int* ptr = NULL;

Achromalia wrote:

awake again

i dreamt of being part of a small community of survivors inside one small house who were mysteriously met with waves of animals adopted as intelligent members of the family, one for each of us, per species. notably this includes black lions and big metres-long lizards that i dont recognize

there were other details (like some odd map overview of where i was before being in the middle of a roadtrip at dusk, and travelling through a bridge with a wheelchair-bound parent of mine and a small dog that seemed to have a short temper, and then some other events followed) but they are disappearing from memory in real time and idk if i want to bother

synthwavesquid wrote:

honestly this is moreso a "i don't want to potentially squander this one good thing so instead i'll keep it in suspense"

ah, understandable

lostsilver wrote:

ps!expunged: "when ze was little, ze had this obsession with leaves. ze still does to this day. ze loved collecting leaves, and i would help zem collect them. and at one point, i had made this pile of them for zem, and ze got so excited over it! ze jumped into it and started playing in it, and i couldn't help but join in and laugh with zem. it was amazing. (we were with mr. ambrose and mr. cresswell by this point. i was extremely curious about earth, so i brought ps!bandu with me so we could explore together. and then we ended up with mr. ambrose and mr. cresswell! [our biological parents didn't abuse us, but they didn't really care for us either, so that was another factor on why we decided to go to earth.])"
ps!bandu: "yeah!! se was super confident back then (se still is really confident), while i was super shy... i think what i look back on adoringly about sem is that se was always super bubbly/cheery. of course, seir still bubbly/cheery now, but se likes to keep that side of sem hidden for a mysterious vibe. i love sem lol <3"

ooh i see, well, a welcome memory, both of these

for everyone: anything good for dinner? stay hydrateddd :>

Kolmas wrote:

dereference the following pointer↓

int* ptr = NULL;

Achromalia wrote:

tired... points... :(

post after post i keep missing them;; what am i not seeing, that i can't intuit when to act...? hmm

in the meantime, i have successfully brought my tab count from ~80 to ~60 and i am breathing a little more easily, i am slowly making progress on all those subtasks i wanted to attend to ^^

...well, anyway, now it is time for me to especially pay attention

gm lostie, gm dnbverse :>

for everyone: qna queue?

lostsilver wrote:

hi!! :)

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."
expunged: "give me something cuddly/cute about mr. haywood!"
bandu: "gimme something music related about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."
ps!expunged: "give me something cute/cozy about ps!bandu."
ps!bandu: "gimme something cozy and music related about ps!ex!! <3"

Achromalia wrote:

sunriseee

lostsilver wrote:

hi!! :)

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."
expunged: "give me something cuddly/cute about mr. haywood!"
bandu: "gimme something music related about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."
ps!expunged: "give me something cute/cozy about ps!bandu."
ps!bandu: "gimme something cozy and music related about ps!ex!! <3"

for bandu: how often do you play music together with bambi? and how long has it been since you first started along with him?
for ps!bandu: hmm, ok! has ps!expunged sung anything to you to calm you? or maybe played something on an instrument that felt really grounding or surreal or something?

Achromalia wrote:

for everyone: did everyone get to have a good breakfast with some refreshment today? ^^

synthwavesquid wrote:

this dog...

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."
expunged: "give me something cuddly/cute about mr. haywood!"

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."
ps!expunged: "give me something cute/cozy about ps!bandu."

Achromalia wrote:

i watered !!! :>

i may sleep soon-ish...

synthwavesquid wrote:

this dog...

i key a dog
a i dog key
i dogy
dig a yoke
yk, i do a eg
diy ego

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."
expunged: "give me something cuddly/cute about mr. haywood!"

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."
ps!expunged: "give me something cute/cozy about ps!bandu."

for expunged: in what way might you have been heartwarmed by mister haywood in moments where you came to ask him for cuddles in peace?
for ps!expunged: what was a time where you were heartwarmed by ps!bandu simply choosing to very calmly and gently rest with/beside you?

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."

Achromalia wrote:

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."

ps!dave: "give me something goofy about cresswell."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' silly about ambrose."

for ps!dave: are there any innocent secrets that you and cresswell kept from the children at some point?
for ps!bambi: has there been an inside joke ambrose made with you a long time ago that ultimately ended up becoming very often used in the family?

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."

Achromalia wrote:

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something sleepy/cuddly about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' music related about bandu."

for dave: a time when you've woken up from a nap while still cuddling with expunged?
for bambi: any interesting musical developments or moments you've had with bandu?

Achromalia wrote:

eyes heavy... camt really focus anymore

eep

for the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos: qna queue <3

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something cute/playful about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' sleepy/cozy about bandu."
expunged: "give me something silly/cute about mr. haywood!!"
bandu: "gimme something cozy/cuddly about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

Achromalia wrote:

mostly awake...
not for long :'p

lostsilver wrote:

dave: "give me something cute/playful about expunged."
bambi: "gimme somethin' sleepy/cozy about bandu."
expunged: "give me something silly/cute about mr. haywood!!"
bandu: "gimme something cozy/cuddly about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

for dave: a roleplay moment that expunged had with you that was adorable to you?
for bambi: a time where bandu suddenly fell asleep on you but seemed comfortable anyway?

Achromalia wrote:

yeah ;-;

awake again!! waking up kinda but ouch i am SO hungry

for the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos: nutrition and hydration check? ^^

IAMACROBA wrote:

haaiiii wags my tail

IAMACROBA wrote:

haaiiii wags my tail

Achromalia wrote:

fell asleep, dreamed again
waking up ;-;

for everyone: medication check?

ShinRun wrote:

Achro I’m very intrigued by your schedule

lostsilver wrote:

expunged: "give me something silly/cute about mr. haywood!!"
bandu: "gimme something cozy/cuddly about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

Achromalia wrote:

ShinRun wrote:

Achro I’m very intrigued by your schedule

how so? like, in what way does it intrigue you? :o

...really, it's only possible because i have greatly devalued my health and have stalled from inviting any external obligations for as long as possible due to my own fear of living, among other things. i sleep in spontaneous bursts, i don't even necessarily have "a schedule" in any routine sense, moreso just a loose variety of patterned behaviors

i suppose i could clarify better, but i'm not sure where exactly i should elaborate yet

lostsilver wrote:

expunged: "give me something silly/cute about mr. haywood!!"
bandu: "gimme something cozy/cuddly about bambi!!"

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

for expunged: how do you respond when you've been surprised by mister haywood and stop to watch him laugh with genuine glee?
for bandu: have you seen bambi look for affection and cuddles from dave? what does that look like?

Achromalia wrote:

ShinRun wrote:

Achro I’m very intrigued by your schedule

how so? like, in what way does it intrigue you? :o

...really, it's only possible because i have greatly devalued my health and have stalled from inviting any external obligations for as long as possible due to my own fear of living, among other things. i sleep in spontaneous bursts, i don't even necessarily have "a schedule" in any routine sense, moreso just a loose variety of patterned behaviors

i suppose i could clarify better, but i'm not sure where exactly i should elaborate yet

tldr = depression, irresponsibility, complacence, neglect, et cetera

ShinRun wrote:

It’s just your posts about waking up and sleeping at very different times throughout the day.

I live a very black and white life style, almost every day, I wake up around the same time, do the same thing and sleep around the same time due to jobs and responsibilities.

Forgive me for being rude but I just think this is a very wasteful way of living, this might be due to my mindset or upbringing but I find this very “pathetic”. Once again I’m sorry for being rude but this is just what I think.

Achromalia wrote:

ah, i was ten seconds too late to finish my thoughts, at the cost of forty minutes of points

unfortunate

well, more time to elaborate then

ShinRun wrote:

It’s just your posts about waking up and sleeping at very different times throughout the day.

I live a very black and white life style, almost every day, I wake up around the same time, do the same thing and sleep around the same time due to jobs and responsibilities.

Forgive me for being rude but I just think this is a very wasteful way of living, this might be due to my mindset or upbringing but I find this very “pathetic”. Once again I’m sorry for being rude but this is just what I think.

entirely fair, i suspect/assume as much, and i've...

i've already internalized as much by now (exclusively for myself, since it feels much more uncomfortable/gross when i imagine asserting that kind of impression on anyone else) since there generally is never anything people view as useful or respectable in this. not that it would be asked that anyone ought to. to my awareness, if you suffer, at least suffering for money is considered a useful and respectable way to live-- at least if not for yourself, you can monetarily support your family, or the existing economy, all of which are commonly viewed as valuable. this fuels a variable amount of self-loathing in many people who haven't had income for one reason or another, and as i assume you might imagine, that perceived social/moral significance ironically discourages some of them from even trying to escape beyond mere subsistence, presumably creating self-fulfilling prophecies

unfortunately, the appearance and experience of being pathetic/wasteful doesn't seem to be particularly motivating or compelling enough. no matter how much force i place on myself with that in mind, i only stubbornly retreat into myself further. i imagine some people view those as lost causes, or as moral failures, or as deficiencies, or something

on the other hand, many people seem to moreso view it as disappointing, maybe not because of any conscious belief in any inherent "lack", but rather because in this view, humans near-universally have far more potential than they allow/cultivate from themselves. they can plainly examine the stories people like to tell of success, or perhaps simply take from day-to-day practical life narratives of the very people around them who themselves had Truly Hard Lives but were responsible and determined to change in some way. there's a notion of pragmatic hope for people to be better in that, or at least, an assumption that people factually can and morally/ethically ought to be better

taking from that can inform perspectives about those who "do not try" to be better, and a number of narratives have formed around those contexts not unlike refrains of "these people choose to fail and burden their families and fellow citizens and taxpayers, and so are therefore a drain on human society", and so on, to increasing extremes of rhetoric

people seem to loathe being asked to pity others for their circumstances. don't you hate when someone pities themselves and asks you to follow along with their self-destruction? don't you hate when they want you to care because they're making themselves think they're helpless? don't you hate when you're roped into their delusions so they can justify themselves? don't you hate when they take from the people who earned their wealth and safety? "they want luxuries without working for them", "we're here because we've only been enabling them and coddling them", et cetera

i'm bothered by those lines of thought only insofar as it has proven to hurt others, especially those who couldn't seem to bring themselves to do anything to substantively heal and grow. but i don't have anything personal against it-- well no, i do to some extent, but i repress it when possible since enabling that seems to be an uncomfortable nuisance for others and i prefer not to allow resentment when i can help it. this usually just means i'm numb, though

regardless of the motive for someone who views this as pathetic/wasteful, it only seems to serve as more paralyzing weight in the end. there exists more context to characterize why that inertia exists to begin with, as silly as the reasons may prove to be, in your eyes or the eyes of others

anyway, minimal-at-most offense taken, good luck at work, take care of others <3

...in hindsight, is this manipulative? it's hard for me to consistently recognize what my intentions are as well as the impact of my own actions-- my own behavior is a bit oblique and opaque to myself because of how i seem to compartmentalize (for lack of a better phrase, at the cost of gross inaccuracy or self-pathologizing) and generally dissociate from myself to some extent. most of this was sincere in my opinion, excluding the rhetorical questioning, but a belief of sincerity and a perceived lack of conscious resentment is not easily as representative of how people receive these things, nor does it reveal the true ingredients of what informed a given message. it seems like commentary on a topic of significance like this, when it has various implications like these, can be read as manipulative depending on its presentation and rhetoric... so i figured i should consider that

anyway

for everyone: hey y'all, have you had a good dinner? have you stayed hydrated? ^-^

Achromalia wrote:

ah, i was ten seconds too late to finish my thoughts, at the cost of forty minutes of points

unfortunate

well, more time to elaborate then

ShinRun wrote:

It’s just your posts about waking up and sleeping at very different times throughout the day.

I live a very black and white life style, almost every day, I wake up around the same time, do the same thing and sleep around the same time due to jobs and responsibilities.

Forgive me for being rude but I just think this is a very wasteful way of living, this might be due to my mindset or upbringing but I find this very “pathetic”. Once again I’m sorry for being rude but this is just what I think.

entirely fair, i suspect/assume as much, and i've...

i've already internalized as much by now (exclusively for myself, since it feels much more uncomfortable/gross when i imagine asserting that kind of impression on anyone else) since there generally is never anything people view as useful or respectable in this. not that it would be asked that anyone ought to. to my awareness, if you suffer, at least suffering for money is considered a useful and respectable way to live-- at least if not for yourself, you can monetarily support your family, or the existing economy, all of which are commonly viewed as valuable. this fuels a variable amount of self-loathing in many people who haven't had income for one reason or another, and as i assume you might imagine, that perceived social/moral significance ironically discourages some of them from even trying to escape beyond mere subsistence, presumably creating self-fulfilling prophecies

unfortunately, the appearance and experience of being pathetic/wasteful doesn't seem to be particularly motivating or compelling enough. no matter how much force i place on myself with that in mind, i only stubbornly retreat into myself further. i imagine some people view those as lost causes, or as moral failures, or as deficiencies, or something

on the other hand, many people seem to moreso view it as disappointing, maybe not because of any conscious belief in any inherent "lack", but rather because in this view, humans near-universally have far more potential than they allow/cultivate from themselves. they can plainly examine the stories people like to tell of success, or perhaps simply take from day-to-day practical life narratives of the very people around them who themselves had Truly Hard Lives but were responsible and determined to change in some way. there's a notion of pragmatic hope for people to be better in that, or at least, an assumption that people factually can and morally/ethically ought to be better

taking from that can inform perspectives about those who "do not try" to be better, and a number of narratives have formed around those contexts not unlike refrains of "these people choose to fail and burden their families and fellow citizens and taxpayers, and so are therefore a drain on human society", and so on, to increasing extremes of rhetoric

people seem to loathe being asked to pity others for their circumstances. don't you hate when someone pities themselves and asks you to follow along with their self-destruction? don't you hate when they want you to care because they're making themselves think they're helpless? don't you hate when you're roped into their delusions so they can justify themselves? don't you hate when they take from the people who earned their wealth and safety? "they want luxuries without working for them", "we're here because we've only been enabling them and coddling them", et cetera

i'm bothered by those lines of thought only insofar as it has proven to hurt others, especially those who couldn't seem to bring themselves to do anything to substantively heal and grow. but i don't have anything personal against it-- well no, i do to some extent, but i repress it when possible since enabling that seems to be an uncomfortable nuisance for others and i prefer not to allow resentment when i can help it. this usually just means i'm numb, though

regardless of the motive for someone who views this as pathetic/wasteful, it only seems to serve as more paralyzing weight in the end. there exists more context to characterize why that inertia exists to begin with, as silly as the reasons may prove to be, in your eyes or the eyes of others

anyway, minimal-at-most offense taken, good luck at work, take care of others <3

...in hindsight, is this manipulative? it's hard for me to consistently recognize what my intentions are as well as the impact of my own actions-- my own behavior is a bit oblique and opaque to myself because of how i seem to compartmentalize (for lack of a better phrase, at the cost of gross inaccuracy or self-pathologizing) and generally dissociate from myself to some extent. most of this was sincere in my opinion, excluding the rhetorical questioning, but a belief of sincerity and a perceived lack of conscious resentment is not easily as representative of how people receive these things, nor does it reveal the true ingredients of what informed a given message. it seems like commentary on a topic of significance like this, when it has various implications like these, can be read as manipulative depending on its presentation and rhetoric... so i figured i should consider that

anyway

for everyone: hey y'all, have you had a good dinner? have you stayed hydrated? ^-^

ShinRun wrote:

Not tryna block other post

Completely fair point even though I don't necessarily argue on this view. I respect that you don't ask for pity and sympathy for your own decisions.

I grew up mostly by myself and with my sister, lacking parental support and warmth for a good portion of my childhood and the time I do spend with them would be very mundane at best. As I grew up, I realized that I needed to work hard in order to be "loved". A twisted take that is certainly not the case but is what I believe to be as a child. I started helping out my parent at our family business before I even entered high school. I would worked tirelessly for hours on end in order to prove myself to both my parent and to myself, that I am loved and cared for.

I often looked on with envy at other kids; they played sports, video games and had sleepover yet I had none of the traits I thought normal kids would have. I often wanted to be like them, and I was jealous, but my situation and lifestyle was worlds apart from theirs.

Sometimes I wanted to escape my lifestyle, but as I grew older, I realized I had too much to lose. I couldn't just throw up the towel and stop working, I can't just take a portion of my schedule to start playing sports and I barely had time to play my favorite games. I realized that the only vision of myself was forward. I would be berated if I ever questioned myself or my decision so I decided not to.

At the same time, I became hateful. I hated those kids that could go to a good college without working any jobs, go party and live a great life. I looked down on them, telling myself that I am better since everything I ever had was built or earned by my own too hand. I would feel disgusted when I see a student just drinking, partying and having fun instead of working, studying and taking advantage of their resources to further themselves in life.

Thanks Achro, I really appreciated this conversation

lostsilver wrote:

IAMACROBA wrote:

haaiiii wags my tail

hello!! i was wondering i it's still okay to call you vi, or if you'd prefer something else

Achromalia wrote:

never let me hope for anything. i need to never be exposed to anything that might let me delude myself

a vivisection of me for all to see

IAMACROBA wrote:

Achromalia wrote:

never let me hope for anything. i need to never be exposed to anything that might let me delude myself

a vivisection of me for all to see

unbelievably relatable

Achromalia wrote:

never let me hope for anything. i need to never be exposed to anything that might let me delude myself

a vivisection of me for all to see

sametdze wrote:

but the free market's a scam!

reffty_gag wrote:

You always made me learnt new vocabulary

DRAMA: Lie, sire! It will be really funny, sire!

Isshiki Kaname wrote:

Guys, do you think I should keep an apology to 300 words or go above that?

lostsilver wrote:

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

Achromalia wrote:

Isshiki Kaname wrote:

Guys, do you think I should keep an apology to 300 words or go above that?

im not very experienced with them, but really, what you ought to write probably depends on the purpose of your apology

it seems like it would be more about prioritizing the acknowledgment and correction of any behavior you've displayed, preferably also with clarifying questions about boundaries and requesting for whatever prevention methods your recipient might prefer so that you have an understanding of what to follow and avoid

it doesn't have to be formal, it can be casual (especially if the recipient prefers it this way anyway), but the general concept is to give someone reason to trust that you're listening and attempting to change...

...and then the really important part, change for real

tldr = word count sounds kind of irrelevant, it may be more about prioritizing whatever it is that matters to your recipient, just focus on that and elaborate however much you need to but cut out any excessive self-justification or self-narrativization or self-pity if that seems like something your recipient dislikes, and then do what you say you will ^^

...well, it may not be that simple, i don't understand what's needed myself, but i hope this possible approach is applicable and helpful to everyone involved

lostsilver wrote:

ps!dave: "give me something silly about the haywalls."
ps!bambi: "gimme somethin' cute about the ashbluffs."
ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

for ps!dave: other funny shenanigans you've organized with the haywalls?
for ps!bambi: something adorable that the ashbluffs each showed you?

Indomi-chan wrote:

@reffty_gag any updates on ur pc?

storm the bermuda triangle, it can't drown us all

lostsilver wrote:

Achromalia wrote:

Isshiki Kaname wrote:

Guys, do you think I should keep an apology to 300 words or go above that?

im not very experienced with them, but really, what you ought to write probably depends on the purpose of your apology

it seems like it would be more about prioritizing the acknowledgment and correction of any behavior you've displayed, preferably also with clarifying questions about boundaries and requesting for whatever prevention methods your recipient might prefer so that you have an understanding of what to follow and avoid

it doesn't have to be formal, it can be casual (especially if the recipient prefers it this way anyway), but the general concept is to give someone reason to trust that you're listening and attempting to change...

...and then the really important part, change for real

tldr = word count sounds kind of irrelevant, it may be more about prioritizing whatever it is that matters to your recipient, just focus on that and elaborate however much you need to but cut out any excessive self-justification or self-narrativization or self-pity if that seems like something your recipient dislikes, and then do what you say you will ^^

...well, it may not be that simple, i don't understand what's needed myself, but i hope this possible approach is applicable and helpful to everyone involved

Isshiki Kaname wrote:

Thanks for your input. Well, I already wrote an apology and used it, it didn't result in much, but I'd still like to hear your input on it, if that's okay. I don't mind it going public now.
https://files.catbox.moe/6246l4.pdf

Achromalia wrote:

Isshiki Kaname wrote:

Thanks for your input. Well, I already wrote an apology and used it, it didn't result in much, but I'd still like to hear your input on it, if that's okay. I don't mind it going public now.
https://files.catbox.moe/6246l4.pdf

i'm not sure i have many substantive thoughts yet in this case, but

i'll try to note how i would view this if it was a hypothetical apology i would be making to someone else, as well as how it i would receive it if someone sent a similar apology to me :>

(still typing, but posting in the meantime to be safe)

for the ashwood-cornbluffs and the ambwell-bandellos:
breakfast and hydration check!! have a lovely day today <3

lostsilver wrote:

ps!expunged: "give me something sleepy about ps!bandu"
ps!bandu: "gimme something cute about ps!ex!!"

reffty_gag wrote:

Indomi-chan wrote:

@reffty_gag any updates on ur pc?

check the chat, also WE ARE SO BACKK