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Vice Versa (My work in progress manga-esque comic)

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boat
2,369 posts
Joined February 2010
Topic Starter
boat
Not entirely sure if this is allowed, but I'll give it a shot anyways.

Sup guys. Two days back, I was just sitting here, doodling and sketching, and I came up with this one character that gave me a lot of will and inspiration to elaborate upon, so I've started illustrating a little manga-esque comic about this story that came up. The name Vice Versa came up due to the plot, which I won't be literally revealing yet (even though a few people already somewhat know it, but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't go and spoil it all). I will be working as much as possible on this, as I've had tonnes of fun writing and illustrating just these three pages. The purpose of the thread is partially shameless self advertising, but also for some of you who might be interested to if you got a minute to spare, to place down some of your thoughts about it. Anything is appreciated, as long as its not completely retarded. Use your head a bit. All (proper) forms of critique are appreciated, no matter how harsh it might be. If you like the comic, then feel free to follow it, and you'll understand the title eventually. Preferably don't hold any discussions about it here, I don't want anything to be spoiled, no matter how obvious it might be to you.

But yeah, here is the first three pages, with a (placeholder?) cover for it. Enjoy, and thank you for taking your time with this.



Link, in case the forum will break the image: http://puu.sh/lzUh


Edit: I made a tumblr account to make it easier to read and follow.

http://viceversa-comic.tumblr.com/
mathexpert
1,699 posts
Joined March 2011
mathexpert
I liked it! Her design is very cute ^^ I see it might be yuri story (or bisexual) which is different~ The way you drew the chalkboard was cool, it caught my eye for some reason. The only slight criticisms I have is that the hair on the first page, last panel is kind of strange (w/ the dots), and the second page, second panel, her expression should be more like "confused" or maybe "wondering" (maybe even disappointed), not smiling. Overall, it's really nice and bookmarked the tumblr~ :)
Haneii
1,203 posts
Joined November 2009
Haneii
This reads left to right? (Just making sure, since it still makes sense+means something entirely different to me when I read it right to left).

My opinion?

Cover art
- I like it. Although, considering the title, I did wonder why the two girls on the cover looked so different. I'm guessing the one upside down on the left is Yuko? :P


Protagonist (aka She-Who-Has-Not-Been-Named)
- She's a bit dull/generic looking. It would be nice if she had a distinct feature, article, habit...something to make her stand out or memorable.

- Her eyes remind me of eggs, lol. Unfortunately, it looks like she took a fork to her right eye in that panel with the red bag (btw, does the bag mean anything? It's the only thing in colour o.o). She seems to lose the yolky luster in her eyes as she stares at that empty desk - is this intentional? It's not like she's lost all hope, possessed, unconscious, or dead...right? Besides those two, the relative size of the eyes to each other need some work - unless that's an art style of yours.


Panels
- Clean and polished. You obviously have a talent for drawing/graphics

- I'm not a fan of cells touching/being end to end like this unless they, or the images within them, are overlapping, but that's a personal preference. I'm a sucker for white space.

- Hope you don't plan to average 3+ cells per page for the rest of the manga. Sometimes less is more ^_^


Text
- "It's a good bit too late now" - Odd string of words, in my opinion.


Story
- Are these first couple of pages part of a prologue? If not, then I suggest you devote some pages to the protagonist (as well as any important characters at this beginning) introducing herself soon.

Will be keeping an eye out for the next installments. Good luck ^_^
Vish024
2,640 posts
Joined December 2010
Vish024
Like the girl's face, very lovable. Nice design. Keep going, I admire the willpower that people have for these sorts of things since I can't recall the last time I sketched creatively and dedicatedly. Lost my passion a long time ago.
Dafydd
68 posts
Joined November 2011
Dafydd
/subscribes

Anyway, IMO just don't put too much monologues! :D
Kitsunemimi
2,188 posts
Joined April 2009
Kitsunemimi
Lots of half-tone :O

For some reason, I like the style a lot. I also find it interesting that it reads left to right, yet all the text boxes are fairly vertically-oriented. Only small complaints I have: the grammar is slightly off, and I think you can improve on the... like, the shape of her face (bottom panel of first page). Like, I'm not trying to say that the proportion is wrong, but try to keep her face from degrading to a simple circle or something. Her neck also changes sizes a little.
awp
osu! Alumni
11,869 posts
Here since the beginning
awp
the use of different aesthetics is pretty cool (loved the way the chalkboard and Unimportant-Student-At-Desk were stylized). The dotted shading I don't care as much for, maybe because of the way it looks, or maybe because of how often it's used. The eyes are creepy. They look glossed over, void, distant. Like she's not all there.
boat
2,369 posts
Joined February 2010
Topic Starter
boat
Thank you for your inputs guys, highly appreciated.

As far as artstyle wise, I'm changing the artstyle a good bit, putting more effort into it, as its not going to be printed anyways.

Here is a sneak peak for an unrendered sloppy sketch if you're interested.

Minty Gum
298 posts
Joined June 2011
Minty Gum

failboat wrote:

Thank you for your inputs guys, highly appreciated.

As far as artstyle wise, I'm changing the artstyle a good bit, putting more effort into it, as its not going to be printed anyways.

Here is a sneak peak for an unrendered sloppy sketch if you're interested.

I like that new art. Her eyes look less like jelly. It seems like good art overall and I'll look forward to reading this :D
Apex_old
736 posts
Joined May 2010
Apex_old
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Last edited by Apex_old , edited 1 time in total.
Blacky
134 posts
Joined February 2010
Blacky

failboat wrote:

Thank you for your inputs guys, highly appreciated.

As far as artstyle wise, I'm changing the artstyle a good bit, putting more effort into it, as its not going to be printed anyways.

Here is a sneak peak for an unrendered sloppy sketch if you're interested.

Damn, I like this kind of style. But don't overdo it with the darkness. It matches the characters, but a little bit more details too the background would be great I think.

And for your first three Pictures (+Cover):

I really like the cover, just because it's simple but has some expression. For the pages I think the borders should be a bit smaller. And also I kinda dislike panels with only a textbox. Just make a blank box with text in it. (Well, It's my personal opinion.) Oh, and I really like the text on the blackboard, love to the detail :). Looking forward too see more!

(And your art-style reminds me of megatokyo -> http://www.megatokyo.com/)
boat
2,369 posts
Joined February 2010
Topic Starter
boat
Oh, the new artstyle panels are just a super quick mockup, of course it will be rendered.
Minty Gum
298 posts
Joined June 2011
Minty Gum

Apex wrote:

No noses.

WTF?

Nevertheless, your drawing skills is awesome.
Just noticed that. Maybe you could just draw a little dot or a line, to fill up that space. Nothing major. Very nice art anyways :D

Also, you seem to have forgotten eyebrows. I see eyebrows as a very essential part in expressions, whether happy, sad, or neutral. I think they could help.
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