Guest
home
beatmaps
rankings
community
store
help
forum
  1. Forums
  2. Other
  3. General Discussion

I'm looking for relationship advice.. TL;DR incoming

posted
Total Posts
58
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old
As the title says, I'm looking for advice and would appreciate sincere responses, tl;dr incoming.

Here's my situation:

My name is Andrew, I'm an 18yo from Massachusetts and I've been in a long distance relationship with an 18yo guy in Ohio named Cameron (PinkHusky on Osu!) for about 4 years now. We met about 5-6 years ago on an online game called MapleStory and during the first year or so of us knowing eachother Cameron was under the assumption that I was a girl (I was a Guy.In.Real.Life) until I came out to him and had informed him that I was attracted to him for quite some time. He took this news quite well and we began to talk on the phone every day for hours on end. After a month or so in the relationship I wasn't sure if we were officially "dating" so I asked him and he asked me if I wanted to (I of course said yes). Years went by, we still talked on the phone every night for an average of 3-4 hours a day getting to know more and more about one another; we were inseparable you could say. Over time Cameron started to open up to me more and become more self-confident (we was very shy and self-conscious for the first 2-3 years of our relationship, he still is sometimes to this very day) and I couldn't be happier with his progress. About a year ago is when the mooshy part of the relationship started to mix together with minor disputes. Most of these arguments being over my negative attitude towards people on League of Legends. Cameron did not like my attitude towards other people. Eventhough I was always positive and respectful towards him he still started becoming increasingly agitated with me. He'd go out of his way to ignore me for days at a time. It bothered me greatly because Cameron wouldn't ever talk to me about his feelings and how I was making him feel and whenever I upset him he would just give me the cold shoulder and act as if I didn't exist. He's apologized for doing that multiple times and even thanked me for never giving up on him whenever he was feeling bad and/or treating me poorly. A few months ago is when the relationship started to get really bumpy; Cameron started to not want to talk to me on Skype anymore and started becoming even more annoyed with any form of disagreement we had. I understand that my mother argues with her husband constantly and it doesn't seem like it's that much of a big deal because it always seemed natural to me for couple to fight sometimes but whenever we argue Cameron seems to take a really bad emotional toll and he seems to have it in his head that we're not good for eachother. Cameron tried to break up with me a few months ago because of this, he said he wasn't happy with me. He also showed no desire to help better the relationship, he just wanted to avoid me altogether (this is how Cameron copes with being sad, he doesn't want to put in the effort to be happy, he just wants to run away from his problems). Yesterday morning Cameron had informed me he found somebody else through a mutual friend on Osu and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. He started talking to this guy a few days ago and the 19yo from Canada (idk his Osu name) asked Cameron to be his "mate". Cameron keeps telling me he's done with me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He un-added me from skype and had told his mother to block my phone number on their cellphone plan. I don't know what I should do, I know Cameron still loves me and I'm sure deep down inside he wants me to help him. I just don't know how to get it through to him that he means the world to me and I'm trying to do my best to please him and that he just needs to actually talk about his feelings for us to get through this. He won't listen to me and I have no way of contacting him other than through Osu now (and he'll probably block me/ignore me on here now too). I need help, I don't know what I should do now. My mother told me to give him a few days to calm down and try to talk to him then but I know that Cameron is going to talk more and more to this Canadian Osu player and I'm going to lose my hubby forever. Cameron is the most wonderful guy I've ever met and I don't want to lose him.

Here's the skype conversation from yesterday.
Here's the message I sent Cameron today.

I'd really appreciate it if somebody here could help bridge the gap between us, better explain myself to Cameron, or just give any other sort of advice as to what I should do now. I'm sorry if this whole ordeal seems pathetic and pointless, but I love this man very much and I don't know what I'll do without him. I can't even go to sleep because of how upset I feel.
Last edited by AndyBoo_old , edited 2 times in total.
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
Let's just send this thread's link to him* and everything will be solved
Seph
Seph
!summon dkun
dkun
osu! Alumni
4,486 posts
Joined August 2009
dkun
troll this and see what happens. (this means don't do it.)

will edit in a bit
moved to GD
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
Now i've finished reading the conversation log. Sorry but it is clear. He doesn't want you anymore and he won't be back to you because he already found a fresh blood.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

UnderminE wrote:

Let's just send this thread's link to him* and everything will be solved
I wish it were that simple, he'd probably just see it's from me and not read it. He doesn't even want to talk to me. T_T


dNextGen wrote:

stopped reading in that part lol

are you gay or something ? i know im horrible person i just cant hold it

anyway just find another one,long distance never worked out that great except in anime,movies and stuff
I'm bi-sexual, and I don't want to find another person. I know there's plenty of people out there, and I probably could be just as happy with somebody else but I don't want that. I want Cameron to want to be with me...


UnderminE wrote:

Now i've finished reading the conversation log. Sorry but it is clear. He doesn't want you anymore and he won't be back to you because he already found a fresh blood.
I know he doesn't want me to give up on him, he's told me that before. It's just really hard to do with the amount of options he's given me and I fear that it's only going to get worse over time with this new guy talking to him everyday now. ;__;
Last edited by AndyBoo_old , edited 1 time in total.
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
Well looks like he is "done" with you. Maybe he is tired, maybe your relationship was not that "exciting" anymore. So he found another guy (according to Skype log) and now he probably is doing same things he did with you when you guys first met.
Last edited by UnderminE , edited 2 times in total.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

dNextGen wrote:

i want to shitpost in this thread so bad,please make me stop dkoon
Please don't. :/


UnderminE wrote:

Well looks like he is "done" with you. Maybe he is tired, maybe your relationship was not that "exciting" anymore. So he found another guy (according to Skype log) and now he probably is doing same things he did with you when you guys first met.
Our relationship was just as exciting as when it started, imo. But Cameron won't ever talk about his emotions and he's holding in a lot of sadness. Him telling me that he was crying on skype was the first time he shared how he felt in awhile. I just want to help him and he won't let me. T_T
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
You should stop talking to him as if you are in a drama, with all of those "T_T" thingies. Be more realistic, tell him that you won't lose him no matter what. Be more serious, "strong-minded" so he can see. if you go like "drama drama drama", he will just say "what is this bullshit" and won't even feel sorry for you.

And yeah, every relationship is excited when it started.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

UnderminE wrote:

You should stop talking to him as if you are in a drama, with all of those "T_T" thingies. Be more realistic, tell him that you won't lose him no matter what. Be more serious, "strong-minded" so he can see. if you go like "drama drama drama", he will just say "what is this bullshit" and won't even feel sorry for you.

And yeah, every relationship is excited when it started.
I tried to be more serious and strong-minded but it's really difficult when you live 12 hours away and the person you're talking to is really stubborn when he's upset. I'll keep trying though. And about the emotes, sorry for typing so many, it's a bad habit of mine. Thank you for the advice nevertheless!
Last edited by AndyBoo_old , edited 1 time in total.
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
Well instead of "typing" just call him on Skype and you will be able to see or hear his emotions clearly.

Edit: i know you are blocked on skype but yeah.
Jarby
2,963 posts
Joined August 2008
Jarby

UnderminE wrote:

Well instead of "typing" just call him on Skype and you will be able to see or hear his emotions clearly.
If you read the skype log you'd probably realize that's probably not the best idea. Clinging to this person who appears to be completely over the relationship and then suggesting that you'd kill yourself if they didn't get back with you probably wasn't the best course of action. That and the fact that you would publicly post love letters from them is extremely disrespectful.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

UnderminE wrote:

Well instead of "typing" just call him on Skype and you will be able to see or hear his emotions clearly.

Edit: i know you are blocked on skype but yeah.
That's why I came here, because he blocked me on skype. I had to downlaod Osu and try to be able to post it and I have to say it's really difficult. I can see why Cameron bought a tablet specifically for this game.


Jarby wrote:

If you read the skype log you'd probably realize that's probably not the best idea. Clinging to this person who appears to be completely over the relationship and then suggesting that you'd kill yourself if they didn't get back with you probably wasn't the best course of action. That and the fact that you would publicly post love letters from them is extremely disrespectful.
He means the world to me, and after 4 years you expect me to not be clingy? He liked the fact that I was clingy with him and I know he wants me to be there for him. He even said so in one of the letters. I don't see how posting them is disrespectful, if anything it shows another side of Cameron so people wouldn't have a biased opinion of him. :/
Last edited by AndyBoo_old , edited 3 times in total.
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE

Jarby wrote:

That and the fact that you would publicly post love letters from them is extremely disrespectful.
Yes
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

UnderminE wrote:

Jarby wrote:

That and the fact that you would publicly post love letters from them is extremely disrespectful.
Yes
I don't see how it's disrespectful.
Jarby
2,963 posts
Joined August 2008
Jarby
I certainly wouldn't want anyone posting my private letters online.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Jarby wrote:

I certainly wouldn't want anyone posting my private letters online.
I guess I'll remove them then.
Vyscosity
44 posts
Joined April 2013
Vyscosity
Okay.

I don't know you personally, and I don't know him personally, but just reading the chat logs makes the situation pretty clear. Stop trying to force your way back into his life, and stop trying to talk to him. He's not unsure, he's not hiding his feelings. He made it very clear that he doesn't want to be with you anymore because he doesn't feel the same towards you. He essentially broke up with you. A break-up doesn't have to be mutual, if one side gets sick of the relationship, which he clearly is, they should be allowed to do something about it, even if the other side doesn't want to. I apologize if I sound harsh, but that's how it is.

He means the world to me, and after 4 years you expect me to not be clingy? He liked the fact that I was clingy with him and I know he wants me to be there for him. He even said so in one of the letters.
You're not just being clingy at this point, you're in denial. Sure, he might have liked that you were so into him and everything, but even that has it's limits. The problem is that he doesn't like you anymore, and being obsessive with him at this point would push him away instead.

I don't see how posting them is disrespectful, if anything it shows another side of Cameron so people wouldn't have a biased opinion of him. :/
Those were for you, not for random people on the internet (us). That was back when he still loved you; if someone sends him a link to this post, do you honestly think, after finally blocking you and trying to move on, he would feel any better about you?


edit: I messed up quoting hard
KinkiN
2,626 posts
Joined March 2012
KinkiN
actually, it's shocking too read a love problem from a same gender love triangle sorry ik I'm being rude here >.< It's just that thing is considered as taboo here in Indonesia ( it doesn't mean that I'm disgusted with relationships like that )

Well, i will try to help. As Jarby said, it's no good that if you keep clinging to him, even he means world to you. You're only showing off your pathetic side of yourself, from what i've read. So, i think it would be better if you starts being friend again with him, and who knows maybe he'll fall for you again, since he had fallen for you before. good luck ~
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Vyscosity wrote:

Okay.

I don't know you personally, and I don't know him personally, but just reading the chat logs makes the situation pretty clear. Stop trying to force your way back into his life, stop trying talk to him. He's not unsure, he's not hiding his feelings. He made it very clear that he doesn't want to be with you anymore because he doesn't feel the same towards you anymore. He essentially broke up with you. A break-up doesn't have to be mutual, if one side gets sick of the relationship, which he clearly is, they should be allowed to do something about it, even if the other side doesn't want to. I apologize if I sound harsh, but that's how it is.

You're not just being clingy at this point, you're in denial. Sure, he might have liked that you were so into him and everything, but even that has it's limits. The problem is that he doesn't like you in that way anymore, and being obsessive with him at this point would push him away instead.

Those were for you, not for random people on the internet (us). That was back when he still loved you; if someone sends him a link to this post, do you honestly think, after finally blocking you and trying to move on, he would feel any better about you?
The problem is that he acts like this whenever he gets upset and it's impossible for me to know for sure if he still has feelings for me or not. I still think he just doesn't want to deal with the arguments and doesn't know how to talk about it. I don't know how he'd feel if he reads this, he'd probably be more annoyed with me, I don't know. :/

Otonashi Yuzuru wrote:

actually, it's shocking too read a love problem from a same gender love triangle sorry ik I'm being rude here >.< It's just that thing is considered as taboo here in Indonesia ( it doesn't mean that I'm disgusted with relationships like that )

Well, i will try to help. As Jarby said, it's no good that if you keep clinging to him, even he means world to you. You're only showing off your pathetic side of yourself, from what i've read. So, i think it would be better if you starts being friend again with him, and who knows maybe he'll fall for you again, since he had fallen for you before. good luck ~
I really want to be more than his friend though. I know I'm acting pathetic but I can't help it, I love him. If all else fails I guess I have no other choice than to only be his friend, hopefully I can get him to love me again someday. This hurts so much...
AmberLynx
626 posts
Joined December 2010
AmberLynx
let it go.
Vyscosity
44 posts
Joined April 2013
Vyscosity

AndyBoo wrote:

The problem is that he acts like this whenever he gets upset and it's impossible for me to know for sure if he still has feelings for me or not. I still think he just doesn't want to deal with the arguments and doesn't know how to talk about it. I don't know how he'd feel if he reads this, he'd probably be more annoyed with me, I don't know. :/
You're counting on the idea that he could still have feelings for you because it's normal for him to act like this when upset, alright. Maybe he's not just acting like this, maybe he's completely serious about ending the relationship. (Judging from the chat, I'm pretty sure he's serious, even if you have your doubts)

Has he blocked your before, when upset, before all of this? Is this the first time he's tried to break up with you? (Not just within these days). He's even gone out of his way to supposedly find someone else. Can you confirm he actually did?

I don't know how he'd feel if he reads this, he'd probably be more annoyed with me, I don't know. :/
Believe me, he would be annoyed with you. You're digging yourself deeper and deeper, stop. You've been with him for 4 years, 4 years in which he could have changed, could have grown to have a different taste, and is finally at a point where he no longer likes who you are.
-Seren-
447 posts
Joined April 2011
-Seren-

salted_nuts wrote:

let it go.
edit: oh nice, cant quote well fixed
Loctav
Popcorn Fairy
4,496 posts
Joined February 2009
Loctav
To be honest on this, I can not agree more with UnderminE and Vyscosity.
He simply do not want anymore. You probably love him more than he does. I actually doubt that he doesn't "like" you anymore, but considering the distance during your relationship, he probably thought about his feelings for a very long time before letting you know. This entire thing might appear not understandable and totally sudden to you, probably because you had an entirely different feeling about this relationship than him (it was still as exciting as it was at the beginning, but this is something from your side, not from his)

If you really want to have a chance and see how serious he is, leave him alone. Respect what he wanted. There are people that unintentionally abuse the fact that certain people return to them no matter what they do. If he really still loves you, as you said, he will realize how bad it was to break up and realizing that you accept it and leave him alone.

It sounds cruel, but you need to make him face the consequences of his decision. And if he doesn't like it, he will return.
If he is fine with it, you know how much sense it has to go on "fighting" - exactly none.

And you must mentally prepare yourself that any result is possible . You can not change people's feelings. You can just find them out and deal with the output. And what I suggested is the best way to find it out and along with it also respecting his decision.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Vyscosity wrote:

You're counting on the idea that he could still have feelings for you because it's normal for him to act like this when upset, alright. Maybe he's not just acting like this, maybe he's completely serious about ending the relationship. (Judging from the chat, I'm pretty sure he's serious, even if you have your doubts)

Has he blocked your before, when upset, before all of this? Is this the first time he's tried to break up with you? (Not just within these days). He's even gone out of his way to supposedly find someone else. Can you confirm he actually did?

Believe me, he would be annoyed with you. You're digging yourself deeper and deeper, stop. You've been with him for 4 years, 4 years in which he could have changed, could have grown to have a different taste, and is finally at a point where he no longer likes who you are.
He's blocked me once before, not recently though. This isn't the first time he's tried to break up with me and he says he's never cheated before. I cannot confirm this. I don't know what else to do, I've never been in a situation before where a person I really care for is basically shutting me out of their life.
Konkero
8 posts
Joined February 2013
Konkero
I'm just going to be honest. Lets pretend that Cameron ended up coming back to you. The relationship would be really rocky and awkward with what happened in the past. I've been in this kind of situation before. The relationship will just become cancerous for both of you, and even though the relationship is hard for both parties you still wont want it to end, because you love each other. In the end of my story we both ended up finding an excuse to call it quits, and it was very hard. Neither of us were happy, but we didn't want everything to end.
Sorry :cry:
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Loctav wrote:

To be honest on this, I can not agree more with UnderminE and Vyscosity.
He simply do not want anymore. You probably love him more than he does. I actually doubt that he doesn't "like" you anymore, but considering the distance during your relationship, he probably thought about his feelings for a very long time before letting you know. This entire thing might appear not understandable and totally sudden to you, probably because you had an entirely different feeling about this relationship than him (it was still as exciting as it was at the beginning, but this is something from your side, not from his)

If you really want to have a chance and see how serious he is, leave him alone. Respect what he wanted. There are people that unintentionally abuse the fact that certain people return to them no matter what they do. If he really still loves you, as you said, he will realize how bad it was to break up and realizing that you accept it and leave him alone.

It sounds cruel, but you need to make him face the consequences of his decision. And if he doesn't like it, he will return.
If he is fine with it, you know how much sense it has to go on "fighting" - exactly none.

And you must mentally prepare yourself that any result is possible . You can not change people's feelings. You can just find them out and deal with the output. And what I suggested is the best way to find it out and along with it also respecting his decision.
Thanks, I guess I'll wait for a response from him and leave him alone if needed. I know I'm not mentally prepared to do that though, it's whatever I guess.


Konkero wrote:

I'm just going to be honest. Lets pretend that Cameron ended up coming back to you. The relationship would be really rocky and awkward with what happened in the past. I've been in this kind of situation before. The relationship will just become cancerous for both of you, and even though the relationship is hard for both parties you still wont want it to end, because you love each other. In the end of my story we both ended up finding an excuse to call it quits, and it was very hard. Neither of us were happy, but we didn't want everything to end.
Sorry :cry:
My plan if we ever got back together would be to finally meet him and tell him how sorry I am in person. For some reason I think it would be a lot easier if I were able to visit him. We wouldn't have to go through the stress of not being able to actually spend time with one another and we probably wouldn't argue as much, if at all.
Loctav
Popcorn Fairy
4,496 posts
Joined February 2009
Loctav
Konkero is right. Your relationship has too many cracks till now, which are almost unfixable even for not long distance relationships.
And why should you say sorry? Did you do anything wrong? Don't put yourself down so much. Ever if, he's the one supposed to say sorry.
Also being able to visit him doesn't fix anything. Maybe the relationship only lasted for so long because you were not able to see each other regularly
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Loctav wrote:

Konkero is right. Your relationship has too many cracks till now, which are almost unfixable even for not long distance relationships.
And why should you say sorry? Did you do anything wrong? Don't put yourself down so much. Ever if, he's the one supposed to say sorry.
Also being able to visit him doesn't fix anything. Maybe the relationship only lasted for so long because you were not able to see each other regularly
I'd apologize for making him feel unhappy during our relationship.
Konkero
8 posts
Joined February 2013
Konkero

AndyBoo wrote:

My plan if we ever got back together would be to finally meet him and tell him how sorry I am in person. For some reason I think it would be a lot easier if I were able to visit him. We wouldn't have to go through the stress of not being able to actually spend time with one another and we probably wouldn't argue as much, if at all.
Sorting things out face to face has the potential to help i'll agree with that. I think getting him to agree to meet would be a completely separate challenge though.
In my situation we always end up getting back together for brief periods of time in fact we just started talking again after 2 pretty long years. I think you two will have a connection either way for a long time.
In the end a break doesn't really hurt anyone you both end up growing up a lot in the time spent apart, more self improvements etc..
Loctav
Popcorn Fairy
4,496 posts
Joined February 2009
Loctav
And who does apologize for him being like this to you?
You are feeling unhappy, too - because he did this. There is no need for you to say sorry - nowhere.
Also it makes you appear even more unwanted to him, because he probably doesn't want you like that, pushing down yourself so much.
Seph
Seph
Don't push things that are obviously out of your way, you'll end up hurting yourself more. Things always don't go our way, and its pretty unhealthy for the both of you if you still keep on pushing it the way you want it to be.

Let it go, just think of it as you gave him the chance to find someone better.
Konkero
8 posts
Joined February 2013
Konkero

Loctav wrote:

And who does apologize for him being like this to you?
You are feeling unhappy, too - because he did this. There is no need for you to say sorry - nowhere.
Also it makes you appear even more unwanted to him, because he probably doesn't want you like that, pushing down yourself so much.
Also this. I understand you're probably pretty upset but sounding really desperate, and you even said in it on skype "begging" really really REALLY doesn't make you seem more attractive at all.. Yes you can state your feelings, but doing so in a begging kind of way I can almost guarantee makes him uncomfortable.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Konkero wrote:

Sorting things out face to face has the potential to help i'll agree with that. I think getting him to agree to meet would be a completely separate challenge though.
In my situation we always end up getting back together for brief periods of time in fact we just started talking again after 2 pretty long years. I think you two will have a connection either way for a long time.
In the end a break doesn't really hurt anyone you both end up growing up a lot in the time spent apart, more self improvements etc..
I really hope I end up like that. A year or two to get my life on track would help in the long run either way. As long as I can still have contact with him during that time I guess I could try and cope with being alone.


Loctav wrote:

And who does apologize for him being like this to you?
You are feeling unhappy, too - because he did this. There is no need for you to say sorry - nowhere.
Also it makes you appear even more unwanted to him, because he probably doesn't want you like that, pushing down yourself so much.
I don't know why but I feel that he has nothing to be sorry for. Feeling sorry for the situation does make me seem less desirable, I agree with that much. :/
DaddyCoolVipper
342 posts
Joined July 2012
DaddyCoolVipper
If your relationship isn't working, I don't think either side can be blamed. It's just a fact that you're going to have to live with. Don't resort to begging or guilt-tripping him into being with you from now on, please, as that will only make things worse and make him feel upset about his own feelings that he can't really control.
Loctav
Popcorn Fairy
4,496 posts
Joined February 2009
Loctav

Seph wrote:

Don't push things that are obviously out of your way, you'll end up hurting yourself more. Things always don't go our way, and its pretty unhealthy for the both of you if you still keep on pushing it the way you want it to be.

Let it go, just think of it as you gave him the chance to find someone better.
Or to realize that he made a mistake.
Yet I highly agree here that you, AndyBoo, should let it go and wait. Don't write him, don't even tell him that you will "leave him alone from now", just do it - without any warning.
You are not supposed to say sorry or to explain anything to him. He explained way enough when breaking up with you. Simply let it go and wait.

In German, we also say "Willst du gelten, mach dich selten" - generally meaning that "If you want to be valueable, make yourself rare", a fitting advise for this situation. Simply disappear out of his life and leave a huge hole for him. Up to him, how he wants to get it filled again - not to you.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

Seph wrote:

Don't push things that are obviously out of your way, you'll end up hurting yourself more. Things always don't go our way, and its pretty unhealthy for the both of you if you still keep on pushing it the way you want it to be.

Let it go, just think of it as you gave him the chance to find someone better.
It hurts to think about it that way. Not only does it make me think I'm not good enough for him it makes me feel even worse for wanting to be with him because all I'm doing is causing him to be unhappy.


DaddyCoolVipper wrote:

If your relationship isn't working, I don't think either side can be blamed. It's just a fact that you're going to have to live with. Don't resort to begging or guilt-tripping him into being with you from now on, please, as that will only make things worse and make him feel upset about his own feelings that he can't really control.
I don't want to guilt him into wanting to be with me but I also don't want to just accept the fact he doesn't want to be with me.


Loctav wrote:

Or to realize that he made a mistake.
Yet I highly agree here that you, AndyBoo, should let it go and wait. Don't write him, don't even tell him that you will "leave him alone from now", just do it - without any warning.
You are not supposed to say sorry or to explain anything to him. He explained way enough when breaking up with you. Simply let it go and wait.

In German, we also say "Willst du gelten, mach dich selten" - generally meaning that "If you want to be valueable, make yourself rare", a fitting advise for this situation. Simply disappear out of his life and leave a huge hole for him. Up to him, how he wants to get it filled again - not to you.
It's too late for that, I already PM'd him the link to this thread and said "It seems that everyone feels that I should just drop this whole thing and leave you alone forever. It hurts so much though, Cameron. I'm sorry if I'm pestering you, I just don't want to lose you, as a hubby or as a friend."
Last edited by Loctav , edited 1 time in total.
winber1
4,520 posts
Joined February 2010
winber1
You probably should have stopped annoying him and taken his friend request offer. Loctav said that you need to make yourself "rare," which is kind of true, but I believe you can't just cut ties completely from him. If you are able to become at least close enough that he unblocks you, then there is hope (for one), and you will at least feel better about youself that he doesn't find you bothersome (to be honest it almost feels like he's starting to hate you now for doing all this). Healing a crack in the relationship like this is not about the speed of the apology or the emotional drama, it's really just about time. You have to give him time to think about what he has done, and honestly I assure you that after a good amount of time, he will probably be in a better mood where you can ask him something without him retaliating completely against you.

At this point, he probably doesn't even want to talk to you, and if you want to get anything through to him, you probably just have to wait. And when you finally do talk to him, you can't add the emotional drama and apologies there either. It really has to be a very serious, formal conversation, yet at the same time distant (not clingy in any way).

As everyone said, at this point, you have to just deal with what has happened. This problem cannot be fixed within these upcoming weeks imo. But, keeping a small little tie to him will keep you happier and better your chances as well.

There really is no best answer, but being getting over cameron, like some have suggested, will probably make you the happiest. It all really depends on what you want. But you should not use your emotions to dictate the route. This matter needs you to think in a calm and practical manner.
Last edited by winber1 , edited 1 time in total.
Birdy
5,739 posts
Joined April 2011
Birdy
I understand him way more than I understand you. You remind me of my ex, so I've been in your ex's position before; stop, get over it. "Pestering" is only going to make it worse. It's annoying and stupid. You should have given it time, but you already fucked up, so I can't really help anymore.
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

winber1 wrote:

You probably should have stopped annoying him and taken his friend request offer. Loctav said that you need to make yourself "rare," which is kind of true, but I believe you can't just cut ties completely from him. If you are able to become at least close enough that he unblocks you, then there is hope (for one), and you will at least feel better about youself that he doesn't find you bothersome (to be honest it almost feels like he's starting to hate you now for doing all this). Healing a crack in the relationship like this is not about the speed of the apology or the emotional drama, it's really just about time. You have to give him time to think about what he has done, and honestly I assure you that after a good amount of time, he will probably be in a better mood where you can ask him something without him retaliating completely against you.

At this point, he probably doesn't even want to talk to you, and if you want to get anything through to him, you probably just have to wait. And when you finally do talk to him, you can't add the emotional drama and apologies there either. It really has to be a very serious, formal conversation, yet at the same time distant (not clingy in any way).

As everyone said, at this point, you have to just deal with what has happened. This problem cannot be fixed within these upcoming weeks imo. But, keeping a small little tie to him will keep you happier and better your chances as well.

There really is no best answer, but being getting over cameron, like some have suggested, will probably make you the happiest. It all really depends on what you want. But you should not use your emotions to dictate the route. This matter needs you to think in a calm and practical manner.
Thank you, I guess I'll leave him alone for now and hope he'll want to talk to me eventually. It's pretty much all I can do at this point.


Static Noise Bird wrote:

I understand him way more than I understand you. You remind me of my ex, so I've been in your ex's position before; stop, get over it. "Pestering" is only going to make it worse. It's annoying and stupid. You should have given it time, but you already fucked up, so I can't really help anymore.

I don't think I'll be able to get over it. I'll leave him alone for now though and hope he changes his mind. :/
Scorpium
121 posts
Joined December 2010
Scorpium
Move on and find a new partner
reisende
37 posts
Joined February 2012
reisende

GladiOol wrote:

I wanted to make a nice post.

But yea

You're a cancerous cunt.
Careful don't get yourself cut
AndyBoo_old
17 posts
Joined July 2013
Topic Starter
AndyBoo_old

GladiOol wrote:

I wanted to make a nice post.

But yea

You're a cancerous cunt.
Your attempt at a post gave me cancer.
Disso-
45 posts
Joined November 2010
Disso-
Look, I've been in the exact same position as you. LDR for 5 years started fighting etc etc. They want nothing to do with you anymore, the best thing you can do is just drop it and stop talking to them. You're going to feel like complete shit for weeks, months, maybe even longer depending on how well you can deal with the stress, but the more that you keep clinging on to the small hope that they might just be going through a phase the worse off you're going to be.

I know you're thinking "oh but he loves me he's just having a bad time/needs a break," but no, he's over you and really just wants you to stop pestering him. Be thankful that he's being up front about that and not just stringing you along for his own pleasure. You really need to cut your losses and move on, try and find something to distract you from the lingering thoughts that you'll be having whenever you're not with them. If you keep having those suicidal urges, you really need to talk to someone about it, it's better to let someone know that you're feeling like shit than to actually go through with something based on an outburst of emotions.
Miyu
1,283 posts
Joined September 2012
Miyu
As i read the logs i do really agree with some posts before mine..
You should of talk more serious without all these emoticons..it seems of wrong in my point of view
i can clearly see that he just found someone else..and he doesn't want to be with you anymore,even though the time you have spent with him he's just done with it and you have nothing to do but move on.
pressing him continuously will just make everything worst for both of you.
Just do the same..block him everywhere,get to spend time with your friends and in a couple of months you will be more then healed to move on someone else.
distance relationships seems to pretty much end on the same way..
it always starts to grow repetitive,annoying at some point,and there is no real contact with eachother,this pretty much causes the break ups.
pretty much advise you to find someone that can be next to you and hold you. as much harsh it sounds..its the best solution
this is just how i see it..it doesn't means that it will never work out because there is a few long distance relationships that actually worked out..well i guess.

i did passed through the same situation,but all that was left was moving on.

best luck for you
Elly-chan
969 posts
Joined January 2011
Elly-chan
leave him alone, realize there were too many faults to continue, and move on. it hurts, but remember: there's bound to be somebody else in this world who will love you unconditionally and want you exactly for who you are. as stated before, you're in denial, but you have to get over it. it will do you well. this 'relationship' or whatever you would call it right now is only hurting you. you don't deserve that- nobody does. even if things were magically fixed, nothing would ever be the same. trust me. i know.
DaddyCoolVipper
342 posts
Joined July 2012
DaddyCoolVipper

GladiOol wrote:

I wanted to make a nice post.

But yea

You're a cancerous cunt.
VoidnOwO
1,256 posts
Joined August 2012
VoidnOwO
I wanted to make a nice post as well, but Loctav made it too difficult.

Loctav wrote:

leave a huge hole for him. Up to him, how he wants to get it filled again - not to you.

And yeah, posting chatlogs of someone who's trying to ignore you isn't really the best thing you can do.
Avena
2,158 posts
Joined December 2012
Avena
I am the guy who met between Cameron and the canadian guy "Draculion" (He doesn't play osu! btw so don't even try to find him)
Drac is am amazing guy, he is not a "canadian jerk", he is one of my best friends, I almost commited suicide once but he was there to stop me and help me.
He didn't mean to still Cameron from you, Cameron didn't tell him until 2 days ago, I just let them meet eachother because they seemed to be able to be great friends, and it ended up in more than just friends I guess.
Drac broke up with his boyfriend 3 weeks ago, and ever since then he kept telling me how much he misses being in a relationship and how much he needs a lover, I didn't really think Cameron will be a great lover for him but just could be a great friend for him.
If there is anyone to blame here for this incident, it's me, don't blame it on Drac, he honestly didn't know that and he just wanted love.
UnderminE
osu! Alumni
4,011 posts
Joined August 2010
UnderminE
Oh man drama is so strong
show more
Please sign in to reply.

New reply

0
1 / 58