed like the same guy was talking. Over the years that tone of voice had become somewhat of a comforting sound to pilots everywhere. Conversely, over the years, pilots always wanted to ensure that, when transmitting, they sounded like Chuck Yeager, or at least like John Wayne. Better to die than sound bad on the radios. Just moments after the Cessna’s inquiry, a Twin Beech piped up on frequency, in a rather superior tone, asking for his groundspeed. Twin Beach, I have you at one hundred and twenty-five knots of ground speed. Boy, I thought, the Beechcraft really must think he is dazzling his Cessna brethren. Then out of the blue, a navy F-18 pilot out of NAS Lemoore came up on frequency. You knew right away it was a Navy jock because he sounded very cool on the radios. Center, Dusty 52 ground speed check Before Center could reply, I’m thinking to myself, hey, Dusty 52 has a ground speed indicator in that million-dollar cockpit, so why is he asking Center for a readout? Then I got it, ol’ Dusty here is making sure that every bug smasher from Mount Whitney to the Mojave knows what true speed is. He’s the fastest dude in the valley today, and he just wants everyone to know how much fun he is having in his new Hornet. And the reply, always with that same, calm, voice, with more distinct alliteration than emotion: Dusty 52, Center, we have you at 620 on the ground. And I thought to myself, is this a ripe situation, or what? As my hand instinctively reached for the mic button, I had to remind myself that Walt was in control of the radios. Still, I thought, it must be done – in mere seconds we’ll be out of the sector and the opportunity will be lost. That Hornet must die, and die now. I thought about all of our Sim training and how important it was that we developed well as a crew and knew that to jump in on the radios now would destroy the integrity of all that we had worked toward becoming. I was torn. Somewhere, 13 miles above Arizona, there was a pilot screaming inside his space helmet. Then, I heard it. The click of the mic button from the back seat. That was the very moment that I knew Walter and I had become a crew. Very professionally, and with no emotion, Walter spoke: Los Angeles Center, Aspen 20, can you give us a ground speed check? There was no hesitation, and the replay came as if was an everyday request. Aspen 20, I show you at one thousand eight hundred and forty-two knots, across the ground. I think it was the forty-two knots that I liked the best, so accurate and proud was Center to deliver that information without hesitation, and you just knew he was smiling. But the precise point at which I knew that Walt and I were going to be really good friends for a long time was when he keyed the mic once again to say, in his most fighter-pilot-like voice: Ah, Center, much thanks, We’re showing closer to nineteen hundred on the money. For a moment Walter was a god. And we finally heard a little crack in the armor of the HoustonCentervoice, when L.A.came back with: Roger that Aspen, Your equipment is probably more accurate than ours. You boys have a good one. It all had lasted for just moments, but in that short, memorable sprint across the southwest, the Navy had been flamed, all mortal airplanes on freq were forced to bow before the King of Speed, and more importantly, Walter and I had crossed the threshold of being a crew. A fine day’s work. We never heard another transmission on that frequency all the way to the coast. For just one day, it truly was fun being the fastest guys out there.

what the fuck is going on

ColdTooth wrote:

what the fuck is going on

The antichrist has been born

ColdTooth wrote:

what the fuck is going on

Copypasta thread

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer"
Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline.
"Why not? Don't you like the internet?"
The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen.
"I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble."
The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction...
"BAZINGA"
In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.